Due to popular demand (I didn't know you people liked this so much...) I'm putting the epilogue up (aren't I good to you?). I re-wrote it 'cause the original was just... urgh... and I actually quite like this version.

Thoughts are in italics, and any "typos" in the kittens' speech are supposed to be there 'cause I just randomly felt like writing some words how the little kitties would say them. There's also a fair bit of Angtsy!Tugger at the start...

Disclaimer - Do I look like Andrew Lloyd Webber or TS Elliot?

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The next few days were hard on the Jellicles, especially for those who had been close friends with Quaxo. Tugger, in particular, was finding life in the junkyard difficult without the cheerful tux around to take his mind off of things. He had known he would lose his friend, but he had never fully realised just how different his days would be without Quaxo there to chat about entirely random and pointless subjects, or to talk through whatever problems they had.

It didn't help that the other Jellicles thought that they understood how he was feeling – they kept shooting him sympathetic glances, and asking him if he wanted to talk about it because they knew exactly how he felt: they themselves had been quite attached to the small magician. It was usually at that point that Tugger cut them off and pretended that he hadn't been affected by the tux's death in the least, and did they by any chance know where to get a decent helping of chicken pie?

He had tried grieving, he really had, but he didn't seem to be able to. Every time he was alone in his den, he would try to feel, try to cry, try to be anything other than mildly disappointed at his friend's death. But for some reason, the tears he so desperately wanted to fall never came. They refused to sting his eyes or soak his fur. He felt guilty for it; he didn't know why he couldn't grieve properly for his lost friend, but he was just too damn proud to ask if anyone knew why.

Maybe because he had accepted it before the actual event? No, that couldn't be it – even though he had known Quaxo would die, it had been too much of a shock to him for acceptance to be the cause.

Pride, perhaps? It was commonly thought that Tugger was too proud for his own good, and he had proven that to be fact when he refused everyone's offers for help with getting through his grief. No, it couldn't be pride, either – he wasn't proud when he was on his own and could let his guard down.

Could it be that somewhere subconsciously, he just hadn't cared about the small tux? That he had been selfish in their friendship, and had seen Quaxo as a way to relieve any stress he had and not worried about the little magical tom in the slightest? No, that couldn't be it, either – Quaxo had always been the first cat to deflate his ego if it got too big, and to warn him when he was getting close to sounding like a spoiled brat of a kitten. Tugger had always been grateful for Quaxo's friendship, and he would be until the day he died.

But apart from when Quaxo had told him he was dying, when had he ever properly listened to what the tux was saying? When had he ever listened to his problems and given him any advice that he could? He couldn't even recall what Quaxo's last rant had been about. Perhaps the reason he couldn't find it within himself to grieve was because he had been too selfish and self-absorbed to see exactly how good a friend Quaxo had been too him. That would certainly explain a lot of things, such as the time he went to Deuteronomy after he had found out, and said I can't lose him. I can't lose him. That sentence summed Tugger up perfectly. A friend was dying, and the only thoughts he had were of himself, and how it would affect him.

Some friend I turned out to be, Tugger thought bitterly. Quaxo, one of the best cats this junkyard has ever known, ended up with me as a friend. He deserved better. So much better…

A knock on the junk "wall" outside his den pulled Tugger out of his bitter thoughts and back into the present. With a sigh he stood and went outside to see who it was. Jennyanydots was standing by the entrance with a large portion of her latest batch of mousecakes and a concerned look on her face.

"Mind if I come in, dear?" she asked with a friendly smile. Normally, Tugger wouldn't let anyone except his friends or Bombalurina into his den, but even curious cats have their manners, and Tugger was no exception. He moved aside so that the gumbie cat could pass and wondered idly just how many of her mousecakes he would have to eat before he could convince her to leave.

"Is something the matter?" he asked politely, trying to find the reason for her visit without asking her outright.

"Yes, actually," she replied. "I'm starting to get worried about you, Rum Tum Tugger."

"Just Tugger," said tom corrected. "And why? It's not like I'm planning on throwing myself off a junk pile or anything."

"Please don't talk like that, dear. You haven't been eating very well for the past few days, and nothing seems to bother you lately."

"Since when has anything bothered me before? And why should it now?"

