AUTHOR'S NOTES: Oneshot, backstory to previous fic titled Kept Secrets though you don't need to read that first, or even at all. For those that like a happing ending for Sano and Kaoru, regard this fic as a singular one-shot (there will not be anymore!). Those who have read Kept Secrets and like it the way it is as a stand alone, I offer the same advice and just regard this as a completely separate fic, which probably isn't that hard to do since the style and flow of each turned out to be rather different. But this is what I had in mind when it came to the background story of the Sano and Kaoru in Kept Secrets.

Written for the Rurouni Kenshin Fanfiction Challenge livejournal community, theme "snow." Many thanks for providing the inspiration and motivation to write this.

choko – small cylindrical cup

tokkuri – ceramic flasks

oOoOoOo

OoOoO

oOo

O

oOo

OoOoO

oOoOoOo

He's not coming back.

It annoyed her that it was still one of the first thoughts that popped into her head whenever she looked at that particular spot, too often hit with the familiar image of a smiling red-haired rurouni squatting before a wooden tub filled with dirty laundry. Even now, over two years later, the shadow of the wandering samurai still lingered in her home, her memories, and her heart.

Kaoru sighed, watching her breath curl and dissipate in the cold winter's night.

It was a lonely sight.

She shook her head at the melancholy thought. It had taken her a long time to dig herself out of the horrible depression she'd suddenly found herself in after Kenshin had left for good, returning to his wandering ways. She didn't want to go back there again to the shallow shell of a person Kenshin's departure had left behind.

Remembering the past, that small trace of bitterness she could never seem to quite eradicate completely cast an unpleasant pall. It was not a quality she was particularly proud of but she just didn't seem to know how to make it go away.

On the bright side, she wasn't as bitter as she was before.

Now the pain brought by old memories was more akin to a prick from a thorn, disagreeable but nothing that couldn't be endured and, sometimes, even forgotten. As the days had passed into weeks, into months, and then into years without a sign of Kenshin's return, desperately watchful hope had made its transition to gloomy despair and then to resigned acceptance.

Though it had come gradually, little by little she had stopped hating and blaming herself for Kenshin's decision to leave. It wasn't as if she had asked to be kidnapped so soon after the Enishi events by yet another of Kenshin's old enemies crawling out of his past and bent on seeking revenge. For Kenshin, she imagined, it had been too much too soon. She knew he cared for her deeply – though he had never uttered those three little words she had always hoped to hear – and that he had only her safety in mind, that he had chosen to cut ties with her for her protection.

She just wished he had thought of her happiness too.

If only he had listened to her pleas to stay! It was frustrating the way he always saw fit to think he knew best when it came to the really important decisions to be made in life. Granted, he was usually right and he did have more experience than her in that regard, but that huge guilt complex he had made it so difficult to convince him that he had every right to seek his own happiness as much as the next person and that it wasn't his fault either if people from his past took their own initiative to place her in danger by using her as a tool piece for some outdated and misguided sense of revenge. Just remembering their last conversation as he was leaving made her feel so horribly –

No!

Kaoru shook her head again, sending long unbound locks of hair flying with the vigorous force, as if she could just as easily shake the thoughts out of her head. With an aggravated sigh at herself she leaned against a supportive post, forehead pressed against the cold wood, and scowled.

Idiot! I'm not supposed to think of that anymore! If it happens again, I'll-

"Yo! What's with the sour face? For that matter, what are you doing out here?"

She blinked, looked up. "Sano!" She frowned at him. "Shouldn't the question be – what are you doing here? I happen to live here."

"Me? Oh, well…uh, I was just passing by and-"

"You stopped by the Akabeko, didn't you?" she asked accusingly. "Yahiko told you he was staying over there tonight and you decided to go out of your way just to check up on me, didn't you?"

"Uh…no?"

"Mou! You silly rooster-head! You live so far away and you come tramping through the cold all this way when I'm perfectly capable of looking out for myself for the night and-"

"Your gate was unlocked."

"-I can- What was that?"

"I said – your gate was unlocked."

"Oh." She shifted uncomfortably under his suddenly steely gaze. "Well, I doubt anything would have happened anyway so-"

"Jou-chan."

That one word was enough. Kaoru fell silent and avoided meeting his eyes.

