Title:Soar high Butterfly

Pairing: Harry/Snape

Summary: Harry's a Captain for the Second War against the Dark Lord. He's fighting for what's right, but wishing for freedom more than anything. When Partner in war Severus Snape is missing, and then found in critical condition, Harry finds himself discovering new feelings for a man he once hated.

A/N: Oh my god, I've written a novel length Harry/Snape. FYI this is only part one; part two is still being corrected by my most wonderful and gracious Beta, Roisin Grimsley. All together the story is about 35,000 words and should be complete by the end of the end of this month. MARCH. So yeah, long for me. I'd love to hear all and any comments you have; constructive criticism is welcomed :) I'd also like to let everyone know that this story was written BEFORE Half Blood Prince came out. So it does not include dead Dumbledore, trader Snape, gone wrong Malfoy or anything else of the sort. Other than that, read, review and love me forever.

Cheers---

Teagan

I envy the caterpillars. The way they climb and eat happily all day long. And then one day out of the blue, they wrap themselves in a little cocoon and come out, beautiful and new. They fly away, into the sky and somehow they're finally free. You always wonder what being truly free would feel like. I always did anyway. I always wondered what it would be like, to just get away. Fly away. Away from this bloody war. Away from all these memories. To just get up and let the wind be your guide.

But then again that's just a fantasy.

Harry,

It's been hell this week at camp. Dumbledore reckons our troop will be put into action around the fourth, so that gives us about a week to collect ourselves. I know you've been in battle a lot, since you're in the first line, but Harry, I'm fucking piss scared. What if I die? What will you tell Hermione? Or my mum? God Harry, what would you tell yourself?

Hermione tells me everyday not to worry…but she's a Medi-witch down here. I keep… I keep thinking about her having to look at my dead body; write down my time of death so my family and friends can be told. I know I'm just being a git, but god Harry; this is the real thing isn't it? I have to go and do my laps, but write back to me ASAP mate.

See you,

Ron

Ron writes me now every week. It used to be once a month, or once every other week. After that it got more frequent. Ever since the war became more active. Ever since people started dieing. The first death that was reported was Captain Oliver Wood, Second line leader. It came as a shock because it was the first line that was expecting the first deaths. We had been tracking Voldermort for over a year then and all his movements made it seem like he was heading towards us. But at last second, his group flooded about ten miles east towards Second Line, killing only one. But it was one death too many.

We were told that Wood jumped in front of his line at last second and fought for them. Which in the end took his life.

I guess it's a small price to pay for the lives of thirty others in his line. Or so Snape says.

Snape told me that Wood dieing was better then two of the others dieing. He said Captains were easier to replace than willing soldiers. He said Captains only stood about and told the soldiers where to go. I didn't say anything, until I thought about what Snape had really said. I then asked him, ' Well why is Wood dead then? 'Snape had no answer; he just snorted and told me to get a small fire going and to tell the troops to go to bed.

Snape and I run the First line of wizards and witches. They're the best soldiers for miles around. We have 14 juniors between, the ages of 18 and 30 and then 18 seniors' age 31 and over. Dumbledore gives us orders from the top, along with a few other selected members of the Order. He, Lupin and Moody run around telling troops when Voldermort or any of his death eaters are near.

Snape did that originally for a while. But my troops started to get out of hand. So Dumbledore sent him down here to be Captain with me. Partners I guess you could say. I had always had some sort of respect for Snape ever since I was about fifteen, but it was a feeling I really couldn't decipher.

One night though, after I had gotten wounded and Snape was healing me, I noticed how the respect had grown from just that, to something else.

Snape's hands worked quickly as I groaned and twitched back and fourth. Snape's face studied my wound and ignored my feeble attempts to pull away from his gentle yet painful hands.

"For God sakes Potter, Stop moving and act like a man. " Snape muttered under his breath. All I could do was groan and memorize the feeling of my shoulder going numb under his touch. Snape began to talk once more, trying to take my mind of the excruciating pain in my shoulder and also in my arm.

"If you could be anywhere else Potter where would you be?" Snape asked me, keeping his eyes on my arm as he smeared thick potions on top of it. I hissed in pain and bit my lip. "I ...I would be in the sky..." I said twisting my head to the side and groaning loudly between my clenched teeth. Snape Stopped moving his hands over my wound for a moment and looked at me.

"Why?" Snape asked. I looked at him for a moment through thick-lidded eyes. "Because If I were in the sky, I would fly, and I would be free. " I told him. Snape continued to work, more gently than before and I sighed in relief.

"Like a butterfly. " I added. Snape snorted and pulled out white fabric to tie around my arm and shoulder. I smiled and looked up at Snape's face. His eyes were coal black, shining into mine. Snape let his eyes stay contacted with mine as he finished tying the last of my bandage. My hand escaped from its spot on my cot and lifted to Snape's smooth yet slightly stubbled cheek. My Stomach tingled and my face felt hot. "Don't you ever want to be free?" I asked in mere whisper.

Snape pulled roughly away from my touch and stood up.

"There is no such thing as being Free, Potter. "

Captain H. Potter

Mr. R. Weasley was killed in battle at approximately eighteen hundred hours. We will need a replacement, by Thirteen hundred hours tomorrow. Please make Conference with second and third Line for replacement options.

Best regards,

The Ministry of Magic.

I didn't expect anything but a letter from Ron. I was wrong. I finished reading it just as My Medi-witch was about to come in and check out Snape's handy work on my shoulder.

"Captain has your shoulder healed..."

"GET OUT!" I shouted angrily. I couldn't take it because it wasn't fair. I found myself stumbling and felt the Witches arms try and catch me. "Captain please, I was sent on order to check up on you..."

"Let me GO and GET OUT DAMNIT! NOW!" I screamed not caring if I scared the women half to death. I fell silently to the floor. Back resting against the fabric of mine and Snape's tent. I howled in my arms, and tried to pull out my hair. I couldn't breathe and my shoulder hurt like hell. I heard someone enter huffing loudly. "For gods Sakes Potter, what..." but he stopped as soon as he spotted me sitting on the ground sobbing.

"Get up Potter..." Snape said angrily. I shook my head and bit the inside of my cheek. I wasn't acting my age. I knew I was being foolish. And damnit! Damnit I didn't care!

"Come on you little brat and get up!" Snape said grabbing me from under the armpit of my good shoulder. Snape hauled me over to the bed and sat me on the edge inspecting my shoulder. "You've scared that damn witch to death with your screaming. Normally I would say good work, but since your shoulder isn't healing and I sent her over here, I must say Potter, you are a complete Lunatic." I said nothing. Because I really had nothing to say. Nothing that would mean anything, But Snape pushed it out of me anyways.

"What in the fuck is the Problem Potter? Besides the bloody obvious."

I looked up at Snape, knowing my face was tear streaked and that my eyes were red and said, "Ron's dead."

Snape said nothing as he took off his muddy boots and unlaced a fresh pair to put on. He said nothing as he washed his muddy face quickly in the mirror and then dried it off with a towel; but as he walked out the door and past the flap of our tent I thought I heard him whisper, "I'm Sorry."

Harry

I'm sorry you had to hear about Ron from the Ministry. I guess I'm sorrier my letter didn't get there first. I wasn't working when Ron was brought in if you wanted to know. And when I asked to see him, well, I didn't even recognize the body as his.

I don't want to lie to you Harry and tell you that I'll be fine. Because I know that I probably won't be. But in a way weren't we expecting this? Weren't we? Well, you'll be okay. You know how I know that? Because you're Strong. Because you're brave. Because you have what it takes to live through this war; I meant what I said in first year Harry- you're a great wizard. You have what it takes to carry us through this with you. I believe in you Harry. Even if no one else does.

I'll write again soon I'm sure.

Love,

Hermione

She said that everything would be fine. That we had been expecting the things that had come, but had we really? Or had we just told our selves that we expected it? Either way, I don't think either of us handled the situation very well.

Snape and I had been training with the troops when Dumbledore came riding in saying we were needed in battle immediately. Snape nodded and told me to get the troops ready while he grabbed supplies. I agreed and ran to tell the troops our time had come once again. I wasn't very nervous. Since we had been in nearly ten battles already and no one had been killed, or even hurt too seriously. So I had hope.

I explained our situation to the troops, telling them the headmaster's Urgent message. But there was no way that the words I said could have helped them get over the sight they saw when we arrived on the scene.

There in the middle of grassy flower filled field laid hundreds of dead bodies. Easily I could have pointed out at least five people I recognized. And five more I knew quite well. Blood soaked were the fields left and right. And there, in the middle of it all stood seven Death eaters. Unknown from the masks on their faces. Snape stood beside me, not saying a word. And I stood by him, doing the same. The men behind me, made no attempt to run away, or move forehead. It seemed they were frozen right on the spot.

I could hear the quiet gasps from wizards and witches on the field. People were still alive. People were still suffering.

I looked over at Snape, whose head hadn't moved from the sight of the Death eaters in the middle of blood mess. But finally one of the masked men stepped forward, slipping the mask off his face and began to laugh. His laugh filled the sky with noise, making birds near by fly from their tree nests. "Well, if it isn't Harry Potter in the Flesh." The man said. I didn't recognize him at first glance. His hair was shaved to the scalp. But once he stepped forward enough I saw the grays of his eyes.

Malfoy.

Lucius Malfoy.

"Malfoy." I heard Snape hiss under his breath.

"Why, Severus. What a pleasant surprise this is. Won't the dark lord be Happy to know I killed his little trader…" Lucius drawled. I could see the smallest flinch of Fear in Snape's features, but just as soon as it had appeared, it was gone. "Tell me Severus, what do you expect to do now? Defeat the dark lord? Not even Dumbledore can defeat him now." Malfoy said calmly.

"Your right Malfoy, Dumbledore Can't. But you've seem to have forgotten about Potter." Snape hissed back. Lucius let his eyes rest on me and then he let his head fall back and laugh.

"Don't Severus. You're killing me, really!"

"You know as well me, that Potter will be alive long after the Dark Lord." I looked over at Snape nearly gapping. I couldn't believe Snape. Snape the fucking arse hole was saying this about me.

