Now, I'm wanting this for sure.
And I'll beg for nothing more.

Happy (late) Thanksgiving

&&&

"No way."

I tug at Brian's sleeve, looking up at him with a pleading look in my eyes. Of course, that look never works. Not when I'm asking him questions like this. He shakes my hand off his arm and tells me no again with a look on his face that clearly shows me that he thinks I'm fucking insane. In a way…I am, I guess. I should have known he'd never agree to do this with me. I was really stupid for even asking. Trying.

I sigh.

"C'mon, Brian. My mom invited us."

That's a big step for her. Not just inviting me to the Thanksgiving dinner, but Brian too. That could really mean one thing: She considers Brian as part of her family, which makes me extremely happy. Brian sighs, inspecting himself in the mirror. He looks fucking hot as usual – even if he is being extremely mean right now. You'd think, after four years of "being together" he'd be able to, at least, come to one family dinner, especially since he was actually invited.

"If you weren't invited you'd probably show up."

He meets my eyes through the mirror, smirk on his face.

"You're probably right."

I sigh; it's heavier this time. I don't want to go without him. He shakes his head.

"No one really wants me there, Sunshine. Jennifer just invited me so you'd be happy."

"I want you there."

He turns away from the mirror, clad in clothes that say he's going to stay home the entire time I'm away eating dinner with my family. This makes me feel slightly better, me knowing that if I don't talk him into going with me than, at least, he won't be out fucking a complete stranger. Fucking someone that's not me. He steps forward and pulls me closer against his body by my hips. I place my hands over his just to keep them there. He lets me.

"I'll be here when you get back."

"I want you with me every second tonight."

"Don't you mean every day for the rest of your life? You did used to stalk me."

I move my hands and wrap my arms around his neck instead, drawing myself closer, still. "Lucky for you." He shakes his head while his hand snakes into the front of my cargo pants to find that I'm wearing nothing underneath. I grin at him as he wraps his fingers around my shaft. His hand is still so I move my hips forward a little to try and convince him to get a move on. Suddenly his hand releases my cock and comes entirely out of my pants. "Convincing, Sunshine, but, I'm not going."

"Please? I'll let you embarrass me in front of the whole family."

"No."

"Tell everyone what we do in bed every night? In high definition detail?"

"Hmm…"

He seriously looks like he's thinking it over. I watch him and he smiles over at me. "And that would guarantee that I'd never be invited over again." I quickly nod very enthusiastically. "Yeah, definitely." He's quiet for a few minutes and then he shakes his head, amused smile on his face. "Nope, sorry." Fuck he is. I groan in agony and send him a small look of desperate need.

"I'll let you blow me during dinner,"

He doesn't respond.

"I'll blow you during dinner."

He still doesn't say anything. He just sits down on his white leather sofa and starts flipping through a magazine.

"I'll let you fuck me on the dinner table."

He suddenly stands up; the magazine is thrown on the floor and he smiles at me.

"I'm in."

You have got to be kidding me. I shouldn't have said that. I can't let him fuck me. Not in front of my mother and grandma…and everyone else! But I can't tell him that he can't come now 'cause no matter what I say he's definitely in now.

"But I want to fuck you now too."

"We'll be late to,"

"I don't care. I'll make it quick. Jennifer won't mind, anyway."

He drags me to the bedroom, pulls my shirt off and tears off my pants in, literally, ten seconds and he then proceeds to push me down on his – our – bed. It might as well be mine too after getting fucked in it and sleeping in it for four years. I watch transfixed as he removes his clothes from his body. He's perfect. Nothing has changed since the first night I met him. He's still beautifully tan, well built from going to the gym everyday – he makes it his mission to never miss a day – and he's just, honestly, too perfect for words.

In my eyes anyway.

Even if he does have a tendency to say whatever he possibly can to hurt your feelings. But, he doesn't really mean it. Not really and…he just says it to get you on the right track and to use your common sense, though, I think he was on the wrong track when he had been trying to get rid of me. He needs me and we both know it – even if he won't admit it.

He lowers his body on top of mine, heated flesh meeting heated flesh; his hips grind teasingly against mine and his lips take no time in finding mine and kissing me until I can no longer think straight. His hands touch me everywhere and I'm not even sure where his hands are because in the next moment they'll be in an entirely different place and the sensations he's causing are too much so…I just go with the flow. Enjoy it – like always. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard." Yes, please do.

