AUTHOR: Goddess Isa
EMAIL: [email protected]
SUMMARY: Willow and Xander mushy stuff g
SPOILER: The Replacement
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =) My site is http://planetslaythis.homestead.com
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P
RATING: TV-PG
DISCLAIMER: Joss the moron owns all within. So there.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I just wanted to thank the boys of Soul Decision. I know they'll never read this, but I have reasons. g I'm kinda faded but I'm feelin' alright...
10/11/00
"What are you doing?" Tara called from the bedroom.
"Sorting out the new runes Giles gave me. You?"
"Alphabetizing our spell books." Tara giggled.
"We've been spending too much time at the magick shop, haven't we?" Willow asked.
"Way too much."
There was silence in the apartment for a minute and then the doorbell rang.
"Is that the pizza?" Tara asked. "He's already ten minutes late. Want me to get it and you can yell at him since I'm too scared?"
"Nah, I'm closer, and besides, it's my turn to act all meek when the delivery guy feeds us an excuse." Willow got up and opened the door. "Xander!" she exclaimed.
"Hi. Are you busy?"
"Actually--"
"'Cause I thought maybe I could come in and we could do the talking thing."
"Well--"
"It's okay," Tara came in, putting her coat on. "I'm gonna go get some salads since we're never gonna get the pizza. See you guys in a few."
"Tara, you don't have to," Willow said quickly.
"I know. But I want to," she smiled at them. "Glad to have the one and only Xander Harris back," she added.
"Thanks."
Tara closed the door behind her and Xander swung his hands around nervously.
"So," Willow went back to her runes and sat down.
"I just wanted to come by. See how you're doing." Xander was swinging his arms now. "How are you doing?"
"I'm good. You?"
"I'm good. I'm all in one."
"Good."
There was an awkward silence where both of them were holding back what they really wanted to say, and then at the same time, they said, "I just--"
"Go on," Willow urged, blushing. "Mine's not important, anyway."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure," she patted the floor next to her and Xander sat down. "Shoot."
"Well, I just came by because I wanted to thank you."
"Thank me?"
"Yeah. For the other night. I came over here and I clearly was not myself and you believed that I was the real Xander when I thought there was a bad one. You were my friend."
"Of course I believed you. You're my best friend," Will reminded him.
"I know, I just...."
"Just what?" she prodded.
"Nothing."
"Xander, come on."
"It's embarrassing."
"There's nothing we can't talk about, Xander. You've seen me in my Care Bear underwear."
He laughed. "Okay, you're right. It's just....I guess I'm....Anya's great, okay? And I love her. But..."
Xander stopped talking and folded his hands, resting his elbows on his knees. Willow let him stare at his cuticles for a full minute, then she asked, "But what?"
He looked her in the eye and unfolded his hands nervously. "She's not you."
Willow blushed again. "Xander..."
"Let me finish. I know you're with Tara now, and she's great and you're happy and I'm grateful you have that. I just...I'm gonna ask Anya to marry me this year, and I wanted to be sure I had your blessing."
"Wow. Wow. Wow."
"You said that," Xander smiled.
"I know. It's just. You. Married. And not to me. It's sort of a weird concept, you know?"
"I know. For me too."
"But you do love her."
"I really do," he admitted, surprising himself when he realized how true it was.
"Did ya buy a ring yet?"
"No, I'm waiting awhile on all that, but it is coming, and I just wanted to be sure--"
"That I wouldn't be mad and crash the wedding like some freakazoid 'cause you didn't ask me first?" Willow teased.
"Well, yeah."
"Relax," Willow got up and blew out some of the candles burning on the fireplace. "I'm okay. I'm happy for you, even. It's just--"
"Weird?" Xander guessed.
"Yes! Weird! 'Cause I mean, Tara and I can't get married, probably, but we'll be together and it's just.....well, someday, you and I will both be settled with someone we love, and we'll both have kids. But *we* won't be married and they won't be *our* kids."
Xander was shocked by all of this. "Willow."
"It's not how you think," she said quickly. Too quickly for a best friend not to see through. "I mean, I accept it. I have accepted it for a long time. It's just weird to really think about it as though it's actually going to happen."
"I know."
"Xander?" Willow asked.
"Yessum?"
"I still love you." she studied him as she spoke. "It's taken me a long time, but I'm finally over you. I love you, but not like *that*. It feels good to finally admit that to you. Should it?" she looked worried.
Xander shrugged. "I dunno."
A beeping sound went off, and Xander took a pager out of his pocket.
"You have a pager?" Willow asked.
"For work, but this is Anya."
"Oh. Guess you should get going then."
"Yeah."
They sat for a long minute, and then they hugged. Xander opened the door and then smiled at Willow as he walked through it.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome."
"Will?"
"Yes?"
"I love you too."
And then he left, taking Willow's broken and confused heart with him.