I wonder what it was about me that made him fall in love. Come to think of it, I wonder what it was about him that made me fall in love. He's handsome, certainly, but it's not that … there are plenty more handsome men out there. It must have been the smile. That smile of his which lights up his face and makes nothing else matter except you and him. I've been on the receiving end of that smile hundreds of times, and each time is just as perfect as the last.
He's been smiling a lot tonight. He's got his 'polite smile' on, for the guests. He doesn't want to flirt tonight, not after announcing our engagement. He saves those special smiles just for me.
Except … they're not just for me. They're for me and one other guest – that woman, in the green dress. Old friends, I suppose. They must have a history.
A history …
Oh, God …
I'm such a fool. He said he loved me, and … well, I suppose he must do. He smiles at me like that too … but his eyes don't sparkle half as much as they do when he's looking at her. Oh, God … he's in love with her.
He really is beautiful when he smiles. It's sort of sweet, I suppose, watching those two. They're like two children, awkward and clumsy, not knowing what these strange feelings are, not knowing what to do about them … except, of course, she knows. She's been in love with him from the moment she set eyes on him, I'll bet she has. I bet she took one look at him in his finery, looked into those beautifully expressive eyes of his and fell in love. I know I did.
Why can't he see? Why doesn't he realise what everyone else already knows? Or maybe he does realise and he's trying to spare my feelings. Spare her feelings. Spare his own feelings …
He can't go on like this. He can't spend the rest of his life with me, in denial with himself. He can't spend the rest of his life wondering what might have happened with her. He just can't. It would be the cruellest thing for him – for a man as young and enthusiastic as he is. He deserves to be able to see the world with the woman he truly loves by his side, with him forever.
Oh God, that laugh. He's so beautiful when he laughs. Nothing in the world matters when he's laughing like that – so joyous, so full of exuberance and wonder. I wish he could realise what that laugh means to her. I can see she's kidding herself, and she knows he's kidding himself too … but it's funny … I don't think he realises he's kidding himself. I don't think he's even truly realised that he's in love with her himself.
It's not fair. He needs to be able to experience a life full of love, not just sex. The sex is meaningless without the emotions behind it. I should know … he loved me. I know he did, I could tell. I don't know, maybe he still does love me. Maybe he loves both of us. But there's only enough room in a person's heart for one other person … there's only one person who can light up his eyes. Those beautiful eyes of his … those eyes like two pools of water, water so blue and so deep that I drown in them …
He needs to know. And if he can't convince himself … I'll have to do it for him. Oh God, my heart isn't even breaking. I think it's already broken. I think it was broken the moment he laid eyes on her again … and I think his heart will break if he never lays eyes on her again …
"You've done so much for me. When was the last time anyone did anything for you?"
"I've done it all on my own."
"We'll see."