Author's Note: :stumbles into the room: Hi everyone. I am so, so, sooooo sorry I've been away for so long. You must be wondering why I haven't been reviewing anyone or PMing my favourite authors for status on their stories and all. Again, I am so sorry! I have been away on vacation for the past two and a half weeks and am just getting back into the swing of my time zone. Add that to my play practices and all and we've got a major time problem...

Anyway, I promise, promise, promise, promise I will get on the move with those reviews for you authors I keep tabs on! Eek!

But this is a story I suddenly came up with while away in the Sunshine State in my boredom. Hopefully it's up to scratch.

Warning: It will probably be very, very odd to many of you.

And I will not be abandoning my other two multi-chapter fics! I've got the next chapter for Consequences all typed up and gorgeous, but it needs tweaks here and there.

Alright, on to the story now. This will be a two-shot.

Disclaimer: I've been away so long, you guys have probably forgotten my disclaimer...so I don't own anything. The Pevensies are just my favourite characters to borrow and play with in my stories. Nope. They're not mine.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Nine words. That's all it took for the renowned King Edmund the Just to be rendered completely speechless. Nine words and the snarky, cheeky, sharp-witted Lord of Retorts was officially bereft of speech for an entire minute.

"Edmund, will you go to the party with me?"

Those nine simple words was all it took to get Edmund working furiously to avoid his jaw from dropping. He forced himself to leave his face completely neutral, if possible. Him, Edmund Pevensie, king of the Asocial life go to a modern-day party! Had she completely lost her head!

"I...ah..." he stuttered, stalling.

This was bonkers! Senile! There was no way Edmund Martin Pevensie was going to a party. Susan gave a prompting smile, unknowingly encouraging the loss of words.

"Um...wh-why don't you ask Lucy?"

Susan's slender hand came up to twist at an immaculate curl.

"She's really not old enough yet," she said regretfully. "I'd love to take her." she shrugged. "But it's just not possible. So, how about it?"

Susan's gorgeous, intelligent eyes pleaded with him hopefully, looking so eager and yet so hesitant. It was just about enough to send Edmund into a violent rampage against his own weakness for his siblings' expressions. Susan was almost as bad as Peter...

"Sure," his mouth blurted before he really had any time to consider, or even stop himself. "I'll go with you."

It was almost worth the pain he would be required to endure to see Susan's face brighten like it did. She was Queen Susan for the briefest of moments. Her joyous expression kept him happy with himself until she turned and headed down the hallway to her room. Then he realised what he'd just done.

Whiskers!

"Ah, Susan?" he called hurriedly, dashing up to stop her before she disappeared into her room. "Why don't you ask Peter?"

He bit his lip hopefully. Sure, he was going to put his brother through a living nightmare if this worked...but Peter was better at these kinds of things.

Unfortunately for him, his sister smilingly rolled her eyes.

"I asked him last time, silly," she said. "Don't you remember me telling you about it? He was absolutely dreadful. All the girls there were so taken with him that he ended up teaching a dance at the end of the night. He was completely oblivious that every one of them were dying to be asked out."

Edmund raised his eyebrows.

"He's sixteen."

"About time to start looking, Edmund," she said with a smile. "Don't think I haven't been looking for you. I don't care that you're 'only thirteen'."

It was Edmund's turn to roll his eyes.

"Sure, Su," he shrugged. "If you want it that way. But would it be all right if I asked Peter to come?"

He tried not to sound like he were pleading with her but failed miserably.

"Of course," Susan nodded, a knowing grin on her face. "If you promise to keep an eye on him and for heavens' sake educate him."

Edmund nodded eagerly. "I promise."

"All right, you may ask him."

Edmund spun on his heel and started to rush down the hall.

"Oh, and Edmund?" Susan stopped him in his tracks, voice taking on a stern tone. "James is taking me. I expect you to be polite."

A look of disgust crossed Edmund's face. He was grateful he hadn't turned to face her when she'd called. He wouldn't have been able to restrain that.

James. Ugh. The thought of him was just about enough to drive Edmund up a wall. He was Susan's current 'suitor'. Edmund hated him with a passion. Not for any particularly evident reason, of course, just the mere fact that he was dating Susan. Or the other fact that James hadn't gone through their father to ask Susan out. Edmund could have buried the boy alive based on that and felt no remorse...well...maybe a little bit.

"I'll be polite," he sighed.

Susan knew well enough he didn't like James.

"I'll be watching you," she said slyly.

And then she shooed him away. Edmund bolted down the hall and into Peter's room. He slammed the door open, making a picture on the wall rattle. The older boy's head snapped up in surprise as he barreled in.

"DoyouwanttogotothepartywithSusan?" he blurted hurriedly.

Peter blinked and shook his head as if to clear it.

"What!"

"Do you want to go to the party with Susan tonight?" Edmund repeated slowly.

Peter grinned. "So she asked you to go."

Edmund nodded.

"Sorry, Ed, I went last time. It's your turn."

"Peter, you have to help me," pleaded Edmund desperately.

Peter smirked at him.

"What?" Edmund snapped in mild irritance.

"You? Ask for help?" Peter asked skeptically. "Since when did King Edmund, renowned swordsman and ruler, ask for help?"

Edmund quickly crossed the room and closed the door. Then he faced his brother.

"James is coming," he said bluntly, waiting for the reaction.

Peter hated James.

The smirk dropped instantly and was replaced with a fierce tension and the glow of protectiveness flaring in china-blue eyes.

