A/N: So I was watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail today for about the trillionth time when the idea for this little ficlet hit me on the head and I just had to write it down. For those of you who are still waiting for the next chapter of "I Dream of Kuropii", don't worry; it may take a few more days but I haven't discontinued it or anything. But it seems to be quite a lot of attention so I'm taking my time writing it just to make sure I don't let you all down. In the meantime, I hope you all enjoy this silly little one-shot.
Peril at the Gorge of Eternal Peril
The five travelers staggered out of the cave, breathing heavily, each sporting a few nasty injuries and an expression of grim resignation. Well, if you want the actual, honest-to-God truth, four travelers staggered out of the cave, breathing heavily, sporting a few nasty injuries and expressions of grim resignation. The fifth traveler was an utterly ridiculous-looking rabbit creature and he rode out of the cave on the head of one of his companions, breathing regularly, sporting a fine white coat and a smug little grin.
The group stopped there to catch their breath. Syaoran, who had been half dragging Sakura, lowered her to the ground and plopped down beside her. Fai was bent double, hands on his knees, gasping for air as though he had swam the length of the cave while holding his breath. Kurogane leaned heavily on his sword for support. Once all of them had had a short break, Mokona clapped his paws together.
"Ok! Now that we've had a rest, let's keep going! The signal from Sakura's feather is really strong now!"
Kurogane let out a low growl that sounded distinctly dog-like. "Shut your damn mouth, manjuu! You may have been taking it easy on your fat, furry ass up there but the rest of us actually had to do something! And get the hell off my head, dammit!"
He snatched Mokona from his perch on top of his head and dropped him on the ground.
"Mokona helped too!" the animal squeaked indignantly. "If I hadn't recognized that white bunny at the entrance as my cousin, he'd have eaten you for sure!"
Kurogane's mind flashed back to the killer rabbit they had encountered at the mouth of the cave and shuddered. When a local had warned them about the rabbit, Kurogane had scoffed and blown the warning off. It wasn't until he met that furry little mutant that he realized why it had such a formidable reputation. The ninja looked down at the deep bite marks on his hand. As much as he hated to admit it, that little bunny might have given him one hell of a fight if Mokona hadn't realized that it was a relative of his and called it off.
"So, are we gonna keep going or what?" Kurogane said, quickly changing the subject. "There can't be that many more obstacles. The manjuu said the feather was close by."
Syaoran heaved himself to his feet, helped Sakura up and nodded. "Right. Let's go."
"Nyaaaa, I'm tired Kurorin," Fai whined. "Won't you carry me?"
Kurogane snorted. "Not a chance, bastard."
He glanced down at the blond disdainfully, his arms folded. Fai looked back at him, a pleading smile on his face. "Please, Kurotan?"
"I said no, dumb ass!" Kurogane shouted. "That's my answer and there's nothing you can do to change it so just shut the hell up!"
Fai giggled, curling his arms loosely around the ninja's neck, resting his cheek against Kurogane's. "You're so nice, Kurochan."
"I'm not doing this to be nice, bastard," Kurogane hissed. "I just didn't want to listen to your whining anymore!"
"Even so, I appreciate it," Fai cooed happily from his place on Kurogane's back.
Kurogane's face was contorted into a snarl on the outside but inside, he was feeling quite pleased with himself. This was a new strategy that he'd invented; he would refuse Fai's request, Fai would beg and Kurogane would give in under the pretense that he was doing it just to shut the wizard up. It worked beautifully for everyone. Fai got his way, Kurogane got to do a favor for the secret object of his affections without having to compromise his pride and the kid and princess got to carry on on their way. The only one who remained unaffected by Kurogane's little trick was Mokona but personally, the warrior didn't give a shit.
"This must be it," Syaoran announced suddenly, "the Gorge of Eternal Peril."
"So what are we supposed to do here again?" Sakura asked apprehensively.
"There's supposed to be a guy around here somewhere that guards the bridge. He gives us some kind of test and if we pass it, we can cross," Fai answered.
"B-but… I don't see anyone here," she stammered, looking around.
"Well you can't expect the guy to hang around all day, just waiting for someone to try and cross his bridge," Kurogane pointed out. "He probably got sick of guarding the damn thing and went home."
"Do you think we can just cross, then?" Syaoran asked.
"I don't see why not…" Fai said slowly. There was a moment's silence before he slid down off Kurogane's back and took a step towards the rickety rope bridge. "Come on."
The rest of the group warily followed the wizard at a slight distance. Syaoran couldn't help but think that there was no way they would get off so lucky. Surely there would be some challenge for them to face before they were allowed to cross. Fai was about to reach the bridge when a faint whistling sound made them all freeze in their tracks. Kurogane managed to jerk Fai out of harm's way by the back of his collar as something came hurtling towards the earth, missing the blond by inches.
The falling object hit the ground with a dull thud. The group all leaned forward to examine the thing that had nearly flattened Fai. It took them a moment to realize that it was a man; tall, with glasses and messy black hair, wearing a long white lab coat. He looked to be somewhere in his late twenties to mid-thirties. The man stood up, dusted off his lab coat, readjusted his glasses and grinned at them in a manner that suggested that he did this sort of thing often and his sanity was suffering from it.
