The school filed in for the most excruciating meal of the year- the second to last meal before Christmas vacation. Everyone was already talking about what they were going to do over break, except for the unfortunate number who had to stay at Hogwarts- a good many this year!
Dumbledore stepped in to the all and up to his seat, where he gave a short speech before sitting and allowing the school to start its meal. Rolanda sniggered into her salad as she watched a certain greasy haired professor drink from his goblet, until what she was waiting for happened!
Snape spewed the contents back in to the cup as best he could while trying to erase the memory of that terrible taste. He shot a killing look at Rolanda and kicked her under the table- not an easy thing to do, considering Sybil Trelawney was in the way.
"Severus!" Sybil fixed him with her overlarge, sparkling eyes and admonished him for what she mistook as footsie. Severus' eyes grew large and he leaned away from her, explaining in an almost sickened tone what happened. "There's no need to be coy with me, Severus!"
Rolanda snorted with glee, "Yes, Sevvie-poo!" She stopped for a moment and started to laugh even harder when she saw the disgusting look pasted on to Severus' face as Sybil's hand rested on his upper thigh. Severus threw his napkin on the table and fled to his dungeons as Rolanda squealed with merriment. She quieted down when she noticed the students staring at her and returned to her meal. "So are you going to go after him?" A tumultuous roar of laughter threatened to escape her, but she held it in. "You know, he's really had the hots for you for some time- this entire evening was probably planned."
Sybil shot Rolanda a look of sugar candies, chocolates, and long stemmed roses that reminded Rolanda of a Valentine's Day card she almost gave her mum once. Sybil stifled a girlish giggle and said "He probably needs to freshen up and clean his room; I sense that there is a small disaster- probably a mess- waiting for him on his bed. Oh, how can one with such clear vision be so blind to all of the signs? Why, just this morning as I was delivering a package I noticed in the owl excrements that a dark handsome man would fawn on me today!"
So she has a certain amount of her great grandmother or whoever it may be's blood in her- how else could she have known about my little Christmas surprise for Severus? "Yes, how blind can someone be. So are you going after dinner? This morning I went in to his office and saw an unopened bottle of women's perfume, a rose, a bottle of red wine, and some scented candles!"
Sybil gasped and rearranged her many shawls. "Do you think...?"
"I know." Yet again, the urge to laugh was so strong Rolanda thought that she might burst.
"Well, then I'll probably freshen up a bit, maybe put on a different dress..."
Rolanda excused herself from the table with "Don't wear anything too complicated, dear." Instead of heading to her rooms she made her way to the Staff Room, and when she got there the merriment that threatened to escape her control all evening burst unbidden from her lips. After several minutes she came to her senses, wiped a bit of drool off her lips, and Flooed to Severus' room.
When she stepped out of the fire she saw that Severus truly was preparing for company- she thought that she was just messing with Trelawney, but maybe there really was something there between the two of them. Rolanda sprawled out on the well worn sofa about a foot from the fireplace and rested her hand against the wall- to her surprise, it was warm and dry. There was a small coffee table resting between the sofa and a rather comfortable looking high backed chair, all surrounding a beautiful dark Persian looking rug. Rolanda waited for Severus to notice her presence, but he seemed to be too distracted with cleaning. She held her breath as he went in to his bedroom, anticipating the look on his face when he saw what she did.
"HOOCH!"
Rolanda sprawled out even more on the sofa just to be sure she looked relaxed. When he ran out of his room, she replied, "Yeah, Sev?" Severus glowered at her, his anger too advanced for words. "You like it, I hope." Yet again, Severus could only shoot her killing looks. "It wasn't too overboard, was it?"
"You!"
"Can you be a little more articulate, please?"
Severus started to walk towards her. "What are you doing in here?" He spat. "Wait, I know: trying to make my evening as bad as the rest of my day so far if not worse!" Rolanda was still relaxing on the sofa when Severus grabbed her wrist and pulled her up.
"Hey, easy there!" Rolanda may have been an athlete, but she couldn't break Severus' grip on her arm. To her relief, he let her go.
"Get out, you filthy wench!" He hissed, "You may have everyone else here wrapped around your little finger, but you have no right to be anywhere near my things! Get out!" He violently thrust his hand towards the exit, scarcely missing Rolanda's face.
"It was just a joke!" Rolanda yelped "If you don't appreciate my sense of humor then maybe you should have actually told me instead of just letting me walk all over you!" She marched towards the door and turned back towards him, saying "You vile old man! You can clean that up with a wave of your wand and you decide not to simply because it was my prank! I-"
"DON'T TRIFLE WITH ME, WOMAN!" Snape roared, but as he slunk towards her his voice dropped to a low hiss. "I've put up with worse people than you and if you think that just because you were the idiot to put that in my room after leaving one of the largest messes that Hogwarts has ever seen in a private room, then you're gravely mistaken; just because I don't appreciate your sense of humor doesn't mean that I hate you." He was towering above her now, his greasy hair licking her cheeks. "I hate you simply because that's the basis for our relationship!"
Rolanda could feel the tension between them tighten in her throat, so she pushed him away; but unfortunately for her he was planning on advancing further and the force of her blow forced her backwards. Her cheeks became a bit hot, tears began to well up in her eyes, and she knew that if she didn't get out of there she would start to cry in front of him- something he would never let her live down. She started toward the exit once more, but before she got there something hit her square in the back.
