Plan 9½ from Outer Space
Ss186: (playing Destroy All Humans!) Huh? Oh howdy there! Yeah, I know, Hikari and I have been gone for awhile…
Kori: More like a few years…
Ss186: -- Shut it… Anyway, I–
Kori: WE!
Ss186: Fine… We came up with this while playing one of THE best games EVER along with Kingdom Hearts II… DESTROY ALL HUMANS!
Kori: The story was basically inspired because the almighty Richard Horvitz who gives life to our beloved Invader Zim is now also Orthopox a.k.a. Pox.
Ss186: Plus Crypto is just awesome…
Kori: That too…
Reader: GET TO THE FRIGGIN' STORY ALREADY!
Ss186 & Kori: Sheesh… Okay…
DISCLAIMER: Anything pertaining to Invader Zim & Destroy All Humans! belongs to the appropriate companies/groups, and I wish I owned mutant weasels.
Chapter 1: The Worst of Acquaintances
Zim was out with his faithful but insane robot/doggy companion, GIR, for his next evil scheme. The night was a perfect cover for their operation. Well, almost perfect because of the streetlights. GIR was carrying a large box filled with squirming shadowed creatures. On the side of the box were the words "Mutant Vermin", but "Vermin" had been crossed out and replaced by "Weasels".
"This mutant weasels plan was INGENIUS! The Dib-Worm had put my mutant vermin scheme out of commission, but even the lowly Dib cannot stop the awesome might that are WEASELS!" Zim exclaimed a bit too loudly, like he always did. "GIR, another weasel!"
GIR sniffled, "Goodbye Greta! I loveded you! I LOVEDED YOU!"
GIR reluctantly handed "Greta" to Zim. The Irken invader quickly tossed Greta through an open window that the pitiful humans forgot to close. There were screams of pain and doom and a huge unnecessary explosion, but Zim laughed nevertheless. Then another scream was heard in a nearby alley.
"I–I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, MAN!"
"Of course not… Lemme put this in terms you'd understand, monkey boy, and if I don't get the answers I'm lookin' for, I'll get my answers the hard way. What do you know about a UFO crashing here!"
"I DON'T KNOW!"
"Fine… The hard way it is…"
A huge mechanical whirring noise filled the alley. Zim peeked around the corner (the pain and suffering was too good to ignore) and watched as a probe drilled its way into the human's skull. A gray figure stood about three feet high and had a blue glow coming from its hands. The human cried out in pain and flailed around in his restraints. Zim had to keep himself from hysterical laughter, but it came out anyway.
"PITIFUL HUMAN! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Zim laughed loudly.
The figure turned around, "Hey! I'm workin' over here so would ya mind keepin' it down?"
"What! How dare you insult the Irken elite! GIR, attack mode!"
"SIR!" GIR flipped out of his doggy costume with his menacing red eyes. Just as it seemed as if GIR was actually going to listen, GIR pulled a squeaky moose out of his head and sat on the ground happily. "WEEEEEEEE!"
Zim growled, "GIR!"
"If you're done, I'd like to go back to business…"
Just at that moment, Orthopox decided to show up out of nowhere.
"Whaddya want now, slave driver?" the other asked.
"Crypto! What have I told you about the Irken scum?"
"Let them live in their stupid fantasy world?" Crypto asked.
Orthopox screamed, "NO, YOU INCOMPETENT WASTE OF FURON DNA! They mean to take over the universe, and that includes the planets in the Furon Empire! We cannot allow that to happen, no matter how idiotic the Irkens may be!"
"Pox, it takes an idiot to know an idiot…"
Pox just sighed angrily and ended the transmission. Crypto looked to his human captive to see that the probe had been on too long and ripped through the moron's skull.
Crypto sighed, "I lose more brain stems that way…"
Zim looked questioningly, "Why do you need brain stems?"
"None of your business, Irken moron! Besides, this crummy little planet and the filthy humans that live on it will be wasted after I find 136," Crypto said anxiously. "That's the fun part."
"Oh… That sounds cool…"
Crypto flew off using his jetpack and Zim just stood there, in deep thought. GIR was still playing with his squeaky moose. They were surrounded in almost complete silence until…
"Wait… THE EARTH IS MINE TO DESTROY!" Zim turned to GIR, "GIR! I did not expect an encounter with another alien race. It's time to try my AWESOMELY GIANORMOUS SUPER WEAPON! Come GIR, to THE BASE!"
: Later on… :
Crypto was leisurely harvesting Furon DNA from the daft human's craniums, and was thoroughly enjoying himself. (You'd enjoy it too if you had Crypto's arsenal.) Now, though, he had about 1450 strands of Furon DNA. Almost enough for that upgrade Pox had so torturously held just out Crypto's grasp for the price of 1500 strands of Furon DNA.
'Cheap bastard…' the Furon thought. 'Ah well, at least this form of currency comes with a free show for me.'
