How to Save a Life
Takes place pretty soon after the bomb incident…George/Meredith never happened cuz I don't want to deal with it. MerDer, maybe some Burke/Christina. Bailey's off maternity leave. FYI, I no nothing about medical terms or what's possible/impossible so just go with this.
"What do we got?" Dr. Miranda Bailey spoke loudly over the whir of siren outside the E.R.
"Car crash victim, 28 year old female, a lot of head trauma, injuries to the spinal area. She said she couldn't move her legs when we first found her, then she passed out. Looks surgical." The ER doctor replied.
Bailey turned to Christina who was running up behind her. "Order C.T scans and page Dr. Shepard."
"Doctor, her vitals are low."
"Book an OR." Bailey added.
Christina nodded and took off, grinning to herself. Their shift had just started. Brain surgery before breakfast.
Bailey walked over to her other interns, whom she had been about to give assignments. "Karev, you're in the pit, O'Malley, Dr. Burke needs a patient consult, help him out, Izzie, you're with Montgomery-Shepard, and. . ." She paused. "Where the hell is Grey?"
"She'd already left the house when I left this morning." Izzie reported.
"Nice of her to show up." Bailey rolled her eyes. "Why are you still here?"
They scurried off, and Bailey turned back to the car crash victim. The ER doctor stared at her. "You want her for a CT scan?" Bailey didn't answer. "Dr. Bailey!"
Bailey nodded distractedly. She stared down at the girls face. Meredith. "Damn."
XXXXXXXXX
Bailey met Burke on her way to take Meredith for a CT. Burke stopped and stared at her. "What's with you?"
"Take a look."
Burke looked down at Bailey's patient, and his eyes widened. "What happened?"
"Some fool ran a red light. Head on collision." Bailey's voice rose in anger.
"Does-" Burke started to ask a question, but Christina came running up. Both doctors moved instinctively in front of the stretcher, blocking Christina's view of her best friend.
"CT's ready for us, and Dr. Shepard's on his way."
"Change of plans, Dr. Yang. You're off this case." Bailey kept her tone brisk.
Christina's eyes narrowed. "What! Why?"
"You're off this case. I don't have to give you a reason."
Christina gaped at her in disbelief, then shifted her eyes to Burke. "What's going on?"
"Christina. . ."
"Why am I off this case?"
"Who's off the case?" Dr. Shepard had joined them.
"Both of you." Bailey said quickly.
"Me?" Derek asked, confused. "You said a spinal injury and head trauma. That's definitely me."
"We'll get someone else." Bailey spoke slowly and deliberately, showing both of them that she was firm.
"There is no one else!" Christina told her. "You sent everyone else off somewhere, and Meredith still isn't here yet."
Derek didn't miss the look that passed between Bailey and Burke. "Where's Meredith?"
"She didn't show up this morning." Christina said impatiently. "This is ridiculous. Burke, tell her-"
"Christina, trust me." Burke said softly. She looked up at him, suddenly feeling a flash of fear from the expression on his face.
Derek felt sick. Something was wrong. He tried to think of all the reasons he'd be kept out of a surgery. Why he and Christina would be kept out of a surgery. He thought of the look between Bailey and Burke. The way they were standing in front of the stretcher. Christina's words, "She didn't show up this morning." He felt his blood run cold. He had a terrible idea of what was happening. But that was stupid, right?
He stepped around Bailey in one quick motion, before anyone could react. He stared down at the patient. His knees weakened, and he could feel the blood leave his face. He whispered, simply, "No."
Christina stared at him. "What?" She moved to follow him, and no one stopped her. She gasped. "Meredith. . .shit."
Christina felt Burke's hand grip her shoulder.
Dr. Bailey was speaking, but Derek couldn't understand her. He simply stood, his eyes locked on Meredith's face. Surely this wasn't real. Nothing would happen to Meredith. Not again, not after almost getting blown up by that bomb. No, this was a nightmare. . .
"I can't remember our last kiss. The last time we were together and happy. I want to be able to remember that. And I can't."
He couldn't breathe. His knees gave out beneath him and he dropped to the floor, holding his head.
"Dr. Shepard!"
Two hands seized him and pulled him up.
"Go to the on call room. Sit down. I'll take her for the CT scan. You need to calm down." Bailey's words weren't a request, but an order. Derek found he was too weak to argue, so he just nodded numbly. Bailey glanced at Christina, who looked like she might be sick. "You, too."
