Disclaimer: It all belongs to MGM etcetera.

Usually, Daniel would have thought that two out of three wasn't bad. Two out of three people who believed his theories was still a majority. Two out of three questions answered correctly on an exam still got him a pass. In most cases, two out of three was enough. But in this one particular case, two out of three was just plain horrible. 1. He was in bed with Jack. 2. Jack had expressed willingness to have sex with him. So far, so good. 3. Jack also said he wouldn't have sex with him.

Yes, Daniel was very confused too. And pissy as hell. Where had things gone wrong?

-o-o-

Teal'c had been the one to suggest that they'd have a team night tonight, to go out for a drink in a bar somewhere. Sam had been quick to agree that it had been a long time, and she had heard of a good bar from Janet. Perhaps they could go there? Jack had caught 'team', 'drink', 'bar' and 'tonight' and was all in favour of the plan. He was so in favour of the plan he wanted to put it in action immediately. Daniel had pointed out that it was only around noon, and that they could meet up at the bar at around ten in the evening.

So that what they'd done. Met up around ten, gone in, and got the first drinks. Daniel looked around, it was pleasantly busy and the music was at the right volume. Seemed like Janet knew her bars. Then he noticed the 'Karaoke Tonight!' sign. He quickly elbowed Jack and pointed it out to him. Jack's reaction was to get another beer to go with his half-finished one. "You that thirsty?" Daniel wondered.

"No, but if there's gonna be karaoke at…" He looked at the sign again. "Eleven, I need to have more beer."

Sam and Teal'c had noticed the sign and the two beers as well. "Building up courage to sing, sir?"

Jack glared at her. "'Course not. Just building up my ability to not be bothered by the bad singers."

"You may be pleasantly surprised, O'Neill. Perhaps the people here are better than you expect," Teal'c said.

"Hah! I know karaoke. It's all about drunken people singing bad songs drunkenly. And the only way to enjoy it is by being drunk yourself." And with that, Jack took another big gulp.

"Karaoke is NOT about being drunk," Sam said. "It's about having fun."

"Yes, and the only way to have karaoke related fun is by being drunk. Trust me. Daniel? You've been at university and college half your life. You must've been in karaoke bars, students are known for doing it." Jack nudged Daniel.

"Er, well, I've only been in one a couple of times. But yeah, it's only fun if you're drunk and the people are bad drunken singers." He shrugged. "It's no fun if someone can actually sing well."

Sam shook her head. "We'll see who's right and who has more fun. The two of you trying to get drunk ASAP, or me and Teal'c staying sober." She looked at her own wine. "Well, more sober at any rate."

"I am sure I will have a good time in this establishment," Teal'c declared. "I do not require alcohol for that."

Jack snorted. "Let's hear you say that in two hours. Karaoke will have started properly by then, never does until the first drunkards decide to sing. Like I said, no one sober is insane enough to do karaoke."

Teal'c just raised an eyebrow at that. "We shall see, O'Neill."

And indeed they saw. They saw Sam and Teal'c get the karaoke book that listed the available songs. Daniel was shocked. He didn't think Teal'c would want to do it, and Sam didn't strike him as the type who'd want to sing in front of other people. "You guys aren't seriously going to sing, are you?"

"Of course we are," Sam said. "We're going to prove that sober people can have fun with karaoke too."

"For crying out loud, Carter, I believe you. I don't need you and Teal'c singing some crap song to proof it," Jack said, working on his third beer. There was a fourth beer lined up, which Jack had gotten for Daniel. Strangely enough, it seemed to have migrated from in front of Daniel to in front of Jack. Daniel left it that way. He hadn't paid for it, and Jack seemed to want it more than he did anyway. Besides, he still had some hopes that a drunken Jack would be an easily persuaded to do karaoke Jack.

"We shall demonstrate nonetheless, O'Neill," Teal'c said, as he pointed out a song to Sam, who nodded.

"We'll do that one. It's perfect."

Daniel leaned over to see the page. "Which one is it?"

Sam quickly shut the book. "You'll just have to have patience," She said with a smile. "But I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised." She and Teal'c went to bring the book and to inform the guy in charge of their choice.

When they returned, neither was willing to say which song they had chosen. Teal'c just stayed silent when asked, and Sam stuck with her 'patience is a virtue'. Jack argued that he never been very virtuous in his life, and that he wasn't going to start now. Sam replied that that didn't surprise her in the least, and in the following argument the karaoke song had been forgotten entirely.

At eleven, the karaoke didn't start with drunkards as Jack had predicted. It started with a girl who did a decent version of some pop song Daniel hadn't heard of. Next was an elderly couple, probably tourists, who were doing the rather mushy 'why do birds suddenly appear' song which probably had a different title Daniel didn't really care about. They weren't bad, but he didn't like mushy soppy lovesongs. Not when his own love life was practically non-existent. He glanced at Jack who was working on the fourth beer he had technically bought for Daniel. Wonderful. The only one he wanted involved in his love life was more focused on drinking himself into a stupor. He wasn't going to mope or sulk now. He wasn't. And if he was, he was going to disguise it by getting another drink.

By the time he got back to their table, another couple of people had braved the karaoke machine. "So, when's your turn?" He asked, wanting to know when his curiosity would be satisfied. It was rather sad that only his curiosity got any satisfaction these days, but he'd take any satisfaction he could get. Maybe he should just get properly drunk, and sing 'I Can't Get No Satisfaction'. Maybe that would be enough to get Jack a clue. Then again, seeing how Jack seemed more interested in sneaking sips from Daniel's beer than in Daniel, he figured that wouldn't work either. Maybe he should stick to another Stones song. You Can't Always Get What You Want. He certainly couldn't.

