Doubts, a harry potter fanfic

Doubts

Disclaimer: I don't own any HP characters, specifically Lily, James, Sirius, and Professor Dumbledore. Annamaria Wilson is a fictional character used only for the purposes of adding an element to this story. Any relation to actual people is completely coincidental. I also do not own the some Something More, by Ryan Malcom, and am only using the lyrics to develop the story.

(rose)

The rain beat heavily outside the window, filling the small house with a sort of white noise that reassured those inside. It was good, too, since one particular girl in the household needed to be reassured. She needed to know that she was making the right choice in the end. The girl, clutching a blanket to her legs and drinking some spiced cider her mother had made for her, watched as the rain fell onto the grass outside. She shivered slightly, hoping that the weather wouldn't be like this the next day, that it would be beautiful outside on the day of her wedding.

The girl gently brushed her brilliant red hair out of her eyes, her green eyes filled with worry and nervousness. She took a sip of cider and visibly relaxed, sinking more into her blanket. She momentarily felt at peace, until a large sound rang throughout the house.

"Lily!" a shrill voice called, knocking the girl out of her stupor and nearly causing her to spill the cider.

"Mum! It's seven in the morning, you shouldn't be yelling through the house like that!" the girl called back. "Your voice is already enough to wake the dead," she added to herself.

"Lily, darling, we have much to do, unless you forgot what day it is…" Lily's mum said, entering the room with a towel in her hand.

"Mum, I didn't forget what day it is… I just needed to relax a little… these premarital jitters are really getting to me…" Lily said, still staring out the window. A slight pop sounded in the room, and Lily quickly grabbed a stick sitting by her side, pointing it at the source of the noise.

"Whoa! Lily, put your wand down, I come in peace…" a tall man said, waving a small white flag. His long black hair fell over his eyes as he ducked slightly.

"Well, if you don't want me to hex you into oblivion, I suggest you not apparate into my living room unexpectedly," Lily said, smirking. She slowly put her wand down, and pulled the blanket off her legs, revealing the long nightgown she still wore. She noticed the expression on the man's face, one of interest, and she took out her wand again, changing her nightgown into a t-shirt and jeans with a flick.

"Aww… can't I have any fun?" the man said, straightening his long black robes.

"Not when I'm going to marry your best friend tomorrow…" Lily said, walking up to him and giving him a welcoming hug.

"I still don't understand why you decided to marry him, instead of me…"

"I don't know… I guess I fell for his charm quicker than I fell for yours, Sirius. Now, what did James send you to do?" Lily asked, releasing him from the hug and folding her blanket.

"Well, my best bud just wanted to be sure that you were up and about, and not still sleeping," Sirius said, touching Lily's nose, as if noting how cute her actions were. "That, and he ran out of food." Lily laughed slightly, and gently took Sirius' hand, leading him up to the kitchen. Lily's mum, having seen the company, had already moved to start breakfast.

"Mr. Black, you have got to have the biggest appetite of anyone I have ever met…" she noted.

"Why, Mrs. Evans, it only adds to my charm…." Sirius said.

"You've got to be kidding me…" a man's voice said, walking into the kitchen. Sirius looked at the man with fake anger, but was prevented from replying by Lily.

"James!" Lily squealed, running up to him and giving him a large hug.

"Good morning, Lily. I'm glad to see you awake and properly dressed…" he laughed, wrapping his arms around her waist carefully. She pulled out of the hug slightly, looking up into his eyes, each dancing around with laughter.

"You can thank your friend over there…" Lily said, glancing over to where Sirius was, eating his breakfast heartily. "Now, I have some things I need to do before the rehearsal dinner, k?"

"Very well, Miss Evans, but I'm expecting a dance tonight to make up for it…" James said, giving her a light kiss on the lips. She returned the kiss and dashed up to her room, leaving James standing in the kitchen, a plate of food prepared for him at the table.

"James, you better be glad that my daughter can cook…" Mrs. Evans said, a large smile covering her face.

"More than you know…" James said, before diving into his food.

Lily spent most of her day sorting out the final details of the wedding, making sure everything was perfect, and forgetting about any nervousness she had felt earlier that morning. She felt completely at ease, and prepared to marry James, despite her previous hatred of him when they were both in school.

The rehearsal dinner arrived quickly enough, bringing all the important people that both the bride and the groom cared for. The wedding was to be held at the end of April, in the springtime weather, with a ceremony celebrating Lily's non-magical background, as well as James' complete wizarding background. People from all walks of life were invited, including the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (the schoolboth Lily and James attended) Professor Dumbledore; Sirius Black, James' best friend and Best Man, and Annamaria Wilson, Lily's best friend and Maid of Honor, both of whom attended Hogwarts; Lily's mother (her father had died of a cancer shortly before Lily graduated a year ago), and James' parents, among others.