"Icchan go boom!" he announced.
Syaoran, Sakura, Mokona, Fai and Kurogane all looked at each other. They were all thinking the same thing but Kurogane was the only one to voice the opinion.
"What the hell…?"
The man who called himself "Icchan" ignored the ninja's rude question.
"I see you five were trying to cross my bridge without having to take the test," he said sternly. "That won't do. Everyone who crosses this bridge has to take the test."
He leaned in close to Kurogane. "It's the rules," he hissed, prodding the ninja in the chest with every word.
"Don't poke me, dammit!" Kurogane snapped. "Just give us the damn test and get the hell out of our way!"
"What kind of test is it?" Syaoran asked.
"He who approaches the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, e're the other side he see," Icchan replied.
"What happens if we get one wrong?" Sakura asked timidly.
Icchan looked at her, a sinister gleam in his eye. "DIE!"
Sakura swallowed hard and gripped Syaoran's hand.
"So," Icchan said, rubbing his hands together eagerly. "Who wants to go first?"
"I will," Syaoran said instantly. He looked slightly nervous but the flame of determination in his eyes let everyone know that he would not back down from the challenge.
"Well, aren't you the brave little toaster?" Icchan smirked. "Very well then. The first question is this: What is your name?"
"My name is Syaoran."
"What is your quest?"
"To find Sakura hime's feather."
"What is your favorite color?"
"Green."
Icchan stared at him for a moment before stepping aside to let Syaoran by. "Very good boy, you may pass."
Feeling deeply relieved, Syaoran hurried across the bridge.
"Are you serious!" Kurogane snorted. "What the hell kind of test was that!"
"You find it to be too easy?" Icchan asked. "I wouldn't be so confident if I were you. Not everyone gets such easy questions."
"Whatever," the ninja sneered. "I'm not afraid of your damn questions."
"Mokona will go next!"
"What is your name?"
"Mokona is Mokona."
"What is your quest?"
"To find Sakura's feather."
"Have you ever stolen anything from Yuuko san?"
"Mokona would never steal anything from Yuuko!"
"Not even some sake?" Icchan asked shrewdly.
"…No…" Mokona said slowly.
Icchan shook his head in mock sadness. "Shame on you for not telling the truth."
He jerked his finger and Mokona flew up into the air and plummeted down into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.
"Mokona!" Syaoran, Sakura and Fai shouted in unison. Kurogane let out a snort of laughter. Served the furry little bastard right.
"Those are the consequences for lying, I suppose," Icchan said. "Now, who's next?"
Everyone was on the other side of the bridge now except for Kurogane. He glared at Icchan as if he were daring him to ask a question. The bridge keeper didn't seem at all intimidated by this technique and simply met his gaze.
"Hyuu hyuu! Good luck, Kuromyuu!" Fai called from the other side.
"Come on! Just ask me the damn questions already!" Kurogane snapped.
"What is your name?"
"I am Kurogane."
"What is your quest?"
"To find the princess's feather."
Icchan paused, a menacing look in his eye as he stared Kurogane down. "You look nervous."
Kurogane's hand balled themselves in to fists. "I'm not nervous!"
The bridge keeper grinned. "I can tell when people are lying, you know. No matter how good you are at lying, I'll figure you out. Your little white friend was proof of that."
"I'm not afraid," the ninja insisted.
"Of course you're not," Icchan smirked. "You know, if you apologize for being so rude to me right now, I'll give you an easy question."
"Never," Kurogane growled.
"Are you sure? This is your last opportunity."
"Not a chance, bastard."
"Then I'm afraid I have no choice but to ask you this," Icchan said with false regret in his voice. "…What is the name of the one you love the most?"
Kurogane blinked. Instinctively, his eyes went straight to Fai who was waiting on the other side of the bridge.
"WHAT! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT!" Kurogane shouted, his face turning red.
"It's the blond guy, isn't it?" Icchan hissed so that only the ninja could hear, a large smirk on his face. When Kurogane didn't answer, Icchan laughed. "I knew it!"
Kurogane shook with rage and he gritted his teeth knowing that if he denied it, he'd be tossed off the side of the bridge. Then again, it would be a cold day in hell before he admited to being in love with Fai, especially when he was within earshot.
"Go on now; answer the question."
"I won't do it!" Kurogane snapped.
"Then you'll be stuck here for a very long time."
Icchan was wearing a smug grin that made the ninja want to punch his face in. But Kurogane's eyes darted to Fai again and he could feel his face burning even more.
"What will you do?" Icchan sniggered.
Kurogane stood there, frozen with indecision. What would he do?
The End
A/N: Ooh ho, look at me and my bad self; leaving you with a cliff hanger! Sorry to all you Mokona fans out there for doing that to him but… I find him irritating. Don't ask me what Kurogane ends up doing because I don't know. That's part of the reason I ended it there. Yeah, I know I'm a cheater but what can you do, nyaa? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! So ummm… please review. 'Kay?