He was so engrossed in thinking of another clue that he almost missed the karaoke guy announcing that Sam and Murray would now sing a song. He elbowed Jack, who once again was trying to get Daniel's beer to migrate to him. "They're up!"

Sam and Teal'c made their way to the microphone, and Daniel wondered if plugging his ears would be necessary and obvious. Sam had a right punch he didn't want to be in the way of, and Teal'c wouldn't be pleased either.

"Dammit, I was hoping it wasn't their turn yet! Four beers is not enough to deal with friends doing karaoke!" Jack exclaimed, and promptly took a big gulp from Daniel's beer.

It turned out that plugging wasn't necessary. Sam and Teal'c did quite well, and Daniel sniggered when he recognised the tune. "'I Got You Babe'," He said. "Think they're trying to tell us something?"

Jack snorted. "Doubt it. Still, they're not bad. Better than some of the others, anyway."

Daniel had to admit that was true. Sam and Teal'c certainly were doing their best, Sam making doe eyes at Teal'c, and Teal'c had a protective arm around her shoulder.

"Daniel?" Jack asked. "Let's make a pact. Let's promise each other that no matter what happens tonight, neither of us is going to come anywhere NEAR that machine."

Daniel thought about that. Jack doing karaoke would be fun, but he had heard him sing and knew he could only stand that if he were drunk. And he knew that if he were drunk, the chances of him doing karaoke were fairly high. "Sure." He raised his glass. "To a successful evening of karaoke avoiding."

-o-o-

Of course the karaoke avoiding hadn't worked. Jack's steady drinking and Daniel's less steady drinking had made them easier to manipulate, and Sam and Teal'c were doing just that. Teal'c was questioning their courage, saying that if he had the courage to do it, surely Jack and Daniel were brave enough as well. Sam just called them wussies and said that next time she was going to ask Janet along rather than them, claiming that Janet was more fun than them anyway.

Daniel was getting more and more annoyed with it. Surely it wasn't a sign of courage to make an ass of yourself in front of other people? Sam had already gotten the karaoke book, and was suggesting songs as well, which was just presumptuous of her.

"So, what about My Sharona then? That one's easy, you just shout Sharona a lot," Sam said.

"No. No, I am not going to sing. No," Jack stated. He was drinking from his seventh or eighth beer, Daniel had lost count. He thought Jack was quite coherent for someone who should be quite drunk by now. He was only on his third beer, having had some soda in between.

"How about a deal?" Teal'c asked. "I shall buy the next round of drinks, and you sing a song for us."

Daniel already wanted to say no, but Jack was more interested in what kind of drinks. "I mean, if you're just gonna get me more beer, what's in it for me, y'know?"

Sam leaned over and whispered something in Teal'c ear. "I shall buy you tequila shots." He promptly said. Sam was grinning widely.

"How about you get us the shots, and then we'll see how we feel about it," Jack suggested. Teal'c nodded, and left to get the shots. Sam accompanied him to help carry the salt and the lemon slices.

"Excuse me? You want us to do tequila shots and sing?" Daniel spluttered. Was Jack insane?

"We're just gonna say no after the shot. Easy. If Teal'c wants to buy us drinks, I'm not stopping him," Jack said. "I'm all for other people buying me drinks."

"I noticed," Daniel grumbled. Maybe if he bought Jack a drink? Not that it'd work now, Jack was a bit too far gone. Besides, Teal'c was buying all of them drinks, and Jack didn't seem to consider that a come on. And Jack had bought him a beer as well, even though it had ended up in Jack's stomach. Daniel didn't think that was a come on either, just Jack's way of telling him to relax a little. But he hardly ever bought Jack a drink, so if he did Jack would notice and maybe get a clue. It was something to keep in mind for the next time they went out.

Teal'c put the glasses on the table, and Sam had the salt and lemons. "Everybody's done this before?" She asked.

"I have not. What is the use of the lemons and the salt?" Teal'c asked.

"Oh, you're about to find out what the lemons are for. Just follow my lead," Jack said, and licked his hand. "I said follow my lead, Teal'c, not look at me like I've grown a second head."

If Teal'c looked surprised, Daniel hadn't seen it. He was too busy staring at Jack licking his own hand. It was sad, it was pathetic, and yet he did it anyway. And he knew that he would think about it a lot in the privacy of his own bedroom. He was doomed.

"Okay, so then you put salt on your hand." Jack put some salt on his hand. "And you're still not following my lead, Teal'c."

"I believe I shall wait until you are done before I do so," Teal'c said. Daniel thought that was quite wise, and figured that Teal'c would probably decide not to go ahead with the shot once he found out what the use of the salt and lemon was. Teal'c didn't like lemon at all.

Jack glared at Teal'c before getting himself a glass. "Right, so you've covered your hand with salt, then you lick off the salt –" and Daniel hated himself for sitting up for the licking action, but he did it anyway. Jack licked the salt off, and immediately downed the tequila. He slammed it down, and grabbed the nearest lemon slice.

Teal'c had raised an eyebrow at this flurry of actions. "But why the salt and lemons?" He asked.

"Have you smelled the tequila?" Daniel asked. "If not, you should."

