A/N: Yeah, a new story! Yippii!
And once again, the disclaimer: I still do not own anything concerning Beyblade, okay? Good.
Before beginning the story, I want to note that there'll be plenty of flashbacks, as this story moves in two timelines: present and past. But don't worry, they should be quite clear, and the flashbacks move in timeline from the oldest to newest. Anyway, if you get confused, don't be afraid to ask me for help, alright? I'll do my best in explaining myself. (grin)
Well, here it begins! Hope you like it.
/ At first Kai thought he was still dreaming as he heard silent whimpers through the terrible noise of thunder. He was just about to drift back into sleep when he felt a hand touch his shoulder.
He growled, deeply irritated, and was just about to drift off to sleep when he heard the silent, desperate whisper. " Kai… Please, wake up".
Sighing deeply, he turned around. A frown crossed his features as he saw Ray's face that was a mask of fear. " Ray? What's wrong?" he asked, voice still sleepy.
Ray flinched and jumped visibly as another roar of thunder almost made the room shutter. " It's… It's the thunder".
Kai didn't know if he should've been annoyed or amused. " Are you seriously afraid of something as childish as that?".
Ray seemed hurt, then jumped for another roar of thunder. " Don't be mean". Ray seemed embarrassed all of a sudden. " Look, I… I would really need company, and…".
A warm, yet small smile twisted the corners of Kai's lips upwards. The sight almost took Ray's breath away – he didn't remember ever seeing another smile so beautiful. Or was it just because it was so rare? What Kai did next, however, shocked him even more. Slowly, almost hesitantly, Kai moved his blanket, looking at him with usually fierce burgundy eyes soft all of a sudden. " Come here", the Russian half-whispered. " I don't want you to stay awake all night, you'd be no good in training tomorrow".
Despite the still raging thunder, Ray couldn't help smiling as he obeyed and snuggled himself as close to Kai as possible without scaring the boy. Still smiling, he let his tired eyes slide shut, enjoying of Kai's warmth that made him feel completely safe. " Thanks", he murmured, then fell asleep.
A smile Ray couldn't see light up Kai's face as the Phoenix heard Ray purr in his sleep. " You're welcome", he whispered. /
Golden eyes snapped open as the monotonous voice suddenly came to Ray's ears.
" Flight to New York is about to land. Please fasten your seatbelts".
Giving a slight sigh, Ray did as ordered, then turned his head to look out of the window. The huge, sparkling city seemed to be approaching him in an breathtaking speed, and without even self noticing it he held his breath and squeezed his hands into tight fists, eyes widening in excitement.
Of course he'd been in a plane for dozens of times before, but the landing was still always a breathtaking experience to him. He wasn't afraid of it, no, just… excited, almost like child. He always enjoyed of the thrill he got from the feeling of the huge plain hitting the ground.
But soon enough the magic disappeared as the plain landed safely, and the monotonous speaker announced that it was time to leave the plane, time to face the harsh reality. With a loud sigh Ray prepared to abandon his seat.
/ Not a word had been said or even needed for at least twenty minutes as Ray and Kai walked towards their current hotel-room in the already dark alleys of London, holding each other's hand without even noticing it. Sun had set for hours earlier, but neither felt tired. In Kai's calming company Ray, who was usually extremely jumpy and cautious in new environment, didn't even notice the apparent signs of threat their surroundings were sending.
They'd been walking around like this dozens of times during the past year, not really talking, just enjoying of their changing surroundings and each other's company. They both knew how suspicious it must've looked – two guys constantly running away from their team like that – but they didn't care. They were too much at peace with one another.
Both became almost disappointed as they arrived to their hotel, and the moment when their magic would have to break came closer. But instead of entering, they both stood by the door, almost like paralyzed. Like following some mysterious manuscript they took one short step towards each other, and before either even realized what they were doing their lips met in a soft, yet passionate kiss that both had been waiting for since the magical stormy night. /
It seemed to take forever before Ray was finally out of the plane, and even longer before he finally spotted Max from the crowd. The blonde was smiling to him as always, but this time there seemed to be something more to it. Pity, sadness… Ray knew the feeling, but couldn't find a name to it.