Derek began walking robotically, and Burke followed, slipping his hand into Christina's.
They entered the on call room and Derek sat on one of the beds, dropping his head into his hands. Christina sat too, and Burke sat next to her.
After a few moments of silence, Derek spoke robotically to Burke. "You can go if you need to, Preston. Sure you have patients that need you."
Christina looked up at him. She'd rather die than admit it, but she didn't want him to go.
"I'm good for now. Nothing scheduled."
Christina didn't like the concern in his eyes. She fought her instinctive relief and told him, struggling to keep her voice brisk, "You can, you know. Go I mean. I'm fine. I'm just staying until Bailey lets us know what's going on, or gives me another assignment."
Burke didn't buy it, but he humored her. "I know you are. But I'd like to know what's going on, too."
Christina nodded, satisfied.
Everyone was silent for awhile.
After what felt like an eternity to Derek, Bailey came in, looking grim. "There's a lot of damage. We're going to have to operate on the spinal cord right away or she's going to be paralyzed. There's a good deal of head trauma, too. We'll do the surgery, and after that it will depend on how soon she wakes up."
"Coma?"
Bailey nodded.
Derek stared at the scans Bailey handed him. His throat felt tight, and he waited for a few minutes before he was finally able to speak. "I'm doing the surgery."
Dr. Bailey shook her head. "Dr. Shepard, do you really think that's a good i-"
"Yes." His voice was firm. "I don't trust anyone else with her. Besides, I'm not going to sit around and do nothing. I'm doing it." Bailey looked like she might argue. "I'm your boss, you know. I say I'm doing it. I'm doing it."
"Me, too." Christina said suddenly.
"No, you're not." Bailey told her. "He's my boss and I can't force him to do something, but I can force you. You don't need to be in on this."
"Yes, I do! For the stuff he said."
Bailey looked at Christina. She could see she was scared, and Bailey's eyes softened. "I'm sorry, Christina, and you can hate me all you want but. . . I just don't think it's a good idea."
"Damn it." Christina whirled around and looked at Burke. "Burke." Her eyes were pleading. "Burke, please. Tell her. Tell her to let me-"
His voice was soft and calming. "Christina, I don't think you should. Just try to understand-"
"No, YOU understand. And get rid of that patronizing tone."
He didn't speak. Christina felt, to her immense annoyance, angry tears well in her eyes. "I want that surgery!"
Derek's voice startled them all. "It's my surgery. I put the team together. I say she's in."
Christina gave him a grateful look.
Bailey muttered, "I ought to see the chief about this."
"The chief's in surgery."
Christina was glaring at Burke. He started to say something to her, when Derek told Christina, "Let's go prep her."
She started to follow him out, then turned and addressed Bailey, "Don't tell the others yet. About Meredith. They won't be able to handle it and work." Then she left.
XXXXXXXX
Later, Derek was walking next to Meredith's stretcher as she was being wheeled to the OR. Christina was already inside, scrubbing in.
He stopped the nurses who were wheeling the stretcher. "Can I have a minute?" They nodded, and walked off.
He took Meredith's hand in his, and, speaking around the giant lump, in his throat, whispered, "You have to live, okay? You. . .you will. Meredith. . .I. . ." He felt like there was stuff he should say, even though she couldn't hear him. "I'm so sorry. I know I've made the past few months hell for you and I. . .I wish you could understand how much it kills me to see you hurt, and to live without us being together. . .and that I still love you. Because I don't think you get that. So. . ." Tears welled in his eyes, but he blinked them back furiously. "so you have to live. Because I don't know what I'll do without you. . .knowing that you never understood those things."
He felt like all this was useless, but he couldn't stop the words from tumbling out.
"I love you." What else was there to say? "I love you." He repeated it. Maybe if he said it a lot it would mean she'd understand. Maybe it would be enough to save her.
XXXXXXXXXX
They were almost finished.
"I think we've managed to save the nerves. She shouldn't be paralyzed."
"If she ever wakes up." Christina countered flatly.
Derek glanced at her. "Yeah."
"Is she. . .I mean. . ."
Derek understood what she wanted to know. "She's suffered a lot of trauma. Coma patients. . .I just don't know. It all depends on the next 72 hours. If she wakes up or not."
"So. . .three days? Of just waiting?"
He nodded. "How. . .how has she been doing lately? Since the bomb and. . . well, you know. . .everything?"
Christina looked at him. "How do you think? You know the answer to that or you wouldn't be asking."