"After what you've seen…after everything that's happened you really think that the Dark Lord isn't strong enough to defeat him?" Malfoy said pointing to me with his cold gray eyes. Snape smirked.

"The Dark Lord may be stronger, but Potter having the ability to defeat the Dark Lord was a prophecy. Nothing beats strength like a giant helping of destiny." Lucius Snorted and pulled his wand from his left breast pocket. Snape did the same, taking one step forward. My hand flew out and caught his robe, as If I was trying to hold him back. But my mind had yet to register what I was truly doing.

"Let go Potter." Snape hissed. I looked up at him and saw the same look, the day I broke into his pensive. That desperate look. The look that was screaming revenge. And with that I let him go.

I watched Malfoy and Snape advance on each other slowly, eyes never leaving the other's face. A few men behind me whispered of Snape's death, but I let my ears block out their voices so I could only hear the crunch of blood stained grass beneath Snape's and Malfoy's boots.

Malfoy raised his arm quick, muttering something I could barely make out, Snape raised his arm as well, and shouted, "GET THE TROOPS OUT OF HERE, POTTER!" I watched in the horror as the air filled with Red, Purple and White light. It was nearly impossible to see, but I shouted and did as Snape told me. I heard Malfoy Scream, and then Snape later in return.

As the troops and I marched out of sight, through the trees and back to camp, I looked up in the air and saw the worse color of all filling the sky— green.

Harry

Dumbledore hasn't yet heard what's happened to Snape and Malfoy. He said he would contact me as soon as possible. It's terrible what's happened to the Third line. I've been talking with Hermione and she's told me that nearly every body brought in lately is unrecognizable. She says that have to relay on dog tags and other IDs to figure out who they are. But barely any of the men have Dog tags or any sort of ID on them.

She says it's like some sort of nightmare. She almost feels worse for the men and women who are still alive in their care. It's almost too much to watch them look around at all their dieing comrades. I keep thinking every day that that'll be me in there...or you… I can't take much more of this. If the war doesn't take a turn, I fear for the future of the Wizarding World, and Muggle World alike.

Until then,

Remus

It had been nearly two days since Remus had written to me; still we had no word from Snape. I tried to not care. I tried to not worry so much over one man, when the whole third line had been knocked out. Snape's life was a small price to pay for killing the man who was responsible for the death of nearly two hundred of our men. Or so I told my self.

Remus came in and tried to help me get my troops in order. To calm them down and make sure things were going okay without Snape. Remus said he had come on free will but I had a strange feeling that Dumbledore sent him along.

"You know Harry, if Snape does not come back, you need to find another partner to help you run the first line." Remus said causally as we sat near the fire after we had dismissed the troops. I acted for a while as if I didn't hear him. But he knew that I had. "I don't need another Partner. " I said stirring the river water we were boiling. "Harry, you need someone else to help you run this troop. To make decisions. First line is big responsibility. " Remus said. He was right. He was always right.

"Fine then. I don't WANT another partner." I said determinedly, looking off into the distance. "Snape would have been replaced anyways Harry, you know that. You never stay in one position very long."

"Maybe he wouldn't have been. I could have convinced Dumbledore. You know I could have."

"I guess you could have. But the question is, why would you want to?"

"Look, Snape isn't as bad as you think he is."

"No he isn't. " Remus agreed.

"I mean he's really ...He's really..."

"He's really…?" Remus said sipping at his warm water.

"He's really...something else." I sighed looking away from the older Wizard. "If you could be anywhere but here, where would you be?" I asked him. Remus snorted and looked at me in surprise. "What? Why?"

"Just answer me!" I said angrily.

"Okay. Okay...I would be At Hogwarts. With Sirius, and James and Peter. Well maybe not so much Peter." Remus said stirring his water and looking off into the distance. "Why?" I asked. Remus smiled and looked back at me." I guess, because around your dad and his friends, I was always happy. There's not a greater feeling in the whole world that compares to being truly happy." Remus told me.

I smiled and looked down at my boiling water. "What about being free?" I asked. Remus sighed. "Well there's that too."

Harry,

Harry you have to get down here right now! We've found Snape! Hurry!

Love

Hermione

I grabbed my broom and flew over the trees. I looked around for the sight of Hermione's little cabin where the patients were being held. It seemed to take hours to finally find my way there. Once I had arrived I threw my broom on the ground and ran as fast as I could inside the small shack.

"Harry!" Hermione Cried flinging her arms about my neck. She pulled back and kissed both of my cheeks. She looked terrible. Her eyes were red from lack of sleep and most likely from crying also. Her hair was matted and greasy; it was pulled back tightly in bun. But somehow, she still looked better then I did at the moment.

"Snape is he...?"

"Oh! Harry he's in the last room on the end." Hermione said squeezing my hand in hers. In the back of the small cabin I heard someone scream "NURSE!" and I felt Hermione pull away from me. I walked slowly down the hallway to Snape's room. Hoping that somehow he wasn't in as bad of shape that I pictured he would be.

But he was. That and worse. When I walked in, Draco Malfoy was standing by his bedside, staring down at an unconscious Snape. Malfoy looked over at me and hissed, "What in the hell are you doing here? Pretending you actually like him Potter? " I looked at Malfoy for a moment and then back at Snape. His skin looked paler then normal and his breathing was slow and even. "I'm here to see my Partner. We train the First line Malfoy, remember?" I retorted looking over at Snape's bruised hand.

I let my smaller one fall down and cover his larger one. Malfoy grabbed my hand and pulled me away from him. "I don't know what you think you're up to, but don't act like you know Snape all of a sudden. So you two train the bloody fucking first line together. I don't give a fucking shit Potter! You just stay the hell away from Snape!" Malfoy hissed angrily. I pulled my hand from Malfoy's grasp.

"I flew twenty bloody miles to see him and if I want to fucking touch his hand I fucking will!" I shouted back at him. The door slammed open and Hermione entered looking confused. "What are you two doing! This is a Hospital! Not a screaming fest! If you have the urge to yell, then take it outside!" Hermione hissed. A few nurses behind Hermione gave us dirty looks and went back to tending their patients. I mumbled sorry to Hermione, and Malfoy looked at me and glared. But he didn't say another word as he walked out of the room leaving me there alone with Snape.

However if he had, I would have gladly taken it outside.

"Lupin told me I should have gotten another Partner." I said to him. I knew he was unconscious. And he couldn't hear me. But I couldn't bring myself to care. " He said that I couldn't Run First line by myself. I bet you two would get along well now." I told him.

Snape's eyes twitched in sleep. I sighed and looked over him. "I thought you had died. Even though I kept telling myself you weren't dead, I really did think you were." I whispered. "I don't know, what else really to say, but if you would have died Snape, I would have regretted not saying a lot of things to you." I said. I let my hand reach up and push a lock of his greasy hair out of his face. My stomach twitched thinking about what I had just said. If Snape ha died, what would I have done?

"I remember, when you were healing my shoulder. And you asked me if I could be anywhere, where I would be. " I stopped and took his hand in mine. "And I said in the sky. I would be a butterfly. Flying in the sky being free. And you told me, that free was nothing. Because nothing was free. " I turned his hand in mine and saw a large cut, that hadn't been covered or healed at all. It was now scabbed and crusted. A little mark left from Malfoy Senior. "I think that you're right Snape. Maybe nothing is free. Maybe no one is ever free."

I looked up half expecting Snape to be looking at me like I was an idiot, like he often did before. But he wasn't. His eyes merely twitched and his hand remained cold in mine. I wondered if he would ever wake up; what I would do if he didn't.

"Where would you be Snape? If you could be anywhere but here?" I asked him, even though I knew he was unable to answer. I sighed and let his hand fall back in place against his side and turned around in my chair and leaned back letting my head rest against the soft cushion.

Harry

We need you back at first line ASAP. The troops have been training with me, but if we go into battle I'm sure they'll need your guidance. Please Harry. Write back. At least let me know you've gotten this letter.

Sincerely

Remus

It had been nearly a week. I still hadn't left Snape's side. Well For more then fifteen minutes at a time. I hadn't returned back to the first line to train my troops. Hermione said nothing. And the other nurses left me alone for the most part. I think they thought I had gone crazy. Mostly because I rarely slept and when anyone came into check on Snape I would ask him or her "Is he going to wake up soon? " Or " Is he getting any better?" They would give me the same answer every time "He could wake up soon." Or "He looks a little better doesn't he?"

Then one night as I sat reading a stupid book about how to get rid your garden of gnomes, Snape grunted and tried to roll over on his side. I dropped the book and nearly fell head first out of my chair. "Damnit..." Snape growled grabbing his head in pain. "NURSE!" I shouted out the door looking happily at Snape who squeezed his eyes shut tightly. "NURSE! HURRY!" I shouted again. I could here clicking of heals as one of the nurses on duty came running down the hall followed by Hermione.

"He's awake! " I said happily letting the nurse and Hermione get into the room. Hermione smiled and stood next to the nurse looking over Snape. "How are you feeling Mr. Snape?" The nurse asked him. "Uh..." Snape mumbled putting a hand over his face. "Is he better?" I asked over the nurse's shoulder. "Mr. Snape please try and open your eyes." The Medi-witch said pulling out her wand mumbling a soft Lumos. Snape opened his eyes and groaned. "Fucking Hell. Please stop shoving that light in my face..." Snape grumbled angrily. "Is he looking better! " I asked again, feeling excited and nervous at the same time.

"Now Mr. Snape do you remember what happened?" The Medi-witch asked. "Will you get that bloody light out of my face!"

"Is he better?" I asked again.

"HARRY!" Hermione hissed hitting me on the back, at the same moment when the Medi-witch cried, "...MR.POTTER! For goodness sakes! Go outside if you can't contain yourself!"

I sighed and waited outside until Hermione and the Medi-witch wished me goodnight. Hermione smiled at me and walked down the hallway back to her room.

I walked nervously back into the room where I had spent the last week with Snape. He was now propped up against the backboard of the bed with his head turned to the side, hands fisted into the blankets and face clenched in pain. "Snape?" I asked entering once more. Snape held his chest and took in a painful breath.