" Hi Ray!" the young man greeted him, making his way towards him. " Let me take those bags for you".
" Thanks", he murmured, feeling the dark cloud inside of him thicken in Max's bright and shining presence. Perhaps he'd been a fool thinking so, but he had in a way hoped that being around Max would somehow make him feel better. It seemed that he'd once again been mistaken.
They walked in silence for quite some time, avoiding the worst crowd and both obviously wondering what would be the best way to begin the inevitable conversation.
When they were finally out of the airport, the chilly autumn air embracing them and cooling Ray's face heated by all the crying he'd done, Max begun. " Ray… This is kinda drastic, don't you think?" the blonde said carefully, obviously avoiding direct eye-contact with him. " Are you really sure about this?".
" Yes, I am". Ray's voice was much more harsh than he had first intended, but he didn't even notice it. His golden eyes wetted once more, and it took just about all his strength not to cry again. " I just… I can't go back to him, not after everything…".
Seeming less than convinced, Max nodded. Tough there was clearly a lot the young man would've wanted to say, he ended up saying just one word, knowing that there was nothing he could do or say that would change Ray's stubborn mind. " Okay".
/ The mansion of Hiwatari-family echoed with shouts of anger as two lovers threw bitter words of frustration towards each other.
" You can't seriously be that insecure, Ray!" Kai yelled. " So I'm not even allowed to have a cup of coffee with Tala now, is that what you're saying?". Attempting to calm himself, Kai clenched his hands into tight fists. " Tala is a friend, Ray, nothing more. If you can't believe that…".
" How am I supposed to know what to believe in when you won't tell me how you feel!" Ray bellowed back. " I don't know what the hell Tala is, and that's beside the point! But we've been together for months, and I still don't have clue of what you feel for me!".
" How the hell am I supposed to know what I feel when you keep pressuring me!" Kai cried, voice tightened with frustration. " I don't know, Ray! I just don't know, okay!".
The words affected Ray as tough the boy had been shot. He visibly flinched, and his golden cat's-eyes widened. The boy was obviously shivering as he took one step back, then another.
Realizing what he'd just said, Kai inhaled a gasp, his eyes also widening. " Oh my God…", he whispered. " Ray…".
But it was too late to take back the harmful words. The neko-jin turned around faster than Kai had ever seen anyone move and ran away before he could utter another word. /
Long and silent car-trip later, Ray followed Max as the young man opened the door of his new, two weeks ago bought apartment. Entering the small, slightly shabby yet strangely comfortable one-room apartment, he noticed with slight amusement that a huge amount of boxes were still laying around unpacked.
Some things never change, it seemed.
He startled slightly as someone suddenly emerged Max's bedroom. It was a beautiful young woman – probably about Max's age – with thick, shortcut hair that were dyed black from top and white from the bottom, and emerald green eyes. Ray looked away with slight embarrassment and huge pain as the woman – who was obviously unaware of his presence – walked up to Max and kissed the young man passionately. " Hi. I missed you", Ray heard her whisper.
" Missed you too". That was apparently the point where Max decided to make Ray's existence noticed. " Bria, this is Ray, the friend I went to pick up from the airport. Ray, this is Bria, my… fiancée".
Hearing the last word, Ray arched an eyebrow. Little-Maxie had clearly forgotten to tell him – and everyone else, for that matter – something…
Pity briefly flashed in Bria's eyes as she saw the wheelchair Ray was sitting in, but she quickly disguised it with a huge smile. " Hi. Nice to meet you".
/ Ray didn't know for how long he'd been sitting on the bridge, cold wind striking his body shivering from both cold and sobs. Tears of pain were running down his face as Kai's words stroke his mind, again and again.
" How the hell am I supposed to know what I feel when you keep pressuring me! I don't know, Ray! I just don't know, okay!".