Teal'c leaned over to smell, and immediately recoiled. "It does not smell very pleasant."

"Doesn't taste very pleasant either," Jack said once he was done with the lemon.

"The salt is to make you thirsty enough to down it, and the lemon is to counter the taste," Sam explained.

"I see. I do not think I want to take part in this. Someone else can have my glass," Teal'c said, shoving his glass to the centre of the table.

Jack immediately grabbed it, and a lemon slice. "If you don't want it, I will."

Daniel wanted to say something to stop him, as Jack seemed to be drinking way too much in his opinion, but Sam didn't seem very concerned whereas she normally was, and if there was going to be more licking of hands, well, Daniel was okay with that. He wasn't too sure of his own involvement though. Tequila didn't really agree with him. Actually, his problem was that it agreed a little too well with him. He had done shots back in his student days, and it always seemed to make him far drunker than anyone else. "I'm not too sure about this, guys, I don't want to mix my drinks too much."

"Don't be such a wimp, Daniel, come here." Before Daniel realised what was going on, Jack had licked his hand and put salt on it. "There, you have to do it now, otherwise you'll look like an idiot with salt on his hand."

Daniel just stared at his hand and at Jack. Who had just licked his hand. His hand. Daniel's hand. He was happy he wasn't the type who fainted when slightly excited, because he'd be on the floor if he was. Jack just grinned and put a shot glass in front of Daniel, with a lemon slice.

Sam had taken care of her own hand and was ready to go as well. "On three?" She proposed. "One, two and…"

Daniel quickly licked his hand and downed the tequila. Damn, that stuff was revolting. The lemon didn't help much, but it was something. Sam and Jack were done with the lemon before he was, but he refused to be bothered by it. He just had Jack lick his hand, he needed the reality check of sucking a lemon.

Sam opened the karaoke book again, and Teal'c returned the saltshaker to the barman. "So, what do you think of this one? It's a classic."

"Forget it Carter, you and Teal'c do Cher songs all you like, Daniel and I have more taste than that," Jack said, and slung an arm around Daniel's shoulders. "Isn't that right?"

Daniel spat out his lemon slice and just nodded. He didn't even notice that Jack had basically just agreed to doing karaoke on his behalf until Sam shoved the book in front of them, expecting them to pick out a song.

Jack kept the arm around Daniel, and used the other to flip through the book. Daniel was a bit too distracted by the touchy feelyness to really see what songs were being rejected.

"Too soppy, too stupid. Too girly… too soppy again. Daniel? What song do you think we should do? You gotta have an opinion, you've done this before," Jack said.

Daniel shrugged. "As long as it's within my range. Which excludes anything done by women."

"Means we don't get to do I Got You Babe, too bad," Jack said, mock-sad. "Come on, there's got to be something we can do together."

Daniel knew lots of things they could do together. Just not in public. The privacy of his bedroom, or Jack's bedroom would do, he wasn't picky. Just so long as the things were done in someone's bedroom. Although he was willing to be flexible re the location. Daniel was a reasonable man. He knew that the shower stall had its advantages. Couches and comfy chairs were suitable as well, but for what Daniel had in mind, the bedroom would be best.

"Oh, how about this one? Sounds just about perfect for us," Jack said, pointing at a song.

Daniel looked at the title. "You want to do Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go?" Because if Jack did, Daniel would have to question his sanity.

"What? No!" Jack said indignantly. "How can you think that? No, the one under it."

Born To Be Wild. Well, it would be better than Wham! Daniel thought. "Okay." Wait, he just said okay. He had just okay to doing karaoke. What the hell was he thinking?

Jack closed the book, and went to find the karaoke guy. Naturally, Sam was wondering what they were going to sing, and naturally Daniel refused to tell. "Patience is a virtue, remember?"

Sam scowled at that. "Fine. If you and the Colonel want to surprise us, go ahead. We'll just have to guess, won't we Teal'c?"

"Indeed. I guess they have chosen a Whitney Houston song," Teal'c replied.

Sam giggled at that. "Oh, I'd pay good money to see either of you sing I Will Always Love You."

"Wrong, sorry. And no amount of money will ever have me sing that," Daniel said. Did they think he had no taste in music whatsoever?

"Ah, but what if there are aliens on a planet who're big fans somehow," Sam argued, "And that the only way of getting a treaty to trade naquadah with them is by having you sing I Will Always Love You?"

"Ignoring the fact that that's pretty much impossible, I would have to say that I would try to talk my way out of it," Daniel said, after sniggering at the idea. "And I would probably talk to the aliens into having you do it instead."

Sam smiled at that. "If that ever happens, I hope they also some wine or something. I'd never attempt Whitney Houston sober."

Jack slid back onto his seat. "What did I hear? Is Carter going to sing a Whitney Houston song?"

"No," Sam replied. "Daniel is."

"Daniel? Why, I'd never thought you were a fan! Figured you were more the Mariah Carey type, y'know, All I Want For Christmas. You can frolic in the snow." Jack said, sipping from the beer he had brought with him.

Daniel glowered quietly for a minute. "Well, I'm just happy they don't have opera karaoke."

"I think we are all happy they do not have such a thing," Teal'c said, eyeing Jack meaningfully.

"Don't know what you're talking about," Jack said innocently. "Come on Daniel, get another drink. Can't have you parched for our big number."

