A/N: And another spam!fic for Numisma, this one at her request. Yet another awesome cracktastic pairing for our darling Buyo. Bad!fic warning still in place.

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ZOMG TREW LURVE

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It was a horrible, rainy day.

Buyo hated those. His fur smelled disgusting when it was wet, and stuck to him in a most uncomfortable manner. And to make matters worse than they already were, he was locked out of the house.

Damn those humans. No respect.

Of course, being a Time God, he could always just transform and let himself back in. But then, he would just be a wet human-form, and everyone would know his secret. He sighed. It seemed there was nothing for it. He would have to get off his ass. What an absolute disgrace.

He began to roll in order to gain enough momentum stand up. While upside down, he noticed something very curious-- the door to the wellhouse was open.

Hmm, I haven't been back in a while, he thought. Maybe the sun is shining in the Sengoku Jidai?

Simple as that, it was decided. Buyo was going back in time five hundred years to get out of the rain. No big deal.

Finally, he was going fast enough and managed to get his feet under him. Once balanced, he waddled to the wellhouse and with a very great amount of effort, hurled his rotund body over the wooden lip and fell.

OoooO

As he had hoped, the sun was shining merrily on the other side. He could see blue sky through the little square high above his head. Very, very high above his head.

Bedamned.

Buyo had found himself a pretty little predicament to love.

He sat down to take the weight of his short, spindly legs and stared morosely up at the cloudless sky.

Now what?

In his cat form, his brain was rather small and he had difficulty thinking in complete sentences. Concocting a plan to get out of there was quite a stretch for his limited supply of brainpower.

Hey, can I levitate? he thought suddenly. I seem to remember that I can. There was nothing for it but to try, so he told his body in no uncertain terms that it was time to levitate. And lo and behold, it did!

He floated with the ease of a feather up the long, dank shaft until he reached the top, whereupon he discovered that he actually couldn't levitate after all, and nearly fell all the way back down.

Splayed uncomfortably over the edge of the well, he reflected that wood polish was a wonderful invention indeed. Splinters were less fun than rain, and he now had a good two dozen impaling his flesh.

Buyo scrabbled frantically at the wood with his claws, but discovered that he was well and truly stuck. He could not pull himself out of the well. Perhaps he should transform now...?

But no, he could not do that. Because the majority of his body weight was pulling him into the well, transforming would most likely end with his human form suspended in the middle of the shaft. And then he would fall, and it would hurt. Transform? No. No.

However, he did have to find a way off the bloody well. He tried to levitate again, but failed. Apparently it had been a one-shot thing.

And then, he heard absolutely the most unwelcome sound that that ever assailed his ears-- the girlish snicker of another feline. With an effort he twisted his head to look, and was confronted by the highly amused face of a firecat demon. A very pretty firecat demon.

This really isn't my day.

What are you doing up there? the lovely cream-and-black vision asked him.

I'm stuck, he answered tiredly, beyond humiliation.

Oh. Hang on, I'll get you down.

What...? Buyo yowled as the delicate little flower suddenly flamed and became a very big flower, with teeth as long as his legs. She picked him up gently by the scruff of his neck and deposited him safely on the grass. His midriff moaned with relief.

My thanks to you, lady, he said primly. That was embarrassingly undignified.

Don't worry about it, she said in an offhand tone. Rescuing idiots is my job.

...I beg your pardon? he hissed. I'll have you know that I am a great and powerful--

Time God, yeah, I know, she cut him off, sounding bored. My friend Choushiko told me about you.

Buyo visibly deflated.

Anyway, you're welcome. My name is Kirara, and yours is Buyo. What brings you through the well?

In the space of thirty seconds, this wondrous creature had him completely tied in knots. He stuttered and spit, attempting to answer, but kept stumbling over his suddenly overlarge tongue.

There were several things in her words that he had to address, but his damned fuzzy mouth just would not work. She knew Choushiko, the Time God who took the form of a spider? She was friends with Choushiko? She knew that the well went places other than Wormland? She knew his name?

Giving up on his cat-brain as a lost cause, he resolved to transform at last. A moment later, he stood six foot three, human, and gorgeous before the enormous firecat, who looked (irritatingly) only mildly surprised.

Choushiko was right, she mused. You are pretty. Not as pretty as me, though.

