The Riku Method
Crack!fic, yay. I knew it would only be a matter of time until I started writing Kingdom Hearts fan fiction. I hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: Square-Enix, not me.
Riku wasn't always the totally buff, muscular, hunky teenager he is now.
No, he actually used to have thin, not muscled arms. But this was when Sora gave him all of his attention and more. Yes, he was just a simple very pretty little boy (with thin arms) at one point.
This was back in the days when he was nine. And Sora was eight, so it was reasonable at that time.
Then Satan came. I mean, Kairi.
Sora, being the adorable little boy, was curious about this demon and gave her all of his attention. Riku, being the overly emotional little emo, took this fairly okay and started to push heavy rocks around to ease his frustration.
That was only the beginning.
As time went on, he began to push around heavier things and even went as far as to enlist his help in furniture moving. Then the muscles started forming. They were small at first, almost unnoticeable. He had a two-pack, and the man-boobs were coming slowly but surely.
Then he turned eleven.
The ignorance that was being thrown at him was too much, so he started to hang out at Wakka's house.
Or rather, his workout room.
Wakka introduced the workout room to him, because he felt Riku was a kindred spirit. He too was once constantly ignored by his best friend Tidus over Selphie. Riku instantly understood and began lifting weights. Wakka joined him, being just as buff as Riku was at the moment.
When Riku turned thirteen, he came to a startling revelation.
He was in love with Sora.
Sora, who was still pouring all of his attention on Kairi, would never notice him unless he did something about it. And that was Riku's twisted source of logic.
So, for the next two years of his life, he started getting buff. He also used exercise as a way to ease the pain of unrequited love. He began to ask "He loves me, he loves me not" while lifting weights. The final outcome would be when his arms got tired.
Those kinds of questions would take hours on end.
So far he got 18 negatives, and 4 positives.
In fact, when the talk of a raft to escape the horrors of a predictable life came into context, Riku was more than happy to get the chance to pick up more heavy things. And he got the chance to spend some 'alone time' with Sora.
"Hey Riku!" Sora yelled to get his attention as Riku picked up a very heavy log with one arm. Riku acknowledged his presence with a look in his direction.
"What?"
"I just noticed, there's something different about you!"
Riku looked crestfallen, for it had taken seven years for Sora to notice him. Everyone else noticed his muscles earlier in life, even Sat-Kairi. Sora noticed this look, and frowned.
"I mean, I'm sorry I didn't notice earlier but you were always hanging out with Wakka, so I thought you didn't want to hang out with me anymore…" Sora explained.
Riku mentally shot himself. Sora thought he was ignoring him? So, Sora actually might like him?
Riku decided to test his theory. He walked up to Sora and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. It was all a test.
Sora's eyes widened and a bright red painted his cheeks. He still didn't stop the kiss though, proving he liked it.
Riku pulled away smirking, his muscles rippling in the meantime. Sora stuttered for a moment, twiddling his fingers in a counterclockwise motion. Riku stared at him expectantly, as if waiting for something. Sora opened his mouth and then closed it again, unable to remember what he was saying.
"Did you like the kiss?" Yet, he didn't have to worry, for leave it to Riku to be straightforward about these kinds of things.
"Um…uh…" Yet, Sora was still the adorable little boy who couldn't just answer the question.
"It's a 'yes' or 'no' question. Just answer."
"Ummm, yes?"
And Riku's face lit up; for it seems that the seven years of exercising agony that was spent was quite work it. And so, he grabbed Sora's hand and decided that the best way to celebrate their newfound love was to pick up really heavy things. Well, at least Riku thought so.
END
Yay. It's done. Good. I'm not even supposed to be on the computer. But screw the authority at my house. Yet, not literally. I hate Kairi. Simple as that. Yay. I hope you enjoyed.