"Potter." Snape said trying to make his body relax. "Are you alright?" I asked looking over the wizard, almost wishing he hadn't woken up. "I'm bloody terrific. Can't you tell from my extremely comfortable position?" He groaned trying to move his head back over to the front, but failing. "Damnit." He mumbled grabbing the blankets beneath him in a much harder death grip.

I walked over to Snape not really knowing what I was going to do, but I just let my hands do the work for me. I propped up Snape's Hard Hospital Pillows and helped him move into a better sitting up position. The whole while, Snape's Hands were on my shoulders in a death lock, and his face was inches from mine as he groaned in pain every time I moved him a wrong way. "Sorry." I said when he hissed after I scraped the cut I had seen earlier on his arm. "Shut up Potter." Was all Snape said to me.

Once the he was in a comfortable position I really didn't know what to do anymore. Snape sat with his eyes closed taking careful slow breaths that had a sort of wheeze to them. I wondered if Snape was really all right. "What did the nurse say?" I asked suddenly. "That you were an annoying little twit." Snape spat. I sighed and sat down on the left side of Snape's bed.

"I thought you were dead for awhile. We all did." I told him. Snape Snorted. "' I'm sure it was hard on all one in a half of you."

"People really cared that you were dead Snape!" I told him seriously.

"It's a good thing because they didn't care when I was alive." Snape snapped. I sighed and mumbled, " Well maybe sometimes you have to lose something to realize how much it means to you." I said looking up at Snape with determined eyes. Snape looked at me, his dark eyes searching me silently; then he looked away. "Why aren't you with the First line?" Snape asked changing the subject. I sighed. "I came here as soon as Hermione said they had found you." I told him.

"Well you've found me Potter, now go back." Snape muttered. "Why?" I asked suddenly feeling like the only thing I ever wanted to do was sit there in that bed with Snape. Like all I wanted to do was find a way to make Snape feel better. I felt like I had to find a way for him to get better. "Because we are at war here. You are a Captain and as a Captain you have responsibilities to up hold. "

"I don't care." I said leaning to rest my head on Snape's Shoulder. "I thought you were dead and it nearly killed me. Now that I'm here I don't want to leave until you do. Were partners Snape. And that's what partners do. Whether you like it or not."

Snape pushed me off him roughly. "Keep your hands off me Potter, I don't need your damn pity. Partner or not. "

I sighed and sat back down on the bed. I let one off my hands touch Snape's cheek lightly. " I didn't touch you because you're my partner. I touched you because I wanted too. " I whispered. Snape squeezed his eyes shut and tried to pull away from my touch. But I wouldn't let him. I wouldn't let him this time. I let my lips falls softly over his and waited for his hands to push me away. But they didn't. I pulled back and saw Snape breathing heavily and his cheeks flushed.

Snape's eyes snapped opened and his hands landed roughly on my waist. And after that the rest was pretty much a blur. A blur of Snape sucking my bottom lip into his mouth; making me moan. A blur of Snape raising his wand to muttering a silencing charm. A blur of clothes slowly falling to the ground. A blur of Tan and pale skin molding together. A blur of Snape thrusting his hips to meet mine.

Then before I knew it the blur had faded, and I was asleep, along with Snape. Nothing but a tangle of limbs in his bed.

I went back to First line. I wrote to Snape often and asked him how he was doing. He would always write back that he was fine and he didn't need me bothering him every day with annoying letters. But I knew he was lying. He wasn't getting better. Because if he were better, then they would have let him come back to the first line with me.

I really knew Snape wasn't getting better when they sent in another Captain to replace him.

The Captain was none other then Draco Malfoy. I had heard that Malfoy had been taken out a while after He and I met at the Hospital because of leg Injuries. But he hid it quite well when he came to face me, jumping off his broom looking proud.

"Well, Well Potter. It looks like we are pretty much Equal now wouldn't you say?" Malfoy said as he took off his thin outer green robe and draped it over his shoulder with a smirk on his face. " I told Dumbledore I didn't want a replacement." I spat at Malfoy. He merely shrugged smiling. "Well I guess he figured you couldn't do this on your own Potter. He's a smart man that Dumbledore." Malfoy muttered hotly. I snorted and looked over a map of the area around us, looking for a rout to lead us to Voldermort.

Malfoy looked over my shoulder. "Do you even know where Voldermort is Potter?" Malfoy asked. I shrugged and pulled the map out of his sight.

"You know, if were going to be working together, you might as well let the smart one of us see the map." Malfoy said roughly.

"I told you already no one is coming in here and replacing Snape damnit!" I shouted rolling up my maps and shoving them into a sack, before stomping angrily back to the tent Snape and I used to share.

I could hear Malfoy Stomp after me, and I heard the tent flap snap open even after I had entered the tent. "You're such a stubborn little Gryffindor puss Potter, really. At least hit me before you walk away, like a real woman would."

"Malfoy, just so you know, you really bug the shit out of me; since I know you don't like me, and you know that I don't like you, why don't we just split up the troops, so we never have to even look at each other's faces." I snapped.

Malfoy stood for a moment eyebrows raised. "You really are an idiot Potter. You would risk the life of these men, just because you don't want to be around me? If we trained them separately they would never be used to working together, and Potter this is war, so the more people you have working together the better the chance you have to win."

" I don't know if you've noticed Malfoy, but I don't give a shit about this war! Or you, or any of those men! I don't even care if I die right now, because this whole thing is a big smelly, stinking pile of shit!" I shouted.

Malfoy paused and then shook his head. "You know what's wrong with you? You have fucking Snape on the brain. I think maybe you should wise up and realize Snape is as good as dead, before you find yourself giving up everything for someone who will give you nothing in return but a bloody funeral bill! "

I let my Fist fly through the air and make contact with Malfoy's face. Malfoy Shouted and fell backwards with my weight on top of him. My hands flew up and down, over Malfoy's face. He cried out but then suddenly, I felt hands under my Armpits and then around my chest.

"DAMNIT HARRY CALM DOWN! " Someone hissed in my ear. Malfoy lay curled up on the ground panting hard. "Fucking bastard..." Malfoy Groaned clutching his nose as blood dripped down his face slowly. I tried to get out of the arms holding me but they seemed insistent on keeping hold of me tightly. "That's it!" The man shouted grabbing me by the wrist and throwing me outside of the tent.

I felt a bucket of cold water come in contact with my face. I grabbed my shoulders as the cold surrounded me. I could hear people around me talking; sounding confused. "What's wrong with Captain Potter?" one said. Then the person from before Shouted, " Go back to your tents! That's an order!" I shivered and looked up to Remus's face from behind my water soaked glasses.

"Fucking hell Harry, what were you doing?" Remus asked angrily looking at me with disappointed eyes. I coughed wrapping my arms around my self tighter still and looked up at him.

"I said I didn't want another partner."

"You're being stubborn." Remus snapped. "Shut up!" I shouted standing up. "I've taking care of my self my whole life Remus, and Damnit! Damnit if I don't want another Partner then I'm not fucking going to have one! Is that okay with you?" I spat.

Remus sighed and turned his head to spit in the grass to his left. "Fine Harry, but god, why did you knock the hell out of Malfoy?" Remus asked. I snorted, as Remus extended a hand to help me. "Nothing out of the ordinary."

Remus rolled his eyes and sighed. "Well I can't argue with that I suppose, now can I?"

Potter-

I heard about your little fight with Malfoy. It would do you good to stay out of that mans hairs for once. It would also do you some good to stop being stubborn git and listen to Lupin when he says you need a partner. I don't care if you don't want one; you are not wasting my hard training I gave those damn kids on letting them lay around while you mop about your life. Get a partner, or I'll request for Malfoy to come back again.

…and Write Granger and tell her to leave me alone for more then ten minutes at a time.

S.S.

I tried to go and visit Snape one afternoon but Remus came by and said it wasn't a good idea. I shrugged and went back to my tent, looking through maps and compasses, trying to figure out how many miles were left between us and another large Group of Voldermort's. Remus said I was better off keeping my mind on the war. Because like Snape said, it was time for me to stop being stubborn and get on with things. So I got a new partner.

Neville Longbottom from Second line came and started to help me out with my line. He did most of the actually talking while I sat in the back making the plans and moves against Voldermort.

Neville was pretty quiet when it was just him and I in a tent by ourselves. He seemed to have better things to do then make any conversation with me. Though he did ask me quite a lot if I hated him. Which I replied by snorting and shaking my head. Of course I didn't hate him. It wasn't his Fault Voldermort was winning. Or that Ron had died and Snape was still injured in the Hospital.

It was no one's fault really…

The troops were asleep one night when I decided to sneak out. Lupin had warned me against sneaking out at night, saying he had gotten strict orders from Dumbledore to not let me out of the First line camp. But it wasn't as if I cared what Dumbledore had to say anymore. Half the things he said to me now were lies anyways. So I snuck out, crawling out of bed carefully listening to make sure Neville's snores stayed even along with his breathing. I grabbed my broom from the chest at the end of my bed and walked outside into the fresh nighttime air.

I could almost still smell the blood from the battles that had been fought near by. Remus said that he could smell the blood and death for a good ten miles. Being a werewolf made his senses stronger.

But as soon as I was in the air, zooming past the treetops, the smell seemed to disappear. The air smelled only fresh. It smelled...Free. I felt like I was a butterfly for a moment as my broom flew over the rest of the world. I felt like I really was free. Maybe Snape was wrong. Maybe there was such thing as being free.

I looked down at the trees and spotted the small cabin looking Hospital that I knew Snape was staying at. I happily landed on fresh dirt and walked quietly up to the little hut. My stomach twitched with the excitement and nervousness of being able to See Snape at long last. I walked down the dark hall to Snape's room, and squinted at a faint light I saw. "Harry?" One of them asked. My stomach clenched when I saw standing before me Remus, Moody, and the great leader himself, Dumbledore.

"Is something wrong my boy? Is your line in trouble?" The old wizard asked looking tired and broken. So much so, that it seemed that every mistake the troops made, added a wrinkle or worry to the Wizard's over worked mind and body. "Sir." I said standing straight, saluting. "At ease Potter. What the hell is going on?" Moody growled. "Nothing, Sir. I'm here on visit."

