Author's Greeting: Hiyo! Just to clarify: Harry Potter and Saiyuki crossover. I came up with it at work one day and the idea never left me. I don't own HP or Saiyuki. I am a broke college student. HP belongs to J.K. Rowling (who I believe is the richest woman in England, or something like that...) while Saiyuki belongs to... Mine--- somebody. I'm too lazy to go and find out the exact name.
Anyway... this first chapter starts out with only Saiyuki.
The sun beat down as it did every day. The land before them shimmered like a continuous mirage. If only this land really was a mirage. At least then there wouldn't be such a feeling of complete and utter desolation. Sure, it may have been fun for the Merciful Goddess to send them off together, a group of guys that knew exactly how to get on each other's cases. They'd been together for 500 some-odd years; they just didn't know it yet.
"Hey, jerk-weed, stay on your half of the jeep!" Son Goku's irritatingly grating voice squawked as it had been squawking on and off for the last hour and a half. The recipient, the crimson-haired, half-breed kappa, was quick to retaliate.
"I am on my half, you demented monkey!" Sha Gojyo, at 23 years old, should have known better than to act like a kid, but it was merely wishful thinking that he would ever grow up. He still caved in when the 18-year-old monkey king got on his nerves. True, Goku had been imprisoned for 500 years in a cave, and so was technically the oldest of them all, but then again, Goku wasn't quite human. Nor was he really a demon, not with those golden eyes.
"I'm not demented! If anyone's demented, it's you. I think the heat's getting to you. You're way over on my side of the jeep! And don't call me monkey!" Goku pointed out the "line" that divided the back of the jeep into two.
"Like hell that's my half! Look, I'll explain this to you slowly: I'm bigger than you, therefore I get the bigger half." As if to emphasize this fact, the water sprite stretched out even more across the back of the jeep.
"Hey! Get your ass on your own side!" Goku proceeded to pound Gojyo with his fists, which only made Gojyo retaliate in kind. The jeep bounced more fiercely as the fighting in the back grew more rigorous. The passengers in the front of the jeep remained silent for a moment. Finally, Cho Hakkai, behind the wheel turned to look at the face of his other companion.
"Well, Sanzo, what should we do about them?" His green eyes danced with mischief. He was in a surprisingly goofy mood, Sanzo noted. Hakkai rarely thought it a good idea to pull pranks on the other two. The blonde monk scratched his head. He could use a laugh.
"Whatever, man. Just do something quickly to teach those two a lesson."
"Yes, sir." Hakkai grinned. His mind raced with the possibilities of what he could do to the bickering children in the backseat. He decided that his driving was something that he hadn't traumatized them with in a long time. It wouldn't be too hard to convert their yelling at each other to yells of terror. He began to increase the speed of the jeep, much to Hakuryu's displeasure, but the little dragon-jeep obeyed his master completely. Hakkai then proceeded to seek out every bump in the road possible and when the next turn off came to reach the next town, he didn't slow down at all. He just cranked the wheel as hard as he could and floored the gas pedal.
"HOLY SHIT!" Goku and Gojyo screamed, clinging to each other for dear life. Hakkai didn't slow down. He just laughed and kept driving. Then he realized that he'd missed the next turn to get to the town. He slammed on the brakes. Gojyo and Goku suddenly found themselves as front-seat passengers.
"Get off me." Sanzo snapped.
"Hey, don't yell at me, baldy. Hakkai's the one who slammed on the brakes!" Gojyo began trying to climb out of the front seat, but as Goku had landed on top of him, it was rather difficult. Finally, he managed to reach a semi-sitting position. Hakkai shifted into reverse and floored the accelerator again. Goku and Gojyo fell back into the front seat. Hakkai looked over his shoulder, beyond their flailing limbs to make sure he didn't hit anything. Without slowing, he shifted back into drive, making the sharp turn onto the next side road. Goku and Gojyo landed in a heap in the back of the jeep again.
"Dammit, Hakkai! What's the big idea!" Gojyo leaned his face close to Hakkai's.
"Oh, nothing. I just felt like hurrying to the next town. Plus, I felt like I was falling asleep with the same inane argument back there. I needed a change of pace."
