Disclaimer: The Doctor and all his companions are the property of the BBC and Russell T. Davies. They are not mine, nor will they ever be.
Spoilers: minor mentions of various Season One episodes.
A/N: set between 'Boom Town' and 'Bad Wolf'
The Doors of the Mind
Part One
The dreams had started again. He could tell just by looking. The skin was too pale, the bags under the eyes too pronounced. The smile was too brittle, the laugh too forced. All the signs of man who was afraid to sleep – afraid of what he would see when he closed his eyes.
Jack could feel the Doctor watching him and he tried to ignore it, forcing a laugh at yet another one of Rose's stupid twenty-first century jokes. But he could still sense the Doctor's eyes on him, and he knew that it wouldn't be long until the other man said something. The Doctor knew, and Jack knew that he knew. And the Doctor knew that Jack knew that he knew. And sooner or later the Doctor would say something, trying to help, but in fact only making Jack feel more helpless.
Because there was nothing to be done. Every night he hoped that, just for once, he would be left alone to sleep in peace. But every night his hopes were dashed, and he once more found himself in a place that he didn't understand and that he couldn't control.
Suddenly, Jack became aware that Rose had stopped talking and was looking at him strangely. She'd obviously finished a joke, and he'd forgotten to laugh. Well, it was too late now.
"Jack, are you alright?"
"No, he's not." The Doctor had walked over to them without Jack noticing, and the Captain was suddenly worried that the Time Lord might say something unfortunate. "He's not been sleeping properly, that's all. Don't worry."
Relieved, Jack hastened to agree. The last thing he needed was Rose thinking he was a head-case or something. "I'm fine, Rose. Like the Doctor said. I just spaced out for a minute, that's all. Come on, tell me your joke again. I promise to listen this time."
And so it continued. The Doctor watching, and Jack feigning ignorance. But he knew it couldn't last.
"So, what are they about?"
Knowing that it would fail, Jack tried nonetheless to play the innocent. "Rose's jokes? Search me. There's a lot of knocking in them, and often doctors, funnily enough. Can't imagine why she thought those ones would be appropriate."
Silence. Evidently, Jack was not fooling anyone. He gave in.
"I don't know, okay. They're completely meaningless."
"And yet disturbing." The way the Doctor said it, it was almost like he'd experienced the dreams for himself.
"Alright, yes. But I don't know why."
"Why don't you tell me exactly what happens?"
Jack sighed. He really didn't want to get into this. Looking stupid and pathetic in front of the Doctor was not high on his 'to do' list for the day. But the expression on the Time Lord's face told him that there was no getting out of this one – the Doctor was going to try and help whether Jack wanted him to or not.
"Well…" he began reluctantly, "it all starts out really dark. Like, so dark I can't even see my hand in front of my face. But then it starts to get brighter in front of me, so I walk towards the light. It's like the light holds some kind of truth or something. And I need is to go into it to find out what that truth is." He shrugged. "Either that, or someone's trying to tell me very unsubtlely that I'm about to die, and that whole 'walking into the light' cliché isn't such a cliché after all."
Silence again. Obviously flip remarks weren't going to get him off the hook either. "So, anyway," he continued uncomfortably, "I'm walking into the light when all of a sudden a new patch of darkness appears right in the middle of it. The darkness gets bigger really quickly, like it's rushing at me, trying to get me. Then I'm completely surrounded by it again, but this time it's like a physical presence. I can feel it suffocating me, crushing me…and then I wake up."
Hesitantly, Jack looked at the Doctor. He was definitely feeling pretty pathetic and stupid right about now, and figured that he was about to be on the receiving end of a withering look and a whole heap of sarcastic comments about how he should grow up and stop being afraid of the dark. Instead, however, the Doctor looked thoughtful, and more than a little sympathetic.
"Everyone has some darkness in their soul, Jack," the Time Lord said softly. "You more than most, I think. Not everyone has to deal with losing two years of their memories, and not having a clue why."
Jack grimaced. "It always comes back to that," he muttered. "The Time Agency only took two years of my life away, so while does it feel like they're slowly taking the rest of it too?"
"Closure," said the Doctor simply. "They took your memories to protect themselves, and probably you too, but by trying to prevent you from remembering what happened, they've only made you more desperate to find out the truth. And yet every time you do try, something blocks you, stops you from getting too close to the facts."
"So what you're saying is that I'm never going to have a decent night's sleep again unless I find out what my former employers are hiding from me?"
