Disclaimer: Don't own 'em!
Author's Note: Nice reviewers will be proclaimed Gods or Goddesses and showered with sweet smelling rose petals! This is for all the people like me out there who have been dubbed 'peacemakers.' I can be lonely at times, can't it? After all, who gives peace to the peacemaker?
The Peacemaker
The peacemaker.
That's what they call me.
I guess it comes with the personality. Calm, cool and collected; someone to go to for advice, someone who listens and tells you everything is going to be alright. That's me. I'm the peacemaker. Once, after she came to me for advice on what to do about I guy she was crushing on, Kim told me I should start writing an advice column for the student newspaper.
"Like Dear Abbey!" She had exclaimed her voice oozing perkiness from the idea, "Only you could call it Dear Trini!"
I smiled and told her, "That will be the day! Can you imagine all the cheerleaders writing in for boyfriend advice when I don't even have a beau?"
We had both had a good laugh cut short by the chiming of our communicators. Kim had, thankfully, forgotten about Ask Trini by the time the battle was over. Writing an advice column was the last thing I needed! It had been hard enough being the peacemaker for our group of friends, now I had somehow become the Power Ranger peacemaker/shrink. I sometimes felt like I was wearing a neon sign saying "TELL ME YOUR PROBLEMS!" I didn't need that but the others needed someone to talk to so I listened, I comforted, I gave advice. They always seemed happier after or at least more settled about the horrible things we had to see before we even finished highschool. They always had someone they could turn to when they needed a shoulder to cry on. They had their peacemaker.
But who does the peacemaker go to?
For a long time I didn't know the answer. I would lay awake at night and ponder a problem Kim had with a guy or the latest attack Billy received from those who bullied him or Zack's uncertainty that was carefully buried under a mask of cheerfulness or the latest Ranger crisis.
The Ranger problems were the worst because they were my fears as well. Zack once asked me if he thought it was worth it. Losing our innocence like we did every time we saw one of the citizens we couldn't save from the monsters. I managed to sway his fears, reminding him of all the people we did save. But while he slept that night I wondered about that question. Were the lives we saved enough to outweigh those we lost? Was it enough to outweigh some of our own losses? I remember when I lost my innocence as a Ranger very well. Rita had sent a monster down that attacked near an elementary school. The kids were out for recess when it happened. Most got away, Jason and Zack teleported them to safety, but there were some who did not make it. After the monster had been destroyed Jason left quickly. He went back down to see if there was any life left in the motionless bodies. He found three children who were still alive but badly hurt. Two made it through the night and one is still alive today. Those three were out of twenty six lying there. Three from twenty six---two from three---one from two.
I doubt I was the only one to lose my innocence that day.
No, wait, I probably was. Jason...I think he lost his innocence long before that moment. Jason probably lost his innocence in the first battle a life was lost. I know he was quieter for days afterwards, we all were after that first victim died at Rita's hand, but Jason's grief was different from the rest of ours. He changed that day, though unless you knew him well it wasn't noticeable. That was the day his whole life took on one meaning: to save and touch the lives of as many people as he possibly could. Oh sure, that was one of his goals long before but after that battle it was as if he had something to make up for, as if that one lost life was his fault and not another death on Rita's bloody hands.
But Jason has never come to me for advice or comfort. No, he has never sought out my counsel when he has a problem. Jason doesn't need a peacemaker to help him.
Jason is the hero.
Don't get me wrong; don't assume I mean that in a bad way. Jason is strong in ways I wish I could be. His courage through whatever we face has been like a light shining through the darkness that threatens to overcome us. He is our rock to lean on and the hand that reaches out to pick us up. But above all Jason is more warm than people would expect. Sometimes I wonder how his heart manages to stay where it is since it must be bigger than his burly frame. I know Billy goes to him for comfort more than he comes to me and that Tommy only goes to him for advice. I also know that I go to him when the peacemaker needs to be held.
It was a long time before I found out he was willing to shoulder my griefs. It was after a particularly bad monster battle. Three buildings had been completely destroyed. One had yet to be evacuated when the monster plowed through it. I didn't even want to know the death toll that day.
We didn't talk much when Zordon debriefed us. He didn't say much either knowing we could not grasp his words of wisdom at that point. He knew we needed time and cared about us enough to give it to us instead of insisting upon going over our battle to pick up any flaws. I was always grateful for that. I saw Kim looking at me from the corner of her eye before we teleported; she wanted and needed to talk. I nodded briefly letting her know I would be there. I saw Billy look at Jason the same way and knew he also gave his consent through his gaze. Then Zordon sent us home reminding us to contact him if we needed anything. I never took him up on the offer. I loved Zordon like a father but I would never tell my father the things that went through my head some nights.
