Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or settings. It all belongs to DC.
Summary: Story Six in my "The One I Desire" series. Slash Paring (Dick and Roy) Roy has invited Dick over for pizza and beer, but he isn't certain that his friend will turn up. The evening unfolds with some quite unexpected events as Roy teaches Dick to let go... for all the right reasons. .
WARNING: Slash... no sex... but some touching.
Thank you to those who have read and taken the time to review the other stories in this series. Most of you have reviewed anonymously and haven't left an email address, so I haven't been able to reply. I want you to know that I appreciate your encouragement.
If you are interested in reading the first stories in the series, you will find them at fanfiction net and on my homepage which is listed in my profile.
So Close
Part One
Roy glanced at the time. It was a whole two minutes later than the last time he'd looked. This morning, Dick had agreed to 'come over tonight'. As Roy thought back, he remembered a couple of significant points raised during the conversation. First, he was supposed to leave all of his clothes on. Second, Dick had made it clear he wasn't sure what he was feeling and honestly believed whatever he was feeling, would go away in time; and finally, tonight was supposed to be just pizza and beer.
Pizza and beer was good.
Pizza and beer was wholesome.
Pizza and beer?
"Damn." Roy shook his head. So, he had agreed to a night of pizza and beer and nothing else. What the hell had he been thinking? Roy flopped back onto the sofa and let his head tilt back to look up at the ceiling. He knew Dick was confused and wanted to take it slow -- for all the right reasons. And basically Roy agreed that was a good idea – at least his mind felt that was the way to go. His heart and his groin were another matter. "Man, Dick. I'm not sure I'm going to survive us courting." The word 'courting' made him laugh. It was such an old-fashioned word. It was something older people had done when they were young. It happened in the old black and white movies.
"Dating?" he asked himself. No, he and Dick weren't dating. They were just… "… just having pizza and beer. Man!"
Roy looked over at the clock. Yep, two minutes later. Now, it was 5:36 p.m. Harper guesstimated that Dick would arrive anything from midnight on. Nightwing would have to do a patrol in Bludhaven first.
"Six and a half hours." Six and a half hours to work out exactly how he should play tonight. Play? He was going to 'play' Dick? Roy squeezed his eyes shut. What exactly was he hoping to achieve? Achieve?
Ultimately, Roy Harper wanted Dick to share his life and his bed and he was one person who knew how to get a person into his bedroom. It was easy. He knew exactly what they wanted to hear and how to touch them. He knew exactly what to do to score. Roy opened his eyes. Was he that shallow? He'd always made sure the women understood it was just sex. No emotion. No commitment -- just a good old fashioned rumble in bed for the sheer enjoyment of the sex.
That wasn't what he wanted with Dick. For the first time in his life, Roy wasn't just looking for physical gratification through intimacy. He was in love with Dick. Dick was the only person he'd ever truly been in love with. All of a sudden, all of the lines and plays… all of his experience in intimacy, meant nothing. Roy had never wanted love before. Not real, lasting, commitment type of love. Not love for the other person's sake as well as his own.
Hell, usually all he wanted to do was get his partner of the night into the sack. Tonight, all he wanted to do was wrap Dick up in his arms and tell him he loved him. Sex was the furthermost thing in his mind. Sex paled in comparison to the thought of just holding Dick and Dick holding him. Sex wasn't love… and love was what he felt for Dick. That didn't mean that Roy didn't want to make love to Dick… to hold him. To kiss him. Sex was only a small of making love to someone.
In so many ways, this was all new for Roy because Dick was the only person he'd ever truly wanted… wanted so badly that he felt like he was going burst for the sheer thrill of thinking about him. Failure and rejection with others had always meant so little. There was always another girl, another night. Any other girl. It didn't matter. There was no fear of stuffing up, putting his foot in it or losing the other person. Tonight, all of that changed.
Roy couldn't afford to stuff this up -- both for his and Dick's sakes. One wrong move… or a move that was too early and he'd lose Dick forever… and Dick would lose him. Roy couldn't let that happen. As Donna had put it, he may be Dick's chance at real love.