"I don't know about never having a good night's sleep again, but you certainly won't rest easy. You're a straightforward, decent guy, Jack. Secrets and lies don't sit well with you. To be honest, I could never understand why you became a Time Agent. That line of work is deceitful by its very nature…I should know."
Jack looked at the Doctor. As usual, the Time Lord's face was a mask, and the Captain could detect nothing of the emotions underneath. Who knew what lies this 900-year-old man had had to tell during his life, and what secrets he still kept? Uneasily, Jack wondered if he would ever really know the person standing in front of him. Then he decided it didn't matter. The Doctor was a good person – even if there were facets of himself he kept hidden – and Jack trusted him.
"You're right, Doctor. I do need to know. I've always needed to know. I've just never really known what to do about it. But now that you're here, we can just travel to some point in those two years, and find out what I was doing."
"No." The word was spoken flatly, and brooked no argument. Nevertheless, Jack tried.
"Why not? Hop in and hop out. We'd hardly need to be there any time at all."
"No, Jack. I don't take people into their pasts," said the Doctor. "Well, I did once," he amended. "Rose asked me, and I couldn't say no. But I learned my lesson there. It's not a safe course of action. Can you honestly say you'd just 'hop in and hop out'? You know you wouldn't, Jack. Once you found out what was going on, you'd want to change it. You'd want to prevent your memories from ever having been taken. And that sort of thing never ends well. Meddling in your own timeline is dangerous. Your life would be at stake. All our lives would be at stake."
"But I'd be careful," Jack protested. "Nothing like that would happen. I promise."
"No."
Jack grew angry. "You say you want to help me, but you won't do the one thing that would actually be helpful! What use is all your psychoanalysis to me if you won't follow through with anything practical? What's the point, Doctor? Why even bother?"
"I want to help you, Jack. I do." And Jack was startled to hear the note of pleading in the Doctor's voice, begging him not to be angry, not to turn away. "But I can't do what you ask. It's too dangerous. Please, trust me."
Jack sighed, his anger dissipating as quickly as it had appeared. "I do trust you, Doctor," he said wearily. "It's just frustrating. As far as I can see, there's no way I can get my memories back."
Jack's eyes opened, and for a few seconds his gaze darted frantically around the room, trying to find a glimmer of light, trying to escape the darkness that was waiting for him back in his dreams. But as he adjusted he soon recognised the soft glow emanating from the ceiling of his room – an anomaly he had never been able to explain, and one that at the moment he found quite comforting – and the gentle humming pulse of the TARDIS as it floated steadily through time and space. He felt his breathing slow and his heartbeat calm, and soon he was on the inevitable slide back into sleep.
However, right on the cusp, in that place where a person is neither asleep nor awake, something stopped him from dropping back into his slumber, and in that moment he identified the presence of someone else in the room. All thoughts of sleep fled, and he sat up.
"What are you doing here?"
There was a movement in the shadows – a mere shifting of black on black – as if the person sitting there was annoyed to have been discovered. But the voice, when it spoke, betrayed no hint of emotion.
"Checking that you're okay."
Jack wanted to be angry. He resented being checked up on as if he was a small child unable to take care of himself. But he was too tired – tired of sleepless nights, tired of being afraid, tired of trying to hide – to argue.
"Well, I'm fine," he announced. "I appreciate your concern, Doctor. I really do. But I really am okay, so you can leave me alone and go back to bed, or whatever it is you do while Rose and I are asleep."
"I have an idea." Now the Doctor's voice sounded reluctant, as if he had though long and hard about what he was about to say, and still wasn't sure that it was the right course of action, even now. He appeared not to have heard Jack's previous statement.
"Well, what is it?" asked Jack impatiently, when no further details were forthcoming.
"We break into the Time Agency."
There was a stunned silence. Jack couldn't think of a single thing to say that wouldn't sound completely inane and stupid. Did the Doctor realise what he had just suggested? No one had ever broken into the Time Agency. The security there was so tight that not even a Tula nanogene could get in without the Agency knowing about it.
"I know what you're thinking," continued the Doctor. "That it can't be done. I'm not saying that it won't require some thought, and a great deal of ingenuity and cleverness." And even under the uncertainty, Jack thought he could still detect a hint of smugness in the Doctor's voice that proclaimed that the Time Lord thought – no, knew – he possessed that cleverness. "But it's the only plan I can come up with. I said I wanted to help you, Jack, and I meant that. More than you know. So we'll go to the Time Agency shortly after you've left it for good, and examine their records to find out what happened, or maybe even use some of their technology to reverse your memory wipe. We know you won't be there, so there's no danger of you running into yourself, and by that point whatever happened to you will have already occurred, so there won't be any opportunities for misguided attempts to change your timeline. It's not an ideal situation, but it's the most I can do for you."
