Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to the creators of Degrassi: The Next Generation. I am in no way affiliated with the show, my opinions on characters and storylines are strictly opinions and do not reflect that of Degrassi, or its creators.

This story was my piece for NaNoWriMo…or National Novel Writing Month. For those who are unfamiliar with it, it is a writing contest where you have exactly thirty days to write a 50,000 word story. It takes place in November and I strongly suggest that everyone try it out next year

But since it was for NaNoWriMo, and I was trying to take up space with words, it explains things that any Degrassi watcher would already know…so I apologize.

This was concocted in my brain during early season 4, before the shooting and all…so use your imaginations

Since this story is already written it should be updated often, (unlike my other stories…sorry everyone)

I always appreciate reviews so please do so

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I never imagined myself as being a "family man". I never really pictured Sean Cameron as the guy the whole family depends on for money. Or coming home at the same time every night for dinner, and to tuck the kids in bed.

Maybe it's because I never had what most would consider a real family. I try as hard as I can to remember the last time we were all together. When I was 6, my dad went to jail for the first time. At the time, I didn't really understand why he wasn't around anymore. But I did understand that I didn't miss him. My mom wasn't around much while dad was locked up. I guess she had better things to do than raise her children. My older brother Tracker, or Chris as my family knows him, was fourteen and pretty much the caretaker of the entire household. Dad got out of prison when I turned twelve. It was my birthday, and he was definitely the worst present I have ever gotten.

Then when I was thirteen, the "incident" happened. I swear I didn't try to hit him that hard. So this simple playground disagreement over God knows what turns into this huge deal. He's deaf in one ear, and Tracker and I were on our way to Toronto. Dad was on his way back to the slammer, he had a court date a few weeks later, and mom said she couldn't bear to look at me. But to tell the truth, I didn't want to look at her either. What kind of person ships off their child, let alone both of them, over one stupid mistake. If I had gotten to kick her out every time she messed up, I would've. But luckily, she let herself out. I promised myself that day, as Tracker and I drove away from our dirty old trailer, that if I ever had children, I would never, ever treat them that way.

Growing up, it was so hard for me to grasp the concept of love. It was something I wasn't fortunate enough to experience. It seemed like this really distant thing, a mountain peak that was impossible to reach, and it was blocked by the clouds, so I couldn't even see it if I wanted to. I longed to know what love was like. I wanted to feel love, to know love, just to be loved. I think that's why I fell for Emma so hard. She was just this tiny little blonde girl who cared way too much about animals and the rainforest, things that no one else paid any attention to. And she paid attention to me. Being with Emma was just so easy, she was very easy to love…she was perfect. And I messed it up, on several occasions. I just let her slip right through my fingers. The last time (of many times) we broke up…when I think about it, it still keeps me up at night. Her step dad, my teacher Mr. Simpson, he had leukemia. He was so sick all the time, and her mom had to work a lot, so she was always having to baby-sit her baby brother, so we didn't see each other that much. I broke it off because I said she wasn't spending enough time with me. But in reality, it was because I was jealous, I was so jealous of her because she loved Mr. Simpson. She loved her family and she was willing to do anything to help them. I wanted to have someone to love, to take care of. I just couldn't see that she was right there.

Tracker left me alone to follow his dreams to live in absolute mediocrity in the middle of grade eleven. He got this "dream job" that was going to move us both way out of town, to Alberta. He was going to drill oil or something stupid like that. But I refused to move in the middle of the year. So I got to live in the house all by myself, thanks to my generous shop teacher, who offered to be my guardian of sorts. I couldn't have been happier to be on my own. But when Ellie moved in with me, it completely sealed the deal. Her mom was having a lot of problems with her alcohol and everything, so I took her in. I was seventeen years old, living on my own, with my girlfriend nonetheless. We had our own little family of sorts. Ellie got the ridiculous idea to buy us a ferret, named Bueller. So it was just us, and the "baby". Life was absolutely perfect.