Roy rubbed the palm of his hand across his eyes. A knock at the door chased his thoughts away. Roy rose, walked across and then stepped to the side checking, "Who is it?" Stepping to the side was something Nightwing had taught him. If someone charged the door and knocked it in or decided to fire off a round, you really didn't want to be directly in its path.
"Roy, it's me," a woman's voice called.
"Donna?" Roy asked, dragging the door open. "Hey," he greeted, kissing her on the cheek as she entered.
"I've come to pick up Lian."
"What?"
Donna turned to him and smiled. "I shamelessly admit to having eavesdropped on you and Dick this morning. I know he's coming over tonight and I thought it may be best if Lian was elsewhere."
Roy drew in a long breath and smirked. "Thanks, but it's just pizza and beer."
Donna nodded. "Good. That sounds sensible. Still, you two spending some uninterrupted time together is what you need. So, Lian can…"
"Donna!" Lian cried, racing into the room.
Donna scooped the little girl up into her arms. "Hey, chickibabe. How would you like to have a sleep-over at my place?"
"Daddy?" Lian asked, bright eyed.
"Yeah, why not," Roy agreed.
Lian's smile dropped. "Uncle Dick's coming over tonight," she murmured, picking up Donna's necklace and examining it.
"By the time Uncle Dick arrives, you'd have been in bed anyway," Roy stated. Lian loved Dick. She'd always been so comfortable with him. Then again, she was probably just responding to what she sensed from her father.
"He comes in and says hello," Lian argued.
"How about I make sure he swings over to see you at Donna's tomorrow morning?" Roy asked.
"You'll forget," Lian grumbled, as Donna lowered her to the ground.
"She has you pegged," Donna chuckled. "Honey, why don't you go and grab some things you want to take and I'll come and help you pack in a little while." Lian nodded and ran off.
"Donna, she'll pull everything out of every drawer," Roy complained.
"I'll tidy up. I just wanted some time alone with you."
Roy grinned. "Is that so?"
Donna shook her head. "You're just one big gland; you know that, don't you?"
Roy bounced his eyebrows.
"That won't work with Dick."
Roy sighed and dropped the act. He was floundering and he knew it… and by the look of it, so did Donna. "Yeah I know. To tell you the truth, I feel a bit lost. I… I can't believe this happening."
"You've been waiting for a long time," the young woman acknowledged. "Look, it's none of my business… what I am saying? Of course it's my business."
Roy's right eyebrow rose.
"I love you both so you and Dick are my business. Be careful."
"This is right, Donna," Roy whispered. "I know it is."
"For what it's worth, I agree, but be careful. Dick's one of the strongest men I know, but he could be easily hurt if this goes wrong… and so could you. Dick's been hurt so many times by those he loves. Never intentionally, but he's been hurt."
"I know. The last thing in the world I want to do is hurt him."
Donna walked across to the sofa and sat down. "One thing I've come to realize is that when it comes to love, Dick's confused. As a child, he was loved unconditionally by both his parents, and Bruce and Alfred. As a teenager, he was held at arm's length because of Bruce's twisted sense of how love interferes with his 'responsibility'. He pushed Dick away and to make it worse, he basically didn't allowed him to date or have any relationships. Robin had to come first. That's why Dick's clung to his teenage crush on Barbara Gordon. She's held him at arm's length. That's what he thinks love is. She's a safe option. Subconsciously, he knows she doesn't want him. Focusing all of his love on her protects him from finding real love elsewhere."
"What about Kory?" Roy asked, sitting down across from his friend. "Kory didn't hold Dick at arm's length. She was all over him. Did you want something to drink?"
"No thanks. Dick didn't become serious about Kory until he knew that he couldn't have her," Donna pointed out.
"When she was forced to marry on her own planet," Roy reflected, realizing his friend was right.
"Exactly. Safe options. He falls for people he can't have, because there is always distance between them… like the distance between him and the man he sees as his father. The distance is a safety net. It protects him and the person he loves. "
"Does he think that about me? That I'm a safe option he can't have?" Roy murmured, leaning back in the chair.