Jack could feel himself gaping. Never in his wildest dreams would he have the audacity to even consider such a plan, never mind carry it out. And yet, as always, he found himself trusting the Doctor and believing they could pull this off.
Apparently, the Doctor had also made his decision. The shadow in the corner moved suddenly as the Time Lord jumped up. "Well, I'll leave you to your beauty sleep," he said. "There's lots to think about and lots to do if we're going to attempt this. So I'll go and get on with 'whatever it is I do while you and Rose are asleep', and you can have forty more winks. And Jack," he added, suddenly serious again, "don't dream."
As he wandered into the control room, Jack yawned and stretched, and wondered if he'd only dreamt the previous night's episode. One thing was for sure, if he had dreamt it all it was the only other dream he'd had for the rest of the night. His mind had apparently taken the Doctor's instruction of 'don't dream' pretty seriously. Jack couldn't remember the last time he'd had such a good night's – or half a night, at least – sleep.
"Morning, sleepyhead!" Rose was lounging on the bench next to the central console, clutching a mug of coffee and smiling at him in that slightly sympathetic way that made Jack suspect that the Doctor had already told her everything that was going on. Then he decided he was being way too suspicious, and that Rose's sympathy was probably directed more at his horrendous 'first thing in the morning' appearance rather than his state of mind.
"What time is it?" he asked, still yawning and looking longingly at Rose's caffeine-laden beverage.
"It's eleven-fifteen," said the Doctor, popping up suddenly from behind the console and making Jack jump. "Very nearly that time when the phrase 'morning, sleepyhead' could be considered to be incorrect. Still, why interrupt a decent night's sleep if you don't have to, that's what I always say!"
Rose snorted, nearly spilling her coffee. Actually, the Doctor was famous for moaning at both her and Jack if they appeared any later than nine o'clock in the morning. Which meant that they both experienced a lot of moaning most days of the week.
Ignoring Rose, who was rapidly dissolving into a fit of giggles at Time Lord's blatant untruth, the Doctor turned to Jack. " So, how are you this morning, Jack?" he asked airily.
"I'm fine, thanks," replied Jack, suddenly wondering again exactly how much Rose knew of what was going on.
Rose, however, soon enlightened him. "Glad to hear it," she said briskly. "I wouldn't want you in anything but tip-top shape for our little escapade." She sounded so uncannily like the Doctor that Jack couldn't help but laugh, and from Rose's answering giggle and the Doctor's frown, he deduced that an impression of the Time Lord was exactly what she had been aiming for.
"When you two have quite finished," interrupted the Doctor loftily, "we have some serious planning to do, if you don't mind."
"So, what exactly is the plan, Doctor?" enquired Jack. He had been wondering about this ever since he'd woken up.
"Ah, well, the details are a little sketchy at this point," replied the Doctor evasively. "I can get us into the Time Agency…"
"How?" interrupted Rose. "I mean, from what Jack's said, that place is locked up pretty tight."
Looking partially annoyed at having been interrupted, and partially pleased to have a chance to demonstrate his amazing cleverness, the Doctor explained. ""We get in using the TARDIS," he said. "It will materialise inside the Time Agency, but I can engineer it so that it won't fully 'be there', as it were. It'll be hovering right on the cusp of that time period, but it won't absolutely be a part of it. We'll be able to leave and enter the TARDIS, but the Time Agency won't be able to detect it. The only problem is that, once we step outside, we will be fully detectable by the Agency's devices."
"Don't worry about that," said Jack. "I know everything there is to know about Agency internal security, plus some extra things besides. I'll be able to get us where we need to go."
"And where is that, exactly?" Rose was having trouble following all the 'time-travel technology' stuff, so she stuck to the parts of the plan she could understand.
"The archive," replied Jack quickly. "It's where they keep all the records of Agency missions. Even the really top-secret ones will be recorded there. Although we might have a bit of trouble accessing those files."
"Not a problem," said the Doctor, waving his sonic screwdriver.
"Well, it sounds like you two have got it all figured out," said Rose. "Although I must say, reading a few files doesn't sound very exciting."
Jack and the Doctor looked at each other across the console. Neither of them had thought it was a good idea to tell Rose about the other possible aspect of their plan – finding Agency technology capable of actually restoring Jack's memory. Both of them were aware of how dangerous such a course of action could be. One wrong move, and Jack's entire memory could be permanently wiped.