"What did you have in mind?" he asked grimly.

Edmund raised a brow.

"You're coming?"

Peter nodded emphatically.

"That bloody brigand is anywhere within a ten mile radius of Susan? You can guarantee it."

Edmund grinned. Very few things in life could provoke Peter to actually curse, even lightly as he had just done. James was definitely one of them.

"Well, I wasn't quite sure what I was going to do, but here's what I'm starting to think about."

Quickly, Edmund laid out a couple of ideas...and, being the master of chaos and a military strategy genius, they were superb. Peter gave his input and put the plan into practicality. They would be unfailing in their endeavor.

O o O o O o O o O o

Three hours later, Edmund was frowning at himself in the mirror, skeptically inspecting his appearance.

"Is this really what they call formal wear for males?" he asked Peter dubiously, tugging at the thick, stiff cloth of the light brown suit Susan had told him to wear.

Peter, standing next to him, nodded calmly, flipping down his collar.

"Ridiculous," Edmund muttered, turning this way and that in disbelief. "Don't they wear cloaks and tunics anymore?"

Peter patted him on the shoulder.

"No. Not in England, they don't."

Edmund sighed and gave the jacket a straightening tug.

"You remember your part?" he asked, stalking away from the mirror in a state.

"Yes, I do, Edmund," said Peter, laughing. "You've asked me that about five times now."

Edmund turned in surprise. Then he blushed sheepishly.

"Have I really?" he asked.

Peter chuckled and reached over to push Edmund's hair over to one side of his forehead.

"Yes," he said. "And don't worry, I've got it all down...though I wish I could have your part."

"Oh no," Edmund shook his head firmly. "You'd murder the boy. Just leave it to me."

"Murder him?" Peter burst out laughing. "If I did, it'd be ten times better than what you'd do to him. It's even better than what you have the potential to do to him!"

Waggling a finger, Edmund smirked at him. "Potential, Peter, that is the key word. What I have the potential to do and what I will do are very different things."

"All right, have it your way," Peter muttered sullenly, giving a very accurate mime of his moody brother.

"Shaddup," snapped Edmund good-naturedly.

That earned him a playful shove from a brother much taller and much stronger than he. It knocked him backward several paces.

Still, he grinned triumphantly and went to open the door.

"Where's Su?" he asked as he pushed his brother the last few paces out the door and followed.

Peter merely waved a hand down the hall, gesturing at their sister's bedroom.

"Still getting ready," he said.

That wasn't possible.

"Still?" Edmund exclaimed incredulously.

A nod from Peter.

"Bloody ridiculous," the younger boy muttered, striding down the hallway to Susan's door.

He raised a fist and pounded loudly on the door.

"Su!" he called. "Susan, I thought you said this was at six!"

There was no answer.

"Susan?"

The door flew open and Susan stood there, dressed very prettily, and smiling in amusement.

"It is at six," she said.

Edmund tapped his watchless wrist, indicating that it was already six o' clock.

"You don't want to arrive exactly on time, Edmund," Susan pointed out, stepping from the room and closing the door behind her. "Nobody would be there and it's also nice to have a steady stream of people coming and going at these events."

Edmund shrugged and strode back down the hall to Peter. Women. He would never understand them. He wasn't sure he wanted to.

A knock sounded from downstairs. Both Peter and Edmund staunchly avoided eye contact. They knew who it was.

"James," said Susan, going down the steps.

The brother's looked at each other as she went out of sight. They shared a look of disgust and horror before they headed after Susan. James had come to the very front door and was already arm on arm with Susan, prepared to escort her.

Edmund ducked out of sight behind his brother as he opened the door and went out. There were some pretty handy advantages to being small. In the dark, they shouldn't notice that Peter's shadow delayed in mimicking his movements.

"Hello."

Edmund heard James greet Peter warmly.

Hypocritical prat.

"Hello," said Peter, inclining his head politely. "Are we ready to go?"

Susan and James nodded.

"Where's Edmund?" asked Susan.

Peter waved a hand behind him dismissively. "He'll be along shortly."

He opened the garden gate for the two.

"Go ahead," he offered chivalrously.

Edmund heard the two pass and then popped into sight. He gave his brother a pointed glance and they walked behind them, close enough to hear but far enough away to talk in low tones without being heard.

"This is bloody stupid," Edmund hissed, eyeing the pair ahead of them with a suspicious glare.

"Relax, ed," Peter murmured. "We'll be fine. Susan will be fine. She's always had good discernment before."

"Good discernment until now, you mean. God, he's such a lowlife," moaned Edmund.

"Edmund!"

"What? He is."

"Just because you were a king doesn't give you any license to call anyone a lowlife," said Peter firmly.

"Were?" asked Edmund, raising his brows. "Still am, Peter. So are you. Once a king of Narnia, always a king of Narnia. And I'm not calling him a lowlife because I'm a king, Peter. I know what I really am. And please, I'm not that degrading, even if he is a bloody, flaming, rotten, son of a--"

"Edmund!"

"Alright, alright, fine!" Edmund rocked his head back and forth in irritable submission.

There was a break in the conversation long enough for them to catch the next few words from James' mouth.

"...and your eyes sparkle..."

They didn't hear anymore as they both pretended to retch quietly off to the side. When they righted, they gave each other pained, disbelieving looks.

This was going to be a loooooong night.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Note: Alriiiight...:rubs hands together: I'm off to review everyone else! Tell me what you think of this!