So, I've seen this done with Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter and they always make me laugh. I'm not the funniest person ever but I thought I'd attempt it. I love RENT so don't think I'm making fun...I love every character like my own baby. If I had a baby.

I don't own RENT because if I did, it would have been a tad better movie.

RENT (in a nutshell)

Act I

Mark: Life sucks. But my scarf is cool.

Roger: Yeah. And I totally am emo. Watch me play.

Mark: Yeah, well, my ex-girlfriend left me for some sexy black woman. Go figure.

Phone rings.

Collins: Hey, throw down the key fast so hopefully I don't get mugged by some street youth.

Mark: Okay (toss)

Roger: (eviction notice) Dear dudes, you're broke so I'm coming to take your shit. Ha ha. Love, Benny C. III

Mark: Great. Another chapter to my suicide note.

Roger: How we gonna pay last year's sublet?

Mark: No, we're the ones being rented to, so technically we're paying rent.

M. & R. proceed to whine/burn stuff in loft. Interrupted by answering machine.

Mark's mom: Mark, you're Jewish. Call your mother.

Meanwhile...

Angel: Hey, I was just playing my drums but not loud enough so that I couldn't hear your muffled moans. You okay, honey?

Collins: Well, I'm bleeding on the inside, but other than that, I'm okay.

Angel: I have AIDS.

Collins: Me too.

Angel: Cool.

Collins: Yeah.

Back at the loft...

Mark: I'm going out.

Roger: I have AIDS and I'm depressed. No one's added me as a friend on MySpace yet.

Mark: WHOA TAKE UR AZT OMG!1!

Roger: (upset)

Mark: GEEZ

Roger: (frown) I'm going to play this tune I heard over and over again so it can drown out my sobbing.

Roger sings and sings and cries alone. Goes back to loft.

Mimi: (knock)

Roger: (frown)

Mimi: Hey...I saw you in that MySpace group "Ex-Rockers with AIDS, No Girlfriend, and Gorgeous Green Eyes".

Roger: MYSPACE? (!)

Mimi: Yeah, would you be my friend?

Roger: YEAH! (wait) Um, maybe not.

Mimi: Oh. Okay. Well, I get like 12000000 profile views a day so you better add me soon because I'm totally popular and stuff with guys.

Roger: (scoff) Yeah whatever okay yeah whatever. Bye.

Next day...

Collins: Hey.

Mark: Yo.

Roger: Hmph.

Collins: Don't Hmph me, Roger. I brought you booze.

Roger & Mark: Yay!

Collins: Oh yeah. Angel!

Angel: Hellooooo. Watch me! (twirl, dance, drums, frolick)

Collins, Roger, Mark: Yay!

Benny: Ho ho ho!

Mark: Santa?

Benny: No, it's me. Maureen or a house?

Roger: Oh, we can handle Mau-

Mark: (interrupts) NO NO NO. Benny, go eff yourself. I hate you.

Roger: Er, me too.

Collins & Angel: (giggle)

11th street lot...

Joanne: (sigh)

Mark: Hi sexy black woman who must be Joanne.

Joanne: (grumble)

Mark: Oh. Bye.

Joanne: Ineedurhelp.

Mark: O.K. (fixes equipment)

Joanne: Awkward.

Mark: Fuckin' awkward.

Joanne: Maureen's crazy.

Mark: Oh Lord please. Don't be preachin' to the choir!

Joanne: (stare)

Mark: Bye. (leave)

Life Support...

Paul: Hey.

Steve, Gordon, Ali, Pam, Sue, Angel, Collins: Hi.

Gordon: (frowns)

Paul: You frown?

Gordon: I'm scared.

Steve, Ali, Pam, Sue, Angel, Collins: Us too.

Mark: (makes obnoxious racket) Sorry. I have clumsiness.

Paul, Steve, Gordon, Ali, Pam, Sue, Angel, Collins: We have AIDS. It's okay, Mark.

Mark: (smile)

Somewhere on Avenue B...

Mimi: Yay! I'm sexy! (commits felony of breaking & entering in Roger and Mark's loft) Take me out!

Roger: How dare you come in on me when I'm with my beloved guitar? Guitar doesn't like that...

Mimi: No day but today.

Roger: Yeah whatever.

On the street...

Homeless woman: Dollar?

Mark: Mmmm...

Homeless woman: Broke ass. Bye bye.

Angel: NYC sucks.

Collins: It's hot in Sante Fe. I don't need a coat there.

Mark: Um, okay?

Collins: New Mexico, yay!

Mark & Angel: Okay...

Collins: Angel, you are the bomb.

Angel: I know. So are you. (kiss) Only 999 more! (kiss x999)

Collins: Yay!

Christmas bells are ringing...

Collins: Ooo, cold!

Angel: Coat!

Collins: Sweet.

Mark: Um, Roger, you douche, she showed you her MySpace and you denied her?

Roger: I know. (pout) She'd be on my Top 8, too.

Mark: TOP 8! What about me?

Roger: Duh, you're number 1.

Mark: We're cool then. Hey, it's beginning to-

Benny: Hello Co-hen. Da-vis. Col-lins. Mi-mi...

Angel: (whispers) Benny never watched Seinfeld...

Collins: (shrugs)

Roger: Hey, Mimi, do you wanna-

Mimi: YES!

(Maureen rides in.)

Maureen: Hey diddle diddle,

the cat and the fiddle,

the cow jumped over the moon,

the little dog laughed to see such sport,

and the dish ran away with the spoon!

(RIOT!)

Maureen: Hey, it's just a nursery rhyme...

Mark's camera: Hahahaha, I rule.

Life café...

Collins: Where's Mark?

Mark: (runs in) E! just bought my video!

Maureen: Sleazy...but I like!

Man at Life: No, you can't-

Angel: Shut up, we have money. Boo ya.

(All laugh and commit unauthorized moving of the tables.)

Collins: Benny!

Benny: Hey...(squirm)

Maureen: You suck!

Benny: My dog died.

(All snicker.)

Benny: Hey, not funny. Bohemia is dead.

Mark: Eulogy...eulogy...(toasts) To masturbation!

Roger: To MySpace!

Mimi: To Betty Davis!

Maureen: To spandex!

Joanne: To plea bargaining!

Collins: To marijuana!

Angel: To control top pantyhose!

Man at Life: Oy vey.

Snowing...

Roger: Soooo, I have a beeper.

Mimi: Me too.

Roger: (smile)

Mimi: (kiss)