Rose hadn't noticed the shared look between the two men. She was too preoccupied with a coffee stain she had suddenly noticed on her top – a product of her earlier giggling fit. "Damn," she muttered. "Now I'll have to go and change – I can't have any sexy Time Agents seeing me in dirty clothes."
"Er, Rose, hopefully we won't be seeing any Time Agents, full-stop," pointed out Jack.
"Whatever," replied Rose, already halfway out the door. "I still need to look my best. And don't worry, Jack – I'll bring you back a cup of coffee."
Jack debated following after her. He strongly doubted that she would remember to bring him back any sort of coffee, let alone the fresh-brewed Colombian Roast with two sugars that he preferred. However, his pleasant sense of early morning lethargy, left over from his good night's sleep, meant that he couldn't quite summon up the energy to walk all the way to the kitchen and mess around with coffee-makers and cups.
So instead he settled himself on the bench Rose had just vacated, and watched the Doctor as he bustled around the console, making sure that everything was in top-notch condition in preparation for their little adventure. Watching the Doctor at work had always made him relax, strangely. Maybe it was the sense of confidence he gained from watching a man who so obviously knew what he was doing. Or maybe it was just that watching someone else work meant he wasn't doing any work himself. Either way, Captain found it a very easy way to unwind.
It also allowed him to think and mull things over, this calm moment in the midst of his usually frenetic lifestyle. Almost without realising it, he let his thoughts drift back again to his and the Doctor's conversation the previous night. There was one part of it, one moment, that he hadn't allowed himself to think about too deeply yet. One thing that the Doctor had said, one thing that could mean nothing, but which Jack was certain did mean something.
"I said I wanted to help you, Jack, and I meant that. More than you know."
'More than you know.' What did that mean? Was it the Doctor's everlasting sense of guilt surfacing again? The sense of guilt he carried around because he was the last of his people, the one and only remaining Time Lord? Was the Doctor desperate to help someone – anyone – just so he could try and ease that burden?
Or did the Doctor really want to help him, Jack? Was he so desperate to help because he needed Jack to be safe and well? Because he needed Jack in his life? Needed him in a way that was more than it appeared on the surface?
Jack didn't know what to make of these ideas. Sure, he'd thought about seducing the Doctor. But only in his fantasies, since the Time Lord had made it abundantly clear that he was not available to be seduced in real life. But Jack had never thought seriously about a proper relationship with the Doctor, partly because of that very obvious unavailability, and partly because the idea made his head spin, even if it was in a way that was not entirely unpleasant.
But now he wondered. Had the Doctor made himself unavailable because seduction was not enough for him? Was it all or nothing for him? Was it…
"Earth to Jack. Calling Jack!"
Jack started out of his reverie to find the object of his thoughts standing in front of him, looking faintly concerned.
"What?" he said snappily, annoyed at having been caught out.
Instantly, the concerned look on the Doctor's face disappeared, to be replaced by one of amused exasperation. "If you're not too devastated by the non-appearance of your coffee, do you think you could come and help me for a minute?"
Sighing inwardly, Jack rose to help the Doctor. For a second he'd been afraid that the Time Lord had read his mind and was about to confront him about his stupid theories, a reaction that had resulted in him replying rather more tersely than he'd intended. But of course that was ridiculous. The Doctor had some interesting abilities, but he wasn't psychic.
But, hurrying over to the console, Jack failed to notice the thoughtful, and slightly apprehensive, look the Doctor was sending after him.
Rose and the Doctor stood in the open doorway of the TARDIS and watched as, two metres away across a courtyard, Jack stood completely still in the shadows beneath, and a little to the right of, a security camera. According to the former Time Agent, this was the only spot in the entire Time Agency that wasn't covered by any camera – a secret he had discovered back in his days at the Agency, and one that he was counting on being still undiscovered by the rest of the Time Agents. When Jack had told them about his little secret, the Doctor had rolled his eyes and wondered loudly what other discoveries Jack had been wasting his time on instead of keeping his mind on the job. But Rose could tell that the Time Lord was secretly impressed – both of them had been wondering more than a little how they were going to walk through the Time Agency unseen once they left the safety of the TARDIS.
Now, they held their breath as Jack slowly stepped away from the wall, and stood in the direct line of sight of the camera he had been hiding beneath. Sixty seconds earlier, he had placed a small device on to the underside of the camera – a device that was designed to record what the camera saw for one minute, and then play it back on a continuous loop. That way, anyone watching the feedback screen in the security office would see what the camera was apparently seeing – an empty courtyard.