"For gods sakes Potter don't tell me you left Longbottom with the troops?" Moody snapped angrily. "Sir, He's capable of watching the troops for a few hours. He leads all of our training activities. " I admitted. Moody snorted. "And what in gods name would they do If Voldermort attacked right now? You are the Map to them Captain. You just left a damn worthless trainer up there with our most valuable soldiers if they die then..."

"If they die, then they are not our most valuable soldiers!" I spat back. Dumbledore, Remus and Moody all became silent. "... Sir." I added finally staring at Moody. Challenging him. "Potter, Over the years here I think you've forgotten where your loyalty lies. You had better find out, before you find yourself at a lower part of the food chain. " Moody growled. I bit the inside of my cheek, not daring to say a word. I knew better not to cock off to a leading officer twice.

"Now Alastor, there's no reason to threaten. I think Captain Potter understands his duties well. I'm sure he'll return to his Line Now." Dumbledore said calmly. Moody's magical eye landed on the older wizard and then back on me. My stomach ached at Dumbledore's words.

"I really would wish to make a visit before I leave, Sir." I said honestly. "Now Harry, I would suggest you head back to your line..."

"I won't. Not until I see Snape first. "

Lupin bit his lip and hissed "Damnit Harry go!"

"Captain this I would allow—if he were in any order to see you." Dumbledore told me. "What? What's wrong with him?" I asked my heart jumping into my throat. "He's sick Potter, you knew that." Moody growled. "Of course! But they said ...they said he was getting better!" I shouted. "Keep it down for fucks sakes Potter! This is a Hospital!" Moody snapped. "Let me see him! Please Sir, Just let me see him!" I begged. Suddenly not caring if they lowered me all the way down to Private. Not caring if they cursed me a million times. As Long as I could see Snape first. Just see him…

Dumbledore Sighed and stepped aside so I could pass. " Very well."

I nearly tripped over the three as I made my way inside Snape's room. I stopped at the foot of his bed in shock. His face was covered with some sort of mask. He was hooked up to some machine that kept murmuring healing charms, which were cast to him by a long metal rod, which went from the machine into his left arm. His eyes didn't flicker in sleep. And he didn't grumble and move to wake up. I wouldn't have been shocked if Dumbledore had come and told me right there and then that he was to die in a matter of minutes. Not even two weeks ago He had written me a letter. And now he was unconscious and lying hooked up to things that could be doing him more harm then good, for all I knew.

"Severus..." I whispered, the voice sounding strange on my tongue. All the things I left unsaid. All the things I never did. What if I ever have the chance to say or do them?

"He's very Sick Harry." Remus said from behind me. I bit my lip and didn't dare look back at him. He knew. He knew Snape was this sick and didn't tell me. "Him and Malfoy fought hard. There were a lot of spells thrown back and fourth. A body can only take so much magic in at a time." Remus whispered. "He has a sort of Wizard Sickness. It's very rare. You've learned about it in training I'm sure. It's when wizards or witches are introduced to too much magic at one given time. It's called M.O.D. Magic over Dose. "

I could Hear Remus's voice in the back of my head. I could hear him telling me…telling me that Snape was sick. But I couldn't stop staring at Snape. Just hoping and praying that his eyes would snap open and say the whole thing was a joke. "Will he wake?" I croaked, trying to push all of the emotion out of my voice. "Yes. Eventuality." Remus answered.

I looked up at the werewolf and asked, "Will he die?"

Remus looked from me back at Snape and sighed. "Yes."

My throat clenched and my eyes stung. I fell to my knees and let my head rest against the edge of the bed. Snape was dieing. And I still had a war to fight.

I prayed for my death as well.

I remember getting up and walking Past Remus, and Moody and Dumbledore grabbing my broom and heading back to the first line. I remember seeing Neville and him asking me where the hell I had been all night, and me telling him to shut up and wake the troops so we could train.

Neville looked at me like I was nuts. "It's three in the morning Harry."

Anger boiled in my veins. "I don't care if it's fucking three in the morning! As your leading Captain I command you to go and wake the troops now for training!" I shouted. Neville nearly flew out of the tent at my demanding words.

I had broken. There was no time to be nice. No time to care about Snape. We had a war to fight. A war to win.

Harry-

I hope things have been going okay with you and Neville. Remus wrote me and told me that you had come down to see Snape. There's nothing you could have done Harry; in time I think you'll realize that. I promise that I'll write you as Soon as he wakes up. You'll be the first to see him when He does. I cross my heart.

Love

Hermione

"Captain...we've run nearly...Six miles...isn't...that enough...?" Panted one of my privates. "It's not enough until you've all shit your pants and vomited at least once!" I shouted flying from the side on my broom. A man next to me bent over and vomited up what looked like dry corn flakes. "Your finished, back to camp with you." I said to the man who stood still bent over, huffing angrily. He eyed me for a moment and then made his way slowly back to camp. Neville flew on the opposite side of the troops looking at me as if I had gone insane. Then again, I think I had.

"You know Harry," Neville said to me one night as I lay looking over a rather large map of the United Kingdom. "Huh?" I asked taking my pencil to mark a spot where Voldermort was last seen. "Some people might think you're a Vampire the way you don't sleep."

I snorted and grabbed my large cup of tea from my right. "Not a Vampire. Just a damn good Captain."

"Being insane and strangely harsh doesn't make you good Captain. " the larger wizard told me. I sat my tea down and looked over at him. "Then what does?"

"Getting you're troops respect. And helping them train, having fun and teaching them a few things along the way."

I snorted and rolled up my map labeling it and setting it aside my bed with the others. "Those things might make you a popular Captain Longbottom, but they'll get you no where. This is war. Not a girl's sleep over."

"You know Harry, you used to be a lot different. A lot more likable."

I rolled over in bed and pulled up the sheets. It was too hot to use the large thicker blanket as well. "Yeah, well people change." I told him. Neville sighed. "For better of for worse eh?"

"Something like that, yes."

The days seemed to past so slowly that they melded into one another. The days were not separate, but one whole day that never ended. Neville said I was stressed and that I should mellow down a little bit. But I knew there was no way I could. If we were going to win this war, we needed soldiers who knew what they were doing no matter what.

Remus came by one afternoon while I was in the middle of a lecture with my soldiers. He said he needed to talk to me. I angrily told Neville to take the men on a five-mile run until I was done talking with him. Neville nodded and shouted for the men to start running.

"They're very fast." Remus said watching the men run across the field to the paths we usually ran on. I shrugged. "If they can't fight a good war they might as well know how to run like hell." Remus laughed and looked past me, still watching them run. "Hermione wanted me to tell you, that Snape woke up." He said calmly. My heart started beating a million miles per hour. I had dreamed of this day since I saw him a few weeks prior, hooked up to machines, looking terrible.

"When Can I go and see him?" I croaked. Remus smiled. "I'm taking over until you get back. Dumbledore doesn't want you to stay for more then one day though." I saluted Lupin and turned around to walk to my tent. I fetched my broom and began to fly towards the Hospital.

I remembered when Remus always used to tell me about the first war. The way he explained it to me, I thought that war seemed like a fun thing. Where you become a hero and save the day. But now that I sat upon my broom flying to see this dying man that was constantly on my mind, I wondered about the way war really is. If it's really worth all the effort. If it's really worth all the killings.

I reached the hut, quickly touched down and jumped gracefully off of my broom. I saw two Medi-witches standing outside. One looked shaken, her hands covered in blood, and the other stood trying to calm her. "H-he just died...I was trying to clean out the gash before I magically healed it ...and he...he..."

"I know...it's normal. It's okay."

The Medi-witch, who was still shaking, looked at me, in my solider uniform and then to her bloody hands. Blood of another man. Ashamed, she turned away from me as I entered the Hospital.

"HARRY!" I heard a voice echo from the halls as I walked down to Snape's room. I looked up to see Hermione running toward me smiling happily. She seemed a lot happier since the last few times I saw her. She hid her feelings well about Ron and the others. But then again, she was a Medi-witch. I guess that fact that people were dieing, became a normal part of her life now. But my familiar face always did make her smile nowadays.

"Ginny wrote me the other day. Weird isn't it?" Hermione said showing me the envelope from her pocket. "What did she have to say?" I asked stopping right outside of Snape's room. "Not much. She's still training North of France. She hopes to come in and start fighting with us with in the next two months." I nodded and looked off in the other direction. I would hate it to see Ginny come here and fight. I would hate it because knowing her, she would be reckless and try to kill anyone she could because of what happened to Ron. However many people get killed like that; I was certain that would be Ginny's fate.

"Does she know what line she's coming into?" I asked slipping my hands causally into my pockets, trying to stop fidgeting. I didn't want Hermione to think that I didn't want to talk her as much as I wanted to see Snape. But somehow I think she knew anyway. "She thinks the Second the line, since well… they're rebuilding it. " Hermione reached out her hand and let it rest on my shoulder. "Harry, if Snape seems a little out of it, please don't comment on it." Hermione whispered. I bit the inside of my cheek.

"What do you mean, out of it?"

"NURSE!" Someone yelled down the hall. "See you Harry!" Hermione said running down the hall towards the screaming voice. I sighed and straightened my jacket carefully. I opened the door and found Snape sitting up against the headboard reading a Book. He didn't look at me as I entered, but I figured he had heard some of what Hermione and I were saying. Hopefully not all of it, however.

"You look better. " I said sitting on a chair by the left side of his bed. Snape lowered his book and glared at me. "Last time you saw me Potter, I was laying unconscious in my bed. I would hope I look better." He snapped.

I laughed nervously and looked out the window that was right above the Snape's head. "Well that's no fun. Having a window you can't look out of." I said trying to make conversation of any sort.

Snape snorted. "Yes Potter it's completely no fun. Because I really wanted to see the bodies flying across the fields screaming for a Medi-witch." He said dryly. I smirked and tried to do anything with my hands besides touch any part of him. I didn't know what he thought about me, after what we did, but all I knew was that I hoped he thought of me as something else then an annoying little schoolboy.

"If you don't want me here, I can leave." I said in a too quiet voice. Snape knew I wouldn't leave anyways. He looked at me and rolled his eyes. "You are too melodramatic for your own good Potter."

