A Xenosaga Parody

by GeneralNMX (aka "Matt C.")

Intro: This was a two month undertaking on the GameFAQs message board, where I strived (and suceeded) in posting at least one part per day. It spans 63 parts, each about 4000 characters (as that is the GameFAQs limit). If the thread still exists, you can find parts 9 --- 63 here: http/s3.cgi. Enjoy!

Spoiler Warning: Some parts may contain spoilers for the game, Xenosaga Episode 1 for the PS2. Additionally, some lines are "inside jokes" which you may not understand if you haven't played the game.

Timeline: This is suppose to take place after Xenosaga Episode 2. Since this title hasn't been released yet even in Japan, I've taken the liberty of making up a lot of events in a more comical fashion.

Content Warning: While all swear words are "censored", there are some themes of an adult nature. Especially if you have a very dirty mind, like I do.

Part 1

Shion: What is going on here?
Allen: B-boss! W-what are you doing here!
Shion: Allen! What are you doing to KOS-MOS?
Allen: I'm upgrading her...systems...
Shion: Allen, I don't think those need to be upgraded, they are big enough already!
Allen: They can never be big enough!
Shion: Well, maybe...hmm...
Allen: Cheif!
Shion: You're right. She could stand an upgrade...I'll help.
Allen: Ch-cheif!

--The two work diligently on upgrading KOS-MOS.--

Shion: There, all finished!
Allen: --whimpers-
Shion: What's wrong, Allen? Isn't this what you wanted, now she'll be twice as effective!
Allen: B-but...that wasn't...what I...

--Allen runs out of the room, trying to hold back tears.--

Shion: What is with him? I thought Allen wanted the upgrade to KOS-MOS's guns!

--Meanwhile...--

Albedo: Mwhaha! ...No, that's not right. Mwha-haha! ...No, still not right. MWHAHA-HAHA-HAHAHA-HAHA-HA-HA-HA! No, no, NO!

--Jr breaks down the door to Albedo's hideout, guns a'blazin'--

Jr: Albedo! Now we end this!
Albedo: Wait, wait...I'm not ready!
Jr: Excuse me!
Albedo: My cackle has been off lately. --shakes his fist-- How can I strike fear into the hearts of my victims if I do not get the proper laugh! it's insanity, I tell you! IN-SAN-I-TY!
Jr: --shakes head-- No, you are insanity! Now, give back MOMO!
Albedo: Say what?
Jr: --points both guns at Albedo's face-- You heard me! Give her BACK!
Albedo: Oh, I get it! Just because I kidnapped your little girlfriend once, now everytime she's missing, it must be MY fault. Tsk, tsk, tsk...
Jr: Liar! I KNOW you have her! She was due back over 2 hours ago!
Albedo: For your information...

--Albedo types some information on a nearby keyboard, and hundreds of holographic screens pop up all around them, each depicting something different.--

Albedo: --points to one of the screens-- There, you see? She's coming back from grocery shopping now, it just took her a while to carry all those groceries with her small frame.

Jr: Umm...Oh. --looks all around at the other screens, and stares quizically at one of them-- hey...Hey...HEY...HEY! Isn't that our shower!

--Albedo rapidly punches something on the nearby keyboard, changing the screen in question to something else.--

Albedo: Um, no.
Jr: And there! Isn't that the changing room aboard the Durandal? For my Mass-Produced 100-Series Realians! --points to a screen right behind Albedo-
Albedo: It is? --turns and takes a look-

--Both of them continue to stare at the screen, not even noticing a strange yellow light appearing behind Jr.--

So THIS is where you are!

--Both of them turn around with an odd expression on their faces to see a very angry MOMO.--

Jr: Oh that's right, she can teleport now. --Jr thinks to himself-
MOMO: Here I was, worried SICK about you, and now I see you are playing with Albedo! And WHAT are you watching!
Jr: --grows very red-- B-but peachy cakes...
MOMO: Don't you DARE peachy cakes ME! Just wait until we get home! --grabs Jr's arm and drags him out a nearby door-
Albedo: MWHAHA-HAHAHA! Not only do I have my cackle back, I find this extremely amusing! MWHAHA-HAHAHA!
MOMO: --pops back in-- And you, YOU should be ashamed of yourself! --stomps out-
Albedo: --a solitary tear rolls down his face-- I would kill myself, but I'd only renegerate. Mwhaha...haha...haha...HAHA...HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA --starts cackling like a maniac-

Part 2

Jr: Man, I am going to be sleeping on the couch for a week...
Shion: Oh, a little lower please.
Jr: Hmm? Was that Shion?
Allen: Is this good?
Jr: Huh? --looks around-

--Jr finds a closed door with voices coming from it, and leans his ear up against it to hear the conversation.--

Shion: No, no, that's not right. Look, now it's just dangling there.
Allen: Sorry chief, I think I got it straight this time.
Jr: Huh! --thinks to himself-
Shion: Watch it with that!
Allen: I think it's hard enough now.
Shion: Hmm, but it may be too big...
Jr: It can't be...
Shion: Can you shrink it?
Allen: No, not after all of that.
Shion: I need a good screw. No, that won't do.
Jr: Aw man I GOT to see this...OK, here goes...
Jr:-bursts open the door-- AHHH...ha?

--Jr is confronted with Allen, Shion, and KOS-MOS. Shion is holding a screw and hammer, and Allen is holding a laser welding torch. KOS-MOS is lying down on an operating table, deactivated, with her stomach open.--

--Jr falls down to the floor in embarrasment. Shion and Allen both give him looks of confusion.--

Jr: --slowly gets up and dusts himself off-- B-but I thought...I thought...-slumps over-
Allen: --sighs-- I wish...
Shion: You wish what? --gives Allen the same look of confusion-
Allen: T-that...we finish this modifications to KOS-MOS's X-BUSTER.
Shion: --nods-- OK, partner!
Allen: --whimpers quietly-

--After a few more nails and screws, the modifications were finally complete.--

Shion: OK. KOS-MOS, wake up!
KOS-MOS: Affirmative. I am now fully functional.
Allen: All systems green?
KOS-MOS: Negative. X-BUSTER module is giving improper status.
Shion: That is probably the modifications...KOS-MOS, follow us to the target practice room.

--At the Target Practice Room--

Shion: KOS-MOS! Deploy X-BUSTER Mark II! Aim at all targets in front of you!
KOS-MOS: X-BUSTER module is not responding to automatic mode. Shall I try manual?
Shion: Yes, yes! FIRE!
KOS-MOS: Affirmative. Switching to manual control. Arcticulating circuit's to maximum vaporization. Releasing safety locks. --stomach opens up and X-BUSTER starts charging-
KOS-MOS: New weapon data found and internalized. Mode set to gamma. Circuit's already at maximum vaporization. Error in logic protocols. Mode has already been set, so must use default mode...
Shion: KOS-MOS, NO!
Allen: Shion, RUN! --grabs Shion and Jr and darts away from KOS-MOS-
KOS-MOS: Analyzing default mode, dividing weapon output by parameters...Error, divide by zero.

Part 3

--Allen, Shion, and Jr barely make it away from the explosion, as pieces of KOS-MOS fly in different directions.--

Shion: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! --collapses on the floor sobbing heavily-
Jr: Now THAT is what I call a segmentation fault! Oof...
Allen: This isn't good...-examining the wreckage-
Allen: I can't...find her head. The rest of her parts seem to be intact. Oh NO!
Jr: What is it? Is it her head!
Allen: Well yes, her head is destroyed, but her chest! it's so damaged, it's almost unrecognizable! Oh cruel twists of fate, why hast thou cast thine judgement upon me!
Jr: --groans-- Well, both of you can probably repair all of this...right?
Shion: --jerks back her tears for a moment-- W-we...c-cannot...m-make a n-new h-head...K-K-Kevin helped m-make it...-starts crying full-stream again-
Jr: There must be SOMETHING we can do.
Allen: it's hopeless. And I am sure this is all my fault. Chief, if it will make you feel any better, you can fire me for my incompetence.
Shion: YOU'RE FIRED!
Allen: Chiiiieff! I didn't know you would actually DO it! --whimpers-
Jr: --clenches fist-- ENOUGH! Look, there must be SOMEONE onboard the Durandal who can help us. Let's first try talking to chaos, he seems wise and was also fond of KOS-MOS.
Allen: What about Ziggy? Wouldn't his opinion be better?
Jr: Ziggy is off on a mission to "save" MOMO...again.
Allen: Eh? Why aren't you saving MOMO?
Jr: Ziggy has been malfunctioning in his old age. We find it's better to keep him on "missions" then deal with his growing senility. At any rate, let's go see chaos.
Allen: --looks back at the sobbing Shion-- What about the chief?
Jr: I think she'd rather be alone, even if it is you offering. Let's go.