When Rose had questioned how he had managed to leave the Time Agency with such a device on his person without getting caught, Jack had explained that, as he had never formally resigned from the Agency, when he left it for the final time everyone assumed that he was simply going on his next mission, and therefore they hadn't confiscated any of the equipment he was carrying. Of course, when he then hadn't returned, he had been officially deemed a liability and a criminal. If the Time Agency ever got their hands on him again, it was pretty much certain that he would be looking at the inside of a jail cell for the rest of his life.
Tension reigned for a few more seconds, and then Jack turned towards the pair standing inside the TARDIS and grinned, giving them the thumbs up signal. Secretly relieved, the Doctor stepped out in front of the camera, followed cautiously by Rose.
"Now what do we do?" Rose was pleased that Jack's plan had worked, as far as it went, but she couldn't help but feel that they hadn't made much progress. They might as well have been still inside the TARDIS, which would definitely have felt safer.
"Now I follow the trajectory of this camera's line of sight until I'm standing under the next camera, and repeat the process all over again," explained Jack in a whisper.
"But that'll take forever! We're not going to get very far very fast if we have to disable every camera we come across! And besides, why can't the Doctor just use his sonic screwdriver to disable the cameras?"
"Well, for a start, shorting out the cameras with the sonic screwdriver will immediately alert anyone watching the feedback. Screens going dark suddenly tend to indicate that something fishy is going on. And secondly, we only have take out enough cameras to get us to the security office. Once there I can disable the guards and reset the whole security system. Then we can go anywhere we please. So, just relax. Everything is going according to plan."
"And might I ask how many cameras there are between us and the security office?"
"Eight. Which is lucky, because I only have ten of my little devices, and I think one of them might be broken anyway. That leaves me with a margin of one for error."
The Doctor sighed and rolled his eyes again. "Just make sure you don't make any errors, then," he said, a little sharply.
A frown flickered across Jack's face and then vanished. The Doctor's tetchiness was probably down to nerves, he told himself. Jack himself was extremely tense, and he strongly suspected that the Time Lord was too, despite the calm and self-assured aura he was currently projecting.
Trying not to think any more about the Doctor, Jack moved slowly across the courtyard towards the next camera.
"Okay, you can come in now."
Relieved, Rose entered the security office. She had felt very vulnerable standing all alone in the corridor, but Jack and the Doctor had absolutely refused to let her into the office until they had dealt with anyone who might be in there. Rose thought that was a bit rich considering that she had seen her fair share of violence and danger while travelling with the Doctor. She had, after all, nearly been fried by the sun, attacked by the undead, chased by Slitheen, crossed paths with a Dalek, and been stalked by a child with a gas mask for a face. Taking out a couple of security officers didn't seem like it would be so bad after all that. But Jack and the Doctor had been firm, and as soon as she entered the office Rose could see why.
She was shocked. She had been picturing a couple of knocked out guards, possibly bound and gagged, sitting in a corner. Instead, she was confronted by a scene of carnage. At least fifteen agents were scattered around the room in varying states of consciousness, and all of them looked like they'd had an extremely rough time of it. One or two of them even looked like they might be…dead. Rose swallowed. She knew Jack was pretty much a 'punch first, ask questions later' kind of guy, but she had never suspected that the Doctor was capable of such aggression. He was the kind of person who much preferred to talk his way out of a situation rather than use his fists.
The Doctor spotted Rose's horrified look straight away, and hastened to reassure her. "It's not as bad as it looks," he said. "Most of the damage was done by Jack's dispersal laser. Doesn't do any permanent damage, but puts you out of action for quite some time. Most of this lot only look the way they do because they happened to hit a table or the wall on their way down to the floor. They'll be fine."
Somewhat reassured, Rose looked around for Jack. Spotting the former Time Agent over at a console by the far wall, she walked over to him, trying not to tread on any of the unconscious guards in the process. The Doctor followed her, but as they reached the Captain, he abruptly straightened up from the console with a pleased exclamation.
"Got it! I've patched the last of my little devices directly into the security system. It's now recording what all the cameras in the Agency are seeing in preparation for continuous playback. In about thirty seconds we'll be able to go anywhere we want without running the risk of anyone seeing us. Unless we come face-to-face with them, of course."
"Then we'll just have to keep our eyes peeled for anyone else lurking in the corridors, won't we?" said the Doctor cheerfully. Turning to Jack, he continued: "I'm assuming that since you knew where the security office was, you also know where we need to go next?"