"Perhaps. If that's the case, you need to show him he's wrong."
"Yeah. Do you think that's all it is with Barbara?"
"Why?"
"I think it's more," Roy admitted. Dick loved Barbara in the same way, Roy loved him. Harper could tell. Barbara was everything Dick wanted. "I think he really loves her."
"I'm sure he does," Donna acknowledged.
"If she were to change her mind, he'd marry her without a second thought."
"If given the opportunity, I think you're right. He would marry her and they'd be happy, too. I think they'd be great together because I believe she's one of the two chances at happiness life will give Dick, but Barbara doesn't want him. I don't know what her reasons are. I think he's probably one of her chances at happiness too. Why's she keeping them apart? I don't know. She holds the key. What I do know, is that love takes two. Aphrodite told me that to each person there are given two chances at real love. Let's face it. If anyone would know, she would. Barbara's one of Dick's, but I honestly believe you're the other," Donna admitted. "Barbara doesn't want him, Roy. You do. Of course, there's one other factor."
"Batman," Roy whispered.
"Batman," Donna agreed. "Whether he likes it or not, Dick will be influenced by what Batman thinks. Dick loves and respects Bruce too much to ignore his opinion. I'm not sure how Bruce will react to a homosexual relationship."
"That's a bridge we'll cross when we get to it," Roy conceded. "If we get to it."
"If Dick accepts this…if he accepts the two of you…" She paused, choosing her words carefully. "When he realizes that this is more than the drug and that he actually feels something real for you, his first reaction will be to run like hell."
"Dick's never run from anything in his life," Roy defended.
"Nothing except real love. That's why he chooses people he can't have. He learned that from Batman."
"Do I hear a bitter sister?" Roy asked.
Donna directed her attention at the ground. "Bruce and Diana could have been happy. He felt it compromised their working relationship." Donna lifted her face. "Dick is likely to have a similar reaction, if you let him. Take it really slow, but don't let him dictate terms. If he does, he'll back out. He'll want to keep you at arm's length the moment he senses this is more than a fling. You'll need to make the first move… and the second… and third." She smiled. "And probably all of them after that. Kory had to."
Roy was nodding. He needed to find the right balance. "Like walking a tightrope."
"You chose an acrobat," Donna chuckled. Her smile faded. "The moment he recognizes this is real… that what he's feeling for you really is love, he'll run. I know, Dick. He'll run for your sake as well as his own. Don't let him." She gazed at Roy and smiled. "He needs you. You're everything he isn't. I've watched you two together for years. I've seen the way he acts around you. It's the only time he actually comes close to relaxing. He doesn't keep you at arm's length… any of us, I suppose. You, me, Garth and Wally. Dick has allowed us to get close to him. He does love you, Roy, but you need to show him that that love can be more than what it is. But watch him. He will repel borders and push you a safe distance away when he realizes it's more than just a passing 'experience', for want of a better expression. Real love… close love… will scare the hell out of him. It's not something he's had before."
"Thanks, Donna." Her insights were amazing and the fact that she felt that he and Dick had a chance was a source of encouragement and relief.
For the next hour, Roy found himself at a loose end. He'd opened the window ready for Nightwing's arrival. He'd cleaned up a bit, not that there had been much to do. Donna had taken care of that before she'd left with Lian. Roy contemplated phoning Dick to ask what time he intended dropping in, but he decided against that. It would only give Dick a chance to back out.
Five and a half hours to go.
Knocking at the door.
Roy frowned. Visitors? Not tonight. "Who is it?"
"Who the hell do you think? I'm trying to juggle pizza and beer. Open the door."
Roy's eyes widened. Dick was here already? Harper yanked the door open. Dick's smile faded as he took in the shocked expression. "I thought you were expecting me."
"Yeah. Yeah, I was… am. I just… I thought you had to work tonight."
Dick shrugged. "I decided to take some time off. Tim's covering for me. Hey, if you've got something else planned for this time," he murmured, remaining outside.