"Rum Tum Tugger, Quaxo has just died, and you expect me to believe that you don't feel a thing?"

Just go away, Tugger thought tiredly. I really don't want this right now...

"I know you two were friends," Jennyanydots continued when Tugger stayed silent. Tugger rolled his eyes and turned away, hoping that she would get the message and leave him alone. The older queen's voice rose slightly. "Don't you turn away from me, kitten."

"I'm not a kitten," Tugger pointed out, his voice slightly raised as well. Why won't she just go?Doesn't she get that I want to be left alone right now?

"'Not a kitten'? In that case, start acting like a cat for once and forget about your reputation! Take care of yourself for a change, instead of your image!"

"Why? Tell me why, when everything else could get taken away from me at any minute, I shouldn't care what other cats think of me!"

"Because images fade, kitten! Have you ever wondered why Grizabella was called a Glamour Cat? She relied on her looks too much, she didn't bother to let anyone get to know the cat inside. She lived for her reputation as a beauty, and when that disappeared, she was ruined."

Tugger stayed silent again, his back still turned towards the queen. He couldn't help thinking she had a point, though - he had often felt slightly resentful to the tribe for not taking him seriously as a cat, and the fact that he flirted with nearly every queen he laid eyes on and pulled as many pranks as possible didn't help matters. He had also felt slightly strange towards Grizabella, like he could imagine exactly how she felt becuase he knew that could be him in a few years. But, purely to keep up appearances, he had shunned her like the rest.

He knew that every word Jennyanydots had said was true - he really did rely on his reputation too much, and his reputation would vanish as he got older.

"So what now?" he asked. His throat felt slightly tight, and he had to force his words out. "You've given me the big speech and all, so what now?"

"You should know," the gumbie cat said softly. Tugger shook his head, having no clue and being true to his nature of being curious about things,but also wanting her to leave. She was hitting way too many sore points for his liking. He was about to tell her to go when she spoke again, her voice still soft. "I know Quaxo was one of the few cats you allowed yourself to care for... Even grown toms are allowed to cry, Tugger."

Before he knew it, the corners of his eyes began to sting and he had to work hard to keep his breathing steady and to stop himself shaking every time he took a breath. He looked down at one of his front paws, which was picking dirt out from under the claws on his other paw, biting his lip as he fought against the sadness that engulfed him. A paw rested lightly on his shoulder and he turned to see Jennyanydots standing with her arms outstretched towards him. She took a step forwards and reached up, wrapping her arms around his tall frame and embracing him like she would one of her own kittens.

Tugger finally broke down, shaking, tears streaming down his face as the gumbie cat comforted him. She led him over to the pile of blankets that served as a bed when Tugger wasn't at his human's house and forced him to sit down on them. Once he had calmed down slightly, Jennyanydots stood and walked over to where she had left the mousecakes and brought some back over to Tugger.

"Eat," she ordered. "You need them."

Tugger obliged, although he found it hard to swallow at first. After forcing one down, the rest followed easily. The gumbie cat watched him closely to make sure that he did eat them and didn't try to starve himself by covertly spitting them out.

"Jenny! Jenny!" a small voice yelled urgently. Jennyanydots immediately stood again and walked over to the entrance.

"What is it, dear?" she called to the owner of the voice. A small kitten ran up to the entrance and stopped momentarily to catch her breath, glancing around the den as she did so, noticing Tugger and his rather dishevelled appearance. After giving him a curious glance she turned back to the gumbie cat.

"It's Demeter, Jenny. Munk sent me to get you 'cause she's having her kittens," Jemima told her quickly. Moments later both Jennyanydots and Tugger were hurrying towards the silver tabby's den, where they knew they would find Demeter. Jemima ran alongside them and kept staring at Tugger.

"Why're you coming?" she asked eventually.

"'Cause Munk's gonna need me," Tugger answered. Jennyanydots smiled to herself when she heard that, satisfied that she had talked some sense into the black and leopard print tom.

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When they arrived at Munkustrap's den, Jennyanydots went straight in and hauled Munkustrap out by the scruff of his neck. The Jellicle Protector tried to protest, but the older queen was a lot stronger than she looked, and Munkustap didn't want to use force to get away in case he hurt her. Tugger held him back once the gumbie cat let him go, warning him that it was probably better that he stay outside or risk getting cuffed across the ears by an irate carer. He also couldn't resist teasing his brother slightly.