He didn't remember ever feeling the kind of anger he felt at the moment, least of all caused by someone he loved so much. The new-found feeling was driving him crazy – just like Kai always did. It seemed the Phoenix managed to pull the best and the worst out of him.
Is love supposed to be this complicated, he wondered.
Ray let out a sob, then tensed as he heard steps approaching him. Even without looking he knew it was Kai – his cat's-senses immediately recognized his love's soft scent of mint – and he couldn't help wondering what the boy would do. Neither said a word as Kai eventually stopped, stood beside him.
The silence must've lasted for several minutes before Kai finally spoke. " I'm sorry".
" Is it true?" Ray asked, tough he was afraid of the answer. His voice was harsh for fear and crying, sounded unfamiliar in his ears. " Do you really not know?".
Kai sighed, staring at some spot in distance to avoid looking at him. " I wish I could say I am sure, Ray. You have no idea of how much. It's just…". Kai sighed again, obviously frustrated, and this time looked at him, a lost look in his auburn eyes. The Phoenix was obviously on the verge of tears. " I'm so scared of all this. I… I don't know anything…".
Ray felt his rage melt. No matter how frustrated or pissed off he was at Kai, he couldn't bare seeing his love that lost. " Sh…". Forgetting all his previous pain and anger, Ray leaned in, catching Kai's lips in a small, comforting kiss. As the kiss ended, he leaned his forehead against Kai's and brushed the boy's face gently with his hand, his eyes closed. " You'll be sure eventually, Kai. It's okay". He granted Kai another small kiss. " I'll help you". /
Later that night, with Bria going off for work (she had a nightshift as a nurse in a hospital) and Max already in bed, Ray looked from the window as life flashed by below him. Even tough it was late, the streets were still filled with people and energy, noises and all kinds of echoes of life.
Ray envied those people who still had spark inside of them. He suspected they didn't even know how lucky they were.
As an old habit, he reached his fingers to touch his finger where a ring, a sign of promise given by Kai, had previously been. He blinked in surprise and looked down at his hand as his fingers met soft skin, then valiantly fought away the tears as he remembered why the ring wasn't there anymore.
He couldn't cry anymore, he'd been doing far too much of that already. Besides, what good did the tears do anymore?
" Ray?". He almost jumped as the sleepy, groggy voice of Max met his ears. " What are you still doing up? It's two am".
" Couldn't sleep", he replied shortly, hoping that it would satisfy his friend.
Max's approaching steps told him it didn't. Soon enough his friend was stood beside him with a worried look in his blue eyes. " I still don't understand why you left him, Ray", Max told him gently, obviously worriedly. The young man gave him a stern look. " And I still think I deserve an explanation. After all, it's my couch you're occupying".
Staring out the window, Ray said nothing.
/ As Ray entered the training-hall in Moscow, his blood immediately begun to boil at what he saw.
Kai and Tala were stood on the opposite sides of the dish, both absorbed by the obviously extremely intense practice-match, Kai his back towards Ray.
" WOLBORG!" Tala summoned his beast, blue eyes flashing.
" DRANZER, ATTACK!" Kai ordered in a voice that resembled a thunder.
The two blades collided with an amazing force, causing a flash of light that blinded all three for a moment. When they were all able to see again, they saw that both blades had been thrown off the dish. It was a tie.
The look Ray saw in Tala's eyes made a tight knot squeeze itself around his chest. The two friends talked in Russian for a while (which was almost enough to drive Ray crazy, as he couldn't understand them), before Tala noticed him. The young man seemed far above uncomfortable as he turned his gaze towards Kai after picking up Wolborg. " I think I should go", the boy announced.
" What for?" Kai asked, sounding confused. The boy then turned his head and saw Ray. " Hey. When did you come?".
" Long ago enough", Ray replied through gritted teeth.
Few more Russian words were passed between Kai and Tala before the latter walked away, hardly daring to take a swift glance at Ray.
