Disclaimer: Harry and Draco and everybody else belong to J.K Rowling.

Summary: Harry needs kissing lessons and who could be a better (or worse) teacher than Malfoy?

Warning: SLASH. If you don't like boy/boy relationships, don't read this. Oh, and bad language. ˊ -- ˋ

A.N: Third chapter! Thanks for your wonderful reviews!

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Chapter Three

Harry glanced nervously at Draco and gulped. "Now?" he whispered.

The blond boy nodded, "Now," he affirmed.

Harry gulped again and pulled the ingredients from the inside of his robes and dropped it into the cauldron.

The cauldron emitted a curious sound that was similar to gas and after a great deal of shaking... Exploded.

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"See!" Draco laughed, "I told you that it'll be foolproof."

"What do you mean by foolproof?" Harry muttered darkly. "All the people in Slytherin and Gryffindor wanted to strangle me. Did you see the look on Snape's face?"

"But he didn't do anything did he? He didn't even give you detention!" Draco exclaimed gleefully.

"That was because you were my partner. If my partner was anyone else..." Harry shuddered at the thought.

"That just shows how ingenious my plan was!"

And the plan was ingenious if not in an extremely strange way.

"See," Draco continued jubilantly, "If you didn't do what I had told you to do earlier we would've never got paired up!"

What exactly was Draco's brilliant plan?

When Snape was lecturing about the hair-growing potion that they were going to brew that lesson, Harry raised his hand to ask a question. Well, this may not mean a lot to you but remember this is Snape's class that we're talking about here. It is an unwritten but well-known rule that when Snape lectures, you shut up and you take notes. Also remember that the person that we are talking about is Harry. It is no secret that Snape hates Harry. So naturely, people were quite shocked when they saw Harry's hand in the air. However this was nothing, and I repeat nothing compared to what Harry was going to do next.

"Professor," Harry asked, trying his hardest to look innocent and knowledge-thirsty, "What brand of shampoo do you use?"

The silence in the room was deafening.

"What did you just say, Potter?" Snape asked in dangerously low tones.

This was Draco's cue to step in. He looked at Harry's terrified expression to the murderous (a light way of putting it) expression on Snape's face to the looks of awe and horror on his fellow classmates' faces. He didn't really blame them; he would be scared too if he couldn't twist Snape around his little finger. Which he could, so... whatever...

"Yes, professor" Draco piped in, "This is a really interesting question. I mean, how do you keep your hair so smooth and silky?"

If looks could burn, Draco would find himself the namesake of a girl we all know very well: Cinderella.

Since looks couldn't burn and Draco wasn't getting carried by the air over the school grounds, he blithely continued. "It's almost like you pour oil over your hair, you know?"

The entire class backed away as Snape marched up to his (former) favourite student. "You..." Snape gasped, breathing heavily.

"Why, are you alright, Professor?" Draco asked in (fake) concern, "You seem to be finding it hard to breathe! Do you need me to bring Madam Pomfrey?"

"No..." Snape wheezed, "Get in your...gr-groups. Mr. Malfoy, your partner for this project is Mr. Potter."

Snape smirked over the heads of the scurrying students at Draco and Draco smirked right back. Snape had acted exactly the way that Draco wanted him to. The greatest punishment for Draco (or so Snape thought) was to pair him up with his worst enemy, Harry Potter.

And that was why, despite the fact that all the people in his class -except for Potter and Draco, in which the potion had miraculously flown over, attacking every other person in the classroom -were sprouting long and amazingly greasy hair all over the place, Snape had allowed Potter to walk free instead of making the insolent brat take detention with him for the rest of his miserable life. He certainly would have done had Draco not been Potter's partner. I indulge the boy too much, he thought as he watched Draco sneer at Weasley's ridiculous profile, but he couldn't help it. Draco's uncanny resemblance to his father didn't make it any easier for Snape either.

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"Come on, admit it," Draco cajoled, "You thought that it was funny as well."

Harry ignored him and stuck his nose into the air in a very Hermione fashion.

"Did you even see the Weasel?"