--The two make their way to chaos's room. Jr uses his all-access passkey to open the door. They walk in to find chaos trying on different girl's dresses and viewing himself in a mirror.--

--Allen and Jr both stare with their mouths wide open. chaos doesn't even hear their silent snickering, as he ogles himself in the mirror.

chaos: Oh, you know you are bad girl! --smacks his lips at himself, which have lipstick applied-

--Allen and Jr try to contain their laughter, and hold their sides to keep their organs from flying out from all the built-up mirth.--

chaos: You are a sexy one! Look at this hair! Ooo, it's SO silver! I KNOW you like it! I KNOW it!
chaos: Uh-huh, playing hard to get, huh? You bad! You baad! --blows a kiss to himself in the mirror--

--Allen and Jr both fall on the floor with a loud THUMP! and burst out laughing as hard as they ever had. chaos spins around suddenly and turns redder then a raddish.

chaos: D-DON'T YOU GUYS KNOW ABOUT KNOCKING FIRST!
Jr: We are...HAHAHA...s-sorry...HAHAHA...but we n-need...HAHAHAHAHA...your...HAHA...help...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA --continues laughing-
chaos: --shakes fist in extreme anger and whispers to himself-- You know, if I killed them, I could ressurect them, then kill them again, then ressurect them again...I'm sure the boss would forgive me...

--chaos powers up, and blasts Jr clear across the room--

Allen: chaos! --sobering up pretty quickly-- You KILLED Jr!
chaos: Unfortunately, I couldn't. --sighs-
Jr: Owww, oww...that HURT!-rubs his neck in pain-
chaos: Well, you deserved it. Let me go change first, then we'll talk.

Part 4

--After chaos changes, the three of them sit down on his bed and discuss the matter.--

chaos: So, KOS-MOS's head is damaged beyond repair...I see.
Allen: Is there anything you can think of that could help us put KOS-MOS back together again?
chaos: Well...there is one thing...but you can't have it.
Jr: What the? Why not!
chaos: Because of your earlier intrusion, that's why not! Besides, I have plans for it!
Jr: --gets right in chaos's face and grins widely-- Well, how about if I tell everyone your little fetish, eh?
chaos: ...Fine, here. --throws a box in Jr's face from out of nowhere-

--Allen helps Jr up and examines the box's contents, while chaos broods.--

Allen: Im-impossible!
Jr: What the...? it's KOS-MOS's head! But...but how!
Allen: No...no...-uses a scanning device on the head-- Not only does it look different, the scanning device clearly shows that it's...from the future!
Jr: Let's fire it up and see if it works! --presses an activation button-
chaos: Wait don't---

--The eyes on the head open with a blue glare, which momentarily blinds the three. When they regain vision, they are treated to the sight of the head flying around the room seemingly under it's own power. The head contiously shouts, "Nyak, nyak, nyak, nyak!"--

Allen: It's...it's...
Jr: A flying, talking head from the future!
chaos: Oh NOW you've done it! It hasn't been initialized yet! Catch it!

--The three bumble around the room, wrecking most of it before finally cornering the floating head. As Allen and Jr slowly creep up, the it's eyes start to glow red as it starts to growl softly.--

KOS-MOS's Head: Grrr...grrr...
chaos: Be careful! It's in attack mode!

--Without warning, the head of KOS-MOS leaps up and bites Jr on the arm.--

Jr: OWW! Get this percent$#!& thing off me!
Allen: I'll try to deactivate it! --opens up a panel in the back of the head and starts fiddling with it-
Jr: OWWW! percent#$ it, I'm getting this off myself! --pulls out one of his guns-
chaos: WAIT! Don't shoot it! --wrestles Jr's free arm, which is holding the gun-
Jr: Lemme go! OWWW! I have to get it off! OWWWWW!
Allen: There...I think this will do it!

--Allen presses a button in panel, which causes the head to instantly release Jr and trounce chaos instead.--

Allen: Ack! What did I do wrong! Look, now it's biting chaos in the face!
Jr: --rubbing his swollen arm-- Um, I don't think it's biting him...it looks more like...
Allen: --stratches his head-- THIS is the default program?
chaos: Mmmm...mmmph...mmmmphotherswitchmmmm!
Allen: Oh, right!

--Allen quickly opens up the panel and deactivates the head. Both Allen and Jr thank chaos before running out the door to show Shion.--

chaos: Well there goes my plans for my very own KOS-MOS life-sized toy...-sighs deeply--
chaos: To think...all those pretty, pretty dresses will go to waste!

Part 5

--Shion is still sobbing as she collects what is left of KOS-MOS. Allen and Jr rush into the room, panting and weezing, with the strange, alternate head of KOS-MOS in Allen's tight grip. Shion is still crying so hard that she doesn't even notice them.--

Shion: K-KOS...MOS...I so wanted to...to...
Allen: Chief! --pants-- Look what we got!
Shion: W-what?

--Allen thrusts the head of KOS-MOS in front of Shion's face. Shion stares puzzled at it for a moment, then wipes the tears from her eyes to get a better look, and screams as she realizes she is staring right at a severed head.--

Allen: Chief! Calm down! it's KOS-MOS!
Shion: KOS...MOS?

--Shion calms down and carefully takes the head away from Allen to get a better look. Jr is still laughing at Shion's reaction--

Shion: B-but...how?
Jr: --snickers-- chaos has some weird hobbies...
Shion: Wait...this isn't my KOS-MOS!
Allen: I know, chief. it's from the future, if you can believe that.
Shion: From the future! How can that be!
Allen: Look here, the quantum scanner is reading omega and alpha particles with only a .01 percent chance of demodularization! It MUST be from the future!
Jr: Yeah, the scanner is showing something about the things and the whatiz that are demodeling!
Shion: Well...oh who CARES where it came from! Let's just repair KOS-MOS, and let's hurry!
Jr: I'll go get chaos to help! I'm sure he'll be interested!
Shion: Wait...why does she have lipstick on her mouth?

--Eight hours later, Shion, Jr, Allen, and chaos finish up the repairs to KOS-MOS after working almost non-stop.--

Allen: Man, Vector doesn't pay me enough for this...-wipes some sweat from his forehead onto his sleeve-
Shion: Vector doesn't pay us anything, we were fired, remember? --doesn't even look up from her work-
Allen: --chuckles-- Stop kidding around...
Shion: No, we were fired for all of our previous times of disobediance.
Allen: --gasps-- We were REALLY FIRED!
Shion: Oh, didn't I tell you?
Allen: --hangs head down in sadness and disappointment-- No wonder my checks kept bouncing...
Shion: There! Done...Jr, please stop touching that.
Jr: But chaos got to touch it lots of times!
chaos: Haha!
Shion: Yes, but chaos is obviously gay.
chaos: Yeah, I'm...what?
Shion: OK, everyone cross your fingers! --starts KOS-MOS's activation sequence-
chaos: Look, it's not like I have a problem with homosexuals, I'm just not one of them...I know I look a little fruity, but that wasn't exactly up to me...and I know I like to wear dresses...and...like to look at...well...-goes over to a corner and curls up into a ball, slowing rocking himself back and forth-
Shion: OK! Now! KOS-MOS, wake up!

--The crew wait's paitently, but nothing happens.--

Shion: NOO! It isn't working! What...what did we do wrong!
Jr: Man! chaos, you gave us a defective piece of junk!
chaos: --still rocking himself back and forth-- I...I like baseball...I like the way the players hit the ball and how they move in their sho--I...I like pro wrestling, usually the greco-rom--I...I like beer...
Allen: Wait! Chief! I am reading MASSIVE nanite activity!
Shion: What! --knocks Allen aside, taking his scanner-- Oh dear, what is happening to MY KOS-MOS!
Jr: Look...she's...changing!
chaos: ...Sure, my favorite drink is a strawberry colada with a little umbrella, but that doesn't mean anything...