He reaches over to his trusty nightstand and grabs the lube and a condom. I dream of the day or night…or whatever time when he won't reach over for a rubber. Where it'll just be him. All him. Raw. The very thought of him being inside me with no barriers makes me harder and I'm surprised that I'm not coming on the spot. The thought alone is enough to get me off in a matter of seconds. Just thinking about the feeling, oh god. He better hurry 'cause I'm almost done for. And he knows it.

"Justin – if you come before I even fuck you I'll kill you."

"S-sorry."

I stop thinking about anything having to do with him fucking me raw and, instead, clench the sheets with my hands while listening to him squirt some lube into his hand. His fingers connect with my ass, just applying the lube but he doesn't take the time to finger fuck me. He said he was going to make this quick so we weren't too late for my mothers Thanksgiving dinner. And he meant it. He grabs my legs and wraps them around his waist and I keep them there, moaning as the blunt head of his cock touches my ass.

"What do you want me to do, Justin?"

I thought he was going to make this quick. Bastard.

"F-Fuck me. Now."

I really don't have time for this game he's playing. I start fantasizing about him fucking me raw again knowing that he'll notice that I'm on the brink again.

"Justin!"

"Fuck me, then, dammit!"

He kisses me long and slow, bringing me out of my 'Brian fucking me raw' daze and then pulls back when he's satisfied that I'm with him once again. "What are you thinking about, anyway?" Will he just fuck me already? I only smile, urge my hips forward a little to nudge his cock with my ass as a huge, major hint. He grabs my hands and holds them up above my head and finally urges his cock inside. He doesn't move slowly. He isn't gentle. He's rough, fast and oh so hot.

His head is buried in the crook between my neck and shoulder as he pounds into me. Fucking me for all it's worth. Trying to get us both off as quickly as possible. I squeeze my eyes shut and think about the one thing that'll get me off quicker than quick. A few seconds later I'm coming between our stomachs, clenching hard and tight around his cock as he continues to ram inside of me. Then, seconds later, he's done for and collapsing on top of me.

A few seconds later when we've both regained breath,

"What were you thinking about?"

"None of your business."

"It must've been hot."

"Believe me, it was."

"Then that means I must've been involved. 'Cause I'm very hot."

Then he's dragging me off to the shower.

He manages to somehow talk me into blowing him while we're in the shower. Brian's very persuasive. After four years he knows my every button and he knows exactly how to push them…just the right way so that I'm on my knees in our shower sucking his dick. Bastard. He knows we can't be too late to my mother's house or she'll lecture the both of us. And it won't take her three guesses to figure out why we were late either. She knows Brian – she knows us. She knows.

Brian proceeds to drag me out of the shower afterwards and I somehow get dressed without Brian attacking me onto the bed and fucking me all over again. I guess he really wants to fuck me on the dinner table in front of my entire family. Oh god, this is going to be so embarrassing. There has to be some way to stop him. To stop this embarrassment that's going to happen in a few hours. He wouldn't really do it would he? Oh, yes, he would. And he's going to enjoy every second of it too. Fucking me rough and hard and for as long as he can in front of everyone.

Asshole.

"Ready, Sunshine?"

He has an amused glint in his eyes and I'm aware that I'm not the only one thinking about the events that'll happen at dinner. Unless I can stop them, which isn't likely. At all. I hold back the urge to get on my knees and beg him to not fuck me during dinner but…I know it'll never work. His mind is already dead set on fucking me there. Nothing's going to stop him. I sigh, heavily, and grab his hand in mine. "Ready as I ever will be, I guess." He grins at me, eyebrow raised.

"You were so excited about this earlier."

"That was before I knew I was going to make my entire family hate me."

He kisses me affectionately on the mouth for a few seconds.

"It's easy to get used to."

&&&

"Brian! You came."

I expect Brian to say something along the lines of, "Yeah, Justin came earlier too," but, surprisingly, he doesn't. He gives my mother the most polite smile I have ever seen on his face before. In my life. "Thanks for inviting me." And he even sounds polite. I'm going to have a heart-attack. But…I know what he's doing. He's being polite now so he can have an excuse to unleash all his real personality on me when he's throwing me on the dinner table.