As soon as Tala was out, usually calm Ray lost control over himself completely. " I thought you were supposed to stop hanging around Tala", he bit out.
" Tala is a friend, Ray, one of which I don't exactly have too many", Kai explained, obviously trying his hardest to keep his composure.
" Well if he's just a friend, why the hell didn't you tell me you were training with him!". Ray, who was by then roaring, knew that he was being completely ridiculous, but couldn't control himself.
" Because I knew that something like this would be coming". Kai's auburn eyes were filled with annoyance and disappointment. " Don't you trust me, Ray? Is that it?". Kai inhaled few furious, shuttering breaths, to no avail trying to remain calm. " Damnit, I've promised you thousands of times! Why don't you trust me!".
" Well I'm not the one who hangs around with my ex-boyfriend!" Ray snarled. " And when you can't even tell how you feel for me, it's kinda hard to trust you, you know?".
Kai's eyes flashed, and Ray immediately knew that he'd crossed a line with bringing Kai and Tala's past into their argument. " So… Do you want to break up, is that what you're saying?".
" Perhaps it is".
It wasn't until then Ray realized what he'd said, and he gasped, looking at Kai with widened eyes. But before he could come up with anything to say, Kai was gone. /
" So you are really never gonna go back to Kai, is that what you're thinking?" Max cut the long silence, during which Ray had been completely absorbed by his memories.
He nodded. " Yeah". First time since he closed the door of his previous home, a short-lived smile crossed his features, making him seem alive for a brief moment. " Don't worry, I won't be crashing here forever. Just… long enough to… get things sorted out".
" I still wish you would think this over", Max told him. " He really loves you, you know that?".
Ray's golden eyes showed a huge amount of sadness. " Well, sometimes love just isn't enough". Not self noticing it, he sighed. " Besides, we've hurt each other too many times. I… I can't go on like that forever, you know? Neither of us can". Pain – unlike anything he'd ever felt before – squeezed his heart so tightly he feared it might break. (Like it hadn't been smashed to pieces already.) " If I'd go back, it would kill us both".
Still seeming anything but sure, Max gave a small nod. " If that's how you really feel". The young man gave him a brief smile. " But go to bed. You look like shit, you know that?".
Ray couldn't help smiling slightly as well, knowing that his friend made a huge understatement. " If that makes you stop bossing me around".
Smiling, Max stretched. " Can't promise you anything". The young man begun to walk towards the bedroom. " Goodnight, Ray. Try to get some sleep, 'k?".
" I will. Night, Max".
As the bedroom door closed, Ray turned his wheelchair with a huge sigh and begun to make his way towards the couch prepared for him. He was dead-tired, after all. Attempting to sleep for at least a couple of hours wouldn't do harm.
As he finally fell into a some sort of a stupor after two hours of rolling around, his dreams were filled with Kai and their painful history.
A single crystalline tear made its way to his cheek.
/ Ray laid in a bed in Kai's mansion – where the Bladebrakers were staying during the Russian tournament – tough he knew that he wouldn't be able to get any sleep as long as he'd be alone in the bed.
It had been two days from when Kai had stormed out of the training-hall, and he was getting seriously worried. He knew that he'd made a strike to underneath the belt, but still… Where the heck was Kai? Was he okay? Was he… Was he with Tala?
With a loud sigh Ray turned around, stroking the cold side of the bed with a sad look in his eyes. It would've been so tempting to cry, but he wouldn't allow himself such pleasure. " Where are you, Kai?" he whispered a question to the unoccupied pillow. " Please, come home…".
With another sigh he closed his eyes, once again wondering the same thing.
Is love supposed to be this complicated?
Because if love was supposed to make a person feel the way he was feeling at the moment, if it was really supposed to hurt so much…
Then Ray wasn't sure if in love was what he wanted to be. /
TBC.
A/N: Uh-huh... Love sure isn't easy! But wait a sec... Ray in a wheelchair! Since when?
Anyway... Do you wish to read further?