--The group stood agast as KOS-MOS's chassis transformed into what seemed like living flesh. KOS-MOS stood up and opened her new, blue eyes to the astonished three (chaos is still tramatized).--

--Oh, and since KOS-MOS didn't need to wear any clothes, she's now completely naked. Allen looks the new form head-to toe, and then faints with a very bloody nose. Jr stares with a growingly red face, a little bit of a bloody nose, and a very wide grin. Even Shion's nose starts to drip a little blood as she continues to stare in amazement.--

Part 6

--Meanwhile, Ziggy is romping through a U-TIC base searching for MOMO. Whatever resistance he encounters is easily dispatched.--

Ziggy: --stabs another U-TIC solider-- You only have yourself to blame. Rest in peace.

--The hole causes circuitry to stick out of the soldier, which Ziggy only gets a quick glimpse before the soldier falls over.--

Ziggy: What is this...

--Ziggy kicks the soldier over to reveal the wound. Small sparks fly from the exposed wires.

Ziggy: Can it be--

--Before Ziggy could even finish his sentence, more U-TIC soldiers appear from seemingly out of nowhere and engage the cyborg.--

Ziggy: More soldiers! No time to think, I MUST save MOMO! --rushes the enemy-

--Soon enough, Ziggy reaches MOMO's cell, which is guarded by 10 U-TIC soldiers.--

MOMO: Daddy!
Ziggy: Don't worry, I will get you out of here!

--Ziggy knocks all the soldiers away with a powerful attack. As he steps towards the cell, something pushes him back to the wall. A solemn grin stares Ziggy back, as the tip of a sword is placed right in front of his face.

Ziggy: Margulis! I should have known!
Margulis: You are too late, we already have the information we need from her. I shall dispose of her, right after I dispose of you.
Ziggy: Not on my watch!

--After a fierce battle, Ziggy finally emerges victorious. Margulis lies on the floor next to him, unconscious. Ziggy and MOMO rush out of the complex as Ziggy's explosive charges go off, causing a wall of flame to follow them out. They steal a U-TIC ship and start heading back to the Neo-Kukai Foundation.--

MOMO: Daddy, I am so glad you rescued me!
Ziggy: Of course. I couldn't stand losing a second child.
MOMO: Tee-hee. I'll go tell Jr I'm OK. I'll be right back.

--MOMO exit's to a seperate room with a video phone, and punches in a number. The screen lights up with the face of a U-TIC soldier.--

MOMO: What do you call that! He almost figured it out!
Ex U-TIC Commander: I am sorry Mrs. MOMO, I thought I had put the wiring deep enough...
MOMO: Well you obviously thought wrong!
Ex U-TIC Commander: But Mrs MOMO, it is rather difficult to keep getting these "missions" so authentic, we are running out of parts...
MOMO: Then use more Synths, I don't care! WHAT do you think I am paying you for!
Ex U-TIC Commander: Mrs MOMO, there is also a problem with Bob, the Synth clone playing Margulis. He is threatening to leave after the savage beating Ziggy just gave him.
MOMO: Oh my $#$!$# god, you people are useless. Look, just give him the percent$# phone and I'll talk to him.
Ex U-TIC Commander: OK, hold on...
Bob: Uh, hello Mrs. MOMO. Hey, look, I know we Synths don't have complex emotions like Realians, but those punches hurt like the dickins. it's beginning to affect my preformance.
MOMO: You are a Synth. Just deal with it.
Bob: Look, you'll hear from the Society For Prevention Of Cruelty To Synths.
MOMO: You know what? You know what? Both you and SFPOCTP can just kiss my--

Part 7

--Somewhere in the deepest reaches of space...--

Red Cloak: It's your move.
Blue Cloak: I know, I know! I'm thinking!
Red Cloak: Of course you are. You're thinking about how futile this is.
Blue Cloak: No! I'm...wait, let me move this here.
Red Cloak: Are you sure you want to move it there?
Blue Cloak: Yes, I am sure! Now, victory shall fianlly be mine!
Red Cloak: Checkmate. That makes the score 20-0.
Blue Cloak: --knocks the chess board into the air-- Son of a--
Wilhelm: Red, did you perchance forget to inform Blue that you two can read others' minds?
Red Cloak: Hmm? Oh, I told him we could communicate telepathically...
Blue Cloak: We can actually read minds!
Wilhelm: Yes. it's one of your special talents. However, while you can communicate telepathically with me, you cannot read my mind, and I cannot read yours.
Red Cloak: Indeed, and it only adds to Wilhelm's inferiority compared to our power.
Wilhelm: Inferiority? I have knowledge, which is far more valuable then any skill in your arsenal.
Red Cloak: I can read people's minds. Top that.
Wilhelm: Fine. Red Cloakburrito, are you, perhaps, thinking about burritoes?
Red Cloak: Huh...wait a moment...uh, no.
Blue Cloak: He's lying! He is TOO thinking about burritoes!
Red Cloak: Shut up! That's just a cheap trick!
Wilhelm: Worked on you.
Red Cloak: Well, your tricks still cannot have all the benefit's of reading others' minds...mmm-hmmmm...
Blue Cloak: What is...hey! That's just sick!
Wilhelm: What is it?
Red Cloak: Uhh...-fidgets nervously-
Blue Cloak: Here, let me show you! --communicates the image telepathically to Wilhelm-
Wilhelm: Oh my...that is indeed a level of perversion I previously only thought possible in Albedo.
Red Cloak: Gah! --waves his hand over Blue Cloak, then Wilhelm-- There, may you both remember nothing!
Wilhelm: --pauses for a moment-- ...Um, you can't do that.
Red Cloak: --sighs-- Well, it was worth a shot.
Wilhelm: Enough of this foolishness. Red Cloak, I have a job for you to do.
Red Cloak: Since when can you order me around?
Wilhelm: Since I just learned of your little fetish.
Red Cloak: ...Right. I'm on my way.

Part 8

--Somewhere in the Neo-Kukai Foundation--

Red Cloak: Here she comes...
MOMO: --whistling an aimless tune-
Red Cloak: --jumps out of a dark alley-- Aha! You shall come with me!
MOMO: Um, no. --teleports away-
Red Cloak: percent$#&! Since when can she teleport! --runs after her-

--Somewhere else in the Neo-Kukai Foundation--

MOMO: --still whistling an aimless tune-
Red Cloak: --runs up to her-- Ah---pant---hah! Now...I...-wheeze-...have...you!
MOMO: What do you want, red cloaked man?
Red Cloak: Give...me...-pant-...a minute...-wheeze-
MOMO: Silly grown-up. --shakes head-
Red Cloak: You are only six years...younger --cough-- then me.
MOMO: What do you mean? I am only 12!
Red Cloak: You haven't been twelve in--
MOMO: --takes out her rod and points it at Red Cloak's face-- Finish that sentence, and I will stick this where the sun don't shine.
Red Cloak: Err...right. Well, you shall be coming with me.
MOMO: Oh? Is this another Ziggy "mission"?
Red Cloak: Umm...yeah?
MOMO: --slams Red Cloak on the head with her rod-- LIAR! I orchastrate all Ziggy "missions", and I don't know who you are!
Red Cloak: OWW... --rubs head in pain-
MOMO: --her face of anger quickly turns to a sweet smile-- Good day, Mr. Red Cloaked Man. -curtsies, then starts to leave-
Red Cloak: Wait! I have...candy?
MOMO: --face immediatly lights up and teleports right in front of Red Cloak-- Reeaaaaally!
Red Cloak: Um, yeah, lots of candy. It's back at my place...
MOMO: YEAAAAA! Let's go right now! --grabs Red Cloak's arm and starts to teleport-
Red Cloak: Wait you don't know where I li--- --disappears along with MOMO-

