Chapter 1: Learning to Breathe

Post High-Fidelity. Ashley returns from England with a secret. "Learning to Breathe" is property of Switchfoot.

Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is the way that I say I need you
This is the way that I'm
Learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that you and you alone
Can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

In just under a year, Ashley Kerwin's life had changed more than she had ever thought was possible. Being in another country for the entire transformation had made it seem more fitting and somewhat more comforting. But now she was back in Toronto where her friends and most of her family were. Only her mother knew the details of the secret she had kept while living in England.

Now it was time to let everyone else in on it. Especially the one person who's life it would also change the most. She had seen them all last week at graduation. But she was nowhere near ready to tell any of them. Not even when Ellie had asked about Ali the day that the two girls were reunited and catching up at Degrassi. The truth is, there was no Ali. That wasn't entirely true. There was an Ali, but he was just some guy she met at a festival and they went on one date before she decided against seeing anyone. She decided that she would make it seem as if she was in a relationship with him after she found out the fateful newsas a reason for everyone to be mad at her for staying, especially him.

She'd hoped they would all just forget about her, in her mind they would soon have to anyway. At least now she had a legacy to leave behind in her place.

When Ashley first found out she had Leukemia in what was supposed to be a routine check up her first month in England, she wanted to die. It was the worst news she had ever received in her life and rather than go through the pain that she knew was ahead for her and those that cared about her, she had made a decision that it wasn't worth it. She would die anyway, so why not sooner while she still had some dignity left.

But then she found out something else. Something that made her wake up each morning and pray that it wouldn't be her last. Something that made her hate fate for being so cruel and so generous at the same time. In a matter of weeks she felt as if she had been handed a tragedy and a miracle. But the latter just made it that much harder to know that her chances of being around to enjoy it for long were slim.

Now the type of Leukemia she was diagnosed with was chronic rather than acute, so it wasn't attacking her at full force yet and the doctors weren't exactly sure how much time she would have left But she figured that with having any kind of cancer meant that it could get worse at any moment. So after finding out all of these things that were bound to change her life forever, Ashley arrived at the standard stage that most who find out that their time is limited inevitably reach.

She looked at everything as if it was her last time. Her father and Chris. The rain, clouds, and lightening that fill the sky when it storms. The times that the sun came out she would always make sure to go outside a few times a day to close her eyes and feel the warmth and smell the freshness of the air. Of course, she went out when it was raining a few times too, because who doesn't like to run around in the rain and splash in puddles? She started playing the keyboard and singing again afraid that one day she might be too weak to do so.

Eventually, she felt as if something was missing and she knew that she had some unfinished business. She had known the entire time that she would have to go back. So, she figured her old classmates graduation was as good of a time as any to return. She did miss her family and friends and thought it would be nice, though bittersweet, to see them graduate, but there was one person that she had to see and work things out with. She just hoped that he would have an open mind about what she was going totell him.

Ashley woke to the familiar sound she had come to anticipate every morning between six and seven a.m. She wondered how the heart can swelland break at the same time. How one person can feel so fragile and so complete all at once. But there was not nearly enough time to ponder these unanswerablequestions. She had a life to live, for as long as she was allowed to continue living it.

Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad
I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that you and you alone
Can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

A/N I realize I am being very vague in this chapter and holding out one very important piece of information…that's on purpose! ) All will be revealed in the next chapter! All chapters following will also be longer, this is essentially just a teaser to get it all started. Please let me know what you think: )