FF9: The Weakest Link
ANNE ROBINSON: Hello, and welcome to..."The Weakest Link!"
AUDIENCE: Yay!
ANNE: Now, let's meet our eight contestants for the night…
CONTESTANT #1: I'm Zidane Tribal, I'm from Lindblum and I'm a thief.
20% of AUDIENCE: YEAH!! ZIDANE RULES!!
CONTESTANT #2: I'm Garnet Til Alexandros, I'm from Alexandria and I'm a queen.
15% of AUDIENCE: DAGGER! DAGGER! DAGGER!!
CONTESTANT #3: ...I-I'm Vivi Ornitier, I'm from Q-Quan's Dwelling and I'm a mage.
30% of AUDIENCE: VIVI!!!!!!!!! You're SO KAWAII!!!
CONTESTANT #4: Me Quina Quen, from Qu's Marsh and me gourmand!
5% of AUDIENCE: Quina! WE LOVE YOU!
CONTESTANT #5: I'm Kuja, I'm from Terra and I'm a Genome.
25% of AUDIENCE: KUJA-SAMA!!!!!!!!!!!
CONTESTANT #6: I'm Stiltzkin, I'm from everywhere and I'm a Mog salesman!
4% of AUDIENCE: STILTZKIN, YOU ROCK!
CONTESTANT #7: I'm the Ragtime Mouse, I'm from random forests. I'm a quizmaster!
1% of AUDIENCE: QUIZMASTER!!
CONTESTANT #8: I'm Queen Brahne, I'm from Alexandria, and I'm the REAL queen!
AUDIENCE: ...
BRAHNE: What? Where's my loyal fans?
ZORN: We are your fans!
THORN: Your fans, we are!
BRANHE: I need more fans...wait! (Whispers to AUDIENCE)
100% of AUDIENCE: YEAH BRAHNE!
ZIDANE: Eh? How'd you do that?
BRANHE: To the males, I promised that Beatrix would visit them...
BEATRIX: Ugh!
BRANHE: And the females are going to get lots of money to buy clothes and stuff!
ANNE: Before we begin, I also wish to address the various celebrities in our audience, other than the fans...
Eiko Carol, Adelbert Steiner, Quale, Zorn and Thorn, Mene, Choco, and Beatrix!
ANNE: Now...on with the game...
ANNE: The rules are this. Get questions correct. The more you get correct, the more money you get.
If your get a question wrong, you will be hated by fellow teammates! You can also bank your earnings.
At the end of each round, you can vote off a teammate, and they'll get zip! Shall we begin?
ALL: Okay...
ANNE: Start the clock at 2:30!
ANNE: Zidane. What is Beatrix's weapon called?
ZIDANE: ...Save the Queen.
ANNE: Correct. Garnet. What does the Grandma in Lindblum sell?
GARNET: Gysahl pickles!
ANNE: Correct. Vivi, what is the name of a summon AND a boss?
VIVI: A-Ark?
ANNE: Correct! Quina...
QUINA: Me bank! (Savings: 5,000 gil)
ANNE: ...What is Vivi's most powerful attack?
QUINA: ...Yummy-yummies!
ANNE: No, the answer is Doomsday. Kuja, what is the boss of the Evil Forest called?
KUJA: ...Plant Rain?
ANNE: No, Plant Brain. Stiltzkin, what is the name of Mognet's letter deliverer?
STILTZKIN: Artemicion.
ANNE: Correct! Ragtime Mouse...
RAGTIME MOUSE: Quiz time!
ANNE: (grrr)...Why does Eiko have a horn?
EIKO: Because I DO! Do you have a PROBLEM?
RAGTIME MOUSE: ...Because she's a summoner.
ANNE: Correct.
EIKO: Racist cheap...
ANNE: Brahne...
BRAHNE: Queen Brahne, you insolent.
ANNE: Shut up. What is the stone that teaches Garnet Bahamut?
BRAHNE: Uhhh...ummm...
GARNET: Ugh...
BRAHNE: I have no idea...Garnet??
ANNE: Correct!
BRAHNE: Woo-hoo!
ANNE: Zidane. What is the Wall in Madain Sari called?
ZIDANE: Eidolon Wall.
ANNE: Correct. Garnet, what are the two worlds called?
GARNET: Gaia and…uh…Terra!
ANNE: Correct. Vivi, what is the name of Captain Steiner's squad?
VIVI: …Knights of Pluto?
ANNE: Correct! Quina, what is the final boss?
QUINA: Necron!
ANNE: Correct! Kuja…
KUJA: Bank! (Savings: 105,000 gil)
ANNE: What is the Tantalus airship called?