--Somewhere in the universe, on a cold, desolete planet--

MOMO: Brrrr! Your home is sure cold, Mister!
Red Cloak: T-t-t-hissss Issss N-n-not-t-t m-m-my-y-y h-h-ho-ho-m-m-me...-shivers profusely-
MOMO: Are you cold, Mister?
Red Cloak: I-i-t-t issss on-ne h-h-hund-d-dreddd b-bel-low zer-r-ro...h-how c-c-c-annn y-y-youu n-n-n-n-n-notttt b-b-b-b-b-be?
MOMO: What do you mean?
Red Cloak: Y-y-youu ar-r-re w-w-w-wear-r-rin-ng an-n abssssur-rdddl-ly sh-sh-shortttt m-m-m-in-n-ni sss-k-k-kirtttt...
MOMO: Oh. I am warm from Jr's looove! --hugs herself energentically-
Red Cloak: Y-y-yeah r-r-rightttt...
MOMO: --glares-- Shut up you $#$#$#. If you must know, I'm using Ether power...you big party pooper. --sticks out tounge and grins playfully-
Red Cloak: O-o-o-kkkk-ay. N-n-now GET US THE &$#$ OUT OF HERE!
MOMO: --scowls-- Don't you yell at me, you $#$#$ #$$$# $#$# #$#$#$#! Fine, we're going. #$$ baby. --charges up-
Red Cloak: W-w-w-waittt I ddddiddd n-n-nottt t-t-tell y-y-ouu w-w-where to g--

--Before Red Cloak could finish his sentence, the two of them teleport off to some other distant location.--

Part 9

--Back with Shion and the others. Everyone is still staring at the naked, human KOS-MOS (except Allen who has fainted, and chaos who is in shock)-.

KOS-MOS: What is going on? Why are you all staring at me? Where...where are my clothes?
Shion: K-KOS...M-MOS?
KOS-MOS: Shion? Is that you, Shion? You look different. Where are my clothes? I fear Jr's eyes are going to melt if he doesn't blink. --gets up off the table and walks towards Shion-
Jr: --drools, nose bleeds more as he watches KOS-MOS walk-
KOS-MOS: --looks around-- Wait...this is the original Durandal. Hmm, I'll just sythensize some clothes then.

--A bright light bathes KOS-MOS as clothes seem to generate from her very flesh. As the light fades, a fully-clothed KOS-MOS stands before them, wearing an outfit similiar to MOMO's Starlight form.--

Shion: How...did you do...that? --still gawking, extremely confused-
KOS-MOS: MOMO taught it to me soon after I was born. It uses Ether power to generate clothes, and only works on Relians and Synths. Have you forgotten already?
KOS-MOS: --turns to Jr-- Where is MOMO? I cannot seem to contact her.
Jr: Dress...too tight...not made for adults...must control...urges...soon to be married...leave alone...-clenches his fist as his face grows even redder-

--Allen wakes up, rubbing his head in pain. He takes one look at KOS-MOS in her new dress, and unfortunately for him, KOS-MOS's chest pops out of her dress. Allen says "GAH!" and faints once again as KOS-MOS adjusts her dress.--'

KOS-MOS: --looks at Allen with puzzlement, then turns back to Shion-- Umm...Shion, why are you wearing glasses?
Shion: Huh?
KOS-MOS: --sighs and shakes head-- This is all very confusing...
Shion: Who...who are you?
KOS-MOS: --turns to Shion and stands right in front of her, almost touching her face-- Hmm...you aren't Shion.
Shion: I'm...I'm not?
KOS-MOS: --takes Shion's hand and looks at it-- Hmm...you are...her grandmother. Now I am officially confused.
Shion: Grand...m-mother? Then you're n-not my KOS-MOS?
KOS-MOS: Well you obviously repaired me, but you're not the one who built me. Shion and Allen Jr built me.
Shion: Allen Jr...
Jr: GAHH! --sobers up quickly-- If you're from the future, and you were built by "Allen Jr"...that means...that means...I MARRY ALLEN! NOOO! I HAVE TO KILL MYSELF NOW! --raises a gun to his head-
KOS-MOS: --snatches the gun away from his hand-- You're as big an idiot in this time as from mine. You're married to MOMO.
Jr: What...what a relief...thank you! You saved my life! --hugs KOS-MOS, and because of his height, his face goes right into her chest-
KOS-MOS: --knocks him away-- You're also just as big a pervert.
Jr: --grins and wipes the blood from his nose-- Hehe, I married MOMO, didn't I?
Shion: What is going on here?
chaos: --stands up suddenly and shouts, startling everyone-- I GOT IT! I'M JUST A CONFUSED TRANSVESTITE! --laughs maniacally-
KOS-MOS: --stares at chaos along with everyone else-- ...chaos? Is that you?
chaos: --jumps over to KOS-MOS and takes her hands-- Yes, my dear! I am sorry I wasn't all there when you awoke, but now that I am better, we can be together! Oh, think of all the dresses we shall share!
KOS-MOS: --looks him up and down-- Wait...are you a...boy? The chaos I know is a...girl.

--chaos stares at KOS-MOS blankly for a moment, with a growing look of horror upon his face. Finally he cracks, and runs out of the room screaming "NEEEEPHILIMMMMMMMMM!"--

KOS-MOS: Oops. I shouldn't have told him that.
Jr: Aww $#$#! Shion, wake up Allen and KEEP him conscious! Our only clue as to what the $#$# happened to KOS-MOS just ran out of the room screaming!

Part 10

--chaos is in one of the rooms about the Durandal, talking to a ghostly spirit. He has his back turned towards the window behind him, facing the door.--

chaos: That's it, I'm through. Send me back!
Nephilim: You know I cannot do that...
chaos: --whines-- Wahaha, it's not FAIR!
Nephilim: You drew the short straw. That means you were the one that had to play this role.
chaos: But why...
Nephilim: You know very well the organizations that were breathing down our necks...we couldn't ALL be girls.
chaos: But in all my past lives, I was a girl! --sobs-
Nephilim: Think of it as a new experience...
chaos: I don't wanna think! I wanna be a girl again! And wear my pretty, pretty dresses without restraint! --hugs himself and cries some more-
Nephilim: Look. We already gave you more then any normal man could dream of.
chaos: Oh you mean that thing? You really should have given me an instruction manual with it! Do you know how difficult it was to take a--
Nephilim: Enough whining. Have you finished your analysis?
chaos: Analysis? What...analysis?
Nephilim: --sighs and shakes head-- The analysis of the future KOS-MOS's head. I sent it to you over ten years ago.
chaos: --looks deep in thought-- Ohhh yeaaaahh. Now I remember it.
Nephilim: Don't tell me you didn't finish the analysis...
chaos: Hey! I was busy! I'll get to it!
Nephilim: You've had ten years! Blast it all, do you understand how imperitive that analysis is! We must find out where that head came from!
chaos: Why don't you just ask the boss?
Nephilim: You know very well I cannot ask such a question freely...
chaos: Oh, right, I forgot...you know, men are stupid like that. If I were a girl, then I would have probably remembered, hmmm?
Nephilim: --rubs her temple and deeply sighs-- For the last time, NO!
chaos: Fine then! I'll just go get a sex change operation! I bet in this era, it doesn't take more then a second!
Nephilim: If you willingly let someone cut you open, the four plagues shall fly out of your body and engulf the universe, destroying it.
chaos: WHAT! Why the would you do something like that to me!
Nephilim: Like I said, we'd have to deal with Hell if you became a girl. Quite literally.
chaos: Aww $#$# it then. Let's just get this mission over with so I can go back to being myself. --pouts-
Nephilim: Well now we have a li-ttle problem with that, don't we? I need that analysis.
chaos: Why don't you just ask KOS-MOS herself?
Nephilim: All we have is her deactivated head. We cannot reform her, even with our powers.

--chaos points through Nephilim, towards an open door. The spirit turns around to see a very suprised KOS-MOS, Shion, Allen, and Jr all staring at her and chaos.--

Nephilim: Oh $#$#.