Jack nodded. "The Central Archives," he replied. "That's where the records of all missions are kept. Although I doubt that classified material such as what we're after is available for just anyone to look at. I hope your sonic screwdriver is up to the job, Doctor."
"There's nothing here!" Jack punched the terminal he was standing at in frustration. "Damn!"
"What do you mean, there's nothing there?" asked Rose. "I thought you said that records of all missions were kept here?"
"They are," replied Jack. "Except, apparently, the ones we want," he added bitterly. "There are plenty of missions here that occurred during the correct time period, but none of them started at exactly the right time, or went on for long enough, to be the one that I went on. Damn!" he repeated, punching the terminal again, harder this time. Tears stung his eyes, but they had nothing to do with his now throbbing fist. He had believed that this was it – that he would finally find out what it was he had lost. But instead, he had found nothing. He was back to square one.
The Doctor stepped up behind the Captain. "I'm sorry, Jack," he said softly, placing his hand on the other man's shoulder. He hated to see Jack like this, so close to despair. He was normally such a cheerful, confident, outgoing character. This despondent and dejected Jack was almost unbearable to witness.
"Well, I guess that's it then," said Rose quietly. "Maybe we should go back to the TARDIS before we get caught."
"No." Jack's voice was so quiet that the Doctor almost missed it.
"Jack, we can't stay here," said the Time Lord. "It would serve no purpose. And Rose is right, we're risking being caught every moment we delay."
"No," said Jack again, a little louder this time. "I mean, that's not it. There is something else I can try."
"What?" asked Rose hesitantly. She was beginning to worry that Jack was not quite 'all there' – that he was losing all sense of perspective on the situation. She didn't blame him, but she also didn't particularly want to be caught and court-marshalled by the Time Agency.
Jack turned to the Doctor. "You said it yourself, Doctor. Back when you first suggested all this. We can use some of the Agency's technology to reverse my memory wipe."
The Doctor went very still, and Jack could feel the hand on his shoulder tighten its grip suddenly. Seconds passed, and there was silence. Then…
"Are you sure?" The Doctor's voice was quiet and level, but Jack could detect a world of things left unsaid underneath that question, and suddenly he was absurdly grateful to the Doctor for not trying to reason with him or talk him out of it. They both knew the risks, but they also both knew that this was something that Jack had to do.
"Yes."
The Doctor nodded once. The decision made, he was suddenly all business again. "Then where do we need to go?" he asked.
"Corridor 515," replied Jack instantly. "Only agents with the highest level of security clearance can get in there. It has to be there. All the other agents used to joke about what went on down that corridor, what sort of top secret work was going on in there. It doesn't seem so funny now," he finished soberly.
The Doctor squeezed his shoulder again, a silent gesture of comfort that reminded Jack, just for a moment, that there were other issues that needed to resolved after he had regained his memories. At the moment, however, he was just glad that the Doctor was here, helping him. Jack couldn't think of anyone else he would rather have by his side.
For the second time in two hours, Rose was brought to a standstill by shock as she entered a room. Only this time it was technology that had astounded her, and not unconscious people. The rooms leading off Corridor 515 were full of the most advanced and sophisticated machines she had ever seen. And that was saying something, considering that she travelled through time and space with the Doctor. The TARDIS might be advanced, but it certainly wasn't particularly sophisticated.
"This is it," announced the Doctor, following Rose into the room. They had tried four of Corridor 515's doors already, each time with no success. But now they had finally found what they were looking for.
Hanging back in the doorway, Jack surveyed the room. He had no doubt that the Doctor was right – although he himself wouldn't have been able to distinguish a memory manipulating device from a coffee machine – but now that it came right down to it, he couldn't seem to make himself step forward over the threshold.
"Jack?" The Doctor's voice was sympathetic, as if he knew exactly what was going through Jack's mind. Which he probably did, Jack reminded himself. He still wasn't entirely convinced that the Time Lord wasn't at least a little bit psychic.
"I'm fine. Everything's fine," replied Jack, but even to his ears he sounded like a man trying too hard to reassure himself. Taking a deep breath, he stepped through the door and into the room.
"So, which one is it?" he asked, gesturing at the machines scattered around the room.
"That one," said the Doctor, pointing at the contraption set squarely into the middle of the floor.
Jack eyed the machine warily. It didn't look so bad – kind of like one of those dentist's chairs Rose had described to him with a solar panel hovering over the head end. Taking another deep breath, he moved across the room and stood beside it.