"Hell, no. I just… like I said, I wasn't expecting you to come so early or use the door."
"How the hell else was I supposed to get in?" Dick asked, walking by Roy and shoving the beer at him.
"Well, usually you use the window, Wingster."
"Not when I'm out of costume." Roy watched Dick stroll into the kitchen, open one of the pizza boxes and take out a slice. "The game starts in about five minutes. I think the Bludhaven Tigers have a chance."
"Ummm, yeah." Roy blinked in an attempt to snap himself into reality. Dick was here. "Shit." Quickly, he walked across and turned on the television. "Bludhaven will only have a chance if their pitcher doesn't fold like he did in the last game."
"Not his fault. His girlfriend had just left him," Dick stated. "What do you want? Meat or vegetarian?"
"You need to ask?" Roy asked.
Dick grinned. "Carnivore."
Roy smiled and then melted as he drowned in the depth of those blue eyes he'd die for. For a split second, Harper reviewed the moment. Dick was here and he'd come because…? Roy couldn't be sure, but at least he was here. "Since when have you been a vegetarian?"
"Well, pizza is about the worst thing in the world you can eat so I tell myself that the vegetarian is the healthiest pizza choice and then I don't feel so guilty."
"You're delusional, Robbie."
Dick grinned. "Yep. Lian," he called. "Pizza."
"She's having a sleep-over at Donna's."
"Oh." Suspicion flooded his face as he turned to study Roy.
"I didn't arrange it," Roy stated, lifting his hands. "Donna just turned up and…"
"And is trying to set us up," Dick grumbled.
"No, she just wanted to give us some space. Having a four year old jumping up and down on the couch between us isn't conducive to…" Roy wasn't sure how to finish.
"Conducive to what? Seduction?" Dick asked, his voice tinged with triumph. His suspicions had been confirmed.
"You think I asked you over to seduce you?" Roy demanded.
"It crossed my mind, Harper."
Roy grinned. "Mine too, but we agreed on pizza and beer and on taking things slow. Let's just enjoy the evening without planning anything out or deciding what its purpose is. You and me. Together. That's what I want. How about you?"
Dick blinked and shrugged. "Do you want the truth?"
"Yeah, I do. I'm feeling my way here, too."
"I've been worried about this all day." At least it was an honest admission.
"Worried that I might seduce you? Take advantage of you?" Roy asked, puzzled.
Dick shook his head. "No. Worried that I might…" He sighed.
"Might?"
"Might find that there's more to this than I can blame on Poison Ivy."
"Is that such a bad thing?" Roy whispered.
"I don't know." He was looking at Roy intently, still hoping Roy could explain this to him.
Harper could feel his body reacting and consciously calmed himself. "All I can say is that I'm really happy you're here. Oh, and I told you I'd keep my clothes on tonight. I meant it." He grinned. "I'm too much man for you to handle anyway."
Dick laughed. It was filled with relief. "You may be right, Speedy. Hey, the game's starting!"
The pair settled on the couch side by side, beer in one hand and pizza in the other. For about fifteen minutes they watched the game, ate, drank and generally enjoyed each other's company.
"So, you and Ollie okay at the moment?"
"Yeah. Good really. Lian makes things easy. He takes time to come and see her and that gives us an opportunity to talk. You'd think she was his granddaughter."
"She is, isn't she?" Dick asked.
"Only if he thinks of me as his son."
"Which he does."
"Sometimes."
Dick elbowed Roy. "You know he does. Like Bruce, Ollie wouldn't know how to use the 'L' word if his life depended on it. It doesn't mean he doesn't feel it."
"Yeah. So, what about you and the big, black bat?"
"We're better. Better than we have been for a long time. He's starting to treat me like I'm an adult. It just about kills him, but he's trying," Dick chuckled.
Roy eyed his friend, noting that he still looked pale. "How are you feeling?"
Harper decided it was time to move things along as naturally as possible. He stretched and then dropped his arm over Dick's shoulders. Grayson's body went rigid. He glanced sideways at Roy. "Uncomfortable?"