"The point isn't if anything would have happened but if anything could. You know that. Especially since you left your entry gate unlocked and you didn't even notice that it was until I mentioned it."

She tried very hard not to wince at the disapproval in his tone.

"Now, I can understand better than anyone about having pride over being able to take care of yourself. But you have to remember that you've got a lot of people who care about you and worry over you. A lot – from old to young. And you shouldn't hold it against them if they want to see that the person they think is important enough to care about is safe and sound."

Is it possible to feel any smaller? Kaoru wondered miserably. She certainly hoped not.

"Well, since it seems I've worn out my welcome for the night and said my piece and checked up on you, I guess I'll be shoving off now. Remember to lock your gates, Jou-chan."

"Sano, wait."

He did, paused in the act of turning back around in the direction from which he had come. It afforded her a partial profile view of his features and Kaoru tried very hard to focus on that instead of how very difficult it was for her to apologize, especially since she was in the wrong. Sure, she was morose over her inescapable emotions when it came to memories of Kenshin, but that was no reason for her to take her grumpiness out on Sanosuke's well-meaning concern.

Unfortunately, she had a tough time expressing that sentiment.

"I didn't- You- I mean-" Halting the ridiculous stuttering, she absently twisted the fabric of her yukata with nervous fingers before lamely offering, "I have several new tokkuri of sake inside."

Sano grinned.

Whether it was at the thought of free alcohol or her embarrassing attempt at apology, Kaoru didn't care to contemplate. It wasn't long before they sat in the main living area, a tray between them containing the promised tokkuri of warmed sake. She carefully poured the liquor into the choko, mindful not to spill, and waited until he sampled his before taking a sip of her own.

"Damn, Jou-chan!" Sanosuke exclaimed after a taste. "That's the high quality stuff."

Kaoru just smiled, pleased.

"Where'd you get your hands on it? I mean, I know that with the new students you've got that income is good and all but-"

"It's okay," she interrupted. "You don't need to worry about my financial status. Really, I know better than fritter myself into poverty by squandering all my money on liquor."

"Then where'd it come from?"

"A gift."

"A gift? From who?"

"Takashira-san. You know I sometimes act as a substitute instructor. Well, his was a dojo that I helped out on occasion in the past."

"But if he runs a dojo too, surely the income can't be that great for him to afford giving away this stuff for free?"

"Well, actually, he can since he didn't pay for them either."

"So, what? He stole them?"

"No," she laughed. "They were gifts too. His brother owns a brewery and sent several barrels as an end of the year gift. But Takashira-san doesn't drink that much so he's been giving it away to friends."

"And just how much did he give to you?" Sanosuke eyed her suspiciously. "No offense, but you're not that good when it comes to tolerating the stuff."

Offended, Kaoru deliberately took another sip from her choko. True, she was no good when it came to alcohol and she had been planning to partake of it minimally until Sanosuke opened his big mouth and pointed out one of her weak points. Feeling the warmth flushing her face as she drained her choko dry, she was well aware of Sanosuke's uneasy glances as she tipped the tokkuri and refilled on another serving of sake. Then, suffused with a childlike smugness, she leaned over and refilled his choko too under his wary gaze. Only when she sat back did she finally address his question.

"Takashira-san gave me a dozen tokkuri's worth of sake."

Sanosuke's eyes narrowed. "And how many do you have left?"

"Five."

"Damnit, Jou-chan! You know better than to drink all that sake on your own! When you go on your drunken rampages-"

Bang! was the sound her choko made when she slammed it on the tray, a few stray drops of sake sloshing over the sides. Angrily, she glared and was only mildly appeased by his alarmed gaze as he involuntarily leaned back as if trying to escape from her without being too obvious about it. Though she did feel a bit dizzy and overly warm from the hasty downing of the potent liquor, she'd be damned if she let him know it and tried to keep any bodily swaying at a minimum.

"For your information," she enunciated carefully, "I gave the rest of it away to Tae-san and Gensai-sensei. This happens to be the first time I've actually sampled any of what I was given."

There was a long silence, so quiet that the flickering of flames in the lamps could be heard. Then-

"Oh." Uncomfortable throat clearing ensued. "Sorry."