"I'm glad you could come. Justin was hoping you would."

I roll my eyes and lead Brian into the house before my mom can give him the whole story of how much I wanted him to come. I nearly hurt her I hugged my mother so hard when she told me to go ahead and invite him. Brian doesn't need to know that. He'd probably just use it, later, to embarrass me or something. "Eager to get me alone, Sunshine?"

"No, just away from my mother."

"That's not very nice. She invited me."

"No, I invited you. She just gave me permission."

I drag him into the kitchen where, surprisingly and disappointedly, my worst nightmare is standing. What the fuck is he doing here? I stop, practically freeze, fingers entwined with Brian's. Craig and I have sort of a stare down and I end up looking away first to look up at Brian to make sure that I'm not hallucinating. By the look on my lover's face, I'm not. He looks tense all of the sudden and his hand tightens around mine. Mentally cursing, I look back over at my father who's standing next to my grandmother who immediately smiles at me.

"Sweetie, long time no see…"

She walks towards me and kisses me on the cheek – all the while I'm still horribly and dreadfully confused. Angry too. How come Jennifer hadn't told me he was going to be here? She would've had to have known – he wouldn't just show up. I swallow back angry words and smile a tense smile at my grandmother. "Hey, grama…how are you?" She doesn't answer my question. Instead, "Now, who's this nice young man?" I smile over at Brian, trying to ignore the fact that my father's here. But, then again, I could totally score in this by pissing him off.

"This is Brian Kinney – my boyfriend."

She smiles at the two of us. My father's face is red – he's so angry. I'm glad.

"He's a fine looking young man."

I grin over at Brian who looks, obviously, happy about "young" being thrown into his description. I tell her 'thanks' and she walks through the door that leads into the living room. Before the door swings shut I see Molly sitting inside watching TV. My grandfather follows my grama out, "Wait up, Sharon…" and he's out. Now it's just me, Brian and my "father." He crosses his arms over his chest, glaring angrily and disgustedly at me. Where's my mom? Probably hiding because she knows I'm probably as pissed as hell right now.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

I squeeze my hand tighter around Brian's.

"Spending time with my child."

He obviously means Molly. He no longer considers me part of his family. He disowned me as soon as he found out I was a fag. Bastard. But I don't care anymore – I don't need a father. All I really need is my mother and Brian – that's all. Brian makes my life complete. I swallow, wondering if I should hold back on trying to beat the shit out of the man standing in front of me.

"I'm sure she's happy to see you."

We both know she isn't.

She's hated him since he shunned me.

He frowns, looking like he wants to beat the shit out of me.

"What are you doing here, Justin?"

"This is my family too."

"Not as far as I'm concerned."

"Good thing I've never given a flying fuck about what you thought. And you're the one who shouldn't be here. You and mom are divorced – you could have seen Molly some other day – some other day when I'm not here."

"If it was my choice, you wouldn't be on the face of the earth."

Suddenly Brian's stepping forward, fist clenched and, usually, I'd try and stop him from punching my father just because I don't want to ruin the holiday for everyone but, right now, I'm fucking pissed. And I want my father to be fucking hurt. I want him to get fucking punched. And then he punches him, my father crying out in anger, cursing and glaring at Brian.

"If it was my choice, I'd fucking kill you right now. So – get the fuck out of here before I beat the living shit out of you."

Suddenly Jennifer's in the kitchen and Craig's rushing out. A moment later we hear the door slam shut and the engine of a car start. I'm not sure how I missed Craig's car in the driveway. I should have seen it. The three of us are silent for a moment and then I glare at my mom. What the fuck is her fucking problem anyway? I face her, swallowing back harsh words. I don't swallow enough.

"What the fuck were you thinking? Inviting him over? When you knew Brian and I were going to be here? Are you out of your fucking mind? Are you trying to make this a fucking horrible Thanksgiving?"

She looks stressed. Her eyes are wet but she doesn't cry.

"Justin, I'm sorry, but he wanted to see M-"

I throw my hands up in the air.

"You know what? I don't want to hear your fucking excuses right now. All I want to do right now is go to the bathroom and calm myself down."