"And you don't want to risk the other cats finding out that you faint at the sight of blood," Tugger said with a wry smile.

"I do not faint at the sight of blood," Munkustrap replied.

"Oh, so you're going in are you?"

Tugger smirked slightly as the Protector gave up trying to get in. The black and leopard tom allowed himself to get lost in thought once more. Perhaps new life in the tribe would wash away the memories of death?

His musings were cut short by one particularly loud scream of pain from Demeter that sent Munkustrap straight over to the entrance of his den. A pleading voice full of pain could be heard from inside.

"Munk, get Munk in here," Demeter cried. No sooner had the words left her mouth then Munkustrap had run straight in with assurances that everything would be fine and that he was there with her so nothing could go wrong.

"Tugger!" someone called from behind him. He turned to see Bombalurina running towards him. "What's happening? Jemima came to get me, she said Demi's having her kittens."

Tugger raised his eyebrows slightly - he hadn't even noticed the kitten running off.

"Munk's in there now," he told the red queen. "It shouldn't be too long."

"Oh, so you're a midwife now, are you?" Bombalurina asked him shrewdly.

No sooner had she said that, Jennyanydots emerged from the den with a wide smile on her face.

"How's Demi?" the red queen asked at once.

"She's fine," the gumbie cat assured her. "And so are her kittens."

"How many?" Tugger asked.

"Three -two queens and one tom."

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Munkustrap gazed down at his mate and kittens with a slightly nervous expression; he wasn't sure how he was supposed to act now that he was a father. A father to three beautiful kittens, he smiled to himself. One was black with gold patches, one was white with gold patches, and the last one was black and white with a tuxedo pattern.

"They're beautiful," Munkustrap whispered softly. Demeter smiled up at him as he gently stroked her head.

"We should name them," she said, a soft purr entering her voice.

Munkustrap gently picked up the black and gold kitten, holding it as though it were made of fragile glass. Demeter told him the kitten was a little queen.

"What to name a little princess like you, hmm?" Munkustrap asked as he gazed down at the kitten with a father's love shining in his eyes. The kitten shifted slightly in his arms and buried her face in her father's fur.

"What about Dahlia?" Demeter asked.

"It suits her perfectly."

Munkustrap gently laid Dahlia down next to her mother and picked up the white and gold kitten, also a queen.

"And what about you, hmm? How about Katariana?"

Demeter smiled and nodded at the name. Her mate returned the kitten to her place next to Demeter and picked up the tux. This kitten was a little tom.

He watched the tiny kitten snuggle down into his arms and twist his silver fur around tiny paws. The kitten wriggled slightly until he was comfortable, and only settled completely when Munkustrap began stroking his head.

"I honestly can't think of a name for him," Demeter confessed after a long pause.

"You're a little mystery, aren't you kit?" Munkustrap said to the tiny ball of fluff in his arms. "I can think of plenty of names that all suit him, but at the same time-"

"-None of them sound quite right on him, I know."

"So what shall we call him?"

"What about Shirram?"

The two cats looked at each other, then at the tiny kitten, then back at each other. They both shook their heads.

"Solan?"

Again, they both shook their heads. The names they thought of just didn't sound right for the small tuxedo kitten.

"How about… How about Ketriman?" Munkustrap asked after yet another thoughtful pause.

"Sounds good," Demeter replied, trying and failing to stifle a yawn.

"You should get some sleep."

Demeter nodded and closed her eyes, and Munkustrap stayed next to her and watched her. After a few minutes, the black, white and gold queen opened one eye to peek at Munkustrap.

"You do realise that I can't get to sleep with you staring at me like that?" she asked.

"Sorry," Munkustrap said sheepishly. "I'll go and tell the others the news."

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The silver tabby exited his den and came face to face with both Tugger and Bombalurina. They stared at him expectantly as they waited to be told the news.

"Everlasting Cat, I'm a dad," Munkustrap said softly, more to himself than the other two. A huge, silly smile found its way onto his face as he repeated himself with more certainty than he had before. "I'm a dad!"

"Have you named them yet?" Tugger asked, smiling at his brother's obvious happiness.