Maybe it was the sake going to her head. Or maybe she was just too used to situations like this. But he looked so boyishly abashed, she felt her anger melting away as if it had never been. Amusement crept in, replacing her previous temper, and she couldn't quite still the twitching of her lips. But she did her best, keeping her face as serious as she could.

"And to think," she said, "I was planning to give you a couple of tokkuri to take back home with you since I know how much you like your sake. But after insulting my judgment like that, I just wouldn't feel right about it."

Brown eyes widened. "Now, Jou-chan. Let's not be hasty."

"Hasty? All you've been doing tonight is insulting me. Saying things like I can't even lock my own gates, can't control my finances, can't control my sake, practically accusing me of being a drunkard that downs half a dozen tokkuri as soon as I get them-"

"Whoa! Whoa!" He gestured wildly with his hand. "I never said that!"

"-and I can't believe I actually call you friend!" the last ended practically on a wail. "How could I be so stupid, knowing what you really think of me? I- You-"

Words broke off abruptly as Kaoru buried her face in her hands, almost hunching over, as her shoulders began to shake as if with silent body-wracking sobs. And the tough-as-nails street fighter that could face down a hundred armed men with a confident come-at-me grin folded like a house of cards in the face of a maiden's distress.

"Jou-chan, you- No. It's a misunderstanding – a horrible, horrible misunderstanding! I didn't mean- Stop crying! Don't- I shouldn't have-"

How much longer the panicky attempts at comfort could have continued on was hard to say. But it ended with an awkwardly clumsy pat on shaking shoulder and feminine face was lifted from feminine hands to reveal-

"You!" Sanosuke exploded with rude pointing finger. "You were putting me on!"

Laughingly, Kaoru nodded. "I wish you could have seen yourself – so funny!"

"I don't think so."

"Oh, please. Don't be so upset. It was really sweet, in a way."

"Men don't like to be sweet."

"Ah." She blinked innocently. "Does this mean you're not really a man, then?"

Sanosuke crossed his arms and glared.

Unperturbed, she just smiled. "I'm only kidding."

"Hmph! After this, I had better be getting those tokkuri."

"Of course. I was only teasing before. You were one of the first people I thought of giving all those extra tokkuri away to when Takashira-san gave me the sake."

Slightly mollified, he asked, "Really?"

"Yes."

"Well, I guess I can forgive you then." He shifted uncomfortably. "And, uh, sorry if I insulted you. You know words sometimes come out of my mouth all wrong. I don't mean anything by them – I just worry about you, that's all. Hell, even if you were drunk you could probably take on any intruders single-handed." With a scowl, he rubbed his cheek. "If it's anything like the last time…I don't know what it is but the stuff sure gives your punch extra…punch."

She groaned at the terrible pun.

"Hey," he shrugged, "I couldn't think of any other way to describe it."

Kaoru just shook her head.

"So, uh, forgive me? You know, for what I said?"

"Well," she studied his abashed features, "I suppose so."

"Great!" Relieved, he picked up the choko he'd set down and downed the rest of what was left in a single gulp. "Don't know what I would have done if you refused to let me set foot in the place any longer. Can't look after you properly if you won't even let me see you and wouldn't my life be on the line if how I broke my promise to Kenshin ever-?"

"Kenshin? What does Kenshin have to do with it?"

Sanosuke froze.

"Sanosuke?" Kaoru examined his horrified features with narrow-eyed gaze as her voice dropped to a dangerous hiss. "Tell me what's going on – or else. What promise did you make with Kenshin!"

Tense muscles shifted, as if preparing for flight.

"SANOSUKE!"

He flinched.

"Sagara Sanosuke, tell me what promise you made with Kenshin – about me, no less! – or don't even bother showing your face around here again! Heaven help me, I'll-"

"Okay, okay. Just- Just calm down, Jou-chan." Wiping a suddenly sweaty palm across his thigh, he gulped under her stormy gaze. "You remember back a few years ago when I had that trouble with the authorities and had to leave the country?"

"Yes," she replied, watching him suspiciously. "It's not something I could forget. Megumi-san left soon after to work in another town and it seemed like everyone was leaving."