"Well, if we're going to do this, then I guess we should get started," he said, with an attempt at bravado that fooled no one. "Let's get this show on the road." Climbing into the chair, Jack lay back and tried to breath steadily. But it was hard. There was no way he could be calm, under the circumstances, and he could feel his heart beating so hard it sounded like someone was playing the drums inside his chest cavity.
"Rose, go over to that terminal and watch the readouts for me. If any of them rise above seventy-five, tell me straight away." The Doctor's voice now sounded authoritative and in-control, and Jack felt a little happier, knowing he was in safe hands. Still, he couldn't stop his knuckles from turning white as he gripped the arms of the chair so tight they threatened to buckle under the pressure. The Doctor noticed and left the console he was checking, bending over Jack and speaking softly so Rose couldn't overhear.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"Just say the word, and this all stops. We can go back to the TARDIS and just fly away."
"No. I have to do this, Doctor. I have to know. I'm just…scared, that's all. What if we don't find anything? What if my memories are gone forever?"
"Jack, that's not going I happen. I promise."
"And then, what if we do find something? And what if it's something I don't like? How will I live with it?"
"Jack, stop. Everything will be okay, I promise you. I won't let anything happen to you. Do you trust me?"
"Of course, Doctor. I trust you with my life."
"Well, I doubt this situation is going to go quite that far. Now, close your eyes and try to breathe slowly. Everything's going to be fine."
It was weird, Jack reflected afterwards, to suddenly realise that you were remembering memories you didn't even remember having. Little bits here and there, suddenly reappearing where before there had been only blankness. Like having lunch with a beautiful woman in a bustling piazza, on a planet called Corzad Prime. Like flying Remoan jet at twice the speed of sound across a dazzling azure sky. Like creeping down an alleyway in the dead of night, waiting for a contact that never showed up. Just small pieces, ones that didn't make much sense at first. But as more of them came back, and the pieces started to add up, deep within his mind Jack started to realise that he had been right to be scared.
Rose watched the readouts on her terminal carefully, determined not to miss even a tiny fluctuation in Jack's brainwaves. But at the same time she couldn't help but wonder what was going on inside the Captain's head. What did it feel like to suddenly have part of your memory returned to you? Was it strange? Was it painful? Was it exciting? But she wasn't going to find out the answers to any of those questions right at this moment. Jack was unconscious, having been rendered so by the process he was undergoing, and the Doctor was concentrating far too hard on the procedure to have time for questions. And besides, Rose would never have put Jack's life at risk by ignoring her job. She was not going to be the one to screw this up.
And then it happened. Her terminal lit up like a christmas tree, the readings spiking off the scale, and Rose knew that something very, very bad was happening. She turned to tell the Doctor, but straight away she could see that he was aware of the situation. His hands were flying across his own terminal, trying to solve the problem, trying to correct the process, but his face was as immobile and serious as Rose had ever seen it, and in that instant she knew that the Doctor would save Jack even if it was the last thing he ever did.
"No! Don't! Don't make me! I can't!" The shouted words came from the figure lying in the memory manipulator, and Rose turned towards it, half expecting to see Jack awake and trying to escape from the chair, having had enough of the pain and stress. But the Captain's eyes were still closed, and Rose could see that his fists were clenched so tight that his fingernails were drawing blood from his palms.
And then, abruptly, everything stopped. The readings on the terminals went back to normal, Jack suddenly relaxed, and the Doctor stopped his frenzied recalculations.
"What happened?" Rose whispered, unsure if it was safe to talk.
"It's over," said the Doctor. "The procedure is finished."
"But what happened? Is Jack alright?"
"I don't know," the Doctor admitted. "Obviously something terrible happened when he regained his memories. But I don't know if that was due to the process, or the memories themselves. One thing I do know is that he's unconscious. We'll have to carry him out of here."
They had made it back as far as the security office when the next disaster struck. Rose was in front, keeping a look out for anyone approaching, while the Doctor followed behind with Jack slung over his shoulder. The Captain was still out cold, and only Rose would have been able to distinguish the burden he was placing on the Time Lord. But Rose could also tell that the Doctor was determined to get Jack out of there even if he had to die trying. She could see that the he would never give up on the other man, no matter what. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that this state of affairs needed some looking into. There was something going on with the Doctor and Jack – she was certain.
But that would have to wait until later. Right now, they had yet another obstacle to deal with.
"Stop right there. Turn around very slowly and put your hands on your head. No sudden movements." The voice was stern and commanding, and Rose knew that they had been caught.
