Title: Halfway To The Stars

Series: Life With Derek

Summary: Derek's having trouble sleeping. Casey wakes up crying. Who is comforting who, here? Slight Dasey, some Angst. Past CxS.

Chapters: oneshot

Rating: T (13+)

A/N: WARNING: minor character death.

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Derek stood, dressed only in his boxers, staring out his bedroom window. His heavy curtains that blocked the unwelcome sunlight every morning had been pushed aside, allowing the full moon to shine down on him. Sighing softly he looked up at the stars and opened the window. The hot summer air rushing into his already warm bedroom, making his skin slick with sweat. His mind was not giving him peace tonight, making him remember things best left to the wind. To be blown along, leaving no trace.

It was hard to believe that it had been a year already, since his father had remarried, since he gained two new stepsisters. A whole year of living with Casey. Casey, the beautiful and intelligent step-sister he had never wanted. Or at least, never wanted as a sibling. He was older now, only by a year chronologically, but he was not the foolish and carefree boy he had once been. Too much had happened, he had seen, no felt, too much for his seventeen years.

Only eight months ago Casey had began dating Sam, Derek's best friend. Only four months ago Sam had been sent to the intensive care after sustaining injuries in a car accident. And only two months ago, after weeks of lying in a coma, Sam had been defeated by the pain.

The funeral had been one of the saddest moments of Derek's life, watching as his best friend was laid into the ground, never to be seen again. And Casey…Casey hadn't stopped crying for a week. She had never given up hope, and with every tear she cried, Derek could only watch helplessly. She had barely eaten the first week, barely slept, and barely moved. She had just sat in her room, curled into a tiny ball on her bed, and wept until she fell asleep.

And Derek was broken.

But slowly, Casey came back to life. By the second week, she was eating normally again, moving about the house, even watching television from time to time. By the third week, she resumed her duties around the house, cleaning, studying, and being Casey, but Casey without a smile. Derek had left her to her peace, to her mourning until the fourth week. That was the week Casey smiled, a small smile, but a smile nevertheless when Derek told her that he was there for her.

By the sixth week Derek finally admitted to himself, that he loved Casey, that he had loved her since they met, he just hadn't known. He admitted he loved her, but that love had changed, along with both of them, with the death of Sam. His love was deeper now, but tainted and impure, just like he had allowed himself to become. He vowed to himself to try and make Casey happy again. They hadn't fought in four months, barely spoken until recently. Derek had confessed to Casey that he felt changed, more like a man than a child. Casey had only agreed saying only, 'You have changed Derek, look in the mirror, and you can see it.'

So he had, he stared into the mirror, trying to find out about this new person who was staring back at him. His eyes, once glittering and mischievous, were more subdued but held more strength. His face, once boyish in its simplicity, was now darker, brooding but more intense. His hair had grown, he hadn't thought about a hair cut in quite a while, it now hung down, covering his powerful stare. He decided he liked it longer, and kept it that way.

He had then thought about Casey, how she had changed. Her eyes, he supposed, were no longer alive, there was finality about her gaze that screamed of her empty soul. Her face was more refined, dignified, as if she had decided to conquer death with stoicism. If one did not look closely enough to see the pain etched into all of her features, they would mistake her for being detached and unfeeling. But Derek knew that wasn't the situation. They were no longer children.

Derek was no longer a child, he was a man. And he wanted Casey as a man wants a woman, though he hated himself for it, he wanted her. But he was stronger now, and wouldn't give in to his bestial impulses. He loved Casey, and he always would, so he would wait.

Derek shut his open window and turned away, grabbing a fresh pair of boxers and a pair of thin pajama bottoms, he made his way to the bathroom, hoping a cool shower would refresh him. He showered quickly, his skin rapidly cooling from scorching to glacial in a matter of moments. But at least he was no longer sweaty.

Sneaking past Casey's door on the way back to his room, he paused, hearing the tearful sounds creeping from under her door. He had seen her shed so many tears, he couldn't bear another moment of her pain. He slowly opened the door, revealing himself in the doorway.