After Kim had come over and Zack had called I was loaded with even more fears and uncertainties than I would have had on my own. Sometimes the problems I heard from the weighed me down so much I thought I would drown. I found myself walking through the paths of Angel Grove park and searching the clear skies for answers that they could never give. It was then I heard their voices.
"Tonight, if the nightmares start up again...can I call you?" Tommy's unsure, slightly shaky voice wafted over from a near by knoll.
"Of course, bro. You know I'll be there for you if you need me," Jason's deep somehow sure sounding tones sounded in the dark night.
The sigh of relief was audible from where I stood, "Thanks. When they're bad I just need someone to talk to. I don't know what I'd do if you weren't there."
"Don't mention it, Tommy. That's what best friends are for," Jason assured him.
I heard movement and saw them walking close by as Jason asked, "Do you want me to walk with you?"
"No, that's okay. I've already dragged you out here. I don't want to make you walk out of your way. I'll be fine," Tommy replied.
"You sure?" Jason pressed.
"Uh-huh. I'll be okay," Tommy reached out and clasped a hand on Jason's shoulder for a second, "Thanks again, Jase. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Yeah. If you need anything you know where to find me," Jason commented, "Bye."
I had been planing on looping around so I didn't have to meet up with either young man but before I heard him come up Jason stood beside me, "I thought that was you. What brings you out here so late?"
I was too surprised to speak for a second and mentally damning him for having silent feet, "Just thinking."
"Yeah," Jason said softly, "Are you staying out here long?"
"No," I hedged, "I'm just on my way back."
"Good, I'll walk you," Jason offered.
As much as part of me wanted to turn him down another part of me didn't. I knew Jason wouldn't unload his problems on me or want me to comfort him and because of that I heard myself saying, "Sure."
We walked in silence most of the way and when we did talk the subject matter never breached what was only just a thought away. Seeing death and destruction like we did was not something you let go off easily and after battles like that day's the vivid memories were never far away. It felt surprisingly good to simply have someone to walk home with. Normally on my late night strolls I would simply be alone with my thoughts but Jason's presence was very welcome.
When we got to my street I turned to look at Jason, "You don't have to walk me all the way home. I know you've gone out of your way already."
Jason nodded and then did something I would have never expected him to do. Leaning down gently he pressed his lips against my cheek in the tenderest of caresses. The look of complete and utter shock must have shown on my face. Gingerly, he tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear and I found myself looking deeply into his midnight eyes.
"I know what it feels like, Trini," He began softly, "I know what it's like to search for answers you can never find. I know what it's like to bear problems that are not your own. I understand it completely because I'm in the same boat as you." Placing a gentle hand on my cheek he continued, "And now I'm offering you what you give to everyone else: comfort. I'll be there for if you let me, okay? You don't need to carry anything by yourself, not anymore."
With one last steady look from those deep eyes I felt Jason step back, "You know where to find me if you need me. Don't hesitate to ask for help; it's always offered."
It took a few moments after he had disappeared around the corner before my vocal cords started working again. I felt dizzy and more than a bit lightheaded. That was definitely not something that happened to me every day or, to be honest, ever before. I shook my head once to clear it and realized I was still staring in the direction Jason's had walked.
"That was...different," I managed in a squeaky voice unlike my own. I looked around quickly a faint blush colouring my cheeks before I realized no one was around to hear my words.
Trying to shake myself back into reality I walked down my street to my house. The short walk didn't register in my mind. Only when I got to the front porch was my mind coaxed back into the real world. I numbly made my way upstairs, barely hearing my parents comment on how horrible it was that so many people had been killed that day. Opening the door to my bedroom I saw something lying on my pillow.
It was a yellow rose, the petal tips tinged softly with red. I picked it up as though it was glass about to shatter and at the same time clutched it in my hand. I was dimly aware that someone had managed to take the thorns off so I would not be pricked. I stared at the beautiful flower for what seemed like an hour before I noticed there was a note to go with it.
Picking up the small piece of paper with a shaking hand I read the simply words through blurry eyes:
Even the peacemaker needs a shoulder sometimes.
I love you and will be there for you whenever.
Jason
Tears flooded my eyes then and I all but collapsed on the bed as I reached for the phone and dialled what would become a very familiar number.
I am a peacemaker. But even a peacemaker needs someone to love and listen to them.