Harry thrust his nose further into the air to show his contempt but was really trying very valiantly not to laugh. Ron did look absolutely hilarious with the red hair sprouting everywhere. In fact Hermione had looked even more ridiculous because instead of just being a big hair mountain like the others, she was also an extremely bushy one that took up about twice the amount of space. But there was no way he was going to admit it to Draco though that he found it funny, no way.

"Come on... I know you've got a sense of humour." Draco whined poking him in the side. "You thought it was a blast, didn't you?"

Harry couldn't help but join in. "The look on Snape's face." he snorted.

They grinned at each other before stepping into the Hospital Wing.

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Harry wasn't grinning any more when he accompanied two very humourless people back to the Gryffindor common room.

"I can't believe that they had to pull all the hair out to stop it growing!" Ron growled.

"It's not that bad is it?" Harry asked guiltily.

"Oh yes it is!" Ron said, "Try plucking out just one of the hairs on your arm."

Harry tried and it hurt like hell.

"That hurt, eh? Well try doing it to yourself with a pair of tweezers for over 4 hours! I mean, of all the potions to fuck up Harry, you just had to fuck up this one. And, most miraculously, you managed to make us all sprout greasy hair! Did you know how difficult it was to pull all that greasy hair out with the tweezers slipping every godamned time?"

"I'm sorry?" Harry squeaked.

The shriek that Hermione sent in reply rang throughout the castle and sent all the people and portraits alike running for cover.

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"How long do we have to wait?" Harry whined, "My legs are getting cramped."

"Patience is a virtue." Draco chided, "Wait a little longer, this is the best watching place there is."

Harry didn't understand why the Great Hall would be the best place to spy on people snogging but what Draco say what Harry do. Draco had announced that for this lesson, in order for Harry to understand the art of kissing he was to see how others performed this task. Which was why Harry and Draco were currently squatting under the teacher's table with the invisibility cloak held over them. "Not that we'll need it. People would be too... preoccupied to see us." Draco snickered, but Harry had brought it -just in case. He hadn't forgotten what had happened last time but he was willing to risk it. Anyways it was a nice -no scratch that- a rather interesting experience.

"Now," Draco gleamed.

Footsteps and giggling were heard and soon the Great Hall were filled with couples making out, kissing and -"Are they shagging?" Harry gasped- all over the tables that they ate their: breakfast, lunch and dinner off. Draco was right, the couples were blissfully oblivious to the couples and spectators surrounding them or ..., "Is that a threesome over there?" Harry squealed.

Draco sighed, Harry was just so Harry. He hadn't seen half the things yet. He yanked Harry up, "Come on, Harry." he said walking towards the nearest couple.

"What for?"

"To get a look of course. How can we see their techniques if we're over there? Here hold this."

"What's this?" Harry asked wrapping his fingers around the strange object. A candle appeared into view and under it was..." Shit! The Hand of Glory!" Harry yelped and would had dropped it if Draco had not wrapped his long tapered fingers around his own.

"Calm down," Draco hissed.

"Bu...But th-the Hand of Glory?"

"So what? We're not doing anything bad."

Harry was about to say that spying wasn't exactly good either, when he realised that Draco was doing this because of him. So stopped complaining and muttered an, "All right, sorry for freaking out."

Satisfied Draco started to walk again but was interrupted by a meek, "Err..."

"What is it this time, Potter?"

"Umm... I'm not going to drop the hand anymore... so uh... you can don't have to uh, hold on to my hand anymore..."

Being at the end of his patience Draco rounded on the shorter boy and was about to snarl a string of words that would burn through your computer when he realised that Harry was blushing. He must have thought... The idiotic prat. Draco thought fondly, Harry was so dumb in such an infuriatingly adorable way.

"The Hand of Glory," Draco said gently, "Gives light to only the holder. So you see Harry, I have to hold it in order to see."

"Oh," Was all Harry was able to manage. Damn, what was wrong with him?! Here he was thinking that Draco was about to take advantage of him when all he wanted was to be able to see. Not that Draco would want to take any advantage over me... he thought a little wistfully, which was Wrong! Wrong! All wrong! What the hell is wrong with you, Harry James Potter?

