The Burning of Hundred Acre Woods
One shot
A/N: Sorry, but I STILL don't have any inspiration for my other story. CURSE YOU WRITERS' BLOCK! CURSE YOUU!
WARNING: If you are Neb or are someone like Neb and like Winnie the Pooh this will probably offend you. And just so you know. I warned you. And I'm not all that sorry if you're offended and ignored the warning.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. But, you should know that by the title.
-
Axel felt as if he could just die. Right. There.
"Why hello Somebody-I-Don't-Know," the half-dressed yellow stuffed bear said happily. "Are you perhaps a friend of…um…oh, bother!"
Why couldn't he just kill the stupid bear and be done with it?
FLASHBACK
"Axel, I want you to go to the Hundred Acre Wood and turn Winnie the Pooh into a heartless!" Xemnas declared with an unnecessary flourish.
"But, why can't Demyx do it?" Axel whined. He didn't want to go to a children's picture book world! He wanted to go bother the other organization members and beat everyone at dance dance revolution!
"Because Demyx screws up every job I give him!" Xemnas retorted.
An indignant 'Hey!' could be heard through the wall.
"Fine!" Axel sighed, seeing as no argument he came up with would be able to beat Demyx's brutally apparent…suckiness and disappeared in a portal of darkness.
END FLASHBACK
"Pooh! Poooooooh!"
Axel watched as an extremely tiny pink pig ran up to the still thinking Pooh.
"Poooooh!"
"Hm?" Pooh looked up. "Why hello there Piglet!"
Piglet twitched interesting.
"Pooh, I-I s-s-saw a… a…."
"A what, Piglet?" Pooh asked in a very dumb way.
"A-A B-B-B-BUTTERFLY!" Piglet wailed.
"Oh, for the love of God!"
Both Piglet and Pooh gasped. "P-P-Pooh! H-he said the G-G word!"
"Oh my!"
This was just too much.
In a flash Axel's chakram had appeared in his hands, both encased in flames.
"Playing with fire isn't sa-"
Axel pointed a chakram at Pooh and instantly he burst into flame, the word 'saaaaaafe' lingering on. Moments later, his charred, stuffing filled body was all that remained.
"P-P-POOOOOOH!" Piglet wailed.
He too was silenced.
-
After he was sure neither stuffed animal would be getting up again, Axel continued on his merry way down the road. Two down six to go.
On his way towards Rabbit's house he came across two stuffed kangaroos. Not really feeling like burning them to a crisp too he tossed them into a portal to the void. He had to be original, you know.
At Rabbit's house he found a green, stuffed rabbit with a blatantly feminine demeanor gardening. Yes, you heard right. Gardening.
Axel, whistling some song walked up to the tree-and lit it on fire.
He continued on his way, the frantic screams of Rabbit his merry tune.
-
By the time the hour was up he had managed to destroy virtually every part of the Hundred Acre Wood, including its inhabitants. But, the strange part was, no matter how many times he killed them; they always seemed to spawn right back.
He had screamed like a girl when the untouched Pooh and Piglet had appeared before saying something about how much Pooh loved honey. He killed the almost ten times, even to the point where they weren't even distinguishable. They just. Wouldn't. DIE!
"WHY WON'T YOU DIEEEEE!" he finally wailed, falling to his knees and grabbing fistfuls of bright red hair.
"Well, that's easy!" Tigger exclaimed hopping up behind him.
The owl perched on a low-hanging branch above his head. "Death doesn't exist in this world!"
"Isn't it depressing?" a gloomy Eeyor said from the side. "Suicide fails every time."
And then they all began to laugh (yes, even Eeyor). They laughed and laughed and laughed until Axel couldn't take it anymore.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
-
"Hey, guys!" Sora exclaimed cheerfully as he walked into the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee headquarters, Donald and Goofy in tow.
"Hi Sora!" Yuffie replied cheerfully.
"Hello!" Aerith waved.
Leon nodded his head and attempted to look emo and contemplative.
"Howdy yawl!" Cid yelled, making everyone in the room wince at his horrible Southern accent.
"I'm gonna go visit Pooh at the Hundred Acre Wood, okay?" Sora said. Not that he was expecting anyone to say he couldn't. I mean, COME ON, he was Sora the Keyblade Wielder! Everybody loved him!
Aerith opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by a rough jab in the stomach courtesy of Yuffie.
"Go on ahead, Sora!" Yuffie said cheerfully.
"Okay!" Sora walked up to the book and took notice that oddly, brackish smoke was wafting up from the storybook. "Hey, why is the book-"
"Oh, it's nothing Sora!" Yuffie assured with an overly large smile and a dismissive wave of her hand. "Just go on ahead."
"Okay. Bye-E!" Sora shrugged and disappeared into the oddly smoking book along with Goofy and Donald (1).
"Yuffie!" Aerith exclaimed loudly once Sora and co. had disappeared. "Why didn't we tell him what-"
"Sora's too cheerful and annoying for this game," Leon (Squall) interjected.
Yuffie nodded. "Yeah! He's like fifteen and he's friends with Winnie the Pooh. AND he still believes in Santa Claus!"
Aerith gave the ninja a disturbed look. "Really?"
Yuffie nodded fervently.
"Oh…I guess then that it's okay."
Everybody was speechless. Even Cid. Had Aerith just ALLOWED them to do something potentially mentally scarring to the hero of Kingdom Hearts?
"Well, this is crazier then a rattlesnake in a coke bottle on a summer day in the middle of Arizona-"
"Translation: That's really strange," Leon interjected again.
"Wow, Squall! You sure are talking a lot today!" Yuffie cheered. "You deserve some sea salt ice cream!"
"One, its LEON! Two, I HATE SEA SALT ICE CREAM!"
As the two continued to bicker, they ignored the pained coming from deep in the pages of Winnie the Pooh.
-
Sora surveyed the charred remains of what was once the Hundred Acre Woods. "Oh my goodness! What happened here?"
In answer to his question, the upper half of Winnie the Pooh dragged itself over to the horrified brunette. "Why hello there, Sora! Have you happened to see my legs?"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
END
A/N: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That was so much fun to write!
(1)- I needed them out of the scene. They bother me so. I DESPISE THEM AND WISH THEY WOULD DIE! (You'll be seeing a fic of there death soon).
Look out for my next one shot: The Death of Atlantica (not this title though).