Tears welling up in my eyes from anger, not sadness, I storm off upstairs and lock myself in the bathroom. I know Brian will probably be up in a few minutes. I'm wrong – he's knocking on the door and demanding I let him in, in less than five seconds. I smile slightly, feeling better already, and quickly unlock the door. It swings open, almost hitting me in the face, and the brunet is barreling inside, arms wrapping around me and his lips descending on mine. He pulls back once we both need air, his body pressing me against the bathroom sink, me practically sitting on it and him standing in between my legs.

"Not very nice to your mother."

"I was, am, just angry."

"Never would've guessed."

"I can't believe he was here."

I rest my forehead on his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him tighter against me seeking the comfort that I know he'll give me. That he always does give me, even if he doesn't know it. He kisses me lightly on the cheek. "He's gone now." I pull away from him, smiling slightly. "I can't believe you punched him." He doesn't say anything for a moment, then, "I couldn't help myself. He's a bastard. I was waiting for you to do it."

"I wanted to."

"I know – By the way, I'd kill him before he killed you off the face of the earth."

"Of course you would – If I was gone – who'd you fuck every night?"

He doesn't say anything back; he only kisses me long and slow until I can't breathe anymore, pushing me harder against the bathroom sink. It kind of hurts. He pulls back, our lips are swollen and we're both breathless. He pulls me away from the sink, his hand wrapping firmly around mind again.

"Let's get back downstairs. We don't your mom to get suspicious."

"Yeah, even though you're going to fuck me right in front of her."

He only grins.

&&&

We're all gathered around the table.

I'm sitting next to Brian and my heart's starting to pound. I'm waiting for the moment where Brian will stand up, pull me up to my feet, shove me on the table scattering everyone's plates and forks and glasses across the table and onto the floor and then he'll be fucking me, mercilessly and rough. In front of everyone. But it doesn't come.

The food comes out and we begin eating.

It still doesn't come.

He's polite the entire dinner – not saying anything…bad.

Then dessert comes – nada. Nothing. Zilch.

After we're done eating, we go into the living room just to sit and talk. Sharon, my grandmother, asks a lot about Brian and me. I answer all the questions. Brian doesn't even correct me when I say we've been a couple for years. I'm still waiting for him to climb on top of me and begin fucking me. He doesn't do it though. We talk forever. It's midnight now and I'm dead tired. I could fall asleep right here if I just rested my head on Brian's shoulder and closed my eyes. I stand up, stretching my arms above my head, and yawn.

I even hug my mom, apologize for earlier.

"I love you."

"I love you too, mom."

When we're in the jeep, "So, what happened to you fucking me?" He smiles over at me, starts the jeep and heads back to the loft. "Well? Are you going to answer me?" He shrugs and then, "I couldn't get horny with your grandparents there. They're old. Gross." Bull shit. He's such a liar. But I won't pry the right, truthful answer out of him. I just smile and the rest of the ride to his loft is made in silence.

When we're inside he grabs my hand and leads me to the bedroom.

"Mind if I fuck you now?"

"It's one in the morning…"

"Are you whining, Blondie?"

I smile slightly and nod as he lays me down on the bed, slowly pulling off my articles of clothing, one by one. He shakes his head, pressing his mouth against my forehead for a few split seconds.

"I want you."

I smile tiredly.

"I know."

He smirks, shaking his head again.

"I want you now. I want to fuck you. Now."

I shake my head and sigh as he pulls one show off and then the other. My socks are pulled off next and then my pants. Now, I'm completely naked and, still, dead tired. He leans over me, kissing me slow and tenderly on my mouth, tongue darting into my mouth dueling with mine, pressing against the roof of my mouth – languid changing to frantic. Instead of just kissing – lips and tongues making love – fucking. He pulls away, hand trailing down my body until his fingers are wrapped around my awakening cock. The one part of me that is awake.

He smiles down at me.

"It looks like something is awake."

"Stop, Bri…"

My hips arch off the bed as his hand moves fast up and down my shaft. He teases the head of my cock, his hands moving expertly along my turgid member. He smiles, knowing that he's probably going to be the winner of all of this. I groan out of pleasure and frustration. I reach down and quickly push his hand away.

"I'll let you get off on one condition."

He immediately perks up.

"What's that, Sunshine?"

"You let me fuck you."

&&&

He's silent.

I know I've probably crossed the line.