Author's Note: Nice reviewers will be proclaimed Gods or Goddesses and showered with sweet smelling rose petals! This is for all the people like me out there who have been dubbed 'peacemakers.' I can be lonely at times, can't it? After all, who gives peace to the peacemaker?
The Peacemaker
The peacemaker.
That's what they call me.
I guess it comes with the personality. Calm, cool and collected; someone to go to for advice, someone who listens and tells you everything is going to be alright. That's me. I'm the peacemaker. Once, after she came to me for advice on what to do about I guy she was crushing on, Kim told me I should start writing an advice column for the student newspaper.
"Like Dear Abbey!" She had exclaimed her voice oozing perkiness from the idea, "Only you could call it Dear Trini!"
I smiled and told her, "That will be the day! Can you imagine all the cheerleaders writing in for boyfriend advice when I don't even have a beau?"
We had both had a good laugh cut short by the chiming of our communicators. Kim had, thankfully, forgotten about Ask Trini by the time the battle was over. Writing an advice column was the last thing I needed! It had been hard enough being the peacemaker for our group of friends, now I had somehow become the Power Ranger peacemaker/shrink. I sometimes felt like I was wearing a neon sign saying "TELL ME YOUR PROBLEMS!" I didn't need that but the others needed someone to talk to so I listened, I comforted, I gave advice. They always seemed happier after or at least more settled about the horrible things we had to see before we even finished highschool. They always had someone they could turn to when they needed a shoulder to cry on. They had their peacemaker.
But who does the peacemaker go to?
For a long time I didn't know the answer. I would lay awake at night and ponder a problem Kim had with a guy or the latest attack Billy received from those who bullied him or Zack's uncertainty that was carefully buried under a mask of cheerfulness or the latest Ranger crisis.
The Ranger problems were the worst because they were my fears as well. Zack once asked me if he thought it was worth it. Losing our innocence like we did every time we saw one of the citizens we couldn't save from the monsters. I managed to sway his fears, reminding him of all the people we did save. But while he slept that night I wondered about that question. Were the lives we saved enough to outweigh those we lost? Was it enough to outweigh some of our own losses? I remember when I lost my innocence as a Ranger very well. Rita had sent a monster down that attacked near an elementary school. The kids were out for recess when it happened. Most got away, Jason and Zack teleported them to safety, but there were some who did not make it. After the monster had been destroyed Jason left quickly. He went back down to see if there was any life left in the motionless bodies. He found three children who were still alive but badly hurt. Two made it through the night and one is still alive today. Those three were out of twenty six lying there. Three from twenty six---two from three---one from two.
I doubt I was the only one to lose my innocence that day.
No, wait, I probably was. Jason...I think he lost his innocence long before that moment. Jason probably lost his innocence in the first battle a life was lost. I know he was quieter for days afterwards, we all were after that first victim died at Rita's hand, but Jason's grief was different from the rest of ours. He changed that day, though unless you knew him well it wasn't noticeable. That was the day his whole life took on one meaning: to save and touch the lives of as many people as he possibly could. Oh sure, that was one of his goals long before but after that battle it was as if he had something to make up for, as if that one lost life was his fault and not another death on Rita's bloody hands.
But Jason has never come to me for advice or comfort. No, he has never sought out my counsel when he has a problem. Jason doesn't need a peacemaker to help him.
Jason is the hero.
Don't get me wrong; don't assume I mean that in a bad way. Jason is strong in ways I wish I could be. His courage through whatever we face has been like a light shining through the darkness that threatens to overcome us. He is our rock to lean on and the hand that reaches out to pick us up. But above all Jason is more warm than people would expect. Sometimes I wonder how his heart manages to stay where it is since it must be bigger than his burly frame. I know Billy goes to him for comfort more than he comes to me and that Tommy only goes to him for advice. I also know that I go to him when the peacemaker needs to be held.
It was a long time before I found out he was willing to shoulder my griefs. It was after a particularly bad monster battle. Three buildings had been completely destroyed. One had yet to be evacuated when the monster plowed through it. I didn't even want to know the death toll that day.
We didn't talk much when Zordon debriefed us. He didn't say much either knowing we could not grasp his words of wisdom at that point. He knew we needed time and cared about us enough to give it to us instead of insisting upon going over our battle to pick up any flaws. I was always grateful for that. I saw Kim looking at me from the corner of her eye before we teleported; she wanted and needed to talk. I nodded briefly letting her know I would be there. I saw Billy look at Jason the same way and knew he also gave his consent through his gaze. Then Zordon sent us home reminding us to contact him if we needed anything. I never took him up on the offer. I loved Zordon like a father but I would never tell my father the things that went through my head some nights.