"So, trying to kill us wakes you up?" Goku rubbed the back of his head where he'd smacked it against the jeep in flying backward.
"I never try to kill you guys. I just drive." Hakkai flashed them a grin. Sanzo fought to keep both a smile and the urge to vomit inside. Yes, he'd given Hakkai full permission to prank the idiots however Hakkai found fit, but Sanzo was awfully susceptible to carsickness.
"Like hell." Gojyo and Goku muttered under their breath. They lapsed into a sulky silence in the back, each on their own "half" of the jeep. The invisible line would've been clearly visible to anyone who looked at them. Hakkai's driving had been enough to shut them up and get them to behave. For that, Sanzo felt eternally grateful to Hakkai. Or rather, he'd be grateful to Hakkai until the idiots started up again.
They rode on in silence for several minutes, each lost in his own thoughts. It was peaceful for once. There were no youkai after them for the Maten Scripture and there was no Kougaiji to cause problems either. However, when you got right down to it, Kougaiji seemed to be an okay guy: while he did fight them and try to kill them every time that they met, he'd never actually succeeded, even though he'd had plenty of opportunities. It was like he didn't really want his enemies to die. Sanzo couldn't help but think Kougaiji had his own motives for keeping them alive. But that could just have been his usual distrust and paranoia acting up. While he always yelled for silence, the truth was that he hated the silence. It drove him insane. But he wasn't going to be the first person to break it. He already had an idea on who would speak up and what would be said. He and Hakkai exchanged a knowing glance.
"Man, how much further is it? I'm HUNGRY!" Goku piped up from the back, exactly as anticipated. Sanzo and Hakkai couldn't help but laugh. Gojyo shrugged and lit up a cigarette. "Huh? What's so funny? Guys? GUYS! Come on, tell me! What's so funny? Sanzo! You never laugh, so why are you laughing now?" Goku stretched across Gojyo a little to put his face between Hakkai and Sanzo's. "C'mon, tell me. Why are you laughing?"
"Man, you're like a broken record, you know that?" The cigarette dangling from his lips muffled Gojyo's speech.
"Say that again, kappa!" Goku yelled.
Gojyo slowly removed the cigarette from his mouth. "You… are….a….bro-ken….rec-ord…." He drew out every syllable to be as obnoxious as possible. As soon as he was finished speaking, he slipped the cigarette back into his mouth.
"That's it! I'm going to kill you!" Goku leapt forward to attack Gojyo.
"I'd like to see you try, monkey boy!"
And the fight was on. Somehow, it caused everyone to relax. They could never enjoy utter silence. They had never been in utter silence around each other. Not even those 500 years ago in their past lives during their time in heaven. No, not even then had there been silence around them.
From her vantage point in the heavens, the Merciful Goddess watched their progress in the pool before her. She had to smile as she reflected on how little any of them had changed over 500 years. Despite her firm belief that unchanging things were boring, she admitted that if these four changed drastically at all, she might cease to find them amusing. Maybe she should stir things up a bit, just to make sure that things weren't too comfortable…
Hakkai slowed when they drew near the town. He could feel Hakuryuu panting, even while in his jeep form. The dragon chirped in gratitude to his master. Goku and Gojyo looked up from their fight to inspect the town. The place was bustling and looked expensive. People wandered casually through the streets, as if they had nothing better to do than flaunt fashions that no one in their right mind would ever dream of wearing for any practical purpose. Still, shopping occurred quickly and without hesitation, except to haggle down prices. The townspeople seemed to enjoy this part of the shopping. Their faces lit up gleefully as they met the challenge of bargaining with the experienced shopkeepers, equally gleeful.
The smell of food was heavy in the air. Goku was nearly going crazy. Sanzo's poor fan looked more than fairly abused trying to keep the monkey king inline. The red-haired kappa did nothing to help the situation by watching with distinct interest as any woman with an even remotely noticeable figure passed by them. He made catcalls with a well-masked ventriloquism that made said women look at their group, particularly at Sanzo, with smiles and more than lustful glances. Sanzo felt like his temple was going to explode with the intensity of the vein that throbbed there.
Author: Thanks for reading! Please review!