"Yeah, well…it's thanks to Kenshin that I could come back. He pulled some strings with some of those government officials that he knows and got me cleared of charges. He'd been working on it ever since left but word didn't reach me where I was at the time that I was free to come home until after…those things happened that made Kenshin decide to return to his wandering ways."

Kaoru's hands dropped to her lap as she watched him with an unfathomable gaze.

Uneasily wondering what she was thinking about, Sanosuke continued, "Anyway, I came back as soon as I could. Kenshin probably expected that because I think he delayed leaving until I stepped foot back in Tokyo. He told me that he needed to know that there was someone he could trust nearby to look after you in his place and made me promise to watch over you, protect you in his stead if you ever got into any trouble."

"I see."

"You do?" He didn't like that quiet tone of hers, or that look on her face. "You okay?"

"Not really." Her jaw clenched. "I guess I'm the one who should apologize."

Brow crinkled in confusion. "For what?"

"Isn't it obvious? Because of that stupid promise, you've been forced to watch over me these past years. If not for that, you could have been doing…whatever else is it you wanted to be doing. I'm sorry I didn't realize sooner that I was such a burden."

"No! That's not-"

"Well," she continued on in a rush as if he'd never spoken, "you don't need to concern yourself over it any further. You've done your duty and lived up to the bargain so Kenshin should have no complaints. As of now, I'm releasing you from your promise so you don't have to feel obliged to be my caretaker from this point on. I can take care of myself on my just fine without you playing the shackled guardian."

"Jou-chan-"

"Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get some rest. Sorry to be kicking you out so abruptly but I'm sure you understand."

"But-"

"Please leave, Sanosuke."

He dithered over what to do. He didn't want to leave her like this – and he damned himself for ever opening his big fat mouth in the first place – but he didn't know how to rectify the situation when she refused to even look at him. Staring at her averted features, a mix of anger and hurt, his chest tightened as he searched desperately for the right thing to say or do but nothing came to mind. Feeling horribly useless and inept, he did the only thing he though he could do under the circumstances.

He walked away.

Hoping she'd be in a better mood to listen to what he had to say later down the line, he left to give her time. But she made no acknowledgment that he was even leaving, not even by a flicker of an eyelash, and couldn't believe how hurt he felt over that simple fact. She always saw him off on his departures and now that she wasn't…his whole world felt disoriented and out-of-focus.

But he was a man and he was not about to be bested by his emotions, however heavy they were. So he packed them tight as he slid the door open and –

"Damn! It's snowing."

Startled by the loud exclamation, Kaoru turned.

It was true, it was snowing and quite a bit too. Heavy white flurries were pouring down in dizzy white swirls and there was already a layer covering the ground and even the wooden surface of the porch outside. Sometime in the duration that they'd been talking over warmed sake, the skies had decided to shed their winter tears, so thick that it was impossible to see anything clearly beyond more than a few arms lengths.

Even the weather was against her.

Unconsciously chewing on her lower lip, Kaoru weighed her options. She was still upset – but more hurt than anything else – but she would never forgive herself for being petty if Sanosuke were to contract an illness because she sent him walking the long way home through the darkness and piling snow. And what if he lost his way, unable to see properly through the thick sheets of white falling with nature's fury?

Fists clenched until knuckles turned white but when it came down to the very end of things, there really wasn't a choice. Unhappy with the situation as a whole, she called out to him just as he was about to step off and disappear into the snow.

"Sanosuke!"

And, as before, he paused.

"You can stay for the night."

He turned to look back and a distant part of her absently noted that he was as uncertain as she'd ever seen him and it was because of her. He couldn't know it, she ignored it, but it went a ways to softening her towards him.

But she refused to let him see that. She wasn't quite ready for that yet.

"You sure about that, Jou-chan?"

Kaoru just shrugged in answer, avoiding his gaze.

"I can still leave, if you're not. It's just a little snow."

A little snow? Kaoru inwardly snorted. That was an understatement if she ever heard one. But even if he was perfectly willing to venture out into that dark and snowy mess, she wasn't going to let him though it took pains to avoid letting him know how worried she was about him despite their current awkward situation. For reasons she didn't want to examine too closely, she didn't want him to know how much she cared.

"You can borrow Yahiko's futon," was what she said. "But you're going to have to take a bath if you do."

That took him aback. "Why?"