"Hey, I have good reasons for being melodramatic!" I retorted angrily. Only later did I realize I was actually agreeing with Snape.

I stood up and walked towards the door, wanting to prove more then anything that I could leave, and that he wasn't stopping me from doing so. Snape snorted and I heard him a turn a page in his book. I turned around feeling furious. "Can't you say anything nice? Anything like, I'm glad you came to visit me?"

"I'm not nice Potter, you knew that long before you slept with me."

"I slept with you? We slept with each other, it goes two ways!"

"That's your opinion." Snape said dryly turning the page once more. I snorted and walked over and ripped the book out of his hands. Snape growled and looked at me, like he always used to when I was a student. Like I was nothing but a menace. "Give. It. Back." He snapped. I shook my head and threw it behind me.

"You weren't even reading it Snape. It was upside down. And even you aren't that talented." I was happy to see colour rising in Snape's usually pale cheeks. "Don't tell me you've sat in here not thinking about me. Because all I did out there, training and teaching those wizards and witches to kill people, I thought about you."

"Oh Please Potter. What do you want from me? A proposal?" Snape growled. "No. I want you to act like you care about something. Like maybe I was something more to you then a little pity fuck."

"And if you weren't?"

"I was more then that. Not even you are that good of a liar Snape."

Snape snorted and shook his head. "You think because I fucked you Potter, that I'm somehow emotionally attached to you. I'm sorry, I'm not as weak as you think I am."

"Caring about someone is being weak? Since when?" I demanded. "Potter, look at yourself. Think back about four months ago. Weasley dies, and you stop eating. You sob and yell at a woman I told to go and check up on you. You caring for that annoying little red head, made you lose track of what your job was in the war. You lost good training time. Therefore you caring for that man, made you weak." I stared at Snape and didn't say a word. "Never let something like that tie you down. Never let feeling rule you."

"What's the point of living you if can't feel?"

"What's the point of feeling if those feelings affect the way you live negatively?"

" I guess I just rather feel something then be a blob of nothing, feeling nothing." I admitted. Snape huffed angrily and looked past me, no longer at me. "Do you want your book back?" I asked picking it up off the floor and handing it to him. Snape took the book and his fingers brushed mine. He began to pull away, but I pulled his hand back and pushed up the sleeve of his hospital clothes. I looked at the cut I had seen when Snape was very first found. I let my finger brush it and suddenly Snape's right hand was on mine, pulling it away from the soft, sore flesh.

"Don't." he said cautiously. I sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at him. His hand still gripping mine a little too hard, his face with a slightly confused look about it, and his eyes, shining coal black, like the very first day I ever saw him when I came to Hogwarts.

But unlike the first time I saw him, I had a desperate urge to kiss him. "Tell me...Tell me you don't want me to kiss you and I'll leave, I will. But just tell me something, please..." I whispered leaning forward slightly. I could feel Snape's grip on my hand tighten. I could hear his breathing become quick and uneasy. I could almost feel the heat burning from Snape. I wanted to be part of that heat. So I closed the small space between us and kissed him, much like the first time I did only months ago. Only this time Snape moaned into my mouth.

Only this time, Snape went slow, he didn't try to take off my robes, or even unbutton my shirt. He just simply pushed me down on the bed and kissed me. Being different heights, When Snape laid down on top of me, my feet rubbed against his shins. But I didn't care. It seemed perfect to me.

Perfect how Snape's Lips molded to mine.

Perfect our how our hands fit together.

Perfect because as much as Snape said he didn't want me, he still kissed me like he did.

I pulled back suddenly and looked up at him his face flushed and lips bruised. He looked different to me. He didn't look evil. Or even ugly. Though I'm sure no one else would agree with me. "I love you." I whispered letting my hand touch his cheek gently. "Don't Potter." He hissed, trying to pull away from me. My stomach stank. "I love you..." I whispered again. I felt Snape growl angrily and Then he pressed me hard into the mattress and kissed me. I groaned and kissed him back with the same fierceness, as he took the words from my mouth and tried to make me regret them.

He gave up, when he realized I was enjoying him kissing me like he was. He pulled back and let his forehead rest against mine. "I'm not nice."

"I don't care..." I hissed trying to pull him back down to me.

"I'm not romantic."

"I hate romance." I said smiling kissing his lips lightly.

"I hate just about everyone I've ever met."

" Me too." I joked kissing his jaw and then his lips again. "I'm serious Potter. I'm not a pleasant man!" He snapped.

"I know Sn...Severus. I don't fucking care. I just ...I just want you. Until ...Until I can't have you any longer." I said looking up at him with forceful eyes. " I will leave you alone with nothing. You're too young to have a dead Lover."

"I'm too old to not have had lover. Someone I really love." I said my tone completely serious. "You will hate me one day." Snape hissed.

"Who says I don't hate you now?" I asked. Snape snorted. "A thin line Potter?"

"I guess." I said kissing him again. I hoped he would forget about everything and just kiss me back. Luckily my hopes came true.

I woke the next morning to the sound of the door opening.

"Mr. Snape, I've brought your morning medicine...Oh my..." I heard an older women say. I opened my eyes and looked at the women, who had a terribly shocked look on her face. "These...these are...for...him..." she said handing me two blue vials. I nodded and blushed trying to cover as much of my body as I possibly could. "Er thanks...sorry about..."

She blushed again and nodded walking out of the room. I heard her heals click loudly as she more than likely ran down the hallway away from Snape's room. "Is she gone?" Snape mumbled from somewhere near my stomach. "Yeah, I guess." I said handing him the two vials the Medi-witch said Snape needed to take.

Snape grunted and tried to sit up. With my help he made it all the way back to the headboard. I got out of bed, reached for my clothes and slowly started getting dressed. "When are you due back?" Snape asked with sour face as he took one of the potions. "Dumbledore said I could only stay for a day, but like I care what he says..." I snorted pulling on my trousers.

Snape eyed me angrily. "Your going back Potter." He said setting the empty vials in the wastebasket to his right. I rolled my eyes and laced up my boots. "You think that this war is some sort of game." Snape told me. I laughed out loud. "Well it seems that way lately doesn't it?"

Snape eyed me coldly. "Then I'm giving for my life for a game you don't even care if we win or lose." Snape paused looking at me to see if I'd answer. I don't know why he does it. Why he kisses me like I'm the only thing in the world, then the next second he throws me out of his life like I'm the morning garbage. I still said nothing though. I just didn't feel like it. I didn't feel like having Snape hate me more then he already did.

"Go back to first line." he said again. I sighed and bent over to grab my jacket off the ground. I slipped it on and left it unbuttoned. I leaned over the bed to kiss him lightly on the lips.

"Fine" I muttered.

Snape sighed and pushed me away gently. I looked at him one more time before walking to the door and leaving. I had a strange feeling that I had just lost a fight.

Harry-

Did Hermione tell you I wrote her? I'm guessing she did. I just found out I'm coming early since second and third line are really in need of troops. Hermione says it's been kind of crazy down there, in more ways then one. I guess I never really expected war to be like this. People I know actually dieing. It's kind of weird but… I always thought this would be fun, you know? Maybe you don't. I guess I just always pictured war making me into something like a hero…something like you.

I'm supposed to arrive at Order central at about five in the morning tomorrow. You should meet me. Maybe we can talk before I go to my line. Hopefully I'll see you then.

Love,

Ginny

I went back to the first line. Neville and Remus had run things pretty well. I was even told the soldiers were glad I was gone. I didn't really care though. Neville informed me that Dumbledore had stopped by to see how good of shape the soldiers were in. He said he wasn't too impressed. He said they looked over worked. Also, that I was to come in to talk to him as soon as I returned. I cursed under my breath when Remus and Neville finished telling me.

"Bloody hell! Why didn't you owl me? I could have saved fifteen miles of flying. Now it's going to take me a good hour to get to there. " I said angrily. "Dumbledore said we shouldn't. They're going to be stopping owl flight pretty soon. He doesn't want them to get intercepted. " Neville explained. I growled angrily. "That's horse shit! I just got a letter from Ginny. I swear that man just loves to fuck around with me." I snarled fisting my hands into my hair.

Remus sighed and pulled my hands away. " I have to fly back as well, so at least we won't be alone." Remus told me. I snorted. "I'll have to stay there until tomorrow sometime too." I snapped remembering Ginny wanting me to meet her there.

"Ginny wants me to meet her when she arrives with her troops from pre-training." I told them. Lupin sighed." Well at least you won't be alone. I think Dumbledore called in the other four captains from lines two through five." Remus said.

I grumbled and unbuttoned my jacket to put on a fresh one. "Well, better now then never, shall we?" I asked Remus grabbing my still air cold broom from the ground. Remus nodded and grabbed his as well.

I didn't really expect Dumbledore to be angry with me because of the way I had been training my troops. I figured he had gotten used to Snape being the way he was, that when I began to train in the same fashion it wouldn't even cross his mind. I think Dumbledore knew that I hated fighting now. I think he knew, that if I had the chance I would retire veteran. I know Mrs. Weasley would be disappointed. Remus probably would be as well. I know Snape would want to kill me, but I didn't think I would care. I just wanted this war to end. For me but also for everyone else. Either way, I didn't care.

When Lupin and I finally arrived at Order Central, Moody greeted us at the door.

"Dumbledore's been expecting you two. Potter go straight in. Lupin, Tonks and Malfoy need you in back." I cringed knowing that damn Malfoy was here. I wondered how close he was to Dumbledore and how much trust the older man placed in him.

I stepped inside after Remus nodded at me and left my side. I began to wonder if Dumbledore would be talking to me alone, or if Moody and some of the other Order members would be present. I imagined myself becoming angry in a room full of Wizards and witches. I was sure they would take my badge for captain if things got too out of control. My worries vanished quickly when I looked up and saw Dumbledore standing at the top of the stairs.

"Ah, Captain come up would you?" Though the older wizard had asked me, I knew it was a command. I shrugged and walked up the stairs. I didn't really think Dumbledore could look much more tired then when I saw him weeks back at the Hospital. However, if possible, now he looked even worse. Though his eyes still held youth and wisdom, his face held the aging and tiredness of an old man. I began to really notice, not only what the war was doing to the world, but the people.

