dislcaimer: I do not own "One Piece." 'Nuff said.

notes: Short pieces parodying both fanfic devices (including, don't worry, my own), in-manga/anime plots. Because nobody, especially Zoro, is ever really safe when I'm around :D Piece 1 - helps if you play RPG games, specifically Final Fantasy.

"5,740"

"No." Zoro crossed his arms, looking stubborn.

"Why not?" The man stared down at him.

"It's not right."

"What's not right? There's a huge man itching for a fight, you've got three swords, he wants to fight you! I really don't see what the problem is!" Nami shook her fist at Zoro from across the field.

"I agree with Nami!" Usopp piped up from where he was engaged in battle. "I, the dread Captain Usopp, would gladly dispatch the enemy for you, Zoro, but I seem to have left my 80 thousand men at home, as well as the sacred sword Excalibur in the pocket of my other overalls. So do me a favor and kill him for me this one time?"

"No." Zoro's brows beetled together fearsomely. "I am a swordsman. I follow the way of the sword. I fight other swordsmen to increase my skill. You," Zoro spat the word out with disgust, "are not a swordsman. You use frisbees. It's not worth my time."

"But I would be a challenging opponent," the frisbee man explained.

"No. I will not fight unless there's a swordsman. There's always a swordsman. There's always a boss for Luffy to beat, and an animal-like enemy for Chopper to fight and self-confidence from, and an enemy susceptible to weird, improbable attacks for Usopp to fight, and a stupid-looking enemy for the shit cook to fight -"

From where he was, Sanji dodged an attack and collapsed in a corner, sobbing. The pondscum was right. He did always get the stupid-looking ones.

"-and a token woman for Nami to 'fight,'" Zoro finished. He winced as a rock hit him in the head. "Dammit, Nami, what the hell was that for!"

Nami and the token female enemy were both glaring at him. "You know, Zoro, I can see you making scarequotes from here," the navigator said testily.

"So?"

"So if you don't want a fat lip to go with your fat head, you'd better watch what you say."

Zoro opened his mouth, thought better of it, and turned back to the frisbee man. "I'm not fighting with you," he said. "Go away and send a swordsman instead."

The frisbee man pondered this for a minute. "But," he said finally, "I am worth 5,740 experience points."

"Five..." Zoro stared at him. 5,740 exp., he thought. That's enough to get me to Level 58. And then...

"Once I reach Level 60, I'll finally be able to beat Sephiroth!" he said aloud. Everyone turned around to stare. "I mean," Zoro amended hastily, "Mihawk." They all turned back again.

Zoro undid the bandana from his arm. He tied it around his head. He unsheathed his three swords and stuck Wadou between his teeth. "Let's do this," he said, somewhat indistinctly. The frisbee man nodded and raised his frisbees.

Just you wait, Sephihawk, Zoro thought grimly. I, Roronoa Zoro Cloud, am coming for you.

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