He won't let me fuck him. He rarely does.

"Fine."

I'm kind of shocked. I figured he'd say 'no' and that'd be the end of it. He'd lay next to me, horny, and go to sleep and in the morning I'd let him fuck my brains out. I raise an eyebrow, sitting halfway up with my weight on my elbows.

"Really?"

He nods, slowly – hesitantly.

"Yes, really. I never say things I don't mean."

I'm sure I can find something that he's said that he hasn't meant but I'm not about to point that out 'cause I know he'd never say I could fuck him and not actually mean it. I smile a small smile and realize that this is going to be the best Thanksgiving ever despite the fact that I had a depressing run in with my father. I reach out and gently grip the back of his head and bring his lips against mine showing him how grateful I am for this.

When I pull away I begin stripping him of his own clothing.

Once he's naked I lay him down so that he's on his back and I grab a condom and his handy bottle of lube off the nightstand, butterflies rising in my stomach. Every time he gives me the chance to actually be inside of him I get nervous. Nervous in such a sweet, great, good, beautiful way. I slide the condom on my cock and lube his hole and my condom as well. He's not used to be on this end of things. I want to do my best to make this as painless as possible. I wrap his legs around my waist, press my lips against his chest and shove forward.

He, surprisingly, engulfs me in one stroke.

It feels so fucking beautiful – wonderful – hot.

I love this perfect man more than life itself.

I don't move immediately – I'm too busy reveling in the sensation of being inside him for the first time in a long while. I need to savor the moment. After all, it's not very often that Brian bottoms. And he knows that I know this.

"Hurry up, Justin."

I smile slightly, "Sorry."

"Fuck you are."

He moves his hips off the bed for further emphasis to get me to speed up the process and I oblige. I make sure that I don't think about anything that'll make this 'me fucking Brian' thing not last as long, which definitely means that I can't think about him fucking me raw – or the other way around. I only concentrate on moving in and out of him – slow. I know it's probably pissing him off, me going so slow 'cause I know he'd probably rather me go fast – rough but that's too bad.

'Cause I know that he's enjoying this.

He may try and hide it – the look on his face is a dead giveaway.

To me anyway. I know what to look for.

His legs are tight around my waist, his fingers thread through my hair, tugging it, pulling it – gripping it. His mouth is open in a silent moan and I take advantage of it, lowering my own head as I shove forward and I press my mouth against his, sliding my tongue inside, holding his face in my hands. I yank away and slow down – purposely – to drag it out, angling myself so I'm dragging my cock across his prostate. I know when we're through and we've both regained our breaths, he's going to kill me. And I don't care.

We both know he's enjoying this.

His back arches, his legs tighten and his breath hisses, "Juustin." There's a warning in his voice but below the warning there's ecstasy that my ears have learned to hear after ignoring his fake façade of…warningness. His eyes are open – I love his eyes when we're having sex. I love his eyes when I'm the one on top. They're all dilated, intense, dark – horny. Wanting. Because he wants me. He slaps my ass and tells me to get a move on and I agree, but just because I have the extreme need to get off by now as well.

Soon we're a rocking blur, me fucking him for all it's worth.

He even moans out loud, which means I've really gotten him into a daze. And when he actually moans my name, well, it makes me come. And extremely happy.

Brian moaned my name.

I slip out of him, throw the condom to the floor even though I know he'll yell at me later 'cause I don't pick it up.

I keep my arms wrapped sturdily around his sweaty body and match my breath with his and we both gain our breathing back together. He rolls over me, trapping me under his larger form, his forehead rests against mine and his lips hover only mere centimeters away from mine and I hope, pray, that he'll kiss me.

I'll never get enough of Brian Kinney.

I'll need him everyday for the rest of my life.

I'll never get my fill – he'll never get boring.

His lips brush across mine as if he reads my mind but they quickly disappear and so does he. He gets off the bed, tells me to get my ass up and shower so he can fuck me there and I quickly get up off the bed and follow like the good partner I am.

Because we both know that we're partners.

No matter how much he lies.

&&&

The shower had been hot.

But…it always is hot.

I hadn't lasted long, mostly because I let my thoughts run away with me again. Brian, this time, didn't seem to care that I only lasted a few minutes – like a fucking virgin – this time he just nagged me about what I had been thinking about. He was more curious than anything, really.

