Sniff...and so it ends. But...!
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Did any of you guys hear 'bout KH2 Final Mix & Re: CoM...?
A Tale of Two Idiots
Chapter 10
Xemnas's Wrath
The day before, Roxas had shown Axel some ideas that he had written in a notebook. Picking the best ones, they set up a idiot proof plan, calculating every possible move…
"Okay, so we'll do this, and this, oh! This one's good too," Axel said, evil smile on his face, looking through the book again.
"Yeah, this one is good…" Roxas muttered. It was six in the morning, and they were trying to get ready to execute Operation: Revenge for Xemnas's "This is the day I turned EVIL" party. Why on earth would anyone have a party for something like that is beyond me, but we all know one thing: Xemnas is crazy. And Saix smokes Pot.
"Okay, so we have to go out and buy some of this stuff. I'll go to town and buy it, you get ready with everything else," Axel said, getting up and walking out the door, stopping by Luxord's room to steal some of his "hard earned" munny.
Roxas went over to his drawer, pulling out of bag of sugar. When I say "bag" I mean a large zip lock bag. Taking a spoon out of the same drawer, he opened up the bag and scooped out some, and stuck it in his mouth. This repeated for sixteen spoonfuls until Roxas felt worthy enough to cause real trouble. This was going to be a real fun day…
Breakfast was rushed, due to the fact that they had to get the room ready for the party. Xigbar put the table who knows where, and Marluxia started decorating the room with streamers, flowers, etc. Lexaeus was in the kitchen baking Xemnas's cake, since he was the only one with enough patience to do something so daring. He had left the room for the time being, so Roxas stood in the back, eyes twitching from all the sugar he chucked down.
The cake was pretty big, like one of those large wedding cakes. And it was a chocolate cake. But there was no chocolate on it yet. Perfect.
Taking the can of chocolate cream off the table, which was going on the cake, he replaced it with fifty bottles of cow shit, which looked like chocolate, to him anyway. He put the real chocolate in his backpack, and walked over to the fridge.
As he opened it, he saw some wine bottles, set to cool. He took two and chucked it out the open kitchen window, hitting Xaldin in the head, causing him to pass out. Roxas than replaced the wine bottles with his own homemade ones. El pee de Roxas as he liked to call it. Hey, who was gonna notice, they were both yellow in color. Either way, they'd drink it.
He turned to the other wine bottles. Taking out a small vial (he nicked it off of Vexen during the whole Furby dilemma, when he and Axel were in his lab) he poured a little into each bottle. To spike, or not to spike? Roxas thought with an evil smile. Spike! He ended up pouring the whole potion into one of the bottles. With that finished, he threw the empty bottle out the window, rehitting Xaldin, who had just gotten up. Unfortunatly, he fell back down again.
Phase 1: Complete! Roxas walked out with a triumphant smile.
Axel was currently hiding in Xemnas's closet, while the Superior was who knew where.
He looked around at all of Mansex's cloths. All the cloaks that he had were either black, white, or gray.
This guy needs to get out more. Then he heard some kind of noise. He looked through the closet door crack, and saw that Saix had just entered the room, holding Xemnas's black/white cloak in his hands. (You know the one he wore during the final boss battle? Yeah…) Must've sent his boyfriend to get his drycleaning. Saix put the cloak on a chair, and left.
A couple of minutes later, Axel got out of the closet and went over to the chair. The smile on his face only got bigger as he took a bottle out of his pocket.
Roxas was in his room, waiting impatiently for Axel to finish his "mission". At long last, he entered the room.
"Phase 2: Complete! The itching powder is now on Mansex's cloak," he said, controlling his laugh. "You done with your part?"
Roxas smiled. "Replaced the chocolate cream with cow shit, switched the wine bottles with my piss, and spiked the rest with Vexen's potion. Yeah, my part's done."
"Good, now on with Phase 3."
Both Keyblade Master and Pyro stood hehind a corner, watching Xigbar fill the black balloons with air.
"Okay, so I'll go out and distract him," Roxas said, sea salt ice cream in hand.
"And I'll help him finish the balloons," Axel said, smiling like a mad man.
Roxas went up to the Freeshooter, sucking on his ice cream. "Xigbar, can I ask you something?"
Xigbar looked up. "Shoot."
"Can we go somewhere else to talk about it? I don't want anyone to hear us."
For a moment, Xigbar looked confused. The he shrugged and got up, leaving with Roxas.
After they were gone, Axel went up to the balloons, holding a paint brush and a bucket of gasoline.
Half and hour later…
"Y-You're not digusted…doesn't any of this make you sick?" Xigbar asked Roxas, who was sucking on his 34th ice cream bar.
Roxas shock his head and continued eating.
By now, Xigabr's eyes were twitching. Roxas had wanted to ask him something, but he didn't expect it to be about sick things. So Xigbar had told him all the sickest, craziest, and perverted things in the world. When he had been little, Xigbar and some of his friends would go up to little kids and tell the sick things. They would gag and throw up, and they were Roxas's age. But Roxas didn't do anything. He just stood there, eating sea salt ice cream.
"I'm going to go and shoot something now," Xigbar said, backing away and going into his room, forgetting about the balloons.
Roxas stood there for a few more minutes, making sure Xigbar wasn't coming back. Then he took out his earplugs, put them in his pocket, and went to get more ice cream.
On the way back to the kitchen, he bumbed into Axel. "Phase 3: Complete," he said, rubbing his hands together. "You?"
Roxas smiled. "He ended up going back to his room to shoot something."