-o-o-

It wasn't too bad, and over before Daniel knew it. True, Jack seemed to be yodelling halfway through the song rather than singing, but Daniel wasn't much better either. There was laughter afterwards, and some applause and cries for an encore, but Daniel wisely ignored that and dragged Jack back to his seat. Sam was crying with laughter, and Teal'c was smiling.

"I'm glad you were amused," Daniel said as he sat down.

"If only I had brought a camera with me," Sam grinned. "The blackmail material would last me for ages."

"I doubt it," Jack said. "I have my ways." He moved his hands vaguely in a manner that was meant to be threatening.

"I'm sure you do, sir," Sam said, and looked at her watch. She was obviously surprised to see how late it was. "I think it's time I get myself home."

Teal'c checked his watch too and nodded. "I shall accompany you, MajorCarter. We can share a cab."

Sam nodded at that. "Are you going home as well?"

"In a while. I think I'll try to get Jack a bit more sober before we attempt to leave," Daniel said.

"Good luck with that then," Sam said, and with that the other two left the bar after saying goodbye to Jack.

Daniel got himself and Jack a glass of water. "Here, drink this."

Jack obediently did, but put it down after one gulp. "This is water," He complained. "Not alcohol."

"You had enough alcohol for one night, I think. And so have I," Daniel said.

"No such thing as too much alcohol," Jack muttered, but finished the water anyway. "Why're you so worried anyway?"

"Because I'll be sharing a cab with you to make sure you get home alright, and I don't want you vomiting all over me," Daniel replied.

"That happened once!" Jack argued. "Once! Years ago. Are you going to hold that against me forever?"

"Considering that I had to pay the cab driver extra to cover the cleaning, and that my shirt has never been same since, I think that yes, I will hold it against you. If I die again, I will haunt you so I can remind you of it." Daniel got up and put on his jacket. "Come on, let's go."

Jack followed him sullenly. "So, get a cab then." He elbowed Daniel.

"It's not my fault if we have to wait a while," He muttered.

"I could go back in and get another drink," Jack said dreamily. "The beer's good." He put his hands in his pockets. "Would keep out the cold too."

"You only think it keeps out the cold," Daniel replied. Why weren't there cabs at this time of night? Really. "But you're still cold. You just don't really feel it."

"So… I'm still cold even though I don't know it?" Jack asked.

"Yes." Maybe he should just call for a damn taxi rather than wait around here. He reached for his cell phone when suddenly Jack wrapped him in a bear hug. "What! What're you doing?"

"Sharing body heat," Jack said smugly. "You're cold, I'm cold, we just don't know it. So let's get warm!"

Daniel sighed, and continued to search for his cell phone. He couldn't get it out of his jacket what with the 'body heat sharing' Jack was doing. Nice words for what Daniel considered cruel and unusual torture. "Jack, I need to call a cab, can you let go so I can get my phone?"

"But I'd get cold!" Jack argued, and snuggled closer. There was no other word for it, this was definite snuggling. "What pocket is it in? I'll get it for you."

Daniel was pretty much dumbfounded by all this. He was tempted to say it was in the left front pocket of his trousers, but knowing a drunken Jack he'd reach into the pocket anyway. And Daniel didn't want to deal with that right now. "Inside pocket of my coat, it's on the left."

"Your left or my left?" Jack asked as he unzipped the coat.

"It doesn't matter! Your left and my left are the same!" Daniel exclaimed. "You're right behind me, any closer and you'd be IN this jacket with me!"

"Now there's an idea!" Jack said excitedly, cell phones forgotten.

"No! No it's not! It's a very bad idea!" Daniel exclaimed, trying to wrestle his way out of the snuggling, but Jack held on stubbornly.

"Keep still Daniel, I can't get your cell phone if you keep moving," Jack argued.

"Just make it quick, Jack. I don't want to stand here all evening," Daniel said. He wanted to go home, get into bed and pretend that a drunken touchy feely Jack meant something. Jack had better hurry up and find his cell phone. He slumped against Jack in defeat.

"I've got ya, Daniel, now, where's that pocket of yours?" Jack was pretty much feeling everywhere but at Daniel's pocket. "Are you sure you have an inside pocket at all? I can't find it."

"I think I know my own jacket," Daniel snapped. Dammit, why did he have to suffer from an annoyingly snugly Jack who was just… touching him everywhere? And why couldn't he just enjoy the touching rather than thinking 'he's only doing this 'cause he's a crazy drunk, Daniel, a sober Jack would never be all over you like this'. Why did he have to be rational all the damn time? He couldn't even enjoy a drunken grope without feeling slightly guilty. Well, why should he feel guilty? Jack was molesting HIM, not the other way round. He wasn't taking advantage of anyone here, and technically Jack was taking advantage of him. And Daniel found that he was very much in favour of that. And if Jack was embarrassed the next morning and felt guilty, that was fine. Not the preferable outcome, but a guilty Jack would be a Jack who would buy Daniel lunch. So it was a win win situation. If a drunken Jack wanted to grope, Daniel was fine with it. Either tomorrow morning Jack would want to do more groping, or Jack would feel so guilty he'd buy Daniel's lunches for a month.

Too bad Daniel's conscience wasn't being that rational. His guilt kept saying that there was no way a sober Jack would want to grope any part of Daniel, and that Daniel owed it to his friend to stop him. And his conscience was already feeling guilty over possibly guilting Jack into buying him lunch.