Munkustrap told his two-cat audience their names, along with very lengthy descriptions of what they looked like, how Demeter was, how the kittens had recognised him as their father straight away...

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Two months later, the kittens were due to be taken to Old Deuteronomy so that he could officially welcome them into the tribe. Munkustrap and Demeter were busy - both had been cornered into agreeing to be elsewhere - so Tugger had offered to take the kittens. The new parents had noticed how Tugger seemed to be trying to leave his reputation behind, and both agreed that he was trustworthy and would keep their kittens safe.

"C'mon, Uncle Tug," Dahlia whined, running back from where she and her siblings had wandered off ahead. "You walk too slow."

"It's not me walking slowly, it's you three that keep running," Tugger replied as the other two kittens returned. "Give an old cat a break and walk, huh?"

All three kittens giggled at Tugger's remark - he was one of the very few cats that would make fun of themselves - he knew that in the kittens' eyes, everyone over six months was ancient, and he took great delight in hearing the kittens giggle whenever he mentioned how old everyone was compared to them.

They approached the vicarage wall, and the young tom, Ketriman, was the only one of the trio that didn't slow down on purpose. He turned back and tapped his paw on the ground impatiently as he waited for Dahlia and Katariana to speed up again. He frowned when they stopped completely, meaning Tugger had to pick one of them up in his mouth and push the other along. Ketriman stuck close by his side as they reached the wall.

Tugger jumped up onto the wall with Dahlia in his mouth, set her down, and had a short conversation with Deuteronomy before jumping back down without the kitten.

"Why'd you leave 'Lia up there all 'lone?" Katariana asked, confused.

"Deuteronomy wants to talk to all of you separately," Tugger told her and Ketriman. "And we're not supposed to be close enough to hear."

He ushered the two remaining kittens away from the wall to watch from a distance of ten feet. Not long after they had settled down, Deuteronomy signalled for Tugger to go and get Dahlia down from the wall and to bring up the next kitten. Tugger jumped up to the wall, picked up Dahlia, returned to the ground and took her back to her siblings in one fluid motion. He set her down and picked up Katariana to make the return journey. As soon as he was out of earshot, Ketriman began to question his sister about what Deuteronomy had said.

"S'what'd he say?" the tiny tux asked.

"Nuffin' much," Dahlia replied, rolling onto her back in a playful manner. "Just that if anything or anyone upset me to go an' see him an' he'll sort it for me."

"S'not very intrestin'," Ketriman remarked. Dahlia giggled suddenly.

"You said 'snot'!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

Ketriman pounced on his sister, initiating a playfight. The actual fight wasn't terribly spectacular, but the tickling match that followed was. Tugger chuckled softly to himself as he watched, remembering how he had played like that with Munkustrap when they were kittens. He glanced up and saw Deuteronomy signal to him again.

Once Ketriman was up on the wall without Tugger, he didn't feel too much like the brave big brother any more; he felt more like the tiny kitten he actually was.

"I trust you already know what I was going to tell you from your sister," Deuteronomy said to the tiny tux kitten. Ketriman shrugged sheepishly. "Well, just in case she missed some out, if anything bothers you at all, please tell me and I'll sort it out."

Ketriman noded, and Deuteronomy was about to signal for Tugger when he paused to look at the kitten, who was watching his siblings.

"I nearly forgot," the old cat said. Ketriman looked up at him, taking in the Jellicle leader's smile. "Welcome back."

The kitten grinned and wound himself around Deuteronomy as Tugger approached to take him and his sisters back to the junkyard.

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That's it! That's your lot, hope you enjoyed it. Brownie points if you can guess who Ketriman is. I'll give you some hints: "...can now be reborn, and come back to a different Jellicle life." He's a tux, and I got 'Ketriman' from the word 'ahriman', which is apparently Persian for 'evil'. Think about it...

There was also a bit from the original version of this that I really liked, but couldn't keep in this version 'cause it didn't fit. So, behold Tugger's dream...

--It was after hours of bitter thoughts like that that he eventually fell into a fitful sleep, dreaming of cats in the weirdest situations. Bombalurina twirling a baton with all the grace and finesse of Pouncival on catnip, Munkustrap dancing the can-can, and Macavity singing soprano in the shower, to name but a few.--

Hehehe... I just couldn't let that bit go...