She howled and fell to the floor, crippled in pain- it got her right in her old Quidditch injury. "You bastard!" Rolanda whipped out her wand and faced him, but instead of shooting a spell at him she charmed a teapot to fly around the room like a Bludger. While Snape was distracted with the teapot-bludger, she ran at him and punched him in the nose, knocking him to the ground and spraying blood on his carpet.
"Hooch!" Snape cried. "Get out of my rooms!"
"Go to hell you vulturous cretin!" Rolanda jerked on the doorknob and was about to leave when the teapot she charmed knocked against the door. Unluckily for her, Snape had used the same technique she employed earlier against him and he pinned her against the floor while she was ducking from the bludger-like abomination. He started to choke her and soon she was clawing at his cheeks for want of either air or retaliation- whichever came sooner.
At that moment the door opened and both heard Trelawney's voice. "I've got a crush on you," she sang. "My sweetie pie!"
"Oh, no." Snape whispered. Rolanda smiled and would have laughed if it weren't for her crushed windpipe.
"All the day and nighttime, hear me si-" Trelawney gasped at what she saw, though neither Rolanda nor Snape tell exactly what she interpreted it as simply judging from the look on her face. "Expelliarmus!"
Snape and Rolanda were thrown apart and their wands fell at Sybil's feet. Rolanda gulped in air as a dried fish would water, and Severus sat dumbfounded next to her. Sybil stood near tears for a few moments but regained her composure enough to think of something to do: in this case, call the Headmaster and ask him what to do.
Both Albus and Minerva came out of the fire after being summoned, and after that Sybil quickly made her leave. "What are we going to do with you two?" Minerva asked as she and Albus helped the two others up. They all walked over to the sofa and sat down with the exception of Minerva, who was busy trying to round up the teapot.
"Minerva, don't worry about the rogue teapot, it will come down of its own accord." Albus said as he shifted in his seat- sitting between Snape and Hooch seemed to be the most dangerous thing that he had attempted in months! "Perhaps we should simply have some tea and go to bed, considering the time."
"Albus! This is the third physical altercation that these two have gotten into in a month! This is no time for tea!" Minerva fumed.
"Now Minerva, neither of us know whether this went beyond a few cruel words maybe if-"
"There's blood all over the place! There's a flying teakettle swooping around the room! What do you mean 'cruel words'?" She spat.
"Minerva, calm down!" Albus said.
"She's right though. Snape and I were throwing blows before Trelawney came and interrupted us." Rolanda joined in.
Severus rolled his eyes and said "You mean I was beating you when Trelawney came in."
"Lucky your sex life was about to pick up before I died, eh Sevvie-poo?"
"So were you in my rooms because you were hoping to watch?" Severus jeered. "I only ask because of the dry spell that you've been experiencing ever since the chimera died.
"SILENCE!" Albus stood and faced the two with a formidable expression on his face and was joined by Minerva not a moment later; the two stared Severus and Rolanda down for several minutes before saying anything. "We should all have a rest and discuss this if not in the morning then right now. Perhaps what the two of you need is a trial separation period- both of you will take a paid vacation over the break to different places and sort out your feelings."
Minerva shook her head and beckoned to the Headmaster, who had sat down again. "Albus, a private word? That is, unless these two can't be left alone without killing each other, of course."
Albus stood and looked to each of the teachers, waiting for a response. "Hooch couldn't even kill a fly unless she was straddling a broomstick, so it doesn't really make a difference to me."
"The only way Snape could hurt someone is if he were to blind them by bouncing the light off of his forehead and nose, so considering the poor lighting in here, I'm not too worried." Rolanda quipped.
Minerva's mouth halfway twitched at Rolanda's remark and she and Albus walked to Severus' bedroom door. "This is the...?" Minerva asked.
"Bedroom." In response to Severus' answer, the two entered.
Rolanda took a breath as if to say something, but Severus cut her off. "Whatever it is you're going to say, I don't want to hear it."
"I wasn't going to say anything."
"Oh, right! The day you don't have anything to say is the day Hufflepuff wins the House Championship."
"I didn't say that I had nothing to say, I said I wasn't going to say it."
"And actually keep something on your mind? I didn't know that you actually used it for something!" Snape feigned wonderment for a moment and then resumed his haughty demeanor.
"Are you trying to start some kind of fight with me, Snape? It must be all that pent up sexual energy."
"You hag."
"What, not even a proper insult? Oh, you're probably afraid of Dumbledore finding out you disobeyed one of his 'silent orders'."
Severus jumped up and towered over Rolanda. "Leave me alone, you aging flat-chested lesbian!"
At this, Rolanda stood and pushed Snape away. "You wad of phlegm!"
"Rolanda, Severus, please calm down." Albus walked out from behind the doorway with a disappointed expression on his face, but as Minerva stood next to him everyone noticed the look of wild amusement on her face.
"What's going to happen to us?" Rolanda asked.
Minerva stifled a slight giggle, Albus ignored it. "Your treatment of each other is simply unforgivable, and as such we have decided that now is the time for affirmative action. Minerva devised a brilliant agenda that will get the two of you to warm up to each other; it will start on the first day of Christmas vacation.
Well, it's a new story. Cool, and be nice to Shakers. Oh yeah, communication between colleagues is an excellent thing, so if you so choose to communicate a note or letter in the form of a review, thatwould be most awesome.