Lantern Boo
Disclaimer: DC and AOL Time-Warner own the JLA. AOL Time-Warner owns Chicken Boo. I don't even own a TV. But I used to…
Written for the JLAunlimited March challenge.
Unbetaed. Mistakes are all mine. Mine, I tell you! You can't have 'em!
"So," Green Arrow mumbled, his mouth filled with cornmeal muffin, "any news on who's filling in for Stewart while he's away?"
Their resident Green Lantern had been called away to Sigma Chi II, to assist with some extremely delicate negotiations. Some years earlier, John Stewart had brokered a cease-fire between three warring factions. Now, poised on the brink of true peace, all parties insisted that Stewart—and only Stewart—negotiate a fair and equitable treaty. Each faction had its own grievances and sticking points, so while all supported an end to their decades-long war, the peace process promised to be a long and drawn-out affair. With no idea how long Earth would be short one of its Green Lanterns, the guardians had enjoined Stewart to select a substitute.
Superman helped himself to a bagel and lox from the buffet table. "His name is Boo. That's all John's message said."
"Boo!" The Flash exclaimed. "Whoa! I've heard of that guy. They say he can take out the Fearsome Five without working up a sweat!"
Plastic Man morphed into a bullhorn. "I heard he's got more girls throwing themselves at him than Booster Gold!
"I hear he's really a giant chicken." Batman delivered the statement without inflection, as casually as though he'd been discussing the weather.
Plastic Man jumped. He hadn't even heard the Bat come into the dining hall. The other JLA-ers froze in shock.
"A chicken," Aquaman said slowly, disbelief rampant on his face. "Oa sends us the best of all possible substitutes and you're referring to him as… a chicken."
Batman set his jaw stubbornly. "I've examined the evidence. There's no other conclusion possible."
"Sure," Green Arrow sneered. "You're just jealous the Guardians didn't pick you to wear the ring."
"You're projecting, Queen," Batman said, refusing to rise to the bait. "Facts are facts."
"Gentlemen." Wonder Woman strode forward, Martian Manhunter close behind. "Our newest member is teleporting up. Shall we go to greet him?"
'Sleek' might have been the best way to describe the new arrival.
A shiny helmet adorned his head. Beneath it, gleamed light-brown tresses, so smooth that they appeared to lie flush against his skin. Dark glasses perched on his beak of a nose. The GL uniform, although formfitting, seemed to adhere to a form more rotund than the typical JLA member. The sleeves tapered at the wrists and flowed outwards over wing-like gloves.
"I told you," Batman whispered sotto voce, "that's a giant chicken."
Plastic Man made a show of circling slowly around the masked vigilante, studying his head from various angles. "Little light in the belfry, Paul Revere?" He asked. "That's Boo! He's the bravest! He's the coolest!"
"He's a chicken!"
The newest member of the JLA glanced at the two men curiously.
"Hey, Boo!" Plas beckoned. "Bats here thinks you're a giant chicken!"
The rest of the League erupted into laughter.
"Impossible!" Wonder Woman gasped. "Boo, how could anybody believe such a travesty?"
Boo bobbed his head. "B'cawwwse," he started to say.
At that precise moment, a klaxon sounded. Martian Manhunter dashed over to a computer monitor. "Our perimeter has been breached!" He exclaimed. "Amazos are attacking!"
Superman snapped to attention. "Everyone to battle positions!" The Man of Steel ordered.
In the instant before the League rushed to comply, Boo leaned forward, gesturing towards Batman's utility belt. "BUCKaw!" He pointed.
Beneath his cowl the Batman's eyes widened. "How did you—never mind!" He snapped as he unbuckled a pouch on his belt. "It might work, Boo," he agreed, "but it's risky. You'd have to draw them in to you… and make sure you're far enough from the Watchtower that they don't rupture the environmental shielding, but close enough that you'll be able to get—"
A feather-light hand covered Batman's lip as the new Lantern nodded serenely. "Ba-uck," he finished, holding out another hand. Batman reached into the pouch and handed over a small, esoteric device. Boo pocketed it and waddled toward the teleporter.
"Can we get a good view?" Flash asked as he sped into the observation lounge.
"Good enough," Ollie confirmed. "What was that thing you gave him, Batman?"
The team watched as Green Lantern held the device before him in both hands; its spherical top aimed toward the five Amazos ranged in a semicircle about him.
"Something Stewart and I were collaborating on. It causes vibrations, which disturb the molecular bonds between metallic compounds, causing them to disintegrate. Obviously, though, it can't be used from within the Watchtower."
Plastic Man glanced around him at the metal walls and shuddered theatrically. "Yeah, obviously. You sure those… vibrations won't hit us?"
Batman looked out the window at the five Amazos, now so much scrap metal. A brief, uncharacteristic smile of satisfaction flickered on his face. "Positive." The smile vanished abruptly as the Dark Knight's jaw dropped.
"How," he began. Then he gasped. "The Lantern suit. There must be metal in the weave! Get him inside. Now!"
The Martian Manhunter hastened to comply.
The League dashed into the transporter room. Had they managed to pull Lantern Boo to safety before his suit dissolved to leave the newest Lantern victim to the rigors of space? No. Not quite.
A collective sigh of relief was heard. Lantern Boo was clearly still moving. But as he sat up, every Leaguer save one was heard to gasp.
The metal helmet had vanished, revealing a coxcomb beneath. His mirrored sunglasses in their wire frames were gone, leaving wide, black, iris-less eyes, blinking nervously in the fluorescent lighting of the transporter room. The sleek brown tresses were now, quite obviously, feathers. The suit had fallen away to reveal more feathers, brown from the neck up, white from the neck down. He had a tail, too.
"L-Lantern Boo?" Whispered Plastic Man.
"I did tell you that he was a chicken," Batman stated condescendingly.
"Buckaw?" Something hit the ground with a hard clink and rolled toward them. Batman picked up the Green Lantern ring and secured it within his utility belt.
"He IS a chicken!" Flash snapped. "Sheesh! Hawkman wasn't available?"
"Get him out of here!" Green Arrow snarled. "Get him…"
An airlock door opened. A terrified chicken, wings akimbo went hurtling Earthwards with a loud "BUCK-CAW!". A large pink foot perhaps four meters in diameter remained visible to satellite cameras for a split second longer before Plastic Man retracted it and the airlock door sealed itself shut.
…You wear a disguise to look like human guys,
But you're not a man, you're a chicken, Boo…