There he is having a little battle with himself again, Draco thought as he watched Harry turn from white to pink then to blue and pink again. He eyed this amusing creature for a while before deciding that business was business and it had to be done. Plus the fact that the moans coming from behind him was getting "Oh, MERLIN!" very intriguing. "Come, Harry" Draco beckoned and the two of them leaned over the couple.

The sight was very tame. Disappointing, really, Draco thought. Just two people kissing, sure, topless and with quite a good amount of tongue action but That's it? What was all that moaning for?

For Harry, it was quite a different matter. "Seamus? And Dean?" He whispered, as the moans grew higher and higher.

"Yeah, they come here all the time." Draco said off-handedly, "Now look at this tongue movement, Harry. It's pretty good. Oh and this one, Seamus is not a bad one to learn off, you know. But," he said, pulling the dumbfounded boy after him to another couple, "These two are some of the best there are at this school, apart from me of course."

"Oh, Merlin. Ginny? With Parkinson?" Harry moaned as he watched the pretty redhead run her fingers through the blond girl's hair.

"Yeah, apparently it's a little fling from both sides. They've been at it for weeks." Draco said cheerily, "Can't blame them though. Hate to admit it, but the Weaselette is good. You can tell just by looking at her. Hmmm... wonder if we can have a go at it, sometime..."

"No!" Harry yelped, face turning from green to red.

"Why ever not?"

Harry fumbled for words, Yeah, why not?

"Ohoho, jealous are you?" Draco laughed bending close to Harry, "Don't want me to be kissed by anyone else, do you Harry?"

Harry gulped. Draco was so near and his voice was so dangerously velvety and... "I'm n-not jealous!" Harry finally managed, "I was... worrying 'bout Ginny!"

"Oh?" Draco asked, eyebrow raised.

Harry glared furiously while blushing, equally furiously.

"Whatever you say," Draco said smirking seductively.

The rest of the evening was rather uneventful. They passed some fifth, seventh and other students in their own year level with Draco stopping occasionally to point out their good points and bad points to Harry.

"So, is that it?" Harry asked as they passed the last couple.

"Yes, I should think that that's about it."

Harry's shoulder sagged with relief.

"Oh, but there's one more." Draco said pointing the shadowy couple that was sitting in the corner.

"No," Harry whined.

"This group is important! Now look, Harry," Draco said, suddenly looking very serious, "This couple has all the stuff that you do NOT learn. I'm not even sure that I should show this to you. Remember, if you find yourself doing something that is remotely similar to the things that these two people are doing, IT IS WRONG. Understand?"

Harry nodded meekly. Who were these two people? Just how bad were they? Draco looks really serious, must be horrible.

The two of them inched closer cautiously.

"Look at that guy; he's looks like he's eating her face." Draco pointed.

"Yeah, it does. Man..." Harry looked a little closer. Shit, it wasn't... was it?

"R-Ron?" he shrieked.

The red haired boy looked up revealing...

"Hermione!"

There they were. His two best friends sucking like vacuum cleaners on each other's faces. This was... Harry felt dizzy as the walls started to spin.

"Who's there?" Ron asked sharply.

"No ones there, Ron. Come back." Hermione said reaching lazily for her boyfriend.

Harry felt his surroundings disappear as he fell into darkness.

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"Harry! Snap out of it!"

Harry looked up to find that he was sitting in the room of requirement with Draco who had a look of ill-disguised amusement.

"Was it that much of a shock to you?" Draco asked.

"No! Yes! I mean I knew they were together but kissing in the Great Hall? After curfew? Like that?"

"Something you wouldn't be expecting the mudblood to do, huh? But, trust me they've been at it there nearly all the times I'm there, and that's a lot."

"Oh, man... Draco?"

"Yes?"

"Have you ever considered writing a book about kissing?"

"No, why?"

"Because if you did, I think I'll give it to Hermione as a Christmas present, this year."