What Now

X-Men: The Movie

Angel of Neptune

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DC: I do not own X-Men.

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"So, what do we do now?"

Honestly, I was amazed I could be this calm during a situation this extreme. My voice, how could I have the ability to keep it from shaking at this moment? How am I able to keep a level head or my powers at bay? Hell, things should be flying across the room. Didn't I just find out my husband of three years, the father of my child, my lover was cheating on my with a blond bimbo?

And all I can say is what now?

In my whole entire life, I have never been so angry. Throughout my life I have had everything good taken from me. When I was ten, my best friend was struck down and killed by a drunk driver. At eighteen, I had my full ride scholarship taken away from me and to this day, I don't know why. It was a scandal. Twenty four, my older sister died of a heart attack. Now, at thirty one, my husband cheats on me. I'm frustrated.

Damnit, Scott. Why are you doing this to me? Just looking at you angers me, your high cheekbones and perfect nose with lips to die for. Why are you giving me that stern look? What did I do wrong? Shouldn't I being giving you a stern look? I didn't sleep with another man – you were the one who spelt with another woman. God, if I didn't have any self-control, you'd be tossed around like a bag of potatoes, but even you know I would not do such a thing. You're a lucky man.

But I love you. Haven't I been a good wife? Friend? Lover? Please, tell me what I'm doing wrong. Clearly our relationship's not as strong as I thought it was – tell me what's wrong. We've always talked about everything, we always discussed our problems. Never ever would I have guessed I gave you a reason to go off with another woman. Why am I feeling the need to apologize? I didn't do anything! Just by your gaze, I'm starting to sense guilt.

And I can't handle it.

"I'm sorry."

Yes, there was that change in my voice. Now it was shaking and barely above a whisper – I'm ashamed to admit it's my own. I'm suppose to be this strong woman, a doctor, a role model to my students. Right now, at this moment, I'm none of these things.

Quickly, I exited our bedroom suite and retreated to the nursey. I locked the door behind me before leaning against it. He wouldn't follow me, but this was reassurance if anything.

With a heavy sigh, I walked over to the crib where our year old daughter laid fast asleep – of course little Rachel was fast asleep, it was nearly midnight. My body carried itself over to the rocking chair where I sat down, shaking my head.

"What now?"

End