Part 11

--Meanwhile, somewhere in the deepest reaches of space...--

MOMO: CANDY CANDY CANDYYYY! --bounces around energentically, knocking various things over-
Blue Cloak: Did you actually give her candy? You know it's like crack for Realians!
Red Cloak: Well I had to shut her up somehow!
Blue Cloak: --almost falls over as MOMO bounds past him-- Oh, she's MUCH more calm now!
Wilhelm: --walks into the room to find it completely trashed-- What is going on here?
Red Cloak: Oh, hello sir...
Blue Cloak: it's all his fault! Him, him, him!
Wilhelm: I was already quite aware of that. I just wanted to see if you would actually betray Red Cloak.
Red Cloak: Heh. Squeeler.
Blue Cloak: Oh go $#$# yourself.
Wilhelm: Grab that Realian so we can get to work.
Blue Cloak: I'll get her! --runs after MOMO-

--After wreaking the rest of the room, Blue Cloak finally catches up to the hyped-up MOMO and pins her to the ground.--

MOMO: Lemme go you, you PERVERT!
Blue Cloak: I'm not a pervert. Now quit kicking me!
MOMO: You are TOO a pervert! You want to see my PANTIES!
Blue Cloak: I have absolutely no interest in seeing your panties.
MOMO: --breaks away from Blue Cloak and stands up-- WHAT! Everyone wants to see my panties! What are you, gay!
Blue Cloak: --still kneeling-- I prefer...women around my age. Well, women that LOOK like my age...
MOMO: --pulls out a rod from seemingly nowhere-- Careful, $#$# face.
MOMO: --pulls up her skirt-- You don't enjoy this?
Blue Cloak: --takes a glance, then returns to looking at MOMO's face-- No, not really.
MOMO: --lets her skirt fall back to place and starts crying-- I'm FAT, aren't I! I KNEW it!
Blue Cloak: You are a Realian. You cannot get fat.
MOMO: --sniffles-- Well, why don't you want to see my panties!
Blue Cloak: I'm more interested in your tasty brai--bra. Your tasty bra.
MOMO: --immediatly lights up and giggles-- I'm too young for a bra! Tee-hehe!
Wilhelm: Enough foolishness. It's time. Blue Cloak, Red Cloak, make sure she doesn't move. I will start the procedure.

--Wilhelm pushes a button on a nearby console, and a human-like KOS-MOS wearing only a skimpy nightgown teleports into the room.--

Fake KOS-MOS: Greetings Master Wilhelm. I am KOS-MOS Love Slave #5, Synth version. How may I pleasure you today?

--Wilhelm quickly taps a few more buttons, and the fake KOS-MOS disappears.--

Wilhelm: That was definately not the correct button. Let me...try again. --pushes another button on the console and a strange device starts hovering in the middle of the room-
Red Cloak: Say boss...
Wilhelm: --slowly turns to Red Cloak-- ...Yes?
Red Cloak: Can I...
Wilhelm: Only if you do well in the next assignment.
Red Cloak: --grins widely-

Part 12

--Back on the Durandal, the partially transparent spirit called Nephilim floats silently as Shion, Allen, Jr, and the now human KOS-MOS all stare in awe.--

Nephilim: --turns to chaos-- What are they doing here?
chaos: Looks like they followed me.
Nephilim: You should have been able to properly conceal your destination...
chaos: Well, I had a lot on my mind!
Nephilim: I see...are they...staring at...me?
chaos: It appears so.
Nephilim: --turns to the crew-- Can you both hear AND see me?
Shion: Y-yes...
Nephilim: This...isn't good. It seems the very fabric of your universe is coming apart.
Allen: GAH! You woke me up for this! --whimpers-
chaos: Wait, it gets better. KOS-MOS, tell her what brought you here today.
KOS-MOS: I don't know how I got here...
chaos: Well then, tell us what you do remember.
KOS-MOS: --nods-- Affirmative. Well, let's see...I was constructed by the grandaughter and grandson of Shion and Allen. I was to be the fin--
Allen: --interrupts-- Wait, did you say grandaughter and grandson of Shion and ALLEN! It...can't be...but it is! YIIPPEEE! --starts dancing-
Shion: --blinks repeatedly in confusion and whispers to Jr-- What is he dancing about?
Jr: Um, don't you know?
Shion: Oh, I get it... --smiles and walks over to Allen-

--Shion walks slowly over to Allen, who instantly breaks his jig when she draws near. His breath already hastened by the spontaneous excercise, Allen gives a very wide smile to his boss. Shion gently picks up both of Allen's hands and cups them with her own. Allen's skin sweats profusely, and he resists the urge to pass out. Shion tilts her head to look up at Allen and gives him a very warm smile that allows him to visably relax. Slowly, she opens her lips...--

Shion: I am very happy that our grandchildren will have the same healthy friendship that we have.

--Allen's smile quickly turns to deep disappointment, then almost immediatly to terror, as he clutches his chest in pain. He falls over dead, the sudden shock of hearing Shion's feelings causing him a massive heart attack.--

Shion: Oh no! ALLEN! --kneels and tries to prop up Allen's head-
Jr: Allen's dead. Oh my. Heh.
Shion: Someone HELP! He's...he's not breathing!
KOS-MOS: Oh dear...if he dies, I will cease to exist.
Nephilim: chaos, revive him.
chaos: But Allen is so annoooyyyying! --whines-
Nephilim: If KOS-MOS ceases to exist, then I will make you immortal.
chaos: --gasps-- Trapped in a boy's body forever! --charges up-- Let me at him!

--chaos blasts a large stream of energy into Allen. A bright glow surrounds Allen's body for a second before disapaiting.--

chaos: There...it's done.
Shion: He...he's still not breathing!
chaos: Well, he was dead for a few seconds. His body forgot how to breathe. Shion, quickly, give him CPR!
Shion: Right! --leans down and starts preforming mouth-to-mouth ressucitation-
Nephilim: Umm...

--After only a few compressions, Allen regains consciousness to find Shion's lips on his mouth, and her bossom pressed up against his chest. Suffice to say, he immediatly fainted.--

Part 13

--Shion is holding Allen, who after being revived by chaos, has immediatly fainted again after receiving CPR from her.--

Shion: Oh no! He's dead again!
chaos: Don't worry, he'll live.
Nephilim: chaos...
Shion: --rises back to a kneeling position-- Should I continue giving CPR?
chaos: No, that'll just make him faint again.
Shion: --hugs Allen's sleeping head-- Oh Allen, I hope you are really alright...-wipes away some tears as she rocks back and forth slowly, stroking Allen's head gently-
Nephilim: chaos, that was wholely unneccesary.
chaos: I think that was plently necessary! --turns to KOS-MOS-- Any chance that you will cease to exist now? --grins and winks-
KOS-MOS: --smiles-- Something tells me I'll be fine. --quickly turns sober again-- For now...
Nephilim: --turns back to KOS-MOS-- For something like you to be here, is there really that much trouble looming?
KOS-MOS: There is a 96.05 percent probability that 90.8 percent of the universe's population will soon be wiped out.
chaos: --sobs-- I'm too pretty to die!
Jr: How do you kill only 0.8 percent of a person?
Nephilim: This is indeed bad...

KOS-MOS: I am an advanced Synth model, based off the original working KOS-MOS model. I was designed to emulate the functions of humans in every way, though the "cells" that make up my body are replaced by microscopic machines called nanites. This allows me to regenerate myself from any state except complete annihilation, and make full use of the Ether.

Jr: So if you're like us humans now...can you...y'know...erk erk? Squeek squeek? Huba huba? Whacka whacka? Ehh? Ehhhhh? --grins widely-
KOS-MOS: ...X-BUSTER! --KOS-MOS's stomach opens up as usual, but instead of charging up, synthetic organs fall out-
KOS-MOS: Hmm...seems I may need to reconfigure my internal organs. Although, I don't think I really need any of those. --walks over to Jr and knocks him out with a single, hard punch-
Nephilim: ...Anyway, do you remember what transpired to put us in such peril?
KOS-MOS: I cannot describe the details, as I was created after the disaster. However, I do know a certain Realian instigates the entire process soon. A certain Realian of mutual aqquaintence. --after placing the last, lost organ back in, her stomach automatically closes-
chaos: Say what?
Nephilim: You can't mean...

