Black Steel and Wordly Wisdom

Not So Alone

By Mystic Dawn

Summary: (Set one year after Kurogane first met Tomoyo) Kurogane sneaks off into the night and is followed by Tomoyo. He finds out that he might not be as alone as he originally thought. Written from Kurogane's point of view, even though he's not speaking for himself.

Notes: Do not read unless you have read Volume 13 of the manga (or seen Episode 40 of the anime), or unless you have an idea of what really happened in Kurogane's past. Otherwise, you'll feel very confused.

Kurogane tentatively peeked around the corner and saw that the long marble hallway was empty. It seemed to stretch on an infinity, but it eventually ended at large blue doors. He cautiously crept out of his hiding-spot and proceeded towards them, hugging the walls in an attempt to mask his presence. The lack of security was setting him on edge, and he was not sure if he would be able to stand the tension any longer. His nerves were pulled as taut as strings, as he was sure that a guard would probably spring up on him at any second without his knowledge.

But he miraculously reached them without any incident. While before he was anxious not to be caught, he was now feeling somewhat suspicious at the simplicity of his escape. Shrugging the feeling away, he gently eased the doors open, wincing slightly at the abnormally loud squeaking noise it produced, knowing with a dread certainty that it must have been heard.

Slipping out into the pitch-black darkness of night, he crept across the castle grounds, the pale moon's glow leeching all color from the world, reducing it to mundane shades of black, white and gray. Kurogane kept to the shadows, not eager to be caught and questioned roughly by the patrolling ninja. He frowned angrily. He knew they did not like him and neither did he, so their feelings were mutual in that case. He knew they were jealous of him because he was a better swordsman than all of them put together, even though he was only sixteen. He smirked in satisfaction. By the time he would come of age, he'll have surpassed not only all the ninja, but each and every warrior in Nihon. His mood then darkened as he recalled the reason why he was sneaking off.

After several moments of silent stealth, Kurogane soon reached his destination. A little way into the small wood in the royal gardens, there was a small clearing that had been reserved solely for one purpose, and at the princess's insistence. He walked forwards into the clearing with slow and cautious steps, and the familiar lump in his throat returned as he neared the center. A part of him wanted to turn back for the castle, but another part remained rooted to the spot. He had made himself a promise, and he would not turn from it, no matter what.

The moon illuminated chiseled words carved into two slabs of stone protruding from the earth. Kurogane stood before them, staring at them for a long moment before he fell to his knees with a muffled cry.

He extended a trembling hand to one of the stones. "Chichi-ue..." he breathed, then closed his eyes. When he opened them again, unshed tears glistened in them. He tentatively stroked the second tombstone. "Haha-ue..." He gnashed his teeth together in undisguised pain, his tears threatening to overwhelm him.

It still hurt. Even though it had happened over a year ago, it still hurt to dwell back on the terrible events of the night he had lost everything and everyone he had ever known and loved. The loss of losing his parents was still keen, and he knew that the empty, hollow feeling inside of him would never really ever go away, no matter how much time would pass.

He balled his hand in a fist. It had been all his fault. He had been too careless to even suspect that there would have been any danger, and now he was paying the price. How many times had he just wanted to break down and cry, not caring what other people would think? He had never even had the time to properly mourn for his parents. It was only at times like these, when he could actually manage to steal out into the night to visit them, to be near them, that he let his emotions get the better of him. Most of the time his face was impassive, masking his conflicting emotions.

"It's all right if you cry," a soft voice assured him from behind.

Kurogane whirled around, his hand immediately going to the hilt of the silver sword strapped at his waist. When he saw who it was, he relaxed. "You surprised me, Princess," he said stiffly. He quickly dashed his tears away with the back of his hand. "And I wasn't going to cry," he added with a mumble.

"Whatever you say," Tomoyo said with a small, knowing smile.

He exhaled wearily, knowing that he had not succeeded in fooling her. Even though Princess Tomoyo was only eleven, she was unwholesomely too perceptive and too clever for her own good. Why can't she just mind her own business? he thought angrily, wishing that she would just go away.

However, instead of leaving, Tomoyo settled down upon the ground at his side, clasping her hands in her lap expectantly.

Kurogane was not in the mood to talk, so he gave her the cold shoulder, staring determinedly in front of him. Unfortunately for him, the only thing in front of him were his parents' tombstones. His expression darkened once more as a wave of memories hit him, reminding him just how much he missed them.

"Why do you occasionally sneak off like this, Kurogane?"

Kurogane turned to stare at her incredulously, his face flickering with a myriad of emotions. What kind of a question was that? Was it such an incomprehensible thing to understand that she had to have it explained to her?

"You probably think that I'm just an ignorant little girl, don't you?" she offered.

Kurogane scowled. He honestly had no idea what to make of her, her character being so complex that most of the times he had no idea how to act around her. He wanted to pass himself off as someone tough who did not rely on others, as he usually did around the ninja.

But he knew that if it had not been for her, he would have surely been lost.

"It's not that," he said gruffly, determinedly looking away from her young, serious face. "It's just that..." He fell silent for a few moments. "I can't bear to leave them alone," he then whispered almost inaudibly.

Tomoyo's brow furrowed in thought. "Perhaps the reason is not that you don't want to leave them alone," she said solemnly, "but that you don't want to be alone."

Kurogane started and looked at her in astonishment. Now that he thought about it, it made perfect sense. How was it possible for her to read him like an open book? She knew him even better than he knew himself.

She laid a small, reassuring hand upon his shoulder. "Your parents have never really left you, Kurogane," she said gently. "They'll always be by your side, guiding your steps and protecting you."

"People always say that about dead people!" he exclaimed scornfully, suddenly flaring with anger. "How can a dead person still be with you? And how can a dead person protect you when not even someone alive could do any better?" His resolve finally crumbled as he buried his face in his hands. "You're lying!" he gasped through his sobs, his shoulders trembling.

She impulsively wrapped her little arms about him. "It's all right," she soothed him. "You should cry. You'll be able to face your problems better afterwards." She smoothed his hair as he wept bitterly upon her shoulder. "Anyone who doesn't cry can't be strong."

He clung to her like a broken-hearted child. "I miss them so much..." he croaked.

"Even though you miss them, that does not mean that you're alone," she said softly, stroking his brow. "I'm here for you," she said so quietly that Kurogane almost did not hear her.

He continued to cry, but through his sobs he saw a faint glimmer of hope. Tomoyo was right. He was not alone.

She was there for him.