Friday morning…
Everybody's favorite spiky-haired six-year old kid woke up one morning to his mother's screaming.
"Calvin!" she screamed. "Get up! It's time for school!"
"So?" Calvin replied groggily. "It's a free country. I'm doing what I want to!"
"Get out of bed. Or the TV goes bye-bye" she roared.
"Communist!" Calvin muttered to his tiger companion, Hobbes, whom everyone else thought wasn't really alive.
"What'd you say?" Hobbes asked.
Soon…
Calvin waited at a bus spot. Nobody seemed to be aware of the thoughts passing through his head.
"Spaceman Spiff is being transported to a Zog Slave Gallery.
"He plans his daring escape from the Slave Carrier Pick-up.
"He dashes away at an incredible speed to the cheering of his fellow slaves."
"What the heck is Calvin doing?" Susie Derkins asked herself as Calvin ran from the bus stop.
So…
"Hey Hobbes!" Calvin said.
"Aren't you supposed to be going to school?" Hobbes asked sleepily.
"I'm not going anymore."Calvin said. "I'm going to be a Wild Man in the Amazon when I grow up! Why should I go to school?"
"You do know that your Mom's going to kill you for skipping school?" Hobbes said.
"Yeah." Calvin said.
"And will do it again when she finds out about your planned "Wild Man in the Amazon Career"?" Hobbes added.
Soon…
"This is dull!" Hobbes complained as he and Calvin hid under the bed.
"Do you want Mom to find out that I'm skipping school?" Calvin snapped.
Hobbes stared. "Won't the school call your parents?"
"I've factored the possibility. But I've still taken the right precautions."
As he speaks…
Mr. Spittle went through the mail on his desks. He found something entitled "To Mr. Mi-Prinsipl-Persin". Curious, he opened the letter.
Dear Mr. Mi-Prinsipl-Persin,
Clvin wil not be at scull toda becuz he is sik. Du not cal me or I will hert you.
Frum Clvins Mum
Mr. Spittle stared. Calvin was obviously trying to skip school. He grabbed the phone. It was disconnected.
He sighed. Obviously, Calvin had been planning ahead this time. He grabbed his computer opened the e-mail, and found that the keyboard was missing.
"Man, that kid is persistent." He said aloud as he grabbed his coat and prepared to leave when he felt something in his pocket. He pulled it out. It was a grenade.
"Freeze." He heard someone shout. "This is the police. We have you surrounded. You are under arrest for procession of illegal weaponry."
"How in god's name did Calvin manage this?" He asked aloud.
Later…
"Okay Hobbes." Calvin said as he looked at his watch. "In about ten minutes I should be getting home from school!"
"Great!" Hobbes said. "I'm scared that your mom will find us."
"Nah!" Calvin said. "She left hours ago…"
"Then why are we hiding in your room?"
"Calvin?" a teenage female shouted. "Is that you?"
"Oh my gosh!" Calvin sobbed. "It's Rosalyn!"
"Run!" Hobbes screamed. "Save yourself!"
Quickly…
"Comeback here Calvin." Rosalyn yelled. "Why'd you skip school?"
"Spaceman Spiff speeds away from the Zog overlord intending to interrogate the hero.
"In a surprise maneuver, Spaceman Spiff turns to face his enemy."
"Calvin," she said. "Put down the gardening hose."
"Spaceman Spiff fires his weapon only to discover the Zog's powerful invulnerability.
"He rotates and speeds away."
"Yeah, you better run," a soaking wet Rosalyn screeched.
Eventually…
"I got you!" Rosalyn said as she grabbed Calvin by the collarbone.
"You evil, deceptive witch of a babysitter!" Calvin cried. "You may have done my parents in, but I will not go easy!"
"Calvin!" Rosalyn said. "Your parents are on their second honeymoon. They said they told you."
"You lie!" Calvin screamed. "You just added their heads to your collection of beheaded babysat cliental. And you probably took their wallets too."
"Calvin, I need to ask!" Rosalyn said. "Why do you have such a weird opinion of me?"
Calvin's Bedtime…
"Hobbes," Calvin said. "I stand to make this the worst weekend of that woman's life!"
"How so?" Hobbes asked.
"I'm going to deploy the evilest, lowest plot ever conceived by a child," Calvin said. "Get ready for Operation Triple X!"
"I don't think that'll work," Hobbes said. "We are at a lack for Stampeding Elephants. And that crazed old bum will be hard to get."
"I framed my principal Anything is possible!"
Meanwhile…
"And later on the news, local elementary school principal was arrested for illegal weapon possession. During the interrogation, he was quoted for saying, "That six-year old brat is going to pay for this…" More on today's top story after these messages."
Rosalyn sighed. She could easily guess the name of the six-year old brat. But, how did Calvin manage that?
She picked up the phone and dialed Calvin's parents
"Hello sir," Rosalyn said to the phone.
"Hi Rosalyn," Calvin's dad said. "How's Calvin?"
"Well," Rosalyn said thoughtfully. "First I found him skipping school. Then I had to chase him for over two hours, during that time, he sprayed me with the gardening hose. And now I'm pretty sure he's planning something! Oh yeah, and he got his principal arrested somehow."
"Mr. Spittle was arrested?" Calvin's dad asked.
"Illegal weapon possesion."
"Yikes! That's a first!" Calvin's dad gasped.