--Meanwhile, in the deepest reaches of space, once again...--

MOMO: Get off me, you PERVERTS!
Wilhelm: Red Cloak, Blue Cloak, keep her steady. I will start the device. --presses a few buttons on a nearby console-

--A bright flash of light surrounds the room. When everyone's vision returns, they are treated to the sight of three dancing copies of KOS-MOS only garbed in thong bikinis. Sitting next to them is a Karaoke machine, andone of the three KOS-MOS copies has a microphone on her hand.--

Fake KOS-MOS #1: Maaaster Wiilllhelm, you are sooo great!
Fake KOS-MOS 2 & 3: Oh yeah! Oh yeah!
Fake KOS-MOS #1: Maaaster Wiillllhelm, you take the cake!
Fake KOS-MOS 2 & 3: Uh huh! Uh huh!
Fake KOS-MOS #1: Maaaster Wiilllhelm, will you be my mate?
Fake KOS-MOS #2: You said it, girl!
Fake KOS-MOS #3: Go for it, girl!
Fake KOS-MOS #1: Oh, Iiiiiiii--

--The trio of KOS-MOSes are cut off when they suddenly teleported out by Wilhelm quickly punching a different combination of keys.--

Wilhelm: Perhaps I should disable those shortcut keystrokes...
Blue Cloak: Ya think?
Wilhelm: ...Until later.
MOMO: --shouts-- You're all PERVERTS! --whispers to herself, trying to hold back tears-- How can even my panties compete with that!

Part 14

--Back aboard the Durandal.--

Nephilim: This is indeed a precosius predicament...
Jr: --after regaining consciousness, moves up close to Nephilim-- Say...you're pretty cute. Want to get a drink after all this?
Nephilim: --glances at Jr out of the corner of her eye-- Not only am I non-corporal, you're engaged.
Jr: I don't care about your military record. And about my little engagement...well, that never stopped me before! --grins wickedly-
Nephilim: Ugh! --makes a quick move and blasts Jr across the room, where he falls down in a slump, unconscious-
chaos: Haha! You go, girl! --does a quick, funky dance-
KOS-MOS: --has her eyes shut and is looking around the room-- I still cannot sense MOMO. Wherever she is, the place must have cutting-edge shielding technology.
Nephilim: Perhaps Albedo stole the technology, along with MOMO.
Ziggy: Did someone say MOMO has been kidnapped! --rushes in from another room-
Ziggy: Margulis! That dirty fiend...this time, the U-TIC organization shall fall!
Nephilim: I said Albedo, not Margulis. It cannot be the U-TIC organization, they have been disbanded for years.
Ziggy: They only want you to think they have been disbanded. In reality, Margulis is alive and well. I am sure he is behind all of this. --slams fist down on a nearby table, cracking it in two-
chaos: Um, Ziggy, hey, calm down now.
Ziggy: I am perfectly calm. Emotions cannot cloud my judgement in a time of crisis. Hmm...if Margulis is still around, that must mean his best henchman is on his way now...
Nephilim: Well, I do believe Albedo may be our culprit...
Ziggy: No! Albedo is dead. I killed him myself. Margulis's new master henchman is...Bunnie! The evil, sinister anthromorphic rabbit. To think such a cute and cuddly creature could turn to a life of crime...but, I must do what I must do. I must save MOMO!
Nephilim: Umm...
Ziggy: --turns to look Nephilim square in the face-- You are...translucent! That must mean...you are a...GNOSIS! --charges Nephilim and tries to throw various kicks and punches at her-
Nephilim: --all the attacks pass right through her-- Um, please stop that. it's highly annoying.
Ziggy: DIE, GNOSIS SCUM!
Nephilim: I am not Gnosis, I am something like a spirit. We are similiar, yet I cannot manifest fully in this world.
Ziggy: $#$# ethetral monster...wait, I have it! MOMO, produce Hilbert Effect!
Nephilim: --sighs-
chaos: --slaps forehead-- Um, Ziggy...MOMO isn't here, remember?
Ziggy: --looks around suddenly, as if he just recovered from a daze-- $#$# it, has she been kidnapped again! Why couldn't I have gotten a less perilous daughter! Who did it this time? Margulis? Albedo? The evil, evil Bunnie?
chaos: ...It was Bunnie.
Ziggy: $#$# that twisted rodent! Don't worry, I'll get her back! Wish me luck! --charges out the door-
Nephilim: --turns to chaos-- Thank you.

--Meanwhile...--

Tiny KOS-MOS: KONICHIWA, I am CHIBI KOS-MOS, and I shall dansu far you! --starts dancing-
Red Cloak: Catch her!
Blue Cloak: --leaps to try and grab the tiny KOS-MOS, but she dances out of the way just in time-- Argh!
Wilhelm: --taps his hands impaitently on the console and sighs-- This is what I get for installing Curtains 4000 on my own machine.

Part 15

--Once again, back aboard the Durandal.--

KOS-MOS: --snaps out of her daze after watching Ziggy, and walks over to chaos-- Say, chaos...um...
chaos: Yeah?
KOS-MOS: --twirls her long, blue hair with one of her fingers-- Were you...always a...boy?
chaos: Only in this lifetime.
KOS-MOS: Um, will you become a girl soon?
chaos: That's a good question. --gives a dirty look to Nephilim-
chaos: --turns back to look at KOS-MOS-- Why do you ask?
KOS-MOS: --looks down at the floor-- My new design features a far more enhanced emotional matrix then the previous KOS-MOS model...I can experience a wide variety of emotions quite openly...
chaos: Uh-huh. And?
KOS-MOS: And...well...in my time you are a girl...and we...well...uhh...were...-whispers-- together.
chaos: --jumps back a bit-- Whoa, you mean...WHOA...err...-stratches his head-- Sorry.
KOS-MOS: --blushes and smiles-- It's alright...
chaos: You mean...haha...well, I guess I'm more fruity then I thought! --laughs softly--
Nephilim: To say the least.
chaos: Hey! Were you listening in on our conversation!
Nephilim: I see all and hear all, remember?
chaos: $#$# it!

--KOS-MOS laughs self-consciously. Hearing an android laugh stirs Allen out of his fainting spell. He awakes to find Shion holding him to her chest, stroking his head and rocking back and forth. He uses all within him to resist fainting again, yet still grows so red, one would think he would start boiling.--

Allen: Um...Ch-ch-chief?
Shion: Oh! Allen, you're OK! --clasps him even tighter-- I thought I lost you too...
Allen: Ch-chief, you're m-making it really hard to st-stay aw-wake...
Shion: --releases him with a THUD!-- Oh, s-sorry. I...I just...
Allen: W-What's wrong, chief? --tries to hide his face, which is still extremely red-
Shion: --looks down-- It's just...I've lost everyone important to me...my parents...my brother...and...Kevin...and now, even my KOS-MOS is gone...
Shion: When the Wolingde was attacked, my whole world went upside down. Being touched by the Gnosis, KOS-MOS awakening and her subsequent rampage around the ship, and having to risk death just to follow KOS-MOS...I felt...powerless.
Shion: Yet, you were there through it all. While the other staff members jumped into the test vessel, you risked your life to help save mine. I've always thought of you as a wimp until that moment...though I still think of you as mostly a wimp...
Shion: --looks up into Allen's face-- I just can't lose you, too...
Allen: Chief...
Shion: --takes Allen's hands, which almost instantly become soaked with sweat-- You're the only one left that I have any real feelings for...
Allen: Ch-chief...
Shion: --smiles and blushes-- Call me Shion.
Allen: Shion, I...

--Allen stopped mid-sentence as he noticed Shion closing her eyes and puckering her lips.--

Allen: What is that? An impression of a fish? --thinks to himself-
Allen: Wait! I saw this in a movie once! She wants...a kiss! AHHH! WHAT DO I DO!
chaos: Kiss her, you idiot! --transmit's his thoughts-
Allen: Hey! Are you my...id?
chaos: Now you're getting the picture! Kiss her NOW!
Allen: Right! I've reads books on this, I think I'm ready! Here I go!