As Daniel pondered this, Jack continued his quest for Daniel's ever elusive cell phone. "I think I got… oh wait, that's a pen," He muttered, the hot breath on his neck making Daniel shiver. "I think… yes! Got it!" He handed Daniel the cell phone triumphantly, and zipped up Daniel's jacket. "Thanks for the body heat," He said, and backed off.

Daniel just stared at Jack for a moment, cell phone in hand. One minute Jack was all over him, the other moment he couldn't get away from him fast enough. Typical.

"Aren't you gonna call us a cab? I thought you didn't want to spend the night outside?"

"Oh, yes, right," Daniel quickly dialled the cab company, and heard that it would ten minute for the cab to arrive. Oh crap. Ten more minutes outside with an unpredictable Jack.

"What did they say?" Jack asked when Daniel hung up.

"There'll be one here in ten minutes," Daniel said morosely. The next ten minutes would be hell. Either Jack would get snugly again, or not, and Daniel would never know when the snuggling would happen. Or if it would happen, but the chance was there. Maybe he should just spare himself the mental torture and start the snugliness himself. Fake the drunk thing and grope Jack back. It was a tempting thought, but his conscience wouldn't let him do it. 'Molesting Jack would be wrong!' It argued. Wrong, and oh so much fun. Oh well.

-o-o-

Nothing eventful had happened in the ten minutes they were waiting, except that Jack kept mentioning food, which made Daniel hungry as well. He was happy when he saw the cab approach, and so was Jack. Jack decided to express this happiness by hugging Daniel tightly. "Not now, Jack, the cab's here!" Daniel hissed. The cab driver was looking at them strangely. Daniel looked as annoyed as possible. "He's drunk."

The cab driver nodded, and opened the door for Daniel so he could push Jack in. "If he pukes, you have to…"

"Yeah, yeah, it'll cost me, I know," Daniel said. He was less than happy. He gave the driver Jack's address, which shouldn't take them too long. He had pushed Jack to lean against the other window, so he could have some personal space at last.

"How much did he have?" The cab driver inquired, still a bit worried.

"Too much," Daniel replied.

"Not nearly enough!" Jack said. "Really, he dragged me out before it got good. He's such, a, a, crap friend, that's what he is."

"Really? Well, friends don't let friends drink way too much. From the looks of it, he's a good friend," The cab driver said.

Daniel looked smugly at Jack, who just snorted. "Two out of three think I'm a good friend, Jack. That's pretty good."

Jack leaned over. "Well, I'm an all or nothing kinda guy. I don't buy that two out of three ain't bad crap." He put his head on Daniel's shoulder. "Hey, your shoulder is comfy, you know that? Why didn't you tell me before?"

Daniel shared a look with the cab driver, who was more amused than Daniel was. "You never asked."

"Huh," Jack grunted. "Well, I wonder what other parts of you are comfortable." He patted Daniel's thigh. "The legs don't feel that bad either."

Don't don't don't don't Daniel chanted in his head. Don't you DARE put your head in my lap, don't you fucking dare.

The cab driver snorted at that. "He's pretty far gone. Hey, you need my uncle's special recipe to get people sober? It doesn't really work but it's revolting."

"I think I can manage that by myself, thanks though," Daniel replied, still chanting the don't don't don't.

"Well, I hope you know what you're doing," The cab driver said.

The rest of the journey was carried out in silence. Daniel figured Jack must've fallen asleep, head on Daniel's shoulder, hands in Daniel's lap. Daniel left it that way. He didn't want to risk waking him for something this trivial. And so long as Jack wasn't awake he wouldn't feel the effect he was having on Daniel. He tried to rationalise it. It was just Jack's head on his shoulder. It was just Jack's hands in his lap. It was just Jack's hands in his lap, and it was just his erection, and the two were WAY too close for comfort.

When the cab stopped in front of Jack's house, Jack suddenly jerked away. "We there?" He muttered sleepily.

"Yeah, we are," Daniel said, and paid the cab driver. It was a bit of a struggle to get Jack out of the cab, parts of him were still asleep but he managed to get Jack inside the house at last.

"Ah, my place!" Jack announced, and went into the kitchen. "You can go now, Daniel."

What? WHAT! Stupid damn snuggling outside a stupid damn bar and inside a stupid damn cab, and that was it? Thank you for getting me home safely, now fuck off? No way that was going to happen. Besides, from the way Jack was moving around in that kitchen, Daniel guessed he was getting yet another drink. He threw his jacket over a chair, and entered the kitchen. "No more booze, Jack, you had plenty."

"Hey, I told you to leave, you didn't listen. Now I'm not going to listen to you. Just leave me and my beer alone, Daniel, I'll be fine," Jack replied, beer in hand.

Daniel sighed. "Jack, drinking more beer isn't going to make you fine. You need to get some sleep, go to bed." Ah, Jack. Bed. Wonderful combination. Too bad Daniel wasn't a part of it. Ho hum, such was life.

Jack grumbled something. "Fine," He put the opened bottle back in the fridge. "Fine, you want me less drunk, you make me coffee then." He went to the living room, leaving Daniel.

"Coffee isn't going to make you better, Jack. It just dehydrates your brain, making the inevitable hangover much worse," Daniel said. "You just think you feel better."

Jack had made himself comfortable on the sofa. "Is this like the alcohol and cold thing again? Daniel, if I wanted to talk about scientific things, I'd have taken Carter home."