After Kim had come over and Zack had called I was loaded with even more fears and uncertainties than I would have had on my own. Sometimes the problems I heard from the weighed me down so much I thought I would drown. I found myself walking through the paths of Angel Grove park and searching the clear skies for answers that they could never give. It was then I heard their voices.
"Tonight, if the nightmares start up again...can I call you?" Tommy's unsure, slightly shaky voice wafted over from a near by knoll.
"Of course, bro. You know I'll be there for you if you need me," Jason's deep somehow sure sounding tones sounded in the dark night.
The sigh of relief was audible from where I stood, "Thanks. When they're bad I just need someone to talk to. I don't know what I'd do if you weren't there."
"Don't mention it, Tommy. That's what best friends are for," Jason assured him.
I heard movement and saw them walking close by as Jason asked, "Do you want me to walk with you?"
"No, that's okay. I've already dragged you out here. I don't want to make you walk out of your way. I'll be fine," Tommy replied.
"You sure?" Jason pressed.
"Uh-huh. I'll be okay," Tommy reached out and clasped a hand on Jason's shoulder for a second, "Thanks again, Jase. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Yeah. If you need anything you know where to find me," Jason commented, "Bye."
I had been planing on looping around so I didn't have to meet up with either young man but before I heard him come up Jason stood beside me, "I thought that was you. What brings you out here so late?"
I was too surprised to speak for a second and mentally damning him for having silent feet, "Just thinking."
"Yeah," Jason said softly, "Are you staying out here long?"
"No," I hedged, "I'm just on my way back."
"Good, I'll walk you," Jason offered.
As much as part of me wanted to turn him down another part of me didn't. I knew Jason wouldn't unload his problems on me or want me to comfort him and because of that I heard myself saying, "Sure."
We walked in silence most of the way and when we did talk the subject matter never breached what was only just a thought away. Seeing death and destruction like we did was not something you let go off easily and after battles like that day's the vivid memories were never far away. It felt surprisingly good to simply have someone to walk home with. Normally on my late night strolls I would simply be alone with my thoughts but Jason's presence was very welcome.
When we got to my street I turned to look at Jason, "You don't have to walk me all the way home. I know you've gone out of your way already."
Jason nodded and then did something I would have never expected him to do. Leaning down gently he pressed his lips against my cheek in the tenderest of caresses. The look of complete and utter shock must have shown on my face. Gingerly, he tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear and I found myself looking deeply into his midnight eyes.
"I know what it feels like, Trini," He began softly, "I know what it's like to search for answers you can never find. I know what it's like to bear problems that are not your own. I understand it completely because I'm in the same boat as you." Placing a gentle hand on my cheek he continued, "And now I'm offering you what you give to everyone else: comfort. I'll be there for if you let me, okay? You don't need to carry anything by yourself, not anymore."
With one last steady look from those deep eyes I felt Jason step back, "You know where to find me if you need me. Don't hesitate to ask for help; it's always offered."
It took a few moments after he had disappeared around the corner before my vocal cords started working again. I felt dizzy and more than a bit lightheaded. That was definitely not something that happened to me every day or, to be honest, ever before. I shook my head once to clear it and realized I was still staring in the direction Jason's had walked.
"That was...different," I managed in a squeaky voice unlike my own. I looked around quickly a faint blush colouring my cheeks before I realized no one was around to hear my words.
Trying to shake myself back into reality I walked down my street to my house. The short walk didn't register in my mind. Only when I got to the front porch was my mind coaxed back into the real world. I numbly made my way upstairs, barely hearing my parents comment on how horrible it was that so many people had been killed that day. Opening the door to my bedroom I saw something lying on my pillow.
It was a yellow rose, the petal tips tinged softly with red. I picked it up as though it was glass about to shatter and at the same time clutched it in my hand. I was dimly aware that someone had managed to take the thorns off so I would not be pricked. I stared at the beautiful flower for what seemed like an hour before I noticed there was a note to go with it.
Picking up the small piece of paper with a shaking hand I read the simply words through blurry eyes:
Even the peacemaker needs a shoulder sometimes.
I love you and will be there for you whenever.
Jason
Tears flooded my eyes then and I all but collapsed on the bed as I reached for the phone and dialled what would become a very familiar number.
I am a peacemaker. But even a peacemaker needs someone to love and listen to them.