"Now Artemis, "Butler remarked that morning, "I know you will understand everything in the classroom, but once you get in the cafeteria, everything will change. "

"Butler, I hardly think that food will cause these adolescents to behave any differently than they will in an educational setting."

"Artemis, it's not the food. When you step into that cafeteria, you're in their world. On their turf. The game is played by their rules, and the rules are never the same for long. "

"What on earth is so special about a dining hall?"

"Everyone is there. The students all have their own place in the hierarchy. They have a strict system of popularity. It's quite complex. "

"How complicated can a simple high school hierarchy be?"

"Complicated." Said Juliet, Butler's sister, hardly the little girl he still thought of her as, since she had just celebrated her nineteenth birthday. "Trust me Artemis. I know. I went to both public and private school when I was younger. Your place in the cafeteria is everything. "

"I still don't understand. How is a chair responsible for one's popularity? "

"Hey," she said. " I did't say it made any sense, but that's the way it is, so suck it up and deal, little man." Artemis ' mouth hung open for a full five seconds before he had a mental image of himself as a halibut with his jaws wide open. He quickly shut his mouth, and Juliet laughed. "You're going to have to have faster reflexes than that if you're going to live through your first day at high school." Butler realized his sister was more educated in the matters he was trying to impart to Artemis. Perhaps she would have more success, but he doubted it. Butler quickly left and retired to his room to read the latest manual for jet planes. Juliet explained to Artemis the basic unwritten laws of the cafeteria.

"Who you sit with is the biggest thing. There are the varsity jocks, the JV jocks, the drama kids, the artsy kids, the band geeks, the popular girls, the girls who eat their feelings, the girls who don't eat anything, the gangster cool kids, and the popular guys who are mostly just jackasses when you look closely. Think you got all that?" Artemis just sat and stared at her. "Oh, I forgot one group, the most important as far as you're concerned."

"There's more?" groaned Artemis, completely overwhelmed already, and trying hard not to show it. He had no idea where you sat to eat made such a difference in these people's lives. "Yes Artemis. There's one more. The studious kids."

"Now you're finally starting to make some sense." Here was a group that he could possible fit in with. "You realize that, even if you by some lucky miracle you wind up sitting with them, you probably won't talk much, that they' all just be doing homework?"

"What do you mean 'lucky miracle?'" an indignant Artemis demanded.

"Artemis, you need to meet someone early in the day so you can sit with them. If you walk into the cafeteria without a clue and stand there forever, looking for a place to sit, you'll never find one, because everyone will always see you as the idiot that no one wanted at their table the first day. And nicknames stick Artemis. Forever. " He knew whatever nickname the kids gave him would not be pleasant, but he knew he could bear it. Probably. Maybe. Hopefully. Anyway, Juliet was saying something else, and Artemis decided he should listen. "…probably be talking about it too, so put your eavesdropping skills to work on this one."

"On what?"

"Ugh, Artemis, you're infuriating! Pay attention when I' m trying to help you. I said the smart kids, the ones you'll want to hang out with, will probably be talking about schoolwork too, so you'll want to listen to people's conversations too, and if the tragedy their discussing is that Friends is no longer on television instead of Macbeth or Julius Caesar, then you know you have the wrong people. Honestly, Artemis, you're such a bad listener it's no wonder you don't have a girlfriend." That stung, thought Artemis. But why, though? It was't as though he cared what girls thought, especially what they thought about him. Girls were a force that could't be explained, no matter his large intellect tried. So he never bothered. Once, he'd made a derogatory comment towards a girl and her friend had demanded that Artemis apologize to the girl whose feelings he had hurt. When Artemis had complied with the request, the girl who before had been crushed instantly turned into a nasty and vile creature, calling Artemis an ugly freak, and telling him that no one liked him, no one at all. She made him feel two inches tall, and although he had not shown it at that particular encounter, he had never felt quite the same pride in himself since.

But that was all behind him now. He was beyond childish insults. Or was he? If the incident was behind him, then why did he still remember it, particularly when Juliet remarked on the absence of a girlfriend in his life? "I don't have a girlfriend because I don't want one."

"Sure you don't Artemis, If you wanted a girlfriend, then you could have one by the time you went to bed tonight. If not then, definitely by Monday morning."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously." A girlfriend. Me, have a girlfriend. A real girlfriend. A smile crept across his face that was quite unlike his usual devious grin. Juliet saw it and smirked. "Sure you don't want a girlfriend." Artemis blushed. "I know what's going on behind that smile Artemis, "she teased. Artemis blushed even deeper. "Artemis, did you know your face is about the color of the downstairs carpet?" Juliet went into a fit of giggles. "I love seeing you blush! I've never seen it before! I guess you've never had anything to blush about. " She dissolved into spurts of laughter, and Artemis went scarlet.