Obviously Hermione and I and any who knew Ron would never be the same again. Snape and I would never be the same. I used to hate the man for gods sakes! Now I'm fucking him! Remus would probably be the sanest out of us all. He seemed to deal with losses the best so far. Then again, I always knew Remus as a man of honor. Never showing any real emotion besides happiness.

I also knew what Dumbledore had to say probably wouldn't be anything I wanted to hear. I followed him up the stairs into a small room that he had made his own. It was one of the larger rooms in Order Central. We hadn't even referred to this house as Sirius' since he passed through the veil. Remus was the first to acknowledge it as Order Central, and no longer Sirius'. I think it made me feel as if Sirius was never really here. That he never really lived in this place.

But every time I saw Lupin here, I'd watch his eyes skim the room, looking for something that had changed about the house. As if he's trying to put new memories over the ones he wished he could forget. Like he's pushing everything away.

Maybe I was wrong. Remus would probably be the worst out of all of us in the long run.

I sat down in the small room, before Dumbledore even offered. Because I know he would have anyways. I watched him open a draw of his desk and pull out a thin stack of papers. He pulled the first one into his eyesight and began to read. "Short tempered, Strangely Cruel, Demanding, evil, Insane." He paused and looked up at me. "That's just one mans opinion." Dumbledore said setting the paper down on his desk.

I snorted. "So my troops hate me." I said.

"They think your mentally enable to train them. One solider, and I quote said, ' He makes us run until we vomit, and if we don't vomit, he makes us train more until we do.' "

I shook my head. I felt anger rising in my temples and a flush coming to my face. "Was Snape any better?" I ask standing suddenly. "Even Captain Snape knew his limits. " Dumbledore said.

"It's a war damnit! If they can't handle some fucking food coming out their nose then they can't handle anything!" I snapped; I was aware that I had just shouted at my leading office and commander, but I really didn't care.

"Captain Potter, I am forced to make you turn over your badge and fill out your leaving papers. " The older Wizard told me. I looked out the window for a minute and clenched my fists. They had taken my best friend, My God father, my whole life, and now they wanted the only thing keeping me a live. My destiny.

But I gave it to them. I ripped my badge off my chest and pulled my dog tag labeled captain off my neck. I left the one that said Potter, just so I knew who I was. I slammed it down on the Desk.

He opened his mouth as if to speak but I stopped him before he could. "There is nothing you can say to make this okay Albus so don't even start. I've spent my whole life killing people because it was my destiny. You told me this is what I have to do. I have to kill the dark lord and all who try to stop me from doing so. "

He looked at me with old sliver blue eyes and sighed. "You're right. I did say that. But your destiny has changed. "

"It hasn't changed." I said sternly. Dumbledore sighed, "...but you have. "

We remained silent for a long while. I came to the conclusion that we weren't going to win this war, and Dumbledore had no intentions of us doing so either.

"What do I do now?" I ask him suddenly. Feeling very vulnerable and alone. Alone and scared. I had nothing now. Nothing but a damn dog tag and the clothes on my back. "You live the best you can. You hope for the best. You pray for your friends. And you forget what you saw."

I choked down a laugh and turned to look out the window once more.

"Can I go home then?"

"To Privet Drive?" He asked sounding surprised. I smiled and looked back at him. "To Hogwarts. "

The Older man smiled and looked at me. "I think that could be arranged. And I am quite certain captain Snape would be willing to join you."

Harry-

Remus came and told me about you. I don't know what to say really. You get to go back to Hogwarts. I find myself wondering if that's what you really wanted all along. I guess we all think about going back, don't we Harry? Maybe me even more then you. I think about. I think about you, Ron and I. Then I remember there's no going back. Maybe you'll realize that too. I hope Harry, that when you sit at Hogwarts some night you'll pick up a quill and write me. I want to part of your Future. Even if it's nothing like your past.

Love,

Hermione

I decided things hadn't turned out the way I wanted them. Or maybe just not the way I pictured. After I got my badge taken away Ginny came and we talked for bit. She looked so different. Her hair was still the same flaming red, and she smiled more often then necessary, but she was still different. She had lost her innocence. I think it was the first time I had notice that too.

She talked mostly. And I just listened. She told me about Ron's Death. And how her commanding officer told her in front of her whole troop. So she couldn't move, or cry or do anything out of line of her soldier duties. She backed off Ron and talked about Missing the Burrow, and how excited she was when Remus came down to check on them training. She hadn't seen anyone for such a long time that seeing his familiar face seemed unreal.

The night slipped away and Ginny talked. I found myself listening less and less and thinking more about Snape and I. Wondering if Snape really did want to go back to Hogwarts with me. I think Ginny noticed my mind was elsewhere. I felt her hand land on my shoulder lightly and I turned to face her in question.

"Hmm?" I asked snapping my head towards hers. "What are you thinking about?" She asked toying with the end of her red ponytail. I sighed. There was no way to explain what I was thinking about so I just shook my head and looked out the window. Ginny's hand still hadn't moved from my shoulder.

I felt her scoot closer and her head come to rest where her hand was moments ago. "I miss things like this." She told me. "Feeling things. Feeling things that make me forget where I am. Who I Am." she told me. I held my breath and wondered if she had lied all those years ago. Maybe she did still have some sort of feelings for me left inside.

I felt her small hand pick up mine. I looked down and saw how small her hands were compared to mine. How un-scarred they were. No calluses. No marks. She knew nothing of this war. She didn't know what she was jumping into.

"I like you Harry. I guess..." She paused and I bit my lip looking at anything but her. " ...I just always have." She said kissing my cheek lightly. She had no idea what she was doing. And even more important who she was doing it to. I wasn't Harry Potter the Boy who lived anymore. I was Ex-Captain Potter. I was a man who had seen more blood then Wizards twice my age. I was someone who didn't allow pretty girls to touch him anymore.

Only Potion masters.

I snorted and pushed her away. "Ginny … don't." I heard her disappointment, god ...I almost felt it. "I'm sorry." I whispered. " I didn't want to believe it." She said angrily. I watched her fists clench next her sides. "What?" I asked looking at her confused. She pulled at her hair and stood up .

"I didn't want to believe Hermione. God, Harry! Why?" She asked me. I didn't even know what she was asking me, but somehow I think I did. She looked at me with pleading angry eyes. "Why Snape? Of all people, of everyone you could have had!" Ginny hissed.

"You don't pick who you love Ginny. It just happens." I told her. She gapped at me. "You love him? He's an ass; he was a death eater and God Harry, its Snape!" She shouted.

"Well you love me Ginny and I'm a murder, an idiot and I'm an ass like Snape too! I just got my badge taken away because of it!" I shouted back. Ginny shook her head and turned her back to me.

I left soon after not saying anything; I didn't know what to think of her anymore.

I knew I had nothing to do but go and see Snape. To tell him about my adventures since I had last seen him. I hopped on my broom and flew past the trees and camps full of troops ready to fight, hoping that Snape was well, and that everything would turn out okay.

I landed carefully and walked went inside the hospital hearing only the sounds of my footsteps as I walked down the hall to find Snape. I came to his door and stopped with my hand on the handle. My heart pounded and eyes watered. I prayed that he was okay and that he wouldn't scowl me upon entering.

I opened the door slowly and found Snape lying on his side, blanket partly off, sleeping. I smiled down at his thin, long form. I had the sudden urge to just curl up and sleep. I had a feeling that if He were by me I wouldn't mind sleeping forever. I took of my boots, and then my outer robe. I carefully unbuckled my dirty green trousers and my white under shirt slipped over my head easily. I pulled the covers back completely and slipped into the bed next to Snape.

He didn't stir as I tucked my head under his chin. Or when my arms wrapped about him. He didn't even grunt as I kissed his neck lightly and breathed in his scent happily.

I felt my eyes draw heavy and my mouth open in a painful and long yawn. My mind grew fuzzy and my eyes finally shut. I feel asleep for the first time in a long while, not thinking about the war or anything else.

Harry-

I know I shouldn't be writing you telling you how sorry I am. I'm a fool and I know it. I know you do too. You must think I'm such a git the way I acted. I guess I'm just sorry. I'm sorry that I let myself get angry so easily. I'm sorry for kissing you. I just think about you sometimes, and when you finally there breathing, talking and just being alive, I knew I couldn't let that slip by. I knew I couldn't just let that chance slip by. You could have been dead soon, so could I, in a way I'm glad I did it. It's something I have to remember when I'm off fighting. Something to hold onto.

Write me please,

Ginny.

"Potter." Someone whispered in my ear. I grunted and pushed away. I didn't want to train those idiots again. I never wanted to wake up again. "Damnit Potter..." the voice growled. I cracked my eyes as my brain registered the voice again. "Severus..." I sighed happily letting my hands flop up lazily to his shoulders. He growled angrily and tried to pull away but my lips sealed to his to fast and he was stuck.

Right where I wanted him.

I felt and heard Snape make some sort of noise. I panicked wondering if I had hurt him but his arms came around me pulling me closer. The noise was not in pain after all. I sighed when he pulled away, and hummed happily as my hand came in contact with a pillow. "I hope you didn't kiss Weasley like that." Snape said dryly. I snapped up and looked at him confused.

He held out an open letter, with Ginny's name on it. "Thanks for reading it." I mumbled pulling it out of his grasp. " I have a right to know when my lov..." He stopped as he rolled his eyes at the word that nearly passed form his lips.

"Your what?" I asked smirking. Snape growled angrily and said nothing. "What am I Snape?" I whispered pulling him down for another kiss. "An annoying brat, with terrible breath." Snape said. It was his turn to smirk. "Yours isn't any better." I said pulling the blanket over my chest for heat.

"Dumbledore contacted me." Snape said. I groaned into the pillow. "He told me about your troops and that your badge has been taken away from you."

I didn't answer. If he already knew, there was nothing to tell. "What the hell did you do Potter?" Snape hissed. "I didn't do anything! I trained them. I made them strong. I did the same thing you would have done. "

"I didn't get my badge taken away." Snape pointed out. "You obviously did something Potter."

"Why do you do that! " I snapped angrily. "Why do you kiss me one moment, like I'm the only thing in the world, and then act like I'm some piece of shit picked off your damn boot?"