"Casey?" he called out lightly. The only response was more tears. He moved closer to her, sitting beside her, he gently brushed her hair out of her face. Seeing her tear streaked face, he realized she was still sleeping, Stuck in a never ending nightmare of reality. He gently shook her awake. "Casey, it's ok, it's me, Derek." Her sobs stopped briefly, as she hiccupped, then resumed.

"I wish I could make the pain go away, Casey, but I can't." She sobbed into his arms, as he pulled her close.

"I loved him."

"I know. He was my best friend, I miss him too."

"You don't understand…I loved him…I don't anymore….that's not what is supposed to happen."

"That's not true, Casey. Love doesn't go away, it just changes forms. You love him like a memory now. I think…that maybe, it's time for you to start to move on." She sniffed into his shoulder.

"What then?" Derek was confused, and let out a soft 'huh?' before Casey continued. "What happens after I move on? What if I can't?"

"Casey…you'll find someone else, someone who you will cherish all the more because you know how quickly they can be gone. You'll hold on to them with all you have, because, in the end, there isn't much else you can do."

"How do I go on, Derek. I miss him, but I've accepted that he's gone. I'm so lost, and I have no one to turn to, because the one person I could go to with my problems is gone. Gone…"

"I'm still here, Casey. You know I'm here for you. I will be, for however long you need me." She just hugged him tightly. "Casey, I…care about you. I don't like seeing you in pain."

"I'm sorry." He pulled back to look at her.

"For what?"

"For forgetting you lost your best friend. I'm sorry for being so weak to disregard your own pain. I'm pathetic." She dropped her head on to his chest.

"No you're not." He tilted her head up to look her in the eyes. "You are not pathetic. You are in pain, so am I. I loved Sam like a brother. You loved him like a girl loves a boy. You are not weak for feeling pain over his death. I don't care about myself, Casey. All I care about is you."

"Derek…" she breathed, her face so close to his own that her breath tickled his nose. She leaned farther forward, in an attempt to forget the pain. But Derek pulled away.

"I…I won't take what you're not ready to give." She looked hurt. "It's not the right time, Casey. And I don't think I'm the right guy for you." More tears came to her eyes, and being upset that he caused them made him blurt out his true feelings. "Believe me, Casey, I want to kiss you. I love you, I always have, but this can't happen."

"Why not?"

"Casey…" he growled in his throat. "Don't tempt me. If I kiss you now, you'll hate me tomorrow. I won't take advantage of you; I don't want you to compare me to Sam for the rest of my life."

"Derek…you're not Sam. I know that. Sam was wholesome, innocent. You're…I don't know what you are Derek. But I do know, you're not the boy you were four months ago. You're not a boy anymore, you're a man."

"And you're not a little girl anymore. Your innocence has been shred, but what remains still glows. I can't corrupt that, Casey. You're too beautiful for words, even with your hair a mess and your face red from crying."

"Derek," She sighed, "I'm tired of fighting you. Just promise me, that you'll always be here for me, as a friend, and maybe, one day, as something more."

"You know I'll always be here. I promise, Casey, that if one day, in a few months, when your heart isn't as sore as it is now, I'll still be here, as your friend, and maybe more."

"Thanks, Derek." She yawned, covering her mouth with her hand. "I'm tired."

"So am I. Go to sleep."

"Derek…hold me? Please?" He nodded and slipped his arms around her, her head resting on the pillow below his chin. She was quickly asleep.

Looking down at her peaceful face, he whispered into the still air.

"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere."

End A/N: Yes, I killed Sam. I had originally planned on Sam committing suicide after Casey broke up with him…but decided against it. I wanted angst, not melodramatics. Anyways, hope you liked it. Let me know what you thought. I might make a sequel to this, or I might not. I'm not overly happy with it. I've been writing way too much angst lately. I hope to write a happier fic soon.