Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or any affiliated characters.
A/N: My first one-shot. The first time I've actually written something before typing it up. Usually I just type whatever comes to my head. XD Oh. Sesshomaru OOC here. I don't usually write him like that. But this ones all mushy so ya. Please read&review.
The Beautiful Mistake
By
singmeasilentscream
It was a beautiful moment in time. One where all of the Earth's hidden beauties were suddenly apparent even to the human eye. And he utterly ravished at the scene: the orange and red clouds that held the sunset. He truly wished that time would stand still and that he could feel this calm tranquility forever.
But he new that within due time, the sky would change to the darkness it holds each night and that he would be forced to acknowledge all the things that he left behind.
Including her.
He closed his eyes so tight, trying not to remember the vision of her tears as he had boarded the plane at the very airport at which he currently stood at.
And it had been 4 years since his brother's lover had voiced the forbidden, unspoken, feelings of their hearts to him as they had bid farewell.
He hated how he had come to want—to love his brother's woman. How each time they sneaked glances at each other, he felt his honor deteriorate more and more.
And so now he was back. It really felt as if he was revisiting the past, only the people were certain to have changed.
He wondered of her. Like he had almost every day he was away studying over seas. He had refused to come back, for fear of seeing her happy—without him. And he knew it was selfish of him, but he didn't want to see her happy if it wasn't with him. But that was how we was, and she had fallen in love with him regardless of his cold and calculating demeanor.
He scowled at the mere thought of her—Kagome—his Kagome, being with his half twit of a brother. He didn't deserve her, didn't even have a right to love her, but he supposed, he didn't have a right to either.
He had never so much as spared her a second glance until one day he had found her kneeling and staring at the small statue in the gardens that had been dedicated to his deceased mother. He had only seen her several times before, all with his brother, but he had deemed her uninteresting and only notably pretty, yet when he watched as the tears streamed down her cheeks, he had grown curious of the woman.
"Woman, why do you shed tears?" he had asked, no comfort or caring in his voice, just mild curiosity.
She paused to look up at him with her wide, unyielding eyes. She seemed to contemplate the question before answering him.
"The same reason people lie: out of fear." She had simply replied as she walked away from him.
Sesshomaru knew her words held not extreme or extraordinary meaning, yet he felt the weight of them on his heart. But now those words meant everything, especially in that bittersweet irony way from the day he had left.
She had come to see him, alone, with no Inuyasha at her side. She had lept into his arms, and he didn't recoil from her touch but leaned into it.
He had come to grow fond of her since that day in the gardens, He learned everything of her, that her dead father used to make statues like the one dedicated to his mother, that she hated thunderstorms, and that she valued honesty above all else.
But then when shehad asked him, as they embraced, the question she already knew the answer to, he withdrew from her and replied with an icy lie. A lie he believed would save them and make them stronger.
He supposed that lie ended him up where he was, Kagomeless, now at a park bench. He was evaluating his surroundings when he came upon a figure that made his heart temporarily relocate to his throat.
There, yards ahead, stood the woman who had tormented his very being, his very existence, for the past years. She had her back to him, but he could still see that her obsidian locks had grown longer and that her form seemed slightly larger. He began walking towards her, not knowing what he would say to her as she beckoned to someone with her hands. He searched for the person she was gesturing to only to see the familiar silver mane, so like his own, that belonged to his brother. He stopped in his steps as he could feel the not-so-surprising feeling of despair in his heart, but he couldn't tear his eyes away, even though he should have. Even though it would have saved his already damaged soul, he kept his eyes fixed on the woman as she turned to the side only to reveal a very pregnant, very plump, and rounded belly.
He finally turned away, determining he had seen more than we wanted to and started toward the family home.
He could not describe the unearthly feeling that was slowly devouring him with each step he took. It started in his chest and spread throughout his body, weighing him down. It was so sudden, how his mood could change. He knew this wasn't the end of his life, it was only Kagome, and she had obviously moved on. He tried to belittle her, make her less important, so the impact of the pain wouldn't be so severe, but no matter how he tried, he still felt the sudden emptiness of it all weighing him down.
He had wondered, all these years, if she would still be waiting for him when he got bac.. If her love for him was strong enough to forgive him for abandoning her. But he feared so much that it wasn't, that he never tried to contact her.
Essentialy, he knew this was so cowardice of him. He supposed that was one of the things that drew him to her. He had marveled at her inner strength, how she could stay with his brother, knowing she was second best. At first, he wasn't sure to eitherlaugh at her stupidity or slap herfromher oblivion, but he had come to understand how much stronger she was than him.
It had taken him long enough to admit his own love for the girl to himself, and then he failed to acknowledge it when she had asked him, when she had needed him to say it.