KUJA: Hilda Garde?
ANNE: No, Prima Vista. Stiltzkin, what is th-
BUZZER: BBBBUUUUUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
ANNE: Time is up, I cannot complete the question.
ANNE: And team, in this round you managed to score a moderate score of 105,000 gil out of your target of 125,000 gil.
That money will go to the next round. One of you losers will not.
ANNE: Who is several MPs short of a Cure? It's time to find out.
(Players vote...)
ANNE: Time is up, let's see the votes.
ZIDANE: Kuja.
GARNET: Kuja.
VIVI: Kuja.
QUINA: Me say Kuja!
KUJA: Brahne.
STILTZKIN: Ragtime Mouse.
RAGTIME MOUSE: Quina.
QUEEN BRAHNE: Kuja.
ANNE: Well. I see we have our results. Zidane, why did you vote for Kuja?
ZIDANE: Because he's a disgrace to me! He's my brother, and he goes around in public wearing that...that...monstrosity!
KUJA: Hey, I love my bikini!
ZIDANE: Yeah, and what's it made of? Aluminum?
KUJA: Lead.
ZIDANE: A lead bikini. What, are you afraid of radiation?
KUJA: Hey! I have a right to protect my...personals.
ALL but KUJA: (sweatdrop) Ooooooooooooookay...
ANNE: Well, er...Brahne, why did you vote Kuja, even though he banked the most money?
BRAHNE: Because that son of a biscuit killed me! And after a fruitful business together!
KUJA: God, everyone hates me.
KUJA-FANS: We love you, Kuja-sama!
KUJA: Sniff...thanks you guys...
ANNE: Well, it's votes that count. Kuja, with 5 votes, you are the Weakest Link.
ANNE: Goodbye!
(Kuja walks off the stage in shame).
Behind the set...
KUJA: Man, I hoped I could win all that Gil. How am I going to buy my make-up now?
KUJA: I think the Ragtime Mouse will be gone next, since he's an annoying pain in everyone's ass.
Back to the set...
ANNE: When we come back, these seven players will compete against ach other to try and get more money. And then buy things! And then rule the universe with money!
ANNE: Ahahahahahahahahahahaha! Feel the power of money!
ALL: (sweatdrop)...
A/N: So? Is it good, weird, dumb, or crack-induced? I can only get feedback to make it better if you review. Please?
ANNE ROBINSON: Hello, and welcome to..."The Weakest Link!"
AUDIENCE: Yay!
ANNE: Now, let's meet our eight contestants for the night…
CONTESTANT #1: I'm Zidane Tribal, I'm from Lindblum and I'm a thief.
20% of AUDIENCE: YEAH!! ZIDANE RULES!!
CONTESTANT #2: I'm Garnet Til Alexandros, I'm from Alexandria and I'm a queen.
15% of AUDIENCE: DAGGER! DAGGER! DAGGER!!
CONTESTANT #3: ...I-I'm Vivi Ornitier, I'm from Q-Quan's Dwelling and I'm a mage.
30% of AUDIENCE: VIVI!!!!!!!!! You're SO KAWAII!!!
CONTESTANT #4: Me Quina Quen, from Qu's Marsh and me gourmand!
5% of AUDIENCE: Quina! WE LOVE YOU!
CONTESTANT #5: I'm Kuja, I'm from Terra and I'm a Genome.
25% of AUDIENCE: KUJA-SAMA!!!!!!!!!!!
CONTESTANT #6: I'm Stiltzkin, I'm from everywhere and I'm a Mog salesman!
4% of AUDIENCE: STILTZKIN, YOU ROCK!
CONTESTANT #7: I'm the Ragtime Mouse, I'm from random forests. I'm a quizmaster!
1% of AUDIENCE: QUIZMASTER!!
CONTESTANT #8: I'm Queen Brahne, I'm from Alexandria, and I'm the REAL queen!
AUDIENCE: ...
BRAHNE: What? Where's my loyal fans?
ZORN: We are your fans!
THORN: Your fans, we are!
BRANHE: I need more fans...wait! (Whispers to AUDIENCE)
100% of AUDIENCE: YEAH BRAHNE!
ZIDANE: Eh? How'd you do that?
BRANHE: To the males, I promised that Beatrix would visit them...
BEATRIX: Ugh!
BRANHE: And the females are going to get lots of money to buy clothes and stuff!
ANNE: Before we begin, I also wish to address the various celebrities in our audience, other than the fans...
Eiko Carol, Adelbert Steiner, Quale, Zorn and Thorn, Mene, Choco, and Beatrix!
ANNE: Now...on with the game...