--As Allen opens his eyes, he is treated to the sight of a now-conscious Jr kissing Shion. Allen stares at the scene for a moment, trying to comprehend what to do next. His mind soon turns to mush, as very violent thoughts enter his brain and take over. With all the rage of an angry engineer, Allen pops up and punches Jr as hard as he can.--

Jr: Oww! --rubs his face where Allen punched him, gives Allen a quick wink and grin, then falls over-

Part 16

--Jr is lying on the floor, supposedly knocked unconscious by Allen. Allen and Shion are sitting near each other on the floor.--

Shion: Allen!
Allen: I'm sorry, but he was asking for it.
Allen: --shakes his hand in pain, and thinks to himself-- OWW! His face is HARD! How could I ever knock out someone with such an iron jaw!
chaos: You didn't. --still transmitting his thoughts-
Allen: Hey! Are you my superego now, too!
Nephilim: No, I am the superego. But cha--err, your id, is right.
chaos: Hurry up and kiss her NOW! She's still waiting!
Allen: Oh, right! Um...how do I effectively kiss someone?
chaos: For the love of...pucker your lips and press them against hers.
Nephilim: Shion is feeling vunerable right now. Is this really the right thing to be doing?
chaos: You're just jealous because I stole your line. Besides, Allen had better kiss Shion, or they'll both have so much repressed urges that they'll explode. It's not healthy!
Nephilim: Oh be quiet. I could do a better job as the "id" any day of the week! Watch me! Hey, Allen, go and $#$# her now!
chaos: Oh THAT's mature. There's more to my job then that...
Nephilim: Really? Even when dealing with men?
chaos: ...Well, then that's the exception...but I can assure you, that's the only one!
Nephilim: So you're saying only 49 percent of your work is pitifully easy. That'll show me.
chaos: Oh shut the $#$# up.
Allen: AHHHH make the voices in my head STOOOPP!
Nephilim: Oopsie...
chaos: Allen! Listen to me! If you want the voices to stop, KISS SHION NOW!

--Allen leans over quickly and kisses Shion on the nose. Realizing this was the wrong area, he retracts and quickly goes for the lips. Shion is surprised at first, but eventually relaxes into the kiss. chaos and KOS-MOS both cheer, while Nephilim actually cracks a smile.--

Jr: It's about $#$#ing time! --jumps up and grins-

Shion: AHH! Allen! Wh-what are you doing! --feels Allen's hand in a rather sensitive spot-
Jr: --jumps over next to Shion and takes a long look at Allen-- Hmm...seems the wimp has fainted again.

--Shion slides out of Allen's odd grip, blushing profusely. Allen is also blushing, in addition to being completely unconscious. He has a very large smile on his face.--

Jr: Hmm...I wonder if he fainted from the kiss, or the...
Shion: Gah! He's a PERVERT!
Jr: Hey, don't be going all MOMO on me now. You just gotta give him the benefit of the doubt.
Shion: Well...
Jr: I mean, is this really so bad?
Shion: K-K-KOS-MOS!
KOS-MOS: Affirmative. --picks up Jr and throws him across the room, slamming him hard into the wall-
Shion: --gets up and brushes herself off-- Thank you, KOS-MOS. Even if you aren't my KOS-MOS, I'm glad to have you.
KOS-MOS: --nods-- He deserved it.
Jr: Owwwwwwww...hehe, it was worth it...-falls unconscious again-
Nephilim: Did you tell him to do that? --transmit's her thoughts-
chaos: Actually, no. I'm scared of Jr's mind!

Part 17

--Back in the deepest, darkest reaches of space. Red Cloak is still holding down MOMO as Wilhelm fiddles with his console. A weird device floats in the middle of the room.--

Wilhelm: Done. I've reinstalled the operating system. We should be fine now.
Red Cloak: --in a high pitched voice-- It's about time! MOMO has been kicking me so much, I think I'm a eunich now!
Blue Cloak: Wait...we're...not...suppose to...be...? You told me to...castrate myself...
Red Cloak: Oh yeah. I forgot about that. I was joking...You actually did it? Haha!
Blue Cloak: --shakes fist in extreme rage-- YOU $#$#ing $#$#er, I'LL KILL YOU!
Red Cloak: Fool! My powers are far above yours! --releases MOMO and taking up a fighting stance-
Blue Cloak: PREPARE TO DIE!
MOMO: No! Don't fight over me!
Wilhelm: Black Cloak, stop them.

--As Red and Blue Cloak charge at each other, the room goes dark as a sinister cloud surrounds the two cloaked men. As the cloud dissapates, the two have been knocked to the floor, and a figure wearing a black cloak stands next to Wilhelm.--

Red Cloak: --rises to a kneeling position, clutching his chest-- Black Cloak, I presume.
Black Cloak: You presume correctly. --transmit's his thoughts to everyone-
Red Cloak: Too scared to speak directly to me?
Wilhelm: Enough. You two, pick up MOMO and put her under the Extractor.
Red & Blue Cloak: Yes, sir.

--Red and Blue Cloak each grabbing one of MOMO's arms breaks her from the almost trance Black Cloak seems to have effected upon her. She doesn't resist as they drag her over underneath the strange, hovering device.--

Wilhelm: --punches a key on his console-- Don't look directly into it.

--The device glows with an intense light, which blankets the room and blinds anyone foolish enough to look directly into it. MOMO's body jerks up slightly as a stream of what appears to be energy is sucked out of her, into the device. When the device is finished, MOMO falls to the ground, unconscious.--

Wilhelm: The extraction is complete. Now that we have the second half of Mizrahi's research, the X-Data, we can complete his greatest acheivement.
Blue Cloak: Exactly WHAT is his greatest acheivement?
Wilhelm: The Y-Data contained plans to recreate a giant robot with the power to touch God. This robot was actually first created over 2000 years ago, and led to the first downfall of humanity. With the assistance of a certain professor, we have completed the reconstruction of this monster.
Blue Cloak: And this X-Data?
Wilhelm: The only system that is both complex and simplistic enough to use with this robot -- the Disk Access Operating System.
Red Cloak: Interesting...and what of new "friend" here?
Wilhelm: Well, since you two are idiots, I needed more assurance that our plan will be completed successfully.
Blue Cloak: Haha, he burned you!
Red Cloak: --shakes head, then slowly steps towards Black Cloak-- Look, I don't care who you are. You will address us with respect by talking to us directly.
Black Cloak: I am a form without purpose. A direction without a goal. A feeling without restraint, without home, without end. I am an idea kept in the darkest recesses of human consciousness. I mean no disrespect by persisting with communiting by thought, yet I have no other recourse.
Red Cloak: ...Well, since we're suppose to be good chums from now on, I guess we should introduce ourselves.
Blue Cloak: I'm Testament!
Red Cloak: I guess you can call me Carpenter.
Black Cloak: Well then. You may call me...the Seeker.

Part 18

--Still somewhere deep in space. Wilhelm is working on a nearby console as a holographic screen pops up near him. Upon it is a fake KOS-MOS synth dressed up like an extremely sleezy secretary.--

Wilhelm: Secretary, please contact the Professor.
Fake KOS-MOS: Affirmative...you hot stud you. --blows a kiss as the screen disappears-
Blue Cloak: Sir, we really need to get you a real girl.
Wilhelm: Thank you for the offer, but I have evolved beyond the need for such things.
Red Cloak: Apparently the pinnacle of evolution is lusting for KOS-MOS.
Wilhelm: I heard that. Black Cloak, kill him.
Red Cloak: You can't kill me, I'm already de--

--Black Cloak disappears for a moment, then reappears clutching Red Cloak's neck. With a quick squeeze, Red Cloak's neck pops off and rolls over next to Blue Cloak.--

Blue Cloak: What the ! You KILLED Red Cloak!
Red Cloak's Head: No he didn't. We'are already dead, remember?
Blue Cloak: WHAT THE $#$#! You're a talking head!
Red Cloak's Head: How astute of you. Now pick my head up and place it back on my body! It can't see very well with my head detatched.
Blue Cloak: Only if you promise never to insult me again.
Red Cloak's Head: Just put my $#$# head back on or I'll bite your ankles.
Blue Cloak: You have to sing the "Testament is so great" song!
Red Cloak's Head: Ankle biting. Seriously. I'll rip them off.
Blue Cloak: Alright, fine. But don't say I never did you any favours!

--Blue Cloak picks up Red Cloak's head and walks over to Red Cloak's body, which is fumbling around in the dark, looking for it's missing head. He squashes the head rudely upon it's body, which instantly reattaches it'self to it's missing head.--

Red Cloak: Thanks. --rubs his very sore neck-
Blue Cloak: Anytime. Of course, now you have to be my slave for the rest of this mission.