Buyo ran long, pale fingers through his silky hair and preened. It took me a long time to design this form. I'm glad you like it. ...Wait. Not as pretty as you?

Another spat of flame, and Kirara was human.

In an instant, Buyo knew he had lost utterly and completely. She was incredible. Her colouring was much like that of her feline form-- pale skin, black hair. However, her eyes were like nothing he had ever seen before-- they were the exact shade of wood flames and danced just like them.

She really was prettier than him.

And so, naturally, he fell in love. What else could he do?

Forgetting all about her unexpected relationship with Choushiko, he dropped gracefully to one knee, captured her hand, and kissed it for rather a long time.

"Excuse me," she said. "That's my hand you're slobbering on."

"Oh, goddess of flame," he breathed. "Would you do me the honour of--"

"No."

Affronted, he pulled back and sulked. "You haven't even heard what it is yet!"

"I don't need to. Whatever it is, no."

"I just wanted--"

"No!"

"But--"

"No!"

"Fine! Then I won't ask!" he snarled.

"Good," she replied smugly.

"...I'll just do it."

"Wha...urk!"

He seized her in strong arms and kissed her passionately.

As he'd suspected, she surrendered after a few minutes of concentrated effort at seduction on his part. She draped herself limply across his body in what he believed to be a truly magnificent swoon. Until, that is, her head flopped bonelessly sideways and he noted her slack face.

"That's the first time I've rendered a woman unconscious from sheer bliss!" he gloated. Then an uncomfortable possibility occurred to him... were those struggles perhaps struggles for air and not coy protests as he'd thought?

Horrified, he set her limp form down on the grass and stepped away. She's going to kill me when she regains consciousness. What do I do? Um... run!

He then proceeded to do so, eating up the ground with long strides. He had no plan except to get away.

The last thing he expected was to run into a very familiar face.

"Kagome!" he gasped. She was surrounded by some scary looking people that he assumed were the infamous Inuyasha, Miroku, and Sango. Near his feet he thought he saw a bushy red tail attached to a very small person. Shippo.

"Hello," Kagome said cordially. "Can we help you? And how do you know my name?"

"No! No help! Move, I'm running away!"

"Er, all right then," Kagome said, and stepped aside.

"Hey, don't talk to Kagome like that! At least say thank you!"

"It's okay, Inuyasha," the petite girl said. "He's obviously in quite a hurry. But... doesn't he look kind of familiar? Did he kick our asses once? I'm losing track..."

The rest was obscured by the growing distance.

Buyo ran for all he was worth. It was disgraceful to be running from a mere demon, he realized, but he had seen her claws. They were very sharp and would cause a lot of damage to his pretty form. He didn't feel as much pain as most creatures did, not being exactly mortal, but he did know what it was. He usually went out of his way to avoid it if at all possible.

It was then that he became aware of something disquieting. The firecat's demonic signature was getting stronger, not weaker, as he ran.

Soon, it was upon him. He glanced behind in a panic, but saw nothing. Head craned around, he searched the path desperately for any hint of his pursuer. According to his senses, she was right on top of him...

Having lived for as long as he had, one would think he'd have learned not to run without looking where he was going. He did not see Kirara or the paw she extended with cruel accuracy.

The landing was very painful indeed. The landing she made on top of him a split second later was even worse. He swore he heard a rib or two crack.

"My firecat form can fly," she reminded him smugly from her perch across his chest. Her dark hair spilled around her face and her stunning eyes glimmered with triumph.

"Oh?" he moaned pitifully. "I'm sorry for...that. The thing."

"You mean when you kissed me so hard I passed out? Apology accepted."

He did not trust the strange gleam in those disquieting eyes. "You're not angry?"

"Oh, no," she breathed, leaning forward until her lips were mere inches from his. "No one has ever kissed me like that. Do it again."

He was convinced he'd either a) heard wrong or b) gone insane.

"Do it... again? But you fainted!"

"Well, stop short of that this time, but just do it!"

He complied. What else could he do?

It was a long, long time before she let him go home, and she only relented because he'd reminded her that Kagome would note his absence and worry, and that her worry would worry Sango in turn.

He waited until after he'd gotten out of the well before transforming back to his feline form. Souta met him with dinner a moment later. The rain had stopped. He had a ladylove.

Life could not get better than that.

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A/N: This fat cat will be the death of me, I swear.