ANNE: The rules are this. Get questions correct. The more you get correct, the more money you get.
If your get a question wrong, you will be hated by fellow teammates! You can also bank your earnings.
At the end of each round, you can vote off a teammate, and they'll get zip! Shall we begin?
ALL: Okay...
ANNE: Start the clock at 2:30!
ANNE: Zidane. What is Beatrix's weapon called?
ZIDANE: ...Save the Queen.
ANNE: Correct. Garnet. What does the Grandma in Lindblum sell?
GARNET: Gysahl pickles!
ANNE: Correct. Vivi, what is the name of a summon AND a boss?
VIVI: A-Ark?
ANNE: Correct! Quina...
QUINA: Me bank! (Savings: 5,000 gil)
ANNE: ...What is Vivi's most powerful attack?
QUINA: ...Yummy-yummies!
ANNE: No, the answer is Doomsday. Kuja, what is the boss of the Evil Forest called?
KUJA: ...Plant Rain?
ANNE: No, Plant Brain. Stiltzkin, what is the name of Mognet's letter deliverer?
STILTZKIN: Artemicion.
ANNE: Correct! Ragtime Mouse...
RAGTIME MOUSE: Quiz time!
ANNE: (grrr)...Why does Eiko have a horn?
EIKO: Because I DO! Do you have a PROBLEM?
RAGTIME MOUSE: ...Because she's a summoner.
ANNE: Correct.
EIKO: Racist cheap...
ANNE: Brahne...
BRAHNE: Queen Brahne, you insolent.
ANNE: Shut up. What is the stone that teaches Garnet Bahamut?
BRAHNE: Uhhh...ummm...
GARNET: Ugh...
BRAHNE: I have no idea...Garnet??
ANNE: Correct!
BRAHNE: Woo-hoo!
ANNE: Zidane. What is the Wall in Madain Sari called?
ZIDANE: Eidolon Wall.
ANNE: Correct. Garnet, what are the two worlds called?
GARNET: Gaia and…uh…Terra!
ANNE: Correct. Vivi, what is the name of Captain Steiner's squad?
VIVI: …Knights of Pluto?
ANNE: Correct! Quina, what is the final boss?
QUINA: Necron!
ANNE: Correct! Kuja…
KUJA: Bank! (Savings: 105,000 gil)
ANNE: What is the Tantalus airship called?
KUJA: Hilda Garde?
ANNE: No, Prima Vista. Stiltzkin, what is th-
BUZZER: BBBBUUUUUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
ANNE: Time is up, I cannot complete the question.
ANNE: And team, in this round you managed to score a moderate score of 105,000 gil out of your target of 125,000 gil.
That money will go to the next round. One of you losers will not.
ANNE: Who is several MPs short of a Cure? It's time to find out.
(Players vote...)
ANNE: Time is up, let's see the votes.
ZIDANE: Kuja.
GARNET: Kuja.
VIVI: Kuja.
QUINA: Me say Kuja!
KUJA: Brahne.
STILTZKIN: Ragtime Mouse.
RAGTIME MOUSE: Quina.
QUEEN BRAHNE: Kuja.
ANNE: Well. I see we have our results. Zidane, why did you vote for Kuja?
ZIDANE: Because he's a disgrace to me! He's my brother, and he goes around in public wearing that...that...monstrosity!
KUJA: Hey, I love my bikini!
ZIDANE: Yeah, and what's it made of? Aluminum?
KUJA: Lead.
ZIDANE: A lead bikini. What, are you afraid of radiation?
KUJA: Hey! I have a right to protect my...personals.
ALL but KUJA: (sweatdrop) Ooooooooooooookay...
ANNE: Well, er...Brahne, why did you vote Kuja, even though he banked the most money?
BRAHNE: Because that son of a biscuit killed me! And after a fruitful business together!
KUJA: God, everyone hates me.
KUJA-FANS: We love you, Kuja-sama!
KUJA: Sniff...thanks you guys...
ANNE: Well, it's votes that count. Kuja, with 5 votes, you are the Weakest Link.
ANNE: Goodbye!
(Kuja walks off the stage in shame).
Behind the set...
KUJA: Man, I hoped I could win all that Gil. How am I going to buy my make-up now?
KUJA: I think the Ragtime Mouse will be gone next, since he's an annoying pain in everyone's ass.
Back to the set...
ANNE: When we come back, these seven players will compete against ach other to try and get more money. And then buy things! And then rule the universe with money!
ANNE: Ahahahahahahahahahahaha! Feel the power of money!
ALL: (sweatdrop)...
A/N: So? Is it good, weird, dumb, or crack-induced? I can only get feedback to make it better if you review. Please?