"I just wanted to know because. . .because. . ."
Christina finished, "Stress can make things worse for head trauma right? That's why you wanted to know?" Everything in her tone suggested she knew otherwise.
"That's why." He agreed. He stopped working. His vision had blurred with tears, suddenly.
"IS something wrong?" Christina asked.
"No, I-I just need a second." He turned his back on them and lifted the glasses (whatever those things are) from his face. He wiped his eyes and then closed them against the building tears, willing them to stay back. Soon, he turned around and continued.
XXXXXXXXXX
"Christina!" It was late that night, and she'd just entered the apartment. "Where have you been?"
"With George, Izzie and Alex. Bailey told them the news after the shift ended."
"I heard the surgery went well."
"She won't be paralyzed, at least. Which won't matter much if she doesn't come out of the coma in 72 hours." Christina kicked off her shoes violently and dropped into bed beside Burke.
"It'll be okay."
"Yeah, right, like you have anyway of knowing that. Meredith might die."
"She might have died when her hand was on a bomb. But she didn't."
"Yeah, well, this is different. That was more 'something could happen to kill her'. Now, something has happened, and it's medical, and now I can see the possibility, I can prove that there is something that could be killing her, right now." Her voice was rising in volume.
Burke went to put his arm around her and she jerked back. "Don't touch me!"
"What did I do!"
"You tried to keep me out of that surgery! You could see I wanted it, you could SEE I needed to be there, and you wouldn't help me. Dr. Shepard had to be the one to do it, not my own damn boyfriend!"
"I was trying to protect you! There's a reason surgeons shouldn't operate on their friends and family. It clouds judgment. If they don't make it through it consumes you with guilt. It's just not a good idea!"
"I thought you knew me better than that! When have I ever made a snap, irrational decision? You know I need to be in control, I can't stand being helpless. I KNOW medicine! I-"
"You're becoming incoherent."
"Just shut up."
He peered at her. "You're really scared, aren't you?"
"What!"
"You're scared to death. But you don't think that's okay so you're acting all angry at me. She's your best friend, Christina. It's okay to feel-"
"Don't tell me how I feel, Burke. I know how I feel. I'm pissed the fuck off. And yeah, I'm worried about Meredith, because, you know, she might die and everything. But I'm also pissed off."
She turned off the lamp and lay down.
Burke lay in silence for awhile. Then he wrapped his arms around Christina.
She was still awake. She felt his arms and started to fight it, but opted against it. She was too tired. He hands brushed her face, and she heard his voice. "You're crying."
She touched her face, surprised by the wetness she felt there. "Shut up." She told him quietly. He smiled.
XXXXXXXXXXX
Addison stopped Bailey in the hallway. "Miranda, I-"
"What're you doing here, Addison, you're not on call tonight?"
"I know, and neither is Derek. Have you seen him?"
Bailey studied Addison's face. She gave no indication of knowing anything about the events of the day. "No, I haven't but if I do I'll tell him you're looking for him."
Addison nodded her thanks and moved on. Bailey knew exactly where to find Derek. She headed for Meredith's hospital room.
He was slumped in a chair, staring at her, his eyes red rimmed. He looked absolutely defeated. Bailey's voice was quiet. "Your wife's looking for you."
"I'm staying here tonight."
Bailey laid a hand on his arm. "Come on. You need some sleep. There's nothing you can do for her now."
"If she wakes up I'm going to be here."
"You can't be here all the time. You're working tomorrow. Not a good idea on no sleep."
"I'm not leaving her."
"What are you going to tell your wife?"
"I don't care."
Bailey stared at him. "That's nice."
"I'm sorry, but. . .I'm not really thinking about Addison right now. All I can think about is how much I've hurt Meredith, and how she might die without knowing that I. . . . " He trailed off.
Bailey nodded. "I'll just tell her your watching a patient."
He didn't answer.
Bailey left him alone with Meredith.
He moved the chair closer to her bed so he could hold her hand. What was it he'd said to her? It seemed like forever ago. . .
It's like I was drowning and you saved me.
"You saved me." He whispered. "Now let me save you." He'd been saying 'I love you' about a million times to her. . . as if he thought saying it would somehow make her wake up. It was useless. He laughed through the tears that were starting to fall from his eyes. "Actually, if you wake up, it'd still be you saving me. Because. . .if you don't. . .if you don't wake up I just. . .I just don't know what I'll do, Mer. I need you."