Disclaimer: Supernatural and the hottie brothers are not mine.
A/N: I know that there have been a lot of Faith-based stories (it was certainly an episode that lent itself to that), but I'm hoping one more is not the proverbial straw! Feedback, including constructive criticism, is gratefully accepted.
REGRETWhat do you want from me, Sammy?
You're standing there, hovering between desperation and anger. At my "I laugh in the fact of death" attitude. I can see this is tearing you apart, but...what do you want me to say?
Will it make it hurt less if I tell you I'm scared, too? I'd long ago made my peace with that bastard with the scythe, but I always thought I would go down fighting, protecting innocents and taking some damn demon with me.
Not like this. Helpless and waiting for my damn heart to betray me. Struggling just to sit up. To breathe. Getting weaker and weaker and watching my life slip away from me.
Will hearing that help you, Sammy? Will it be better if I tell you I'll regret dying? That I regret being able to count the sunrises and sunsets left to me on the fingers of both hands, and that I already regret the first magnificent sunset I won't be there to see?
Will it ease your pain to know I regret that I've seen my last snowfall? Caught my last snowflake on my tongue—and already ambushed you for the last time with a snowball? Or that I'll never again see the stars, clear and sharp and glistening like diamonds on a crisp winter's night, or get lost in the silence of the deep woods on a winter's hunt?
I regret everything I'll never do, Sammy. All the life I'll never live. All the things I'll never see and the people I'll never meet.
I regret I won't get to ride with you any more, fight with you, look after you.
I regret all the dark things that will live to kill innocents, because I wasn't there to hunt them.
I regret the guilt I already see in your eyes, 'cause you couldn't save me.
I regret not getting to say goodbye to Dad.
And having to say goodbye to you.
But I'll never tell you any of this. It's bad enough I'm burdening you with my death; I won't add the weight of my regrets as well.
Just promise me you won't beat yourself up over this. Or give up going back to law school 'cause you think you owe me something. I don't want to have to regret that, too.
Promise me you'll forget all the shitty things I ever did to you, but that you won't forget me. And that you'll remember how much I loved you, even if I never said it.
Something else I regret even as I sit here saying nothing.
And always, always, remember that I've never had any reason to regret being your brother.