"Because I don't know how long it's been since your last one, but I'd be willing to bet that it's been awhile."

"Well…"

"And I don't want to hear Yahiko complaining about how he needs to clean his futon because of the smell just because you slept on it. So it's a bath or nothing." A humorless smile curled her lips. "Besides, I still owe you those tokkuri I promised earlier and I know how you hate breaking promises. You can take them with you in the morning."

"Jou-chan-"

"Just get what you need for the bathhouse. You know where to find everything."

Disturbed at how she was talking at him instead of to him and the way she was still avoiding looking at him directly, Sanosuke just exhaled heavily. Stepping back inside, he passed by her without another word, rattled enough that he forgot to slide the door closed behind him.

Once he was gone, Kaoru let out a quiet sigh. As the cold night leeched away the warmth from inside, she got up to slide closed the door that Sanosuke had neglected to but paused in the middle of the act. Shivering as the icy temperature slid over exposed skin, she drew clasped the neckline of her garments tighter together as she stepped out onto the wooden porch covered with a smooth layer of pale winter powder. Crouching low, one hand reached out and hovered palm-face down a bare breath away from the snowy surface. She could feel the extra coolness the icy crust emitted as it kissed her skin with December's very own sigh.

Lost in thought, she stared out into the darkness of night broken by the pale flashes of nature's winter streamers and tried to sort through the confusing mix of emotions that Sanosuke's sudden revelation had unearthed. So focused was she on trying to untangle the messy tangle of her what she felt, she never noticed as her fingers moved with a will of their own, disturbing the pristine smoothness of the snow blanketing the porch with two written kanji characters spelling out a name she knew as well as her own.

Kenshin.

Kaoru gave a small gasp once she realized what she'd unconsciously done and quickly backed away, as if afraid she'd only repeat her actions. How long she crouched there, shivering in the cold, she didn't know. But sometime while the continuously falling snow began to fill in the grooves she'd made in the snow, beginning to erase finger-traced name as if it had never been written, she finally managed to shake herself out of her daze. Resisting the urge to look back, she went back inside the warmth of her home and firmly slid the door closed behind her.

If only she close the door on past ghosts just as well…

When Sanosuke returned freshly scrubbed and wearing a clean yukata sloppily tied to the point that it was in danger of slipping loosely off one broad shoulder, it was to find a worrisome sight – Kaoru hunched slightly over, choko filled to the brim at her lips, an empty tokkuri tipped over on its side and another apparently new one being worked on as he watched. For a moment Sanosuke just stood there frozen, at a loss for what to do.

But then she began to slowly tip sideways and debating options was taken away.

"Jou-chan!"

He caught her just before she slammed into the floor. Cradling her carefully, he spared only the briefest of mournful thoughts for the waste of premium sake as her hit the wood with a ceramic rattle. His main concern was over Kaoru's condition. He didn't like the red flush to her face or the glassy look in her eyes.

He liked even less the evidence that she'd been crying.

And it was his fault. If only he hadn't said anything!

While guilt was an emotion he was more than familiar with, it didn't mean he'd gotten any more comfortable with it. Being responsible, however unintentionally, for bringing about something like this to a person who'd been completely accepting of him despite all his faults and made him feel at home when he didn't really have a real one – it just made him feel like the lowest sort of lowlife that there was. He couldn't stand to see her like this. He had to fix it somehow.

But how?

"M'rry…"

"What?" he asked softly at her unintelligible mumble, leaning down closer. "What did you say?"

"I'm sorry…"

There was that tightness in his chest again. But she sounded so young, so lost, so defeated – and it was his fault. He wanted to see her usual warm and smiling self, not like this. Unable to help himself, he drew her closer with one strong arm he had wrapped around her. He didn't even realize he had started rocking lightly from side-to-side in a comforting motion as his free hand came up and softly brushed away the loose strands of dark hair that had fallen over her face during her sudden tumble to the floor.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Jou-chan." He kept his voice hushed. "You really don't"

"Yes, I do." A slur tinged ever word. "You don't even like me-"

"I never said that!"

"-because the only reason you stick around is because of Kenshin." She shifted restlessly in his lap. "You hate me-"

"No, I-"

"-and if it weren't for me, you wouldn't be forced to stay here." Tears were in her words. "You could go and chase after Megumi-san but you can't because you're here."

