How I Wonder
For "Flypipe", who requested a slice of Batman humor late one morning at 3am.
Based on an episode from "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

I'm no huge fan of Batman, but I remember "Whose Line Is It Anyway" fondly, and loved it in my younger days. There was one episode where Mochrie and Stiles did a quick two-minutes-plus spoof of the old "Batman and Robin" series. That was hilarious, even now as I revisit the experience on YouTube.

I needed to do something - my inspiration was so dry, I couldn't even focus on work scripts as well. Hopefully, this will get me back on track.

So, I'll do this for you, Flypipe, and for anyone who was enticed by the summary/title/both and decided to drop in.

Enjoy...if you can.

Nightfall.

Gotham city.

The Wayne Manor.

In the Wayne Manor.

There stands one indignant man in black Kevlar with a long black cape and a point-eared cowl.

There also stands a boy in a red suit with a yellow-lined cape and a simple mask.

There between them lies a rather mild argument. If you could even call it that.

"...I do have a sense of humor."

"You don't; never seen you crack a joke."

"Ask Nightwing - he can tell you a lot."

"I did, and he told me to ask you in person."

"..."

"Go on, Batman, make a joke."

"I don't have time for this."

"Just one?"

"..."
Suddenly pulling to a halt, just before the old clock, Batman pulls something out of his belt and holds it up in Robin's face.
"There - a bat-tery."

Silence and tension follows, so thick you could dice it up and serve it with two of Alfred's cooked geese.

"...Bruce, either you're rusty, Dick was really easy to entertain as a child, or you just didn't have enough TV shows."

Without an answer, Batman replaces the battery in his belt and moves the clock aside.
"Come, Robin, we have a city to defend."

"Nothing like the usual...say, can I drive?"

"No," the answer comes immediately, followed by more tense silence before the man continues.
"...and we're not taking the Batmobile today."

Robin's eyes widen behind his mask in dismay. "But it's the coolest car! What are we going to do, take a cab?"

"We have bikes; we can take those...or the Batwing, or-"

"And I say 'holy stupid excuses'," Robin mutters, sidestepping Batman and running to the Batmobile anyway. In moments, he is popping open the top.

Much to the Dark Knight's displeasure.

"Robin, no! We can't take the-"

The top slides away completely. Robin moves to hop in, when he sees something on the seat.

Batman turns away and coughs.

Robin tentatively reaches within and takes the articles in his hands, looking at the back of his mentor.
"...uh...Batman?"

Batman doesn't answer immediately, and it almost looks as though he is uncomfortable.
"...thought you...might want to...wear it...just for a change..."

"... ..."

"... ..."

"... Batman, what would I do with this?"

Batman finally moves, pacing the floor and speaking brusquely.
"Well, people have been talking...making websites...and they see us everyday...'what's with the tall guy, keeps a supply of little boys in a cave?'"

"Now I'm confused..."
Robin pauses to study what he has in his hands. "Don't you think they'll talk more if I go around dressed in this?"

"At least they'll think of me as a man...not some freaky type of 'uncle'..."
Batman stops pacing for a moment, then looks Robin in the eye. That expression...is almost evil.
"Wear it."

Robin's eyes widen even further than before, and he drops the item. "No."

"I dare you."

"NO. Batman, you've been kicked off your rocker! You need help!"

"You'd think with money, I'd help myself...?" Batman mutters, his stance softening. Looking away, he sighs.
"If you don't want to wear it, that's fine."

Robin softens his stance also, staring at his mentor's back once again before groaning.
"...'Holy guilt trip'...
"But just this one time, Batman."

Batman, surprised yet interested, nods. "Alright."

Robin unfolds the articles, then burns a glare at the ceiling corners. "...do you mind?"

Batman reaches for the console and deactivates the overhead cameras.

"Thank you...now turn around."

Amidst the sounds of the bats and the machines, the sounds of cloth rustling can be heard.

Neither vigilante notices the blinking light on the monitor, or the entrance to the Batcave opening, or the motorcycle that drives in.

Parking, Nightwing removes his helmet and looks around before spotting Batman.
"Look, Bruce, I needed to talk to you about something imp-"

Batman turns around, revealing Timothy Drake in an oversized Wonder Woman costume, the crown at a jaunty angle and the bangles sliding down his arms.

One in his position can only stare.

Which he does.

Which they all do, in fact.

The three stare - or glare - at each other for what seems like an eternity, the tension thickening with each passing second.

Then Nightwing reaches into his boot, pulls out a mini-camera phone and holds it up.

click!

END

Not that I'm really proud of this - it can be improved - but at least my train of thought is running again.

Before it boards at the station.

$# AC, my hands are freezing off.