Just then, Xaldin walked up to them, holding an icepack against his forehead. "Xemnas wanted me to give this to you two," he handed a note to Roxas.
"What's with the icepack?" Axel asked.
"I was out walking this morning, and I was hit with three glass bottles filled with some sort of liquid," Roxas laughed under his breath when he heard that, but that went unnoticed by the two adults, "one of them was Vexen's, I'll have to stab him later…anyway, Xemnas and Saix can't stand to look at you two, so I'm stuck playing delivery boy," he said, then left.
Axel leaned over Roxas's shoulder so he could also read the note.
"I have not forgotten what you two perverts did yesterday. One more stunt, and I mean one more stunt, and you two morons will be in a world of hurt."
Roxas handed the paper to Axel, who burned it.
"To bad it's too late to be good little boys," Roxas said, evil smile and all.
"Yeah, screw that. All the parts are in place. Now, we wait."
That night, all the members started to gather in the party room, making last minute preparations.
Roxas and Axel, however, got stuck with bringing out the cake. Which, as we all know, was covered with cow shit. One more thing, the candles were already lit. Just remember that.
"Man Roxas, how much cow shit did you leave behind?" Axel said, trying not to sniff the cake.
"About fifty cans. I don't think Lexaeus can smell very good…" Roxas said.
They entered the room, and made their way to the table to put the cake down. After they did that, they walked around, waiting for Mansex to show up.
The duo went ot the other side of the room, as far away from the refreshment table as possible. They saw Saix going up to the table to get a glass of wine. He picked one up, drank from it, and immediately spit it out. He starred at the glass, then chucked the whole glass down, getting more. Axel and Roxas laughed as he fell to the floor, drinking one of the glasses that had been spiked.
"I'd put that down if I were you," Zexion said as Demyx picked up a glass.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow," Xemnas said, scratching himself as he walked into the room. "Saix, did you take these to the cleaners? Saix?" Too bad Saix was out cold on the ground.
"Holy…" Xigbar said, as a balloon floated over to the candles on the cake, bursting into flames since Axel put gasoline on the balloons.
"Shit," Axel said, "We weren't supposed to light them yet."
Everyone, expect Xemnas, Axel, Roxas, and Demyx, all ran out of the room, dragging the unconscious Saix by his feet.
"My sanctuary! Sanctuary!" Axel screamed, getting out his chakrams and running around the room, with twenty foot tall flames coming out of everywhere.
"The roof! The roof!" Roxas yelled, holding a bucket of gasoline in his hand.
"Dance, water, dance!" Demyx cried, trying to put the fire out, with no luck. He ran out after the other members as the flames grew bigger.
Now, Xemnas was beyond pissed. "I-I warned you two…WELCOME TO HELL!" He brought out his light sabers, and began to walk closer. Axel and Roxas stopped running around. They saw Mansex's pissed face, and started stepping back.
"Aw, come on…we were just having a little fun…" Axel said.
"Y-Yeah, and we ain't done yet, right Axel?" Roxas said, smiling.
"Yeah…on the count of three…THREE!" they both turned around, pulling down their pants, showing off their pale asses. And wouldn't you know it, there were words on their butts. Written on Axel's ass was the word "fuck" and on Roxas's ass the word "you" was written.
Xemnas's mouth was down to the floor, orange eyes wide. Two seconds later he passed out.
Pulling up their pants, and laughing like crazy, they went down the hall, until a voice behind them made them stop dead.
"So you're trying to kill me? Spike my drink, huh? Too bad I ain't dead yet." Axel and Roxas turned around to find Saix, in berserk mode, ready to kill.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" the two idiots screamed, running through the front doors of the castle.
"Where do we run to?" Roxas asked as they saw Mansex's gummi ship. "To the gummi!" Axel yelled. They stopped when they got in.
"Where are the keys? Without them, we're screwed!" Axel said as Saix was running around the yard, trying to find them.
Roxas turned to Axel. "Get in the drivers seat and start driving."
"Why, you got the keys?"
"No, but I know how to get out of here." Roxas got onto the floor, crawling under the steering wheel. He then started to fool around with the wires. A minute later, the controls lighted up.
"Go!" Roxas yelled.
Axel stomped on the gas petal, and they shot up into the sky. Below them, they could hear Saix yelling profanity at them. Roxas pointed a middle finger at Saix.
"Can't you drive better?" Roxas asked ten minutes later.
"You do realize that Mansex took my license, right?" Axel said, getting up so Roxas could drive instead.
"So…" Axel asked a few minutes later, "we're wanted men. Where exactly are we gonna go now?"
Roxas though for a moment. "We could always go to Atlantica and sing with Ariel."
"But it's underwater. How 'bout-" Axel said, but then got cut off has the controls on the panel started lighting up again.
"What?" Roxas asked.
"We're out of fuel," Axel said, looking at the controls. Then the ship started shaking.
"This doesn't look so good…" Roxas said as he looked out the window, shock on his face. "We're going to crash into a world!"
"Shit, shit, shit! We need to get out of here!" Axel yelled, looking around for an exit.
"We're going to die!" Roxas yelled, hugging Axel as they both screamed. Meanwile, the gummi ship crash landed on the world known as…
Yes, cliffhangers are evil...very evil...but then that means there's going to be a sequel! Aren't you people happy?
First off, thanks for everyone who reviewed, you made me want to try and update faster. Thanks!
About the sequel...please wait a month for it. I've already got it planned out, but I'm going to take a little break. Plus I've got projects to do for school, so it's going to take a while. And I need to update my other stories before you guys try to hunt me down.
P.S. - Lets see how many people actually read my disclaimer...