He cursed himself for the millionth time at his own cowardice and foolishness as he crept into a coffee shop, loathing the very thought of going home and risk the chance of being there when the damn happySwiss Family Robison came home.
He didn't like this weak feeling inside him. It was not like him at all and it was even more uncharacteristic of him to just sit and burry his head under his arms to try and block reality from getting to him.
But all he wanted was to close his eyes and let his heart take him where his mind would not allow.
He dreamt of a world of alternate reality where he could control time and reverse his steps and correct his mistakes. If only he had admitted and said he had loved her, maybe he wouldn't be feeling like a doctor just informed him that he was terminally ill.
His depression grew to annoyance as he felt someone poking him and intruding his thoughts.
He lifted his head to look at the offending person who dared to poke his person only to be shocked to find her once again.His eyes instinctively traveled down to her belly area only to find it as flat as always. She was wearing different clothing than just minutes before and the possibilities began running through his head. He settled on the possibility that she was acting in a short film where she played a young pregnant girl who loathed the father of the baby but was only with him because she was deeply, utterly, in love with his perfect, handsome, articulate older brother. Extreme happiness coursed through his veins at the idea, but he knew the ridiculous of it all was too much to hope for--he knew Kagome was incapable of loathing someone.
She smiled down at him with her delicate lips before seating herself across from him.
"A little birdie told me that you were coming home today." She said delicately with a sweet smile.
And God.
How he missed hearing her voice, her laugh, it was like bursts of refreshing energy to his soul.
"Kagome," he breathed. "Your not…with child?"
She laughed as she crossed her legs.
"Of course not, why would I be?"
But now he needed to know why he had seen what he had seen, but was now seeing what he was seeing now. He needed to know with such urgency that he didn't even reciprocate the tender smile.
"I just saw you with my half brother. You looked like you were to give birth any second."
Now it was her turn to look confused before laughing once again in realization.
"Have these years apart taken a toll on your memory? You saw Kikyo and Inuyasha, and yes, she is with his child." She said with a playful tone.
Sesshomaru silently thanked the Gods for this opportunity. Thanked them for not punishing him more than he deserved and allowing him to indulge in an undeserved happiness.
A sudden beeping sound tore Sesshomaru from his newly found elated glee, and he watched as she checked her beeper.
She looked back at him, looking truly sorry, as she rose from her seat.
"I'm really sorry, Sesshomaru, but…I must leave now." She said hesitantly. "It was good seeing you again."
For a second, Sesshomaru felt anger towards whatever it was that was obviously more important than him, but then nodded to her and remembered things were different now.
But his feelings weren't different.
It was much too short. He had waited 4 years. No, wasted 4 years, and he'd be damned if he was stupid enough to let it happen again. He wouldn't lose her again and risk the chance of never having her to himself. He wanted her to him only, he wanted her delicate, sweet smiles reserved only for him, and he raged at the mere notion of someone else having her.
She was already out the door in a flash as he hurried to catch up with her outside. He yelled her name and ran to her and just gazed into her eyes before enveloping her in his arms. He was extremely relieved when she did not pull back, but when he dipped his head down to finally seal his love for her with a kiss, her cheeks were streaked with tears, and he felt the anxiety of not knowing why.
"Sesshomaru," she began, her eyes swelling with water. "It's not that easy. 4 years have past. You can't just act like nothings happened. That…that you didn't abandon me."
He instinctively held her closer at hearing his own foolishness and mistakes. But he never wanted to feel like that again. He hated the taste of regret almost as much as not being with her.
"I…I need time…"she whispered. "You just left and never bothered to contact me. I'm not that good of a person. I can't just forgive and forget."
Sesshomaru suddenly felt the cold where her body had been as she gathered herself and began making her way away from him and toward a taxi.
"But I love you." He said quietly as he stared after her but then regained himself.
"If it's time you need." He yelled to her. "I'll wait."
"Sometimes," she said looking back to him over her shoulder with sad eyes. "Sometimes, love just isn't enough."
She thengave him a small bow and a smile that said so many things to him before she entered the cab of the taxi and began to speed off into the dark of the night.
He didn't understand it. He couldn't understand it.
And this time, it was he who was left with a mixture of unnecessary feelings of abandonment and betrayal.
A/N: -sigh- I think I should just stick to humor fics. Ha ha. I first wrote the ending to be happy, they ended up together for sures, but I decided to change it while typing because it didn't seem right to me. Well. Actually, none of it really seemed right. Sesshy-pooh was way OOC and I hate doing that, but mind you, this was suppose to be after he falls in love with Kagome and turns into to mush. But still. Hee hee. Oh well, its far from perfect but I hope you liked it. Please review lovelies!