Title: The Gryffindor Who Should Have Been A Slytherin
Author: Lady Bahiya
Genre: Crack!
Rating: R for the language and implied Man!Sex
Word count: About 1490 words (not including headers).
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Summary: Ron Weasley liked to pretend he was stupid. His closest friends didn't realize he was actually very smart. So smart in fact, he set up a certain Slytherin with a certain Gryffindor and no one realized it was him until the end. Ron's POV.
Author's Note: That damn bunny is at it again! This little piece of Valentine crack came to me at 1:30 this morning while I was at work. It's short. Don't kill me.
Disclaimer: I'm not Jo. I'm not getting paid. I have a very strange imagination. Humor me.
Hello. My name is Ron Weasley. I go to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I'm in my 7th year there. I'm best friends with the guy who killed Voldemort last summer. Yes, Harry Potter. My girlfriend is Hermione Granger. She's very smart, you know. But she's not smarter than me. And I'll tell you why.
I'm the guy who got my best friend romantically involved with Draco Malfoy.
Early on in my life, my mum always told me that if I ever picked on a girl for whatever reason, we'd end up being together for a very long time. Smart woman, my mum. I got Hermione, didn't I?
But this isn't about me. This is about Harry.
First year we went to school, Draco had that high and mighty attitude to go with the money. Harry and he constantly argued. If they weren't arguing, they were trying to knock each other's heads off. Or hexing each other in the halls.
And I thought about what mum said. And it hit me. Draco liked Harry and vice-versa. We were in our 5th year of school when I realized this.
I think I was the first to realize my best friend was gay. I told Hermione about it and she kind of shrugged it off. She thought Harry still had a thing for Cho. Like that would ever happen. Cho was as butch as Viktor Krum only without the cock and mustache. But who knows what goes on south of her navel? I for one don't ever want to find out.
I watched Harry at breakfast one morning. He was staring across the Hall at Draco, who was staring right back. I was the only one who could feel the sexual tension in the air.
And so I planned.
It was easier than I thought.
I snatched Harry's invisibility cloak while he was sleeping one night and headed up to the Owlery with a note I had penned for Draco (in Harry's handwriting of course - thank Merlin for those forgery spells! But I digress.) I used a school owl for it. I could have used Hedwig but that would be too obvious this early in the game. I also had a note "from" Draco for Harry. I couldn't wait for breakfast the next morning.
The post came just as we were sitting down. I watched an owl drop my note on Harry's plate. He picked it up and read it. I watched a scowl pass over his face as he looked across the Hall at Malfoy again. Malfoy was glaring right back.
What? Oh. You want to know what my note said.
Meet me in the Room of Requirement at Noon. Come alone.
Thank goodness I chose to do this on a Saturday.
I got to the room first and got everything set up to my own specifications. Then I hid in an alcove. Anyone looking at it would see an ordinary wall. It acted as a one-way mirror. I was so bloody clever.
Draco came first. I watched him glance around the room and nod to himself before he sat on the couch. I had set out some chocolates and tea - Draco's weakness. He made himself a cuppa and snatched some of the chocolates, downing them in a few bites. I resisted the urge to cackle with glee.
Harry arrived a few minutes later.
"What's this about Malfoy?" Harry demanded, waving the note.
"That's what I want to know." Draco answered.
"You didn't send it?"
"No."
"But it's your handwriting."
"So's the one you sent me. In your handwriting, I mean."
"I didn't send you a note, Malfoy. What are you playing at?"
"Nothing, Potter. Honestly. Sit down and have some tea. I think there's a treacle tart with your name on it as well." That got to Harry. Treacle was a weakness of his. He sat on the couch away from Malfoy and ate his snack.
My face split into a grin.
What did I do?
I put Veritaserum in the chocolates and treacle, of course. And don't ask where I got it. You don't want to know what I had to go through to get it.
All right, you dragged it out of me. I volunteered to be Snape's guinea pig for a month when he tests new potions.
Happy now? Good. May I continue?
I knew when the potion took hold because they both started to get jumpy.
"Mind if I take off my jumper?" Harry asked. "It's warm in here."
"You can take off your jumper, your pants or anything else you'd like, Harry." Draco grinned. Harry looked at him.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Well it's always been obvious to me that you are a gorgeous man, Harry Potter."
"Draco, what's gotten into you?"
"Nothing yet." was his reply. I had to clamp my hand over my mouth or I would have been laughing my arse off. I watched Harry's eyes widen as Draco moved closer to him. Neither seemed to realize they had stopped calling each other by their surnames.
"Tell me something, Harry." Draco began, as he trailed his fingers up and down Harry's bared arms. "Do you think I'm cute?"
"No. I think you're bloody gorgeous!" Harry exclaimed. He looked horrified that he just confessed that. Draco grinned.
"You do?"
"Yes."
"Since when?"
"The first time I met you."
"Will you kiss me? I always wanted you to."
"All right." Harry leaned in and touched his lips briefly to Draco's. He quickly drew back. "How's that?"
"Horrible." Draco frowned. "Can't you do any better?"
"I'd like to see you kiss then!" Harry demanded.
"You're on, Potter!" Draco grinned. He planted his hands on Harry's face and tilted his head to one side before sealing his lips over his. Harry felt Draco's tongue at the seam of his lips and gasped at the sensation. This just allowed Draco to slip his tongue right in.
Bloody hell! This was hot! Yes I was getting turned on watching them. But I couldn't let it distract me from my plan.
I concentrated hard and the room changed. The couch they were sitting on changed into a 4-poster bed and their clothes vanished so that now Draco was lying on top of Harry, both of them naked.
And what a sight it was to behold.
I won't go into details but let's just say it was bloody hot to watch. I came in my pants twice watching them without even touching myself.
I asked the room for a way out without being seen and made my way back to my dorm to shower and change. I wanted to be in the Great Hall when those two made their appearance.
Lunch came and went and Harry and Draco were no shows. People started to get worried that they were off trying to hex each other again. I had to pinch myself to keep from laughing.
They finally showed up at dinner. Everyone gaped when they saw Harry and Draco holding hands.
"Well it's about bloody time!" Snape groused from his spot at the teacher's table, causing both men to blush. But they didn't release each other's hands.
"Bloody hell. I can smell them from way over here!" Remus complained. Poor Remus. He hadn't been laid in over 2 months.
Hmmm. Maybe I can get him and Snape together.
I suddenly became aware of the fact that there was a very powerful wizard and a cunning Slytherin standing behind me. I looked up at them both.
"What?"
"We know it was you, Weasley." Draco said.
"Me what?" I asked.
"We did a spell on our notes. Very clever, Ron." Harry smiled. Hermione was looking at me like I'd grown another head.
"What did you do, Ronald?" she asked.
"Quite simply, he made us realize we loved each other." Draco told her.
"Thank you, Ron." Harry smiled.
"My pleasure, Harry." I smiled in return. "Welcome to the family, Draco." I added, surprising the Slytherin. He simply nodded and dragged Harry away toward the Slytherin table. Hermione was staring at me with a strange look on her face. "What?"
"You continue to surprise me, Ronald Weasley."
"And you love me for it."
"That I do." she grinned. I nearly jumped when I felt her hand high up on my thigh, uncomfortably close to an interested part of my body. "And I'll prove it to you later." she whispered in my ear, flicking her tongue over the lobe. I shuddered.
This was looking up to be a very good year.