How Ronald Weasley Finally Got Some Sort of Groove

Chapter 1- Fanfission

Ronald Weasley was sitting with his two best friends Harry Potter and Hermione Granger. He saw some Gryffindor 5th years pointing at Harry and giggling. He knew that they wanted Harry, everyone wanted Harry. Hermione seemed to notice as well as she snarled at the 3 girls. They laughed at Hermione and turned away to crush on Harry without the entire school knowing.

"How come you get all the girls, Harry?" Ron whined.

"Because I've got the groove. I'm Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived. And you're just Ron. No one cares about sidekicks, everyone wants to be with the main character of stories. Haven't you ever read the fanfictions, Ron?"
"What's a... fanfission?" Ron mumbled.

"A fanfiction. It's stories that muggles read about characters in their favorite books. And occasionally people get together in the fanfictions, and the main characters are always the ones who get laid. And if we were in a fanfiction right now, I would be the one who got laid."

"Ohhh... I get it!" Ron said excitedly."Well, Harry, I'm not going to be the annoying sidekick for the rest of my life, I'm going to get my groove back!"

Harry looked confused as Ron walked away to the Gryffindor common room.

"Ron had a groove?"

"It's a figure of speech. If Ron actually had a groove, he would have had a real girlfriend by now. We wouldn't be stuck listening to how he never gets any girls and how he wants to be the popular one with the scar and all the admirers." Harry was convinced by this explanation as he couldn't believe Ron had ever had a groove. It was completely impossible for the second in command to have a groove.

Ronald Weasley was closed in by his four-poster bed. He had to find a way to get his groove back. He was thinking of ways to become a girl magnet when Harry plopped on the bed beside him.

"Ron, I think I should tell you, you never had a groove. It's all a lie inside your head. You've never been a babe magnet and you never will be because you're the sidekick."

"I told you! I'm not your sidekick! I never want to be your sidekick again! And once I get my groove back, I will be considered your equal, your other equal, not Voldemort because he's evil, but your other equal, your equal in getting girls." Harry decided to let Ron believe he once had a groove because there was a quidditch match the next day and he didn't feel like arguing.

Ron wasn't going to let Harry bring him down. He had to stay positive, positive attitudes meant getting closer to the ladies, and Ron wanted to be closer to the ladies than their own underwear. Or at least Ron wanted to be able to talk to any girl besides Hermione.

Ron had an idea, he was no longer going to be Harry Potter's crony after he pulled this plan off. He was going to make Hogwart's History.

It was hard for Ron to get to sleep that night out of excitement for pulling out his plan, he could barely contain himself from screaming out loud. When the day finally arrived, Ron gave a small scream of joy. Well, small would be an understatement, it was actually earsplitting, he had woken up every Gryffindor boy. Fred and George ran into the room.

"What the hell was that Ron?" Fred asked.

"Umm, I saw a spider, it was huge! It was going to eat me. But then Neville ate it, he was so hungry, I saw him eating dirt yesterday." Fred and George gave Ron weird looks but both left to the Great Hall to eat breakfast.

"I'm going to be the one who gets laid in the fanfissions from now on." Ron said and ventured to the Great Hall to pull off his plan.

He walked into the Great Hall and stood on top of the Gryffindor table. He pulled out a microphone which he had stolen from his father's work. He didn't know how to use it but Hermione told him that it vibrates your voice when you speak into it.

Everyone gave Ron weird looks, wondering why he was on the table and what was in his hands. Suddenly, Draco Malfoy screamed "You SUCK, sit down!"

Ron didn't turn red like normal because he knew that he was going to blow everyone away.

"Yeah, Draco. Well, Yo mama's so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, the reflection ducked."The entire Great Hall started laughing at Ron's joke.

Suddenly, the worst thing imaginable happened. Draco got on the table next to him and said "Yo mama's so poor, she got more furniture on her porch then in her house." The room erupted into laughter once again and Ron didn't know what to do,since he only had his one joke...

Luckily, another person soon joined them on the table.The newcomer, who turned out to be none other than THE Harry Potter, started singing, as to not have his best friend embarrassed in front of the entire school.

"And this is how it feels...
As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever,
We will still be friends forever"

The entire school started singing along to the Vitamin C song- Friends Forever... Unfortunately they only knew the chorus. And they were all out of tune. So basically it sounded like crap. But Harry had brought the entire school together, if for just 10 minutes of them repeating the same lines over and over again. Slytherins and Gryffindors alike were singing along.

Ron's plan had backfired, he had now just made Harry Potter even more famous then ever before.

"Why'd you do that to me?" Ron asked Harry as they had got back to the Gryffindor common room.

"Ron," Harry said, "I was saving you from mortal embarrassment. You don't know any Yo Mama jokes, it probably took you hours to remember the one you recited to Malfoy and that one sucked. Believe me, if I didn't start singing, you would've been toast by now."

There had to be another way for Ron to become a girl magnet without Harry getting in the way. He just had to think, and he had to think hard.

Ron went to the library to find Hermione and sat down with her.

"Hermione," he said, "I need your help. You're so clever and I was hoping you could help me get my groove back."

"Ron, you never had a groove."