a/n: characters not mine. etc. sometimes you can be in the middle of something and realize you're not doing what you want to be doing. i'll finish 'before we grow up,' i promise. but until then, this is dawns story. yes, ladies and gentleman... a prequel to an unfinished sequel.
description: everyone changes, even the one you think is most grounded of all. prequel to 'before we grow up.' semi-california diaries crossover.
Dawn.
Content.
I slam my locker door shut and squeeze past the crowd that had gathered behind me. As I take my first steps I hear a sound, a fwap, as my mirror hit my books. It falls down at least once a day. That and my picture of Jake Gyllenhaal.
I make my way down the overflowing hall, using elbows when I have to. I've been at Vista (high) since eighth grade. Being here for three years has taught me to hold no mercy on my fellow students when it comes to navigating the halls. I pass couples sprawled against lockers making out, a guy on rollerblades, a cheerleader getting a piggyback from a Varsity football player, and a brewing fight. I don't bat an eye. I spot Sunny in the distance and call out to her, jumping and waving. I may be one of the taller females in my class, but I'm no match for three senior guys in front of me. One of the guys mock me as he passes a flask to one of his friends. I shove my way past them, uttering a few choice curse words. The guys laugh goodnaturedly and move on.
"Sunny!" I call again. She must not have heard me the first time. She was standing at her open locker, studying her cell phone. She looks up this time and grins, sticking her tongue out at me. Lodged in the middle of her tongue is a silver bar with a black ball. I shriek. "It looks great!"
"Thanks." She replies as I get to her. The word is slightly slurred. "My tongue is still really swollen, that's why I'm talking funny." She tucks her phone into her pocket. "You want to get yours done?"
I make a face. A giant swollen tongue and plenty of pain don't really sound that great. Sunny has talked me into two piercings, my navel and my nose. I was grounded for a month each time. Sunny's dad doesn't mind her holes. She has her navel, nose, lip, eyebrow, and now tongue. I used to think it was a passing phase. Guess I was wrong.
We make our way to the lunchroom, Sunny attempting to convince me to get my tongue done. I'm not sure. I like how it looks, and Dad probably wouldn't even notice it, but that pain...
I grab a garden salad and Sunny gets a fruit platter. We pay and fight our way past the crush of the cafeteria to the quad. The quad is a large grassy outdoor area located in the center of the school and just outside the lunchroom. We take our usual spots sitting on one of the brick planter walls. It's peaceful in the quad. Mostly us sophmores and juniors.
Sunny grabs a clump of her hair with the hand that isn't occupied by a chunk of cantelope. It's light blonde streaked with bright blue. "I'm thinking of changing all of my jewelry and my streaks to black. Be more coordinated."
I squint at her, picturing it. "Could work." I may have put a couple of holes in my body but I wouldn't dare touch my hair with that crap. Sunny liked to make a statement with her appearence. Not just her piercings and hair, but with her clothes as well. Today she wore camo pants and combat boots and a camo t-shirt with a sequinned peace symbol sewn one the front. She wore a small button pinned to the t-shirt that said "Fuck War." So far she hadn't been busted for it.
I looked down at my baggy white capri's and tight white spaghetti strapped tank top. I'm not exactly a controversial dresser. I'm not exactly a controversial anything. My nosering is just a thin silver hoop. Boring.
Sunny and I eat lunch alone, as usual. When Sunny's mom died she started getting strange, and our group of friends pulled away from her. In the end, everyone but our friend Ducky and I pulled away completely. Maggie fell in with the snobbier crowd - she wasn't the only famous daughter at Vista. She claimed those girls understood her life better but they all shunned us "regular" people. Amalia threw herself into school full-force and now hangs out with the newspaper nerds - Sunny's label, not mine. Ducky graduated in January, much to Sunny and I's devestation. He's never fully explained why he'd thrown himself so far ahead, simply saying he'd had enough of Vista. Not that we don't see him almost every day. He goes to Orange Coast College, a local community college. He moved out of his parents house, too, and in with a guy friend of his from school. Just friends, he says. Sunny and I are keeping an eye on that. Ducky's never admitted that he's gay, and sometimes I wonder if Ducky has an interest in either sex. In three years he's never been out on a date, guy or girl. I don't know if he doesn't know or just doesn't care.
Sunny and I chatter about summer. School is over in a week, and I've opted to stay home this summer. I went back to Connecticut last year and was just so... uncomfortable. Everyone and everything was different. Mary Anne, my step-sister, was always out with Stacey and Claudia, or sometimes Logan, who she'd supposedly broken up with again. I spent two months cooped up in the house reading, with the occasional baby-sitting job. Not exactly a swingin' time. Mom was disappointed but not shocked when I told her I'd decided to stay home this year. Jeff decided to stay home, too. Anyway, Sunny, Ducky and I have big plans. Two weeks after school lets out we're all taking a week-long trip to Rosarita, Mexico. In July my dad and Carol are taking Gracie on a ten-day cruise to Hawaii, and leaving Jeff and I home alone. In August we have Ducky's nineteenth birthday, and he's been talking about road-tripping it to Las Vegas. I don't know why he wants to go there, it's not like he can gamble.
Lunch flies by, and soon the bell rings. Sunny makes a face. I know that face.
"I don't feel like class." She whines. I grin, shaking my head. Normally I try to talk her out of it, but it is the last week of school.
"You want to go to the beach?" I ask, just to shock her.
She tries not to show her surprise. "Well, if you want."
I grin and we casually make out way out to the parking lot. Nobody notices, or cares as we approach my car. I got my license as soon as I turned sixteen, and Dad and Carol gave me Carol's six-year-old Camry. He bought her a new minivan. Carol wants to be a soccer mom, I guess.
Sunny and I duck into the car and speed out of the lot. We stop at her house where I borrow a bikini. She's a little bigger than me on top, but it'll work. We made our way through the lunchtime traffic on the freeway and landed at Newport Beach. I grab our stuff and stake out our usual spot (this is our usual beach) while Sunny heads to the Palm Bar and Grille to get us drinks. She has a very successful fake I.D. The bartender at the Palm knows her now so she never even gets carded. I spread out our towels and set up the CD player. Just as I'm about to lay down and close my eyes Sunny comes trudging through the sand with two Margaritas.
"In honor of our upcoming trip." She says, clinking her cup against mine. I giggle and take a small sip. I'm not as big of a drinker as Sunny. She'll finish hers in ten minutes and then finish mine.
Sunny's cell phone rings and she sets down her drink and removes the phone from her bikini top. She has to keep it somewhere. I hate cell phones, which is why I haven't asked for one. Dad was talking about getting me