Daniel smiled at that. At least Jack preferred his company to that of Sam's. That had to mean something, considering how they had been mooning after each other a while ago. He could see what they saw in each other, hell, he was seeing it in Jack right now. And Sam was an attractive and intelligent women. He just couldn't see them in a long-term relationship. Jack needed someone who shared his sense of humour, and Sam needed someone who understood her passion for science. He figured that Sam would get fed up with Jack's disinterest sooner rather than later, and would probably shove a naquadah reactor down his throat if he made another crack about her pet projects. "I'll just get you some water then."

"No, no more water. I've had plenty of water today," Jack said grumpily.

Daniel didn't know why Jack's mood had changed. He seemed fine in the cab. Well, not fine. Apart from the weird snuggling he was fine. "I'll just make some lemonade then." He went back in the kitchen, and searched the fridge for lemonade, and the cupboards for some glasses. He didn't know how Jack liked his lemonade, but put in a generous amount. Better too sweet than too watery, he figured. When he turned to take the glasses to the living room, he was startled by Jack suddenly being right beside him. He took a step back, bumped against the counter and spilled most of the lemonade on his shirt. One of his better shirts even. Dammit, so much for trying to be more graceful around Jack. He already thought he was clumsy, and this was just another thing that supported that mistaken belief. Daniel dealt with fragile artefacts, and he had never broken one in his professional career. Maybe he should tell Jack that the next time he brought up the clumsiness. "Dammit, why did you sneak up to me?"

"I can't sneak around in my own kitchen?" Jack asked, trying to look innocent.

Daniel grumbled, and shoved the glasses into Jack's hands. "Here, drink that. I'll go put this in the laundry basket." He took off the shirt and checked the laundry instructions. They seemed fairly standard, good. The lemonade would probably wash out fine. When Daniel looked up, he saw Jack staring at him. "What? Is it that odd that I want to put my shirt in the laundry basket? You know about laundry right? It's what most people normally do with their dirty clothes."

"I know ALL about laundry, Daniel," Jack said, and left the kitchen with the lemonade.

Daniel had no idea what that was supposed to mean. Where did Jack have his laundry basket anyway nowadays? He followed Jack into the living room. "Where is your laundry?"

"What?"

"Laundry. Basket. For the shirt," Daniel waved the shirt in his face. Was Jack always this dense when he was drunk? Not as far as Daniel knew. Jack could be quite sneaky if he wanted to when he was drunk.

"Oh, it's in the hallway, I think." Jack gestured at a door.

Daniel opened the door, and sure enough, there was a basket half-filled with undone laundry. Daniel hoped some of the lemonade would spill onto Jack's clothes. He deserved it for the sneaking. And the snuggling. And for being Jack.

When he returned, Jack had put the glasses on the table. Daniel grabbed one when he joined Jack on the couch. "I hope you do your laundry some time tomorrow."

"Hmm?" Jack was looking at him strangely again. "Oh, look, lemonade."

Daniel figured Jack was having a dense phase. So far there had been the 'Doing stupid things' phase which included the karaoke. Then there was 'Annoyingly snugly' phase which had stopped now, fortunately. Or unfortunately, Daniel wasn't entirely sure. There was a short lived grumpy phase and now there was the dense phase. He put his empty glass on the table. "I think it's time we called it a night, Jack. We'd better get you to bed." Ah, Jack and bed. There was that wonderful combination again, and Daniel refused to think of the even better combination that had him in the middle. Sandwiched between Jack and his bed, life couldn't get better than that. Damn, now he had thought about the better combination. Dammit.

"Yes mom," Jack said, and picked up the glasses. Daniel watched him stumble off into the kitchen. Jack wasn't that steady anymore, which meant he would have to help him up the stairs. Daniel hated doing that. It meant too much physical contact, and Jack could be a heavy useless lump if he wanted to be. Jack walked out of the kitchen and to the hallway door. "Well? You coming? I distinctly heard a 'we' there."

You coming. We coming. Let's come together. Right now. Sooner the better and… that was so not what Jack was talking about. Crap. "Fine, fine. I didn't know you were in such a hurry to go to bed."

Jack glared at him. "I thought you'd be happy I was taking your advice."

Daniel rolled his eyes and slung Jack's arm around his shoulder. Damn spilled lemonade. As if physical contact wasn't bad enough with clothes on, he had to have it shirtlessly. If there was a God, Daniel was sure he had a big bowl of heavenly popcorn and was having a great time watching Daniel's struggle.

They climbed the stairs together, Jack's hand sliding from shoulder to waist, and Daniel thought there was a brief moment where Jack's hand had been on his ass, but he must've imagined it. No way Jack would ever feel Daniel up, no matter how drunk he got. They arrived at Jack's door, and Daniel opened it to get them in. It was neat and tidy, as Daniel had expected.

Jack immediately flopped down on the bed, face first. "Comfy," He muttered. "Very comfy."

Daniel was sure it was very comfy. It was also very frustrating to see Jack have such a good time in bed by himself. Especially if he kept lying on his stomach, which made it impossible for Daniel to look at anything but the ass. Very tempting. The ass and the bed. Daniel was getting tired himself. Tired from the long day, the drinks, the weird snuggling. He just wanted to get some sleep himself. And he sure as hell wasn't going to get any in this bed. Guestroom for him. "Hey Jack, you got the guestroom ready?"

"Hmmrf?" Jack mumbled, turning his face to look at Daniel. "Guestroom?"

"Yeah, I don't want to sleep on the couch. It's not that comfy, and I'd like to get some sleep tonight," Daniel told him.