"Rose," the Doctor muttered, as they slowly turned around, "listen to me carefully. The next time – the very next time – I say your name, I want you to run for the TARDIS as fast as you can. Don't stop, and don't look back. I'll look after Jack. Do you understand?"
Rose nodded once, and then she was facing the Time Agency guard, who was pointing a gun at them and looking at once pleased to have caught some intruders, and at the same time nervous about what to do next.
"I said, put your hands on your head," he barked, gesturing at the Doctor, who was still carrying the unconscious Jack over his shoulder.
"And how exactly am I supposed to do that?" enquired the Time Lord. "It's hard enough holding on to a fully grown man without then having to put my hands on my head."
"Then put him down…slowly!" said the guard, his nervousness becoming even more apparent.
"I'm the Doctor, by the way," said the Doctor, appearing not to notice the guard's latest instruction. "And this is a friend of mine. She's called Rose."
For a split second the use of her name didn't register in Rose's mind. Then the alarm bells started ringing all at once, and she span around and took off down the corridor towards the courtyard where the TARDIS was standing. Behind her she heard a blast of sonic weapons fire, and then the sound of running footsteps. Then she was out in the courtyard and the TARDIS was there in front of her, looking slightly fuzzy because of its 'not quite there' state. She hurried up to the door and unlocked it, turning on the threshold to see where the Doctor was just as the Time Lord emerged into the open air. He was still running, but there didn't appear to be anyone in pursuit. Rose stood back to allow him entry to the TARDIS, and then shut the door behind him, leaning against it for support.
The Doctor laid Jack down gently on the bench beside the central console and then set about extracting them from the same time and space as the Time Agency. Once they were well on their way, he stepped back from the console and leant on the edge of the bench, breathing heavily.
"Are you alright?" asked Rose, concerned. She had never seen the Doctor look quite so worn out before.
"I'm fine," panted the Doctor, waving her away. "Just a little out of breath, that's all."
"But how did you get away from the guard? He had a gun pointed right at you!"
"I used Jack's sonic blaster," explained the Doctor. "Whipped it right out of his pocket. Easy. The guard never knew what hit him."
But the Doctor didn't sound like his usual smug self, and Rose's worry only increased.
"Are you sure you're alright? He didn't manage to get a shot at you, did he?"
"I told you, I'm fine," replied the Doctor with a trace of irritation. "It's Jack we should be worried about now, anyway. Can you help me get him to his room, please?" Bending down, the Doctor slung one of Jack's arms over his shoulders, and Rose hurried forward to do the same on the other side. She still wasn't completely convinced that the Doctor was okay, but he was right – Jack was the more immediate concern right now.
Rose straightened up, rolling her shoulders. It wasn't that far from the control room to Jack's room, but the Captain was a dead weight, and she wasn't as strong as the Doctor, even a Doctor who was still tired from their mad dash to escape the Time Agency.
"Do you think he'll be alright?" she asked, looking worriedly at Jack, who was still showing no signs of waking up.
"I hope so," replied the Doctor, but his voice sounded so despondent that Rose turned to look at him, surprised that he was so upset. But all she saw was the Doctor's retreating back as he left the room.
"Hey, wait! Doctor!" Checking Jack again to make sure he was comfortable, Rose hurried after the Time Lord.
She caught up to him halfway back to the control room. "Aren't you going to help Jack? Make sure he's alright? Try and wake him up?"
"Jack doesn't need my help anymore."
"Doctor!" Rose was shocked. "How can you say that about Jack? Do you really think that now he's got his memories back he's just going to drop us? He wouldn't. He wouldn't use us…use you… like that."
The Doctor sighed, and once again Rose was taken aback by the depth of the emotion in that one small sound. "You don't understand," he said wearily. "I doubt Jack will want to see me ever again. I promised him everything was going to be alright, Rose. I told him everything would be fine. And look what's happened. He's not alright, and everything is not fine."
"But you couldn't know what was going to happen, Doctor. You don't know everything."
"But I should have tried harder. I should have known something bad would happen. The Time Agency would never have taken his memories if they weren't trying to hide something awful. And now he remembers that, whatever it is. And he has me to thank for that. He believed in me, and I let him down. He trusted me, and I've betrayed him."
Rose gaped at him. She couldn't think of a single thing to say. She had never seen the Doctor so full of despair and self-loathing, not ever. Why was he taking this to heart so much? Why was he blaming himself? Something was definitely going on here.
The Doctor, for his part, took her silence to mean that she had finished questioning him, at least for the moment. "Go and look after Jack, Rose," he said softly. "He needs a friend with him at the moment." Then he continued on his way to the control room, not looking back even once.