I curl up next to him on the couch.

I know he hates it when I cuddle against him.

Well, I know he pretends to hate it.

"What do you think about?"

I smile, nuzzling my nose against his neck; breathe in his newly cleansed scent.

"I think about a lot of things."

"You know what I mean."

"I'm afraid, Mr. Kinney, that I don't know what you mean."

He looks at me with the 'You're so full of shit' eyes and I only grin, which I know will get him even more curious and, maybe, even slightly irritated. He wants to know so badly. He wants to know what I fantasized about that gets me so fucking hot. It makes me smile, how much he wants to know when he usually acts like he doesn't give a fuck about what I think. Most of the time anyway. He pushes me away so that I'm no longer cuddling against him and I know he won't let me go back to the comfortable position until I tell him what I think about.

"Yes, you do."

I raise an eyebrow at him, "Why does it matter?"

"It matters because I want to know."

"Hmm – well, that's just too bad."

He rolls his eyes and mutters something about me being extremely unfair and immature. I snort and get up off the couch, grab a glass of sweet tea and then sit back down next to him. He's reading a magazine. Well, he's looking – not reading. I know that he's just waiting, waiting until I spill. I grin over at him around the straw that's in my mouth.

"You're so cute when you're curious."

"Take that back."

I shake my head, "I don't think so."

He glares at me for a split second before returning to his looking of the magazine. I continue to stare at him until he looks back at me with a look of 'I'm going to kill you if you don't tell me' on his face.

"Why are you staring?"

I shrug, "I like staring at you."

"How 'bout you like telling me what hot, sexy thoughts you think about me all the time. Maybe we could try out whatever it is your fantasizing about."

Yeah, I wish.

"There's no way in hell we could."

"It's that kinky? Wow, Sunshine."

"Not kinky per say. More like…dangerous."

"Hey, I love dangerous."

I shake my head. If only he knew.

"You don't like this kind of dangerous."

"Will you just fucking tell me?"

"Nope, I won't actually."

&&&

He doesn't ask me again.

Not until after we've both fucked again a few minutes later and we're lying in bed. I'm even more tired now and all I want to do is sleep. Sleep forever. This has been the longest Thanksgiving ever. Good, yes, but long. Oh so long.

Brian pulls my back against his chest and he keeps his arm locked across my body, his head resting just behind mine and his breath causing my hair to move along with his breath. I close my eyes and listen to his steady breathing behind me expecting him to fall asleep just as quickly as I'm about to. Except, he doesn't plan on sleeping, not yet anyway.

"Tell me or no sleep for you."

"If I get no sleep you get no ass. How 'bout that one?"

"I can get anyone's ass, Sunshine, remember that."

And he knows how I feel about him going out and picking up tricks. I heavily sigh and turn around so that I'm now facing him, our noses almost touching.

"Fine – I'll tell you."

"Thank fucking God."

"But, it's really not a big deal…"

"I'm waiting, Fantasy Boy."

"I think about us…fucking. Raw."

I realize that my voice isn't really loud. I realize that I don't want him to hear. I don't want him to hear because I don't want him to get mad at me. We never really discuss him fucking me without a condom because I know he'd never do it so I never bring it up. It's definitely out of the question. He'd never agree to it. Ever. Not ever in his life. If he did I'd probably die of a stroke before he'd have the chance. I close my eyes so I don't have to look at him. Especially if he ends up being angry at the very thought of it.

And, plus, I'm kind of embarrassed.

Suddenly I feel his lips moving softly against mine and I automatically part my lips for his waiting tongue and we make out, leisurely and I guess, hope, that we're not going to talk about anything I just said. But, I don't get my hope granted. He pulls away and I open my eyes and meet his 'cause I know I don't really have any other choice. His fingers play with my hair for a moment, his other arm wrapped securely around my waist, which always makes me feel good but, right now, I'm nervous as hell. I only want him to drop the entire subject and forget I ever said anything at all. He kisses me quickly on the mouth again.

"Someday, Sunshine."

My anxiety slips away and is replaced with relief.

'Someday' is a better answer than I ever expected.

'Someday'…could be any day. Soon, even. And I'm willing to wait for that day.

&&&

Author's Note: The lyrics are "Suspension" by Mae. How is it, so far?