"Guestroom's… not ready," Jack said. "Blankets're in the laundry basket downstairs."

"Well, I can just get them. They can't be that dirty," Daniel suggested. It would be better than the couch.

"The blankets were on top," Jack replied. "Well, now your lemonade shirt is. So unless you want sticky sheets and blankets, you can't use those."

Daniel didn't mind sticky sheets. Depended on what made them sticky though. Lemonade didn't really do it for him. Now, sheets that were sticky from some damn good sex, those he didn't mind. But that was not the case. He groaned. He knew what was going to be Jack's next suggestion. Yep, there it came.

"You can share with me. No problem. It's a big bed," Jack said, and crawled up. He took off his shoes and dumped them next to the bed. "See? Plenty of space. As long as you don't hog blankets."

"I never had any complaints," Daniel said, trying to think how to get out of this. He couldn't share a bed with Jack. He knew his subconscious would make his body end up on the other side of the bed. He had the tendency to do that, he knew that from Sha're and Sarah and other exes. They had never minded, but Jack would definitely mind waking up with his best friend all over him.

"Good! There're some sweats in the drawer over there, and throw me one too," Jack said, working on getting his shirt off. "Damn buttons!"

Daniel found himself standing by the dresser, drawer open. He was just getting himself some sweats, and then he'd sleep in the guestroom, even though there weren't any blankets. It might help him cool off a little. He threw a pair on the bed for Jack, and picked one out for himself. He looked at Jack on the bed, still trying to get the shirt over his head. Why hadn't he just unbuttoned the shirt? Couldn't he handle buttons in his condition? He didn't seem able to handle taking off the shirt anyway. He knew he was staring, but there was skin on display, and Jack's head was covered with shirt anyway. Jack would never know his friend was looking his fill and creating a couple of dirty little fantasies in his head. It was all Jack's fault for struggling with his shirt on the bed in the first place, because without that, Daniel would never have realised that there was a thing to be said for some mild bondage. He hoped Jack wasn't planning on wearing that shirt any time soon. It'd only remind Daniel of his urge to tie Jack up with the shirt. Or with anything else really. Tie him up with a tie, that'd work. Or use the tie as a blindfold? Hell, it was his fantasy. If he wanted to use a tie as a blindfold, he could.

"Damn stupid good for nothing shirt!" Jack grunted, and finally wrestled himself out of it, emerging triumphantly. He was panting a little, but threw the shirt on the floor with gusto. "Bad shirt! Bad!"

Daniel looked at Jack's reddened face and wondered if this was what he looked like after sex. Panting from the exertion but pleased at his triumph. It was a good look for him. He grabbed his pair of sweats, and went into the bathroom to change. He didn't want to take off any clothes in front of Jack. Who knew when that snugly phase returned. He threw his clothes on a pile in a corner, hoping Jack wouldn't mind too much. He splashed some cold water on his face and chest, hoping to cool off his thoughts a little. They weren't going to do him any good tonight, so he might as well ignore them. After making use of the toilet, he went back into the hall, and saw that Jack had made himself comfortable in the bed. Good, Jack must be asleep, and now he could think of another place to sleep. Jack probably had some extra blankets in the guestroom anyway.

"Daniel? You done in there?"

"Oh? Yeah, sure, I didn't know you were in any hurry to use the bathroom," Daniel replied. Stupid of him really. Of course Jack would at least want to take a piss after the amount of drinks he had.

Jack snorted, and moved the blankets so Daniel could climb in. "I was waiting for you to be done so I could get some sleep. Can't sleep if someone's about to get into bed with you." Jack rolled over to lie on his side, his back to Daniel.

Daniel opened his mouth to say something, but found he couldn't. If he left for the guestroom now, he'd have to explain it. Jack genuinely seemed to expect Daniel to crawl into bed with him. Oh god, not that he didn't want to, he wanted to, and that was the problem. He couldn't just crawl into the same bad as Jack! That would be the stupidest thing he could possibly do.

"You coming or what?" Jack asked, without turning to look at Daniel.

Oh god. Daniel wanted to come. He needed to come. Especially if Jack was involved in the coming. He felt like he was going crazy trying to decide what to do. Get in, stay out, get in, stay out. It was some sort of weird mental hokey pokey. He didn't know when he decided to climb into the bed, but he found himself doing so.

Jack turned to rearrange the blankets a bit more comfortably. "Took your time to get in, Daniel."

"I was just… thinking," Daniel said, lying on his back. Trying to figure out why he had climbed in anyway. Did he have a death wish or something? He didn't think so.

"You think too much," Jack said, and rearranged the blankets around Daniel, almost tucking him.

Daniel just held his breath. Jack was too damn close. Jack had no business tucking him in. Daniel was not a child, and Jack never seemed to realise it.

Jack lay down eventually on his side, and looked at Daniel. "You look worried."

"I don't want to talk about it," Daniel replied. Which was true. He really didn't want to talk about his worries with Jack. Not right now.

"Sure you do! You're worried, I'm your best friend, therefore you tell me your worries."

Daniel could feel Jack hitching closer, could feel the ghost of his breath on his bare shoulder. Dammit, this was not going well at all. Daniel scooted to the other side, away from Jack and his bare shoulder. His bare anything really.

"Daniel? You don't look very comfortable, what's wrong?" Jack asked, sounding genuinely concerned. And he moved closer again.