For a long time, Dick didn't answer. "No."
"Good." Dick was studying him. "Stop thinking, Robbie. Just let things happen."
"It's not that easy."
"Yes it is. I know you're the bat's kid, but you need to unlearn all of that and just be you. Don't think about what's happening. Just let it unfold. Just respond to it."
"I've got a headache."
Roy blinked and then burst out laughing. "You have got to be kidding."
Dick smirked and then sighed. "I was answering your question about how I'm feeling."
"Oh. You still don't look well."
"I'm okay. Just got a killer headache."
"Have you taken something for it?"
"Aspirin."
They became quiet. Roy moved closer to Dick so that their bodies were touching. "Okay?" He checked. Was this too fast? Not fast enough?
"Yeah," Dick responded. Roy could feel the tension radiating through Dick's stiff body. Bad move he decided, feeling the tightrope he was walking beginning to swing under his feet. He shifted back and as he was withdrawing his arm, his hand brushed Dick's back. The muscles were like concrete.
"Hell. No wonder you've got a headache, Grayson." Roy placed his hand on Dick's shoulder. "You're tight as hell." Roy paused. "You got yourself into this state over coming over here for pizza and beer?"
Dick shrugged. "That, and a couple of other things, too."
"Sit forward and let me work some of the tightness out of those muscles."
"No, it's okay."
"It wasn't a request, Grayson. Aspirin isn't going to help that." When Dick failed to move, Roy physically shoved and then twisted him around. He dug his thumbs in the muscles of Dick's shoulders. "Jesus, Dick. Why didn't you say something?"
For the next few minutes, Roy manipulated Dick's shoulders, gradually loosening the muscles as the pair watched and discussed the ballgame. Harper ignored the temptation to let his hands dance wider a field. However, he noted that it wasn't just Dick's shoulders that were knotted up. "When was the last time you had someone work your muscles over?"
"I don't know. Probably… probably the last time you did it at the Tower."
"Grayson that was months ago," Roy snarled, thumping Dick in the middle of the back. "Dr. Charles said at least once a week with the stress you put on your body."
"Nag, nag, nag."
"You'll end up a cripple in a wheelchair… her exact words. That's it. I'm doing it now. Come on. Into the bedroom," Roy ordered, getting to his feet.
Dick glanced at him, his expressive eyes revealing shock.
Shock? "Hey, I'm not trying to get you into my bed… I can't believe I said that." Roy grinned. "I'd love to have you in my bed, but that's not what I'm trying to do. I'm talking about a full therapeutic massage. It's going to hurt like hell with the way your body is all knotted up. So much for my idea of a night of pizza, beer and hot, passionate making-out on the couch."
"Roy…"
"Get up, Dick, or I'll beat you senseless and then massage the hell out of you while you're unconscious."
"Keep your shirt on, Speedy," Dick grumbled. "I was going to get a massage on the weekend."
"Yeah, and I was going to take ballet lessons. Move, Grayson." Again, Roy noted the edge of suspicion in Dicks' eyes. "Hey, I've already said it's just a massage. You don't believe me?"
"Huh? No. I… hell, Roy. I'm just being stupid, aren't I?" Paranoid, Dick realized. His plan for this evening was unravelling.
Roy grinned. "I won't touch any of your 'naughty' bits."
Dick smirked. "Thanks. Look, just ignore me. I know I'm not making a lot of sense at the moment. Put it down to not having slept more than a few hours in the last couple of days. As for the massage, it can wait until..."
"Crap. If your muscles were any tighter they'd snap and I don't have a chance of seducing you on that couch if you don't relax." Roy winked.
Dick sighed. "The poison causes my muscles to tense up."
"Yeah, yeah. You keep telling yourself that, short pants. It was the thought of making love to stud like me. Come on," Roy insisted, pulling Dick to his feet and shoving him in the direction of the bedroom.
Dick stopped next to the bed and lifted his eyes to Roy. He was in Roy's bedroom. That wasn't good.
Continued in Part 2
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