Title: Eat Not the Heart

Author: Erica

Rating: M (just to be on the safe side)

Pairing: John/Teyla (doesn't really come into play until later) and a few hints of Lorne/Teyla friendship

Summary: What is the true price of rejection? Sorry folks, that's all I have for the summary. In truth, I don't know how to really describe it.

Spoilers: Everything up to The Long Goodbye has happened for the show. Everything after, lets just say never happened. Which makes this fic AU.

"We know diseases of stoppings, and suffocations, are the most dangerous in the body; and it is not much otherwise in the mind; you may take sarza to open the liver, steel to open the spleen, flowers of sulphur for the lungs, castoreum for the brain; but no receipt openeth the heart, but a true friend; to whom you may impart griefs, joys, fears, hopes, suspicions, counsels, and whatsoever lieth upon the heart to oppress it, in a kind of civil shrift or confession"

- Sir Francis Bacon

Pain. All she felt was pain. She didn't know how long she had been lying there. Seconds were hours and minutes were days of agony. The knives were still embedded in her palms, face up, pinning her to the wood table. Blood was pooling underneath with a steady drip, drip from the cracks in the boards. A crown of thorns seemingly perched delicately on her brow, stained brown with dried blood. Rivulets ran down her face, into her hair, some pooling in her ears and eyes. Three round burns lay blistered and exposed on her chest in a V pattern permeating the immediate area with the smell of charred flesh. Her stomach was sliced into what would have been a beautiful pattern, had it not been her belly, her blood. Pain throughout her body. Then the blessed darkness.

"Medical team to Jumper Bay…"

Flash.

"losing…blood…too much…"

Flash

"…not stabilizing…"

Flash

"who…torture?..."

Flash

Flash. Flash. Flash.

…………………………

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

In. Out.

In…

She was kneeling motionless on a mat in the gym. All that could be heard was the steady in and out of her breathing. Sweat beaded on her forehead while her sticks lay haphazardly in front of her. Soft afternoon light filtered in through colored panes of the window, enveloping her mussed hair in a faint golden glow. Dust floating in the air, partially visible, seemed undisturbed until the faint swoosh of a door opening signaled the end of the peaceful scene. The only sign of acknowledgement she gave was a slight tilt of her head in the door's direction.

"Ma'am, the Daedalus has come out of hyperspace and should be landing within the hour. Dr. Weir, Lt. Colonel Sheppard, Dr. McKay and Dr. Beckett will be arriving in half an hour, to be beamed directly to the Gate Room."

"Thank you, Lt."

Then the doors closed and she was alone again.

Four figures materialized in front of the gate in a show of light and color. There was a pause in the movement around them, but as soon as they were fully corporeal, those that waited with bated breathe, exhaled and movement resumed. Major Lorne was the first to step up to the group.

"Welcome back Dr. Weir, Col. Sheppard, Drs. How was the return trip?"

"Thank you Maj. The trip was uneventful if quite long. But a welcome break from the meetings at Stargate Command. I trust Atlantis is in the same shape as it was when we left?" asked Weir as she gazed around the room with ill-concealed relief. She was happy to be home.

"Of course ma'am. Still floating."

"Major. Report." Sheppard went straight to the point while standing expectantly with a pack still slung over his shoulder. He wanted to get this over and done with as soon as possible. The absence of sun for the last 18 days had made him claustrophobic and the room overlooking the east pier was just calling his name. Everything seemed in order as the weekly data-bursts from Atlantis had indicated.

"Sir, no Wraith contact on all fronts. The Valerans are holding up their end of the bargain; we should be receiving a supply of crop in the next two days. And Dr. Zelenka believes he has found a remote cloaking device. However, he and his team are still testing. Morale is up and threats are down. I'd say we're doing pretty damn good, Sir." Lorne was confident that he had handled things very well in the absence of the department heads once again. All he had to do was keep people from talking.

Rodney interjected quite vehemently, "That's all well and good, but I really can't stay here to stand and chit chat. I have to go fix whatever Zelenka has managed to break irreparably while I was gone. Hopefully I can get there before he completely screws up this remote cloaking device." And with that, he was off to the labs, muttering under his breath the whole way.

"Go Carson, I know you're itching to check in on the infirmary. I won't hold you here for this politic."

"Thank you Dr. Weir. I'm willing ta' bet tha' there has been at least one injury since I arrived." And he was gone in the same manner as McKay, but with considerable less haste, and no incoherent mumbling. Whistling, on the other hand, was somewhat audible from the corridors.

From the balcony of the control room, Teyla stood and watched as the group greeted and narrowed down to three. Her face was curiously open for such a private person. Her expression invited others to wonder what was making her so sad. However, they did not get a chance to study it long, for as soon as the group started making their way up to the briefing room, her face simplified and once more became a study of neutrality.

They would not know, could not know. It was for their own good for them to remain in the dark. All that she had worked for in the past would come undone if people talked louder than they should. As the group reached her, she briefly caught the eye of Maj. Lorne. He understood and was willing to stand by what she said. He may not have agreed with her reasoning, but in the end was persuaded to help her keep the silence.

Sheppard was not blind to this exchange. He saw the quick look and the barely there nod. He was immediately put on edge. It wasn't that he didn't trust his second in command and good friend or that he didn't have absolute faith in Teyla, but there was some hidden depth to the exchange that…irked…him.

"Teyla!" Dr. Weir exclaimed.

"Dr. Weir, Colonel, I trust that your journey went well?" Teyla asked in response.

"Yes, yes, very well, but I, for one, am very glad to be on solid ground in real space again. How are the Athosians?"

There, there it was again. A brief flinch and concerned eyes immediately darting towards her. Sheppard could've sworn that Lorne was that much closer to her now.

"They are well. The harvest was plentiful and two couples have already taken part in the bonding ritual. There was much to celebrate." Dr. Weir seemed to take all of her answers at face value, so much was her relief at finally being in Atlantis after all this time. The Colonel on the other hand seemed to stare into her as she talked. There was nothing overtly suspicious in his gaze, but it nonetheless put her on edge.

"Good. Everyone loves a good wedding. I'm sure Carson will want to go to the mainland to check up on everyone after he's done here. I understand one of women is pregnant and a first timer. Would it be okay with you if you accompanied him? He'll want to know the entire goings on." There was something in her voice which would accept no refusal. No, not a command, but more of an…insistence.

"Ma'am, the reports are on your desk. I need to assist with the debarkation team."

"Thank you, Major." And there was the dismissal in her tone.

Teyla couldn't help herself: she gave a slight start when Dr. Weir mentioned accompanying Dr. Beckett to visit the village. And when she made her way down the stairs, slowly so as not to aggravate her wounds further after this morning's work out, the Major was there at her side, a silent shadow. The whisper of distance between them lending her some measure of strength to endure what would come later.

Sheppard watched with calculating eyes as the pair left the tower. There was something about their relationship that rubbed him the wrong way. Some would say jealousy, but he liked to think of it as professional care. He needed to know what would make her flinch like that, and what would move Lorne to that kind of display of, not affection, but, well, concern. Things were very calm on the surface of Atlantis, but he was going to find out how deep these still waters ran.

TBC

AN: Please review! I'm not saying this to try and get people saying that they like it or not. I'd rather get a good analytical review with what I'm doing right vs wrong and how I should improve. However, should you feel the need to just say, "That's great! Keep up the writing!" then I wouldn't be opposed to that. ;)