Couldn't the man take a hint? "I thought you wanted to go to sleep?" Daniel asked, managing to sound normal. He moved away again.

"Dammit, Daniel," Jack muttered, and snuck an arm around Daniel's waist to pull him closer. "You're worried, you're uncomfortable and you're not getting away from me, y'hear?"

Daniel was sure he was hyperventilating. Jack was hugging him again. Hugging him in bed. With bare skin involved. This was bad. This was very bad. If Jack got any closer, he would feel how bad Daniel had it for him. "I don't want to talk about it." He knew he sounded slightly sulky, but dammit, he didn't have the energy to pretend nothing was going on. Something was going on, yes, but he wasn't going to say anything.

Jack just hugged him closer, which was supposed to calm down Daniel but it had an opposite effect. "I'll talk about my worries if you tell me about yours."

That was supposed to entice him? Jack's worries were probably Sam-related. Sure, Daniel could see that they couldn't have a long-term thing, but Jack probably hadn't thought that far. Jack was probably more worried about how Sam felt about him, and whether or not retirement was a good idea. And how he should go about getting her to take the next step. Jack's worries were the boring worries of every heterosexual man, worried if the women he loved, loved him back. Nothing spectacular there. Certainly not worth sharing his own worries for. Jack wouldn't get it, best friend or not. "I don't want to talk about it," Daniel said again.

"You're not interested in my worries?" Jack asked, sounding sad.

"Not right now. I thought you wanted to sleep," Daniel replied. Not that he could sleep. Not with Jack hugging him tightly for no reason. Jack snorted, and Daniel felt it on his neck and shoulders. It was getting too much, especially when Jack moved both his hands to Daniel's waist, and pulled him closer. What the hell did he do that for? Was he going to hug Daniel tighter and tighter until he had smothered him? Jack could wait a long time before… oh, if that was what Daniel hoped it was… He looked at Jack.

"Surprise," Jack said, and grinned.

He could say that again! Daniel turned towards Jack, keeping the closeness. "Surprise right back at you," He whispered. Jack moved one hand towards Daniel's ass and snuggled even closer, and Daniel wrapped his arms around Jack, finally relaxing a little.

"Can't wait to have you in my bed when you're sober," Jack mumbled in Daniel's hair.

"Mmm, I'm sober enough right now," Daniel said. He was more than sober enough to do anything Jack wanted him to do. Especially if he kept caressing his ass like that, Jack was a natural.

Jack snorted. "I'm not buying that, Daniel. I know you. You had several beers and a tequila shot. We're not doing anything more than cuddling."

Daniel moved to look Jack in the eye. He had to be kidding. "Jack, you drank twice the amount I did. You did. And you're telling me I'm not sober enough to have sex?" They had two perfectly good erections right here, and they needed taking caring of. Daniel would happily take care of Jack's, why wouldn't he do the same? The nerve of the man! The presumptuous asshole! Just because Daniel couldn't hold his liquor as well as Jack didn't mean he wasn't in his right mind. He wanted this. Jack could feel how much he wanted this.

"Daniel, I don't want you to regret this in the morning, okay? I'd feel like I was taking advantage of you," Jack explained.

"Excuse me? Shouldn't that be the other way around? Seeing as how you're more drunk than I am? I'd be taking advantage of you if anything, and seeing as how you want me to take advantage of you, I'm not seeing the problem," Daniel said, brushing his cock against Jack's, making him groan.

"Don't make this harder than this is, Daniel." Jack grimaced at the bad pun. "I'm not taking advantage of you. You're drunk. We're not having sex, no matter how much we both seem to want it. Wait until the morning."

"What if I said I wanted you to take advantage of me?" Daniel asked. "Wrote it black on white? Signed it, filed it in triplicate and everything? Dammit, Jack, I need to get laid, and I need to get laid now!"

"I'm sure you feel that way now, Daniel, but things might be different in the morning. Let's just sleep together first and see what the morning brings, okay?" Jack moved to lay on his back, taking Daniel with him.

Daniel refused to sleep on this. Jack wanted him. He wanted Jack. Clear as daylight. "I don't want to sleep together, I want to have some damn good sex together."

"I know you feel that way now, Daniel, but maybe you –"

Daniel had had it with Jack's arguing, and decided to shut the man up the best way he knew. Kissing. It started off a bit strange, since Daniel was too angry, and Jack too surprised, but it shifted from being odd to being quite good in Daniel's opinion. Jack still had his mouth open, with suited Daniel just fine. He liked peacefully exploring other planets, but he was open to exploring new terrain on Earth as well. Daniel had expected Jack to flip him on his back, taking control of the kiss, but he seemed more than happy to have Daniel on top of him. Well, Daniel was happy with that too. Very happy, in fact, especially if Jack continued sucking on his tongue like that, oh yeah, let's see Jack arguing now that they shouldn't have sex. He gave Jack a couple of short kisses, ready to continue the argument.

He waited for Jack to open his eyes, but they didn't open after a couple of seconds and Jack started snoring softly as well, Daniel was livid. What kind of messed up reverse fairy tale was this? The handsome prince fell ASLEEP from kissing? That just wasn't right. And yet the calm rise and fall of Jack's chest showed otherwise. He was very much asleep, and Daniel wasn't going to change that. Not right now, anyway. But Jack was going to get a very rude awakening in the morning.

Like it? Please review
Didn't like it? Please review
Feel completely indifferent towards it? Please review