Waking up every morning to see her lying next to me was such a wonderful feeling. To see her gorgeous red hair sprawled out around the pillow, stray curls around her perfect face. I loved to see the sun streaming through the windows, creating a striped pattern across her delicate skin. Unfortunately, it took awhile for me to get to enjoy my daily sight of my gorgeous Ellie. The first few weeks, I slept on the couch, and Ellie was in my bed. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable…I really wanted her to stay.

One night, I know that it was a Thursday. Ellie and I had been up late studying for our English test that we had the next morning. I was really tired and I collapsed on the couch really quickly. I don't even know what time it was when I woke up, but it was pretty late. I looked around our dank little living room; I could make out some distinct features like the TV, and the kitchen table. I noticed Ellie standing a few feet in front of me, but I was too tired to be startled.

She gracefully made her way to me, I rubbed my eyes and started to sit up, "hey El, is everything-"

She bent down quickly and swept my mouth into a kiss. This was a different kiss than Ellie usually blessed me with. Something about it was passionate, and hungry. Her lips still pressed to mine, I slunk back down on the couch and she daintily sat on the edge, her hair falling charmingly onto my shoulders. I lifted my hand from under myself and placed it on her cheek. Her lips parted from mine, leaving me feeling suddenly lonely and empty. She put her own hand over mine and lifted my palm to her mouth and placed a gentle kiss on its center. Even in the dark I could see that the look on her face was one I'd never seen before.

She bent down slowly until her lips brushed past my left ear. "Sean, come to bed with me" she whispered in a very innocent, yet slightly seductive way

I was very confused by this, "to sleep right?"

She smiled in a sly manner and shook her head

"You mean?" I gulped, completely unprepared. I didn't expect this time to come for a very long time. Ellie was so shy, she insisted that I be on the couch or in the kitchen, facing the wall, and all doors and windows in the house be locked before she got in the shower.

She stood and took my hand. I obeyed, and followed her down the hall to the bedroom. When we got inside she shut the door behind her. I tried so hard to speak, but I didn't know what to say to her. She had definitely caught me off guard with this one.

When she came toward me and began tugging at the bottom of my shirt, I got scared. This wasn't her, this wasn't my Ellie. But when she swept me up in another kiss, I felt her again. This may have been Ellie, but she wasn't acting like herself. As hard as I tried to stop her, I ended up going along with whatever she had planned. The insatiable male part of me just couldn't help it.

Later when the heat of the moment was at its peak, Ellie and I had moved to the bed. Neither of us had any clothes remaining on our body. As I spread kisses all over her neck and throat, I noticed her small hands were shaking as they grazed across my back. I suddenly came back from whatever universe my brain had sailed off to.

I sat up so I could see her face. I reached over to sweep the hair out of her face. Her eyes were wide and she was chewing viciously on her lower lip. The best word to describe her expression was terrified. I smiled as genuinely as I could, in attempt to calm her, "Ellie, what's wrong?"

She opened her mouth to speak, and instead began to sob. It was the first time I had ever seen Ellie cry. Seeing her at that height of vulnerability shot through me and made my stomachache. I sat up and brought her with me, I held her delicate body as close to me as I possibly could. Then, my nervous rambling started, "Ellie, Ellie, please please tell me what's wrong. Talk to me. I-I have to make this better. Ellie, what…I- um please"

She parted from me, sniffling and settled back against the pillows. I slid back down next to her and stroked her hair, trying to coax her into talking to me. She nervously pulled the covers up to her nose and sank further back. Then this strange, fast talking, super emotional Ellie burst out, "Sean, I thought this was what I wanted…well, I thought it's what you wanted. I mean, I know you had sex with Amy didn't you?" she didn't give me time to answer, "I don't really know what's expected of living together. But I'm almost positive it's included in the plan. I just don't think I want to. I mean I do want to have sex with you Sean, don't think that I think you're like a leper or something and I don't want you, because I do. Trust me, I really do. Just…not right now."

When she had stopped talking long enough to breathe I smiled and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Go to sleep Ellie" I laughed. And we settled down into bed for a wonderful nights sleep. And after that night I never woke up without Ellie in my arms.