"If you would not act like a piece of shit Potter, I would not treat you as such." Snape snapped. I stood up and grabbed my socks from the inside of my boots and slipped them on my cold feet. "Did Dumbledore also tell you that you and I can go and stay at Hogwarts?" I asked Snape. I watched his eyebrows rise. "Why in gods name would I want to go there?" He asked stupidly. "Because I would be there. Because I want to be there. With you." I said not looking at him. Not wanting him to see me, if he wouldn't let me see him.

"But if you don't want to go to Hogwarts with me, then I guess...I guess I'll just have to go by myself!" I said yanking my shirt off the floor and putting it on. Snape rolled his eyes and pointed to the tag that stuck up from underneath my chin. I had stupidly shoved my shirt on backwards and inside out. "I thought I was supposed to be the stubborn one, Potter. But if you insist on going by yourself, I have no reason to stop you." Snape informed me. I stood still for a moment and thought about going to Hogwarts with out him.

I dropped my trousers I was holding in hand and sat down on the bed next to Snape. He looked away from me, but I still stared right at him. "Please. Just come with me. There's nothing here. Please." I asked letting my hand rest on the upper part of his thigh. I knew Snape was uncomfortable. I knew he probably wanted to smack me right now, but I just couldn't take no for answer.

"Hogwarts isn't the sky Potter." Snape told me dryly. My memory hitched and I thought back to the day when Snape asked where I would be If I could be anywhere but here. I said the sky. Because I could be free, like a Butterfly. "I know. But isn't it close?" I asked him. "It's all in the eyes of the beholder. " Snape said looking at me.

I smiled and leaned over kissing him lightly on the lips. "Come with me."

"I'm sick Potter."

"I'll take care of you." I said kissing him again.

"I don't need anyone to take care of me." He said stubbornly.

"Fine. Then Poppy can take care of you, if you need it, and you can teach me how to make those nasty Potions you have to take." I said smirking happily. Snape sighed and pulled away from my eager gaze.

"Fine." He grumbled at last. "But we are not flying. " Snape said crossing his arms.

"Only the best for my Potions Master." I said slipping out of bed.

Harry-

Dumbledore agreed to let you and Snape use a portkey to Hogwarts. He said Kingsley or I would bring one by sometime tomorrow afternoon. He also said that McGonagall and Flitwick might stop in some time, along with a few ministry officials. Hogwarts won't be empty, by any means; Poppy will be there if any help is needed with Severus. Maybe I'll stop by as well. See you tomorrow maybe.

Sincerely,

Remus

Snape didn't look happy as Kingsley stopped in, smiling, holding an old looking wizard hat in his hand. "I hope you two are nearly ready..." Kingsley said watching as I zipped up the last of Severus's things. "Yeah, nearly." I mumbled looking at Snape who sat in his training robes, looking still highly displeased.

"Alright, Snape?" Kingsley asked eyeing the Potions Master.

Snape glanced at the slightly younger man. "Fine." He muttered looking away from Kingsley's curious eyes.

"Two minutes..." Kingsley said looking at his watch. "How's Remus?" I asked hauling the last of Snape's bags on the bed; pulling out my wand in order to shrink them. "He's alright. Dumbledore made him stay, and made me come. Full moon's tonight. He's a bit restless right now." Kingsley explained. I nodded and bit my lip remembering the correct spell to use on the bags.

Snape pulled out his wand and muttered something I couldn't understand; the bags shrank slowly until they were barely the size of a baseball. "Severus!" I hissed. He looked at me with cold eyes. He knew he wasn't supposed to do magic. The slightest bit made him weaker by the minute.

"Do me a favor Potter, save your breath. " Snape snapped angrily. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from saying something that I would certainly regret later.

"Lay a finger on the Hat now..." Kingsley said eyes on his wristwatch. "Five...four...three...two..." and I suddenly felt the all too familiar tug in my navel.

We landed inside of doors of Hogwarts. Snape swayed falling back into me a little. Something pained in my stomach and I ignored it. I grabbed Snape's elbow to hold him for a minute, but he yanked away grunting something about not needing help. I knew that wasn't the reason. Didn't want it, more like. But I still wanted to give it to him. Because I knew someday not far from now he would need my help. Whether he wanted it or not. Kingsley watched Snape pull away from me, out of the corner of his eye. I knew he wanted to question Snape's coldness to me, But I just turned and stared blankly at him.

Snape said not a word to Kingsley, not even a small thank you, as he made his way down to the familiar cold of his Dungeons.

"Thanks. " I said squeezing the older Wizards Shoulder before following quickly after Snape.

Even if he was sick, he walked faster than normal, like he just wanted to get away from me. "God damnit Severus, wait for three seconds, would you!" I snapped running after him. Snape slowed, but not much, and he didn't look back to see If I was catching up or not.

He entered his rooms, with out using a password. I expected that when everyone left Hogwarts for the war, That Dumbledore un-spelled all the doors here. But I wasn't sure. Snape stood not far from the doorway gazing around the room. As if looking to see if everything was the way he left it.

"You could have at least said thank you to Kingsley." I told him coldly. "Leave me alone Potter." Snape growled walking to the front of his rooms, grazing his fingers over the soft wood of his desk, which was covered in a thin layer of dust. Two papers were laying on it, looking hastily ripped open. Snape lifted one, and then after looking over it quickly crushed it in his hands and threw it in the wastebasket.

"What was that?" I asked looking at Snape's frustrated expression. "Old news. " Snape muttered. "Bad news?" I asked wanting to reach up and touch his cheek. He looked paler than I remembered. "No, Potter, I won the lottery." Snape said dryly. I snorted and reached into the basket opening the crinkled piece of paper.

Snape was sitting in his desk chair, digging through his draws, looking at old papers and such.

The paper looked like it was a note of some sort. It had a date in the upper right corner, but it was empty.

"Were you writing something here or what?" I asked looking over at Snape. Snape reached over and took the paper from my grasp, brows creased together. "Please, stay out of my business Potter." Snape snapped tucking the bit of parchment in his breath pocket of his robes.

"A minute ago it was just a piece of trash. " I said stuffing my hands into my pockets. "Don't you have anything else to do, besides stand there like my mother, Potter?"

"I just want to be here with you, like we planned, Snape." I said coldly. "I don't want to be here Potter. I don't want to be anywhere you are at the moment." He told me.

"What is your fucking problem Severus? One minute we're shagging and the next you hate me and want me gone! Do you have multiple personalities I should know about!" I shouted.

Snape stood up tall and grabbed me by the collar. "If you recall Potter, I never wanted to be here in the first place. And when did I say I liked you? "Snape hissed shoving me away. I crossed my arms over my chest. "You never said it. I just know. "I told him. Snape snorted. "You're a true Gryffindor you know that?" Snape muttered.

"...And you're a right bastard." I said right back. Snape rolled his eyes and sat down at his desk again. I walked over and placed my hand carefully on his shoulder. "I like you, though." I whispered. I wasn't even sure if Snape heard.

Snape moved away and looked around his classroom. I swore for a moment I heard him whisper, "Moron."

Harry-

Remus said that Kingsley took Snape and you back to Hogwarts yesterday. I hope every thing is well with you. Things here are alright. Remus stops in every now and then, to see any patients he knows. Neville is in. A bad leg injury. Some death eaters attacked, but only seven died. So I suppose it could be worse. Kingsley said Snape wasn't very pleasant to be around. But I just shrugged. He's not very pleasant usually is he? I suppose you can't blame him. I hope you're okay Harry. I really do.

Love,

Hermione.

"Will you get that annoying owl any from me!" Snape snapped as I finished reading Hermione's letter. I sighed and shook my head. Snape was stirring some sort of Potion, as I picked up Hermione's letter and opened the window for the owl to leave. "What are you making anyway?" I asked curiously.

"Nothing." Snape mumbled reading the instruction from a crinkled piece of paper. It was obviously the potions, the Medi-witches at the Hospital wanted him to take. "I told you I would help you make those." I said angrily standing next to him. "I would rather have Longbottom inject me with poison than trust you making a potion." Snape said coldly.

I rolled my eyes and starred at Snape smiling faintly. He was pale, and sick looking. But somehow he still looked as intimidating as he always had. I watched Snape take slow steady breaths. His hand began to shake a bit as he added what must have been the last ingredient.

I walked around the table and carefully took the ladle out of Snape's hand. "Let me stir it...Just...Just sit, would you?" I asked looking at him with a worried expression. "Potter..." Snape growled. But I just gently pushed him to a near by stool, and began to stir. "Slowly Potter!" Snape snapped. I sighed and stirred slowly, and surely, making sure the Potion was turning a dark purple like the instructions said.

Snape let his head fall carefully into his hands. "Alright?" I asked looking at him with concern. "Fine, Potter, Watch the potion if you would please!" he hissed.

"Alright ...alright..."

A few minutes passed, and Snape looked up at the potion carefully. "Fill that up, on your right." He said with a tired sound in his voice. I picked up the cup and poured it slowly from the ladle, nearly all the way to the brim, and handed it to Snape. Who mumbled what sounded like a thanks.

The Potion smelled alright, but I had enough experience to know that not many potions tasted great. Snape sat the cup down and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. I walked over to him and moved a piece of dark hair out of his face.

Snape looked away from me, breathing more evenly now. It was strange. How being here with the man I used to hate, and somehow kind of still did, made me feel more free then I ever had been. I felt for the first time in my life, that I had control on what was happening around me.

Even though I knew that people outside these walls, were dieing.

I let my hand rest against his slightly ruff cheek. Snape stiffened for a moment. Even though I had touched Snape more times then I could count, he never got used to affection. Never understood that I enjoyed doing it. "Alright?" I asked moving close enough to stand between his legs, where he sat on the stool.

He was taller than me. But when he sat down, we were nearly the same height. "I'm Fine Potter...for the last time..." Snape hissed. "I wish you didn't lie." I whispered resting my head against his. I felt him shudder and breathe heavily through his nose. "I. Am. Fine." He told me again, trying to convince me.