--Red Cloak proceeds to stare at Blue Cloak for a minute or two without saying anything, then swipes off his head.--

Blue Cloak's Head: YOU $#$#ing $#$#er, WHY THE $#$# DID YOU DO THAT!
Red Cloak: You deserved it.
Wilhelm: --looks up from working on a nearby console-- Enough you two. I'm almost finished my data mining. I expect both of you to have your heads on straight when the Professor calls with his report.
Red Cloak: Yes...sir. --picks up Blue Cloak's head and hands it to him, then turns and walks over to Black Cloak-
Red Cloak: However, there is one thing I want to do first...
Black Cloak: I strongly suggest you refrain from doing that. --transmit's it's thoughts-

--Not heeding Black Cloak's warning, Red Cloak peeks under Black Cloak's hood. After a few moments of staring, Red Cloak gently places Black Cloak's mask back to it's original position, takes a few steps back, then runs around the room screaming.--

Red Cloak: AHHHHH! I HAVE SEEN WHAT NO MAN SHOULD EVER SEE! AHHHHHHHHHHH! -screams like a chicken with his head cut off-
Black Cloak: I did warn him.
Wilhelm: --sighs deeply, rubbing his temple-- That is extremely annoying. Blue Cloak, please stop him.
Blue Cloak: Right. --makes a quick swiping motion, cutting off Red Cloak's head-
Blue Cloak: --bends down and faces the detached head-- There...feel any better?
Red Cloak's Head: You will so $#$#ing die.
Blue Cloak: --rises and grins-- He's good.

Part 19

--Once again, somewhere in the deepest receeses of space (called Wilhelm's office). A large, holographic screen once again appears floating in mid-air. This time, instead of the shapely, albiet fake, KOS-MOS secretary, the extremely un-shapely Professor and his averagely shapely assistant Scott appear.--

Wilhelm: Professor. Good news, I hope.
Professor: INDEED! Indeed, indeed, indeed, indeed.
Wilhelm: --after a long pause-- Well then, please inform us.
Professor: ...Do who with the what now?
Assistant Scott: Sir, I think he's refering to the status of our project.
Professor: --turns to Assistant Scott-- Now WHY would he want to know about our project to make a 100-foot tall robot made out of marshmellows and love!
Assistant Scott: Um, no sir, the project he assigned us to.
Professor: THAAAAT monster! Yes! I remember! You don't have to remind me! I'm not some senile old man!
Assistant Scott: Of course you're not, sir.
Professor: --after another long pause-- ...So, Master Wilhelm, what can I do for you?
Wilhelm: --sighs and turns to Assistant Scott-- What is the status of Omega-1?
Assistant Scott: Um...well...we're almost finished. We just need the operating system.
Professor: Yes! That is correct! My super-hyper-robot is almost complete! I must say, it's a work of GENIUS!
Wilhelm: --ignores Professor and nods to Assistant Scott-- Are you sure this model will not suffer the same fate as Omega-0?
Assistant Scott: Yes sir. We made sure this time that the Professor didn't try to install any of his "extra-excellent-candy-circuit's".
Wilhelm: Good. We are now ready to provide the operating system.
Professor: We just need to add the hyper-love-semiconductor, and it'll be ready! Master Wilhelm, if you do the super-happy-robot dance, it will make our job a LOT faster!
Wilhelm: --turns back to the professor-- I am not doing any "super-happy-robot" dance.
Professor: Fine! Then I refuse to work for you anymore! --throws a fit-
Wilhelm: As you wish. Assistant Scott can finish up your work. This is not exactly the type of robot that requires love, friendship, or any of those "happy" emotions.
Assistant Scott: But sir! I am still just his apprentice! I can't handle adding in a hyper-love-semiconductor!
Wilhelm: There is no such thing as a "hyper-love-semiconductor". The Professor is being dilusional again.
Professor: Oh REALLY! --holds up the plans-
Wilhelm: What the...it's actually in the plans...-sighs-- Fine, here. --does a short little jig-- Are you satisfied now?
Professor: --spastically shakes hands in extreme glee-- OF COURSE! I WILL GET TO WORK RIGHT AWAY! SUPER HAPPY ROBOT HYPER LOVE AWAYYY! --runs off-
Assistant Scott: Wait, sir! You shouldn't touch that while the generator is still providing power! --rushes after him-

Red Cloak: --turns to Wilhelm-- Tell me...if this operating system uses some type of Disk Access, what are we to use as the "disk"?

--Without saying anything, Wilhelm simply points at the small girl lying in the middle of the room, who is wearing something resembling a female sailor's outfit. MOMO makes a quiet moan of unrest in her sleep.--

Red Cloak: You've got to be $#$#ing kidding me.
Blue Cloak: You mean we can't eat her brains?

--Meanwhile, back aboard the Durandal. KOS-MOS is working on a console with her visor pulled down.--

KOS-MOS: There is a 78.0567 percent chance I have found MOMO.
Shion: Really? Where is she?
KOS-MOS: The only place with enough shielding to prevent me from contacting her, and the rumored site of the first incident...Vector Industries.

Part 20

--Aboard the Durandal, Shion is staring in shock at KOS-MOS, who just suggested MOMO is being held captive at her old company. chaos and Nephilim listen intently. Jr and Allen are both lying unconscious nearby.--

Shion: It can't be...
KOS-MOS: Hmm. With some more calculations, the odds have jumped up to 81.2607 percent.
Shion: But this is Vector we are talking about!
KOS-MOS: They DID finance the creation of my predecessors. It seems Vector has had a hidden agenda all along.
Shion: But...but what could Vector really do to wipe out the universe?
KOS-MOS: That I am not sure of. However, I estimate a 67.8 percent chance it is some ancient technology dating back to the days when Lost Jerueselum was not so lost.
chaos: Lost Jerueselum...
Nephilim: Why did you repeat what she just said? --transmit's her thoughts to chaos-
chaos: I wanted to sound ominous! Sheesh!
Nephilim: I think it just makes you sound stupid, like you didn't hear her correctly.
chaos: Ah shuddup.
Allen: D-did I hear Vector Industries mentioned? --staggers to a kneeling position--
Shion: Allen!
chaos: Ah, the goof is awake.
Allen: --rubs his sore neck-- Ow, I really need to stop passing out like that...
Shion: --walks over and kneels down in front of him-- Allen...
Allen: --gulps and tries to resist passing out-- Ch--- I mean, Sh-Sh-Shion...

--Shion gently caresses Allen's face with her hand for a moment, causing Allen to blush profusely and almost pass out. Allen's feeling of euphoria ends quickly when Shion slaps him hard on his right cheek, making him lose his balance.--

Allen: Why'd you do that! --rubs his sore cheek-
Shion: You KNOW what you did, you PERVERT!
Allen: No! I don't! I was passed out!
Shion: AHA! How could you know you did something while you were "supposedly" passed out!
KOS-MOS: Shion, there is a 97 percent chance you are being irrational.
Shion: How could there be a percentage that I am being irrational, that doesn't make any sense. Besides, you are not MY KOS-MOS, so SHUT UP!
Allen: Y-You obviously think I did something, so I assumed it was while I passed out!
chaos: You know when you assume, you make an--
Shion: Shut up! I've had enough of your meddling!
chaos: Huh...?
Shion: It's your fault Allen's a pervert! --turns to Nephilim-- That goes for you, too!
Nephilim: I am an ethereal spirit. I cannot affect anyone.
Shion: That's a load of BS. Both of you were talking in Allen's mind, trying to confuse him!
Nephilim: You could...hear...us?
Shion: Yes, and that whole stupid arguement, too!
chaos: Umm...
Shion: --grumbles and clenches her fist tightly-- I lose KOS-MOS, Allen is a pervert, and MOMO shall be the instrument of the universe's destruction. How can my life get any worse?
Allen: But I'm not a pervert!
Shion: Shut up, you pervert!
Jr: Did someone call my name? --groggily rises to his feet, then turns to Allen-- Oh, by the way, nice show old man. HAHA!
Shion: That's it! I'm not talking to BOTH you perverts! --storms out of the room-
Allen: But Chief! It wasn't like that! --dashes after her-