1[Insert Title Here

Chapter 7 – Of Babies and Best Friends

"…proxy authentication error – reconnect spool 32 immediately" said Professor R-25b before exploding.

"What the…oh, technology, who needs it?" Ron turned to leave. "Harry, you coming?" he called over his shoulder.

"Okay" Harry followed after his best friend, pausing only briefly to glance towards Hermione hurrying out of the room with…was that Pansy Parkinson?

Hermione was soon forgotten, though. When they reached the end of the corridor, they say a small crowd standing in a circle around something, jeering and shouting.

Jogging towards the group, they began to get an idea of what was going on. It was definitely some sort of scuffle…Or was it? When they drew closer, it suddenly didn't seem so violent…

Seamus and Draco were passionately and vehemently making out on the floor. The circle of people were jeering at them and shouting to stop, but they took no notice. Harry and Ron just stood and stared, transfixed by what they saw.

Later that evening, Seamus and Draco sat in a corner of the Gryffindor common room, gazing lovingly into each other's eyes, Seamus fiddling absentmindedly with the red string tied to Draco's wrist. Hermione still wasn't back, and Harry and Ron were the only other two people in the room. Ron was glowering at the couple intently, and Harry was watching them fondly. Definitely a little bit bi-curious…

Suddenly, Ron got up and announced that he was going to bed. Harry decided to follow him. The two boys fell onto their respective beds, silent for a few seconds. Then Ron started to talk, in an unusually uncomfortable way.

"Uh…Harry…Do you…Would you…What do you think about what was happening downstairs?"

"I…uh…I don't know…I don't think it's such a bad thing…"

"Really? It's just, I don't think I do any more either."

Harry was astonished. This was RON talking! "So…what?"

"I dunno…do you wanna, maybe…"

Taking this as a sign, Harry crossed the room in two strides and clamped his lips onto Ron's. The searing fervour of their kiss burned with all the passion of a Barbara Cartland Novel, as years of built up sexual tension came thundering out.

A violent tangle of limbs soon ensued, which ended up in the boys roughly and naïvely 69-ing each other on Neville's bed. Needless to say, there was no love involved. Just a bit of fun between friends. Honest. (A.N. Never fear, oh fair readers. Normal sexiness will be resumed shortly. And a big smutty sex scene.)

"Harry, I think I'm lesbian pregnant."

"Good morning to you too, Hermione."

"I'm serious! Look at me, I've ballooned! I'm almost at the end of my third trimester!"

"How so?"

"Lesbian babies happed very quickly, sometimes in less than 24 hours." Hermione said, flustered.

"But you're not a lesbian." Harry pointed out dumbly.

"Yes she is!" called Pansy defensively, striding over and putting a heavy arm around her girlfriend. "And I'm the mother of her child!"

"Ooooo, I think the baby's coming!" And, sure enough, it was. Thirty seconds later, Hermione was holding…octuplets!

"Err…Hermione…aren't there rather a lot of them?" Asked Ron gently.

"Well duh, Ronald. Lesbians have litters, everyone knows that!" said Hermione tersely.

Soon, Hermione and Pansy had left Hoggy, Hoggy, Hogwarts and were shacked up on a council housing estate wearing knock-off Burberry and fake gold jewellery. But not until after the story finished, I might need them again.

Next chapter…we might actually stay slightly on plot!