Suddenly feeling in need of a good strong drink – teary-eyed women never made him comfortable – he reached over and picked up the upright tokkuri, shook it and noticed it was still half-full, and didn't even bother with a choko. He brought the tokkuri to his lips, tipped it, and drank straight from the ceramic flask with several long gulps. While he didn't feel any more clear-headed, it did give him time to form an answer.

Well, maybe not an answer.

"Why would I go chasing after the fox?"

"Because you're in love with her, of course."

"Of course, because I'm – I'm WHAAAAAT!"

Kaoru winced at the loud shout, bringing a hand up to rub her temple.

"How did you- Where did- Why? What made you think that!"

"Because you are." She frowned fuzzily. "Aren't you?"

"No."

Feeling mysteriously too tight for his own skin, he took another grateful swig from the tokkuri as he pondered Kaoru's rattling conclusions. While it was true he had cast his eyes at the female doctor a time or two – what healthy male wouldn't look at a beautiful woman? – he hadn't spared much of a thought to her when he'd been forced to flee Japan or in the time since. He knew she could look after herself and his sentiments towards her hadn't really changed once he came back and discovered that she'd taken off for greener pastures elsewhere. He'd hardly call that love…

Shuddering at the notion of being stuck with the fox for the rest of his life, he felt a great sense of relief that she was nowhere around. Heaven help him, he had sudden terrifying images of being the recipient of Kaoru's clumsy matchmaking attempts designed to bind him to the bitchy doctor until death did one of them apart.

He'd most likely be the one to croak first.

The fox did know a lot about poisons, after all.

It wasn't as if he disliked her. She was a friend now, a woman who had done bad but mended her ways thanks to Kenshin. He could relate to that and even admired her for being able to crawl out of the dark hole where she'd been and making something of herself, dedicating her life to helping others through medicine.

But while he counted her as an ally that helped heal more than one of his wounds in the past, he couldn't really see a happily-ever-after with her. Whenever they were alone together without anyone else to play mediator, all they did was argue like cats and dogs or foxes and…whatever the extreme opposite of foxes were. While he'd found that stimulating at first, continuous exposure dulled what little pleasure he'd garnered from it and left unsatisfactory annoyance in its wake. He couldn't imagine spending his life in close quarters with the fox and listening to her criticizing everything he did, cutting him down, insulting his lack of education, never satisfied with who he was, nagging at him to change his ways…

Well, so he could imagine it, but it wasn't happy.

If only she'd been more like Jou-chan, he mused.

Then promptly choked on air.

What the hell!

"You okay?"

The sleepy inquiry was accompanied by a cool pat on the cheek, as one would do with a child. Focusing, his internal spluttering was interrupted as he found an overly bright-eyed gaze a little too close for comfort. He would have let go the arm he still had around her, but her kneeling body's unsteady swaying made him rethink that unwise decision. As uneasy as he currently was around her, he'd still do just about anything from seeing her get hurt.

Anymore than she already had.

"M'sorry," she was saying again, tiredly. Eyes closed, she slowly slumped forward until her forehead was pressed to his. "Thought you and Megumi-san…didn't know."

"That's okay." Awkwardly, he patted her back and tried to ignore the fact that he had a drunk woman plastered to his face. "We all make mistakes."

"Made a big one," she mumbled. "Trapped you."

That didn't make sense. "Who trapped who?"

"Me trapped you."

Her head suddenly lolled sideways, sending the rest of her tilting too and Sanosuke hurriedly scrabbled to adjust with a muttered oath. He was so caught up in settling her weight to a more comfortable position he almost missed what she said next.

"M'sorry. Thought you liked me."

"I do like you, Jou-chan," he replied softly. Maybe more that you know.

"Nuh-uh." The tears were back in her voice. "Don't."

"Do," he refuted.

She shook her head. "You only stay…because of the promise."

"No, I don't. I stay," he just realized it himself, "because of you."

"Liar."

"Unfair accusation. Now, when have I ever lied to you?"

She scowled with the force of a kitten's glare.

"Any time having to do with gambling doesn't count."

She huffed.

