Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 7 or anything like that. This is a collection of short stories I thought were hilarious and felt that it would be fun to placethe charactersin a similar scenario. I want to thank the people who told me these stories/jokes and let me use them! I give you all the credit for these! Enjoy!

Collection of Short Stories: Chp1

Story 1: Wishes

Elena, Reno, and Rude had gotten lost in a forest on a mission. It has been six days, and all three Turks were tired and hungry. They were out of food and water. Just as they had given up hope, Rude tripped over a genie's lamp. "Excellent! Now we could have three wishes!", Elena said. The genie came out of the lamp and told them all together, they have three wishes. "Alright, I'll go first. I wish I went home", Rude said. The genie zapped him and he went home. "I wish I was home", Elena said. Again, the genie zapped him and he was sent home. Reno sighed. "Gee, I'm so lonely. I wish my friends were here again", he sighed.

Story 2: Candy

Marlene walked into a candy shop. "Hello, little lady", the old salesclerk said, "What'll it be today?". "One gil's worth of chocolates, please", Marlene said as sweetly as she could. The old man looked on the shelf and the chocolates were on the top. He took a ladder and set it up. The old man climbed up to the top and got one gil's worth of chocolate. "Here you go", he said, handing it to Marlene. Marlene giggled and skipped out of the store.

Next person was Aeris. She happily walked into the store. "Hello!", she chirped. The old man smiled. "Hello, miss! What'll it be today?", the old man asked. "One gil's worth of chocolates, please", she said innocently. The old man sighed and got his ladder again. He climbed up, got the chocolates, and gave them to Aeris. "Thank you!", she said and skipped out of the shop.

The third person was Denzel. "Hey, old man", he said as he walked into the store. "Hello, young man! What'll it be?", the salesclerk asked. "One gil's worth of chocolates", Denzel said. The old man, yet again, got onto his ladder and got the chocolates. He tossed them down to Denzel, who caught them easily. "Thanks", he said and walked out. The old man sat down on the top step of the ladder, waiting for his next customer.

His final customer was Yuffie. "Hello young lady!", the old man called out. "Hey, gramps!", Yuffie called back. "Lemme guess, one gil's worth of chocolates, right?", the old man asked. Yuffie shook her head. "No, not today!", she said. The old man climbed down and put the ladder away. "Then, what'll it be?", the man asked happily. Yuffie grinned and said, "Today I would like two gil's worth of chocolate, please!".

Story 3: Speed Trap

A police officer spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH. So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that two guys were inside (Cloud and Sephiroth), and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale.

The driver, Zack, told him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Sir," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous."

"I beg to differ, Officer, I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty-two miles an hour" Zack argued.

The officer, chuckling, explained to him that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, Zack grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out his error.

"But before I let you go, Sir, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These guys seem awfully shaken."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute," Zack said. "We just got off Route 119."

Story 4: Bank

Barret decided that Marlene should get something 'practical' for her birthday.

"Suppose we open a savings account for you?" Barret suggested. Marlene was delighted.

"It's your account, Marlene," Barret said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application."

Marlene was doing fine until she came to the space for 'Name of your former bank.' After a slight hesitation, she smiled and put down 'Piggy.'

Story 5: Sephiroth's Childhood Books

1."Strangers Have the Best Candy"

2."The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"

3."What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"

4."Why can't Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Socket be friends?"

5."Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games"

6."The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables"

7."Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"

8."The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead"

9."How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School"

10."Controlling the playground: Respect through Fear" (His personal favorite)