Then, as thunderous stomping approached, Crypto readied his Disintegrator Ray.
'These monkeys don't have anything won't take about five seconds to annihilate!'
"HEY! THE EARTH IS MINE TO DESTROY!" Zim yelled.
The Irken invader had literally announced his presence. Zim was sitting in a huge robot. It was a bronze color with the Irken symbol emblazoned boldly in bright red. It had huge powerful arms with over twenty missiles on each of them. Laser cannons were welded to the robot's shoulders. It was complete with rockets in the feet, which Zim hadn't thought to use. GIR was sitting behind Zim eating a waffle sammich, as GIR affectionately called them sometimes.
Crypto was obviously not impressed, "That's it?"
"WHAT! YOU ARE NOT FILLED WITH FEAR AT THE SIGHT OF MY AWESOMELY GIANORMOUS SUPER WEAPON!"
"No, and do ya have to yell everything you say?"
"I guess not… WAIT! YES, I DO! AND YOU SHALL QUAKE WITH FEAR AFTER I'M DONE WITH YOU, FURON!…THAT IS IF I LEAVE SOME OF YOU LEFT TO QUAKE BEFORE ME!"
Crypto sighed and blasted the Irken symbol. It had been hiding Zim's robot's power core. The cylinder of power had cracked from the blast and bolts of electricity were shooting out of it. An automated voice sounded just as Crypto took off to find more human victims.
"Core meltdown in 5…4…"
"CURSE YOU CRYPTO! CUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRSSSSSSSEEEEE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!"
"2…"
Zim screamed non-intelligible things and started to spaz out. GIR was screaming along with him, but had no idea why his master was screaming. GIR just liked screaming.
"1… Goodbye!"
: At Zim's base :
The dysfunctional duo came inside the base, greeted by the Robo-Parents, and the indestructible (at least not destroy-able from huge explosions) GIR ran into the kitchen. Zim, on the other hand, looked horrible with his wig askew and dirt marks on his face.
"TACOS!" GIR came out with his saved tacos.
Zim called the almighty Tallest for advice on to deal with his newfound enemy. Dib was nowhere near as annoying as this Crypto character. Plus, Crypto had better weaponry and was more clever than any human, which wasn't a good comparison, but nevertheless…
"MY TALLEST! I have a request which will speed up my annihilation of the humans!"
Red replied flatly, "Will you shut up if we help you?"
"Yes…"
Purple shrugged, "That sounds fair."
"What is your request, Zim? And make it quick," Red snapped.
"What do you know about the Furon Empire, My Tallest?"
Purple, who had been eating a donut, spat out all of his donut from shock, "THE FURON EMPIRE!"
"Did this Furon talk to one called Orthopox? Or maybe a "Pox"?" Red asked anxiously.
"Yes, why do you ask, My Tallest?"
The almighty Tallest exchanged shocked glances, then went back to Zim.
"Is something wrong, My Tallest?" Zim asked, a bit concerned.
Red cleared his throat, "Uhh… No! Of course not! But, Zim, we have other matters to attend to, so we shall respond later with your answers."
"But we don't have anything else to do…" Purple said.
"SHUT IT!" Red yelled, then cut the transmission.
Zim tried to call them once more, but he was unsuccessful. The line was busy.
"Hmm… My Tallest seemed a bit jumpy. It might have been from all the sugary snacks… Oh well… Time to check on my latest experiments. Computer, take me to…" Zim held out a dramatic pause, "THE VAMPIRE BUNNIES!"
The floor under Zim turned into an elevator where he descended into the depths of his lab and out of this chapter. GIR was absentmindedly watching Earth TV and eating tacos. Mini Moose came in with the Poop drinks and they both watched a classic horror movie, The Man-Eating Spleen. They both laughed at the gory violent parts and then promptly exploded.
Kori: Salut! Ça va? Hello! How are you?
Ss186: Hey, you survived through the first chapter! Yeah, I know it probably sucks, but we have to get back into this slowly, okay?
Kori: (looking at story above) I read a book about vampire bunnies once. Bunnicula, I think it was. (to readers) Is that right? It's been a couple of years. Where the bunny drains the veggies and they turn all white or something like that?
Ss186: Another thing: Is it just me or does it seem like the rules on this site are getting stricter? I mean, I just came back and when I looked at all the stuff now…
Kori: It was an eye opener. Did something happen? If anyone knows, could you explain?
Ss186: Anyway, you know the old saying!
Kori & Ss186: Read & Review! Please and thankies!
Ss186: Or I will sick the Army of Hades on you!
Kori: Let's see… God of War and childhood books, any other reference you want to add?
Ss186: Nah… I'm good…
Kori & Ss186: SALUT! Goodbye!
!Special Thanks !
To my best buddy in the world, Alex a.k.a. Kisetsu, for reading this before putting it on the net. And for being the only one who knows who Crypto is and what I'm talking about.
To you for reading my ficcy!