"I do like you, Jou-chan." He tapped her on the nose, smiling when she blearily slapped at the offending hand only to miss completely. "And once I knew the authorities weren't going to hunt me down like a dog any longer, I came straight back here even before I made that promise with Kenshin. As for that promise…well, if you think about it, everything that I've done after is pretty much the same thing I'd been doing before I left the country. I made it more to just relieve Kenshin's mind of one more worry but it didn't change anything. I'm here because here is where I want to be."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"You're not just saying that?"

He snorted. "When did you get to be so untrusting?"

"I've had practice," she told him as she poked a finger into his chest. "You gave it to me."

"Maybe so. But I definitely mean what I say this time. So, forgive me?"

"Don't know." A small fist rubbed at tired eyes. "Can't think. I'll let you know…later."

Amused at the way she seemed ready to drop off to sleep, one hand absently played in the soft strands of her hair as the dim light from flickering lamps played over the curves of her features. It wasn't often that he got to see her like this, not unless there was someone else around, and he couldn't say that he was at all averse to the sight. Wondering if she'd remember anything from her sake-induced haze, he was ready to fall into slumber himself with the cozy warmth of the room until a sudden realization hit him.

"Uh, Jou-chan?" He jostled the figure in his arms, relieved that she was shaken awake with petulant unintelligible murmurings of dissatisfaction. "Jou-chan, don't fall asleep on me yet. We need to get you to bed. Can you make it to your room on your own?"

"M'rrm?" was the sleepy response.

"Right. Help it is."

Feeling sleepy and clumsy himself, he thought that maybe he shouldn't have had so much sake himself. Correction, he shouldn't have had those drinks with his buddies beforehand and then come here and helped himself to some more. Shifting her weight in his lap, he'd just stumbled to his feet when –

"No! Don't leave!"

Kaoru's listless form transformed into a sudden flurry of action as she launched herself at him with unexpected speed. Sanosuke was so taken off guard that he was knocked back on his ass with a surprised grunt and a clutching Kaoru sprawled on top of him. Extremely uncomfortable – and slightly panicky – at this turn of events, Sanosuke froze as if afraid any unusual movement would…well, he didn't know what but he was sure it wouldn't be good.

"Uh, Jou-chan? What-?"

"Don't go!" She buried her face in his chest as her arms wrapped around him, holding on tight. "Everyone's leaving and – I don't want you to go!" She tightened her grip, mumbling achingly over his heart, "If you go, I'll miss you again."

When was the last time anyone had said that to him?

If anyone ever had, it was so long that he couldn't remember. Suffused with a sudden warmth that he didn't think could all be attributed to drink, he knew what he was feeling was inappropriate to the situation but he just couldn't seem to help himself. The straits he found himself should have been laughable but he couldn't even muster a chuckle. Instead, he exhaled on a long drawn-out sigh as he ran a hand comfortingly up and down her back.

"Jou-chan? Jou-chan, are you listening to me?"

She made a sound that he took for assent.

"Listen, I'm not leaving," he told her. "I was just taking you to your room so you could rest properly. Can't have you getting sick on me just because you slept out here. It's winter, after all, you know?"

"Know," she mumbled. "Saw the snow."

He stifled a laugh. "Yeah, I saw it too."

Kaoru shifted on top of him and he suddenly found her staring back at him, chin propped on his chest. Her features were scrunched up with childlike concentration and her gaze was all earnest hope that he felt that odd clutching somewhere around his heart again.

"You're not going to leave again?" she asked quietly. "You'll stay?"

"Yeah," he replied, just as quietly, "I won't. And I will."

"Promise?"

"Yeah." A smile crooked his lips. "I promise."

"Okay." Her eyes slipped closed on a sigh. "I'm glad you came back."

"Me, too," he echoed.

As their voiced faded into silence, he continued to hold her as he thought about thoughts that maybe, one day, he'd tell her after he sorted them all out for himself. But he couldn't find it within himself to truly regret any of what had happened and was left merely to wonder of where it would all lead to in the end. So, as her breathing dropped into slow and steady breaths, he continued to cradle her warmth close to his as the lamplight cast flickering shadows on the wall, protected from the cold winter that raged beyond the warm walls he'd come to think of as home.

And, outside, the ghost of a name once written was erased by the pristine white of snow.