I smiled and pressed my lips carefully to his. "Me too. " I told him. Snape made a sort of desperate noise and pulled me closer. "Moron." He muttered against my lips, before kissing me again. Softly. Not pressing and forcing. Just light lips on lips. He pulled back and gently kissed me again. I moaned and wrapped my arms around his neck. Snape pulled back once more, and I opened my eyes. His were opened as well.

God, they were dark. So dark, I felt myself being pulled into their depths. Felt myself being pulled into Snape. I couldn't take it. I wanted to be part of him. I launched myself forward kissing him forcefully. Snape groaned and let one of his arms wrap around my waist as the other dug into my hair. My lips were going to bruise, and I wouldn't leave Snape's in any better condition.

This man had no idea. No idea what it was like for me to know he wasn't always going to be there forever. That he was going to die. He didn't know I would care if he died. And even if he heard me say it, would he believe it?

Snape's hand somehow got under my shirt and crawled up and down my spine. I moaned and pressed myself closer to the man I somehow had come to love. I pulled away and dipped my head into Snape's neck and kissed it lightly. Snape's hand still trailed up and down my back carefully.

"I love you..." I whispered. Snape said nothing.

But he didn't let go.

He never let go.

Harry -

Its hell here, I won't lie to you. I suppose you don't expect less, do you? It is war after all. Dumbledore says you didn't take having your badge taken away well. I told him there was no way for you to be alright with it. I tried to talk sense into him, Harry. But he's always right. Albus always has a plan. Whatever it is I'm sure you come along somewhere in it. You have to. It's your prophecy to kill Voldermort. I just don't understand that man sometimes... It's hard to.

I hope your well Harry. I mean it.

Take care.

Sincerely,

Remus.

I set the letter down and carefully laid my hand on the old tawny owl, before opening the window to let him out. Snape was asleep. Sleeping was what he did a lot of lately. It wasn't as though I thought he was bound to get better. Remus and Dumbledore clearly told me, he would not live through this. There wasn't a cure for being over dosed to magic.

And for the longest time I thought magic cured everything. But really, too much of it hurts you. It didn't make sense. It just didn't.

I heard a coughing sound coming from the bedroom. Severus told me to stop mothering him but every time he coughed, or struggled for breath, my heart always stopped and I would have to remind myself, he's sick Harry...this is real. This is real... I had to remember that, even though he sometimes looked fine. He wasn't. And that's not fair. It doesn't seem fair that a man, who went through some much pain, had to die.

If I could have, I think I would have traded places with him.

I looked up, hearing more coughing noises and gripped the edge of the desk, until my hands started to turn white. I couldn't just sit there any longer.

I walked over to Snape's bedroom door and carefully opened it. Snape lay, still sleeping, on his back, head to the side, and arms thrown above his head. His blankets lay on the ground, so hurriedly I picked them up and covered him again.

When I looked up, Black eyes melded into green. He said nothing for sometime. He just starred at me with lidded eyes, looking as though maybe he'd just fall back asleep. "Have you nothing better to do?" He asked dryly pushing himself into a sitting position. I shrugged and went to the side table and pulled out my wand, in attempt to fill Snape's glass with water. I stopped and looked at my wand.

Any kind of magic would just make his condition worse. I never noticed just how often I used magic. To pour myself a simple glass of water, I used my wand. Snape looked at me with a raised brow. I leaned over carefully and kissed his slightly chapped lips, before walking into the bathroom, cup in hand.

Snape seemed to watch me the whole time. Eyes fixed like hawk, wondering what in Merlin's name I was up to.

"Is your wand broken?" Snape asked taking the now filled glass from my hand. "No." I said as I sat down next to him on the bed. Snape rolled his eyes and took one careful sip of water before handing it back to me. "Are you hungry?" I asked him.

He hadn't eaten in nearly a day.

"No." Snape said soundly slightly annoyed. "Remus wrote me. He is doing alright." I lied. Snape closed his eyes and leaned back against the headboard. "The full moons in eight days. Does he need a potion?" Snape asked. I hadn't thought about the full moon. "I dunno. He didn't say." I told him.

Snape snorted. "He wouldn't. Lupin's a moron. He thinks too much about interfering in others lives, rather then slightly improving his own. "

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "He's not a moron and you know it." I said standing up. Snape grabbed my arm, and pulled me back suddenly. I thought for a minute we were going to have another stupid argument.

"D-Did Lupin say anything about the war?" Snape asked, as though he just wanted a reason for me to stay with him. Like he didn't want to be left alone. I looked down at my arm, which Snape still held in a tight grip.

"He...he said it's like hell..." I admitted. Snape sighed and let me go.

I bent over and pulled off my socks carefully. I then stood and slipped off the sweater I wore. Snape watched me with interest, especially when I glasses got caught on my sweater and then flew off when I tugged rather hard on it. I heard him make a noise of amusement and I glared at him before removing my trousers leaving me, in just a white shirt and boxers.

Snape looked at me curiously as I made my way back to bed pulling the covers back and crawling in.

"Who invited you?" He asked dryly, lying back down. I shrugged and moved closer to him. Snape lay facing me, looking at me, as though trying to remember what I looked like.

"I don't remember that..." Snape muttered reaching out to feel a slight indent on the right side of face, just below my cheekbone. "Got it training." I told him. "Me and Ron were goofing around with the new swords."

Snape snorted. "Leave it to a Weasley."

"No, actually I was trying to look cool when Hermione came into the room and I swung it wrong."

Snape huffed rubbed a pale hand over his face. "Only a Potter."

"You have something against everyone don't you?" I asked leaning forward seeking his warmth. Snape sighed and wrapped his longer arms about me, as I dipped my head into the crock of his neck.

"Not everyone. Just you and your friends." Snape muttered.

I laughed and kissed the pale throat, listening to the almost even breathing coming from Severus. Not much later he fell asleep. It wasn't long before I followed in suit.

' Weasley! Get over here! ' A dark haired man yelled. Spells flew back and fourth, and somehow Ron and I stood in battle together. 'Get over there and kill them morons!' Ron shouted at the soldiers still following him. I looked at Ron about to ask him what was going on ...he was dead...he was supposed to be dead...

Ron wiped the sweat from his forehead and tightened the hold on his wand before running right past me. I ran after him, wondering what the hell was going on. I looked down at my feet and found myself barefoot. I stopped running for a minute and to look at myself clad in a white t-shirt and boxers.

'Anderson! You fucking moron! Watch out!' Ron shouted. I looked over and saw the man that must have been Anderson. He didn't look a day over eighteen, as he stood watching a spell being flung towards him.

Ron pulled out his wand and shouted a clear, 'Avada Kedavra!' I heard in the distance someone scream, most likely a death eater of some sort.

Ron pulled Anderson by the arm and started to run again, near a large bunch of trees.

I wondered what I was about to see...and if it was what I thought it was.

Not even second later, three death eaters came flying in on brooms, black robed, white masked and all. They all had their wand at the ready, flying towards Ron and the other man.

"RON!" I screamed. I was going to see him die...I was going to see how he died..."RON NO! LOOK BEHIND YOU!" I screamed. Even though somehow I knew he was going to die anyways. Even though I knew he couldn't hear me.

One of the three death eaters pointed his wand right at Anderson and shouted, 'Avada Kedavra!' Anderson fell limp and Ron stopped suddenly. I watched as Ron turned around to see the killers, face sweaty and full of dirt. I watched them scream with joy and call together, 'Crucio!'

I had expected them to just kill Ron. No. They didn't.

They just let him suffer. And suffer. Suddenly, Hermione's words came back to me ,'... I didn't even recognize the body as his...'

"STOP IT DAMNIT!" I shouted watching the death eaters shriek with laughter, Putting Ron under Crucio over and over again. Ron's scream echoed in my mind, like I was there to hear it, like I had seen it all before. Finally, after what must have been a good fifteen minutes, they stopped. I looked at Ron, face paler than death, blood coming from both his mouth and nose... he didn't look human...he...

A death eater raised his wand and screamed, 'Avada Kedavra!' Ron stopped twitching and lay perfectly still. Only the whites of his eyes showing.

'NO! GOD DAMNIT!' I shouted trying to run over to him. They killed him...they fucking killed him...

"Potter...Stop it… Potter Damnit!" Snape growled as he held my arms away from his face. Snape looked down at me with tired eyes. "He suffered Severus...they didn't just kill him...they fucking destroyed him..." I sobbed trying to pull out of Snape's grasped.

"Who was killed? What..."

"Ron! Ron was killed! I just saw it... I just..." my stomach made a sick sound and I covered my mouth and ran to the bathroom. I made it just in time, before I vomited. Snape was there moments later. His cold hand on my back. He reached up in the cupboard and took out a blue vial and handed it to me.

"What..." I tired but Snape just shoved it at me, covering his yawn with his hand. I unstoppered the vial carefully and looked back up at Snape. He was probably sleeping very well until my insane babbling woke him up. "I'm sorry..." I mumbled before pouring the contents of the vial down my throat. "You can't control dreams, Potter." Snape said factually. I sighed and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

" I know...I just...I haven't had a dream like that in ...in a long time." I told him. I tried not to think about it. Tried not to think about Ron. Or what I had just seen.

What if Ginny or Hermione, or even Mrs. Weasley knew that was how he died? How could they stand to live another day if they knew?

I bit my lip and wiped my eyes before Snape would comment on it. "Can we just go back to bed?" I whispered standing up. Snape was still taller then me; he probably always would be.

He looked down at me for a moment and then pushed open the bathroom door. I walked out without saying another word to him. And as we got into bed, Snape grabbed me around the waist and kissed me. I stiffened for a minute, confused. He pulled back, and looked me in the eyes before pulling the blankets over us both.

"Sleep." Snape muttered, pulling me back into the same position we were before. I sighed and pushed one my legs between his to get comfortable. As I felt myself slip into a more peaceful sleep, I felt Severus's lips as they kissed the side of my head.

Mr. H. Potter,

By request of the Order of the Phoenix you are to attend a highly important meeting, August the 14th, at number twelve Grimmauld Place At approximately nineteen hundred hours. This is a REQUIRED meeting.

Best wishes,

Albus Dumbledore, Remus J. Lupin, Alastor Moody.

The Order of the Phoenix.

….to be continued….