The dinner started at seven, and many of the guests arrived early, passing their congratulations onto James and Lily. It seemed as though everyone had always seen the two as the perfect couple, even as they fought endlessly in school. The dinner itself, complete with several toasts dedicated to the couple, lasted nearly two hours, and was followed by a short dance. Just like she promised that morning, Lily danced with James, slowly swaying to the music.

All the feelings that had subsided during the day slowly trickled back throughout the dinner, and now that Lily was dancing with James, she couldn't help but feel slightly detached. James obviously picked up on the hesitation of his bride-to-be, since he slowed their dancing slightly, and asked her what was wrong.

"Nothing, I'm fine…" Lily responded.

"Don't be ridiculous. I know when you aren't yourself, and you aren't acting normal right now…" James said firmly, though keeping the softness of his tone.

"James… why did you chose me? I mean, we both know that you could've had any girl you wanted, but you decided on me, and didn't let me go for years, even after all that I did to get you to leave me alone…" Lily asked, her eyes falling to the floor.

James looked down at her head in shock for a moment, before raising her chin gently with his finger and kissing her gently on the lips. "You honestly don't know, do you?" Lily shook her head. James sighed slightly, and took out his wand, switching the song playing at the time. "I had hoped to save this for our first dance tomorrow, but I think it's fitting now…" A slow, almost mournful tone filled the room, and Lily listened to it carefully, her head resting on James' chest. A man started singing, bringing a more cheerful air to the song.

I don't think that I can tell you what this means to me
But here I am, it's so hard to believe
That I'm standing here, that I've come this far
But you always said, have faith in who you are

"You're special, Lily. You taught me to grow up, and it was a hard lesson to teach…"

I want to take this time to thank you for the love you gave
And from this moment, You've got to know..
I never wanted something more
And I never felt so sure
'Cause now I've got this chance to be
Everything you saw in me
And even more then I ever dreamed before
And as long as you are here with me
I know that I can be
Something more…

"I wanted to be the man of your dreams, because you were special. You couldn't see all the blokes at school staring at you, because you didn't care. You concentrated on what you thought was necessary, and I admired you for it…"

Looking back now, it's so clear to me
That you were sent to shape my destiny
And there were times when I was ready to walk away
But you gave me strength to face another day…

"Even though you rejected me so many times, and you said you hated me, you helped me through some of my hardest times. Remember at the beginning of seventh year, when I thought my parents might be dead… you set aside your hatred for me, and comforted me. After that, I could barely stand when you went back to hating me. You saved me so many times, by giving me detentions, threatening me, and being my friend, all because you were you…"

Lily's eyes began to fill with tears as she listened to the lyrics of the song, and James' words to her. There was a slight ache in her chest as all the times she had rejected James, loved him, been his friend, been his enemy, flashed through her mind, and she clung to James more than ever.

I'm reaching for the sky
Won't let this chance go by
I've waited all my life
It's Something more…

"I wasn't about to let a girl like that slip through my fingers. I fought for you, hoping that you would give me a chance. And eventually you did. I was scared to death that if you left me, I would die, but you never did…"

Now's the time you're gonna see
From this moment you're gonna know…
I never wanted something more
And I never felt so sure
'Cause now I've got this chance to be
Everything you saw in me
And even more then I ever dreamed before
And as long as you are here with me
I know that I can be
Something more…

"I love you, Lily, and that is a feeling that has only grown since the first time I saw you for you, rather than just some gorgeous girl in my year. If you hadn't come into my life, I would probably still be the immature jerk that I was in fifth year…"

You make me wanna be Something more…
You made me wanna be something more…

Lily looked up at James, her eyes still filling with tears threatening to spill. James gently cupped her face with his hand and wiped the tears with his thumb as they fell down her face. She smiled gently, and gently raised herself up to give him a kiss. As the final notes of the song ended, James deepened the kiss, knowing that he could never thank her enough for all the ways she had helped him. He had always wanted more with his life, until now, for now, he had everything he could ever want. Lily smiled gently while in the kiss, her heart knowing for certain that she was ready to marry James, and she wouldn't have it any other way.

(rose)

A/N: I hope you liked it. Please review and tell me what you think.

Also, I take suggestions for anyone wishing for me to write another one-shot. I can usually get a good one done in a few days, but I've completely run out of ideas. I will write any Harry Potter one-shot under the condition that it 1) is not slash... I don't read it and I refuse to write it, so don't ask. 2) does not contradict relationships in canon... I will not write any Harry/Hermione, or Ginny/Neville, or Hermione/Snape. I will consider writing Lily/Remus, or other ships if the end result is what appears in the books, and 3) it is not graphic in any form. I'm horrible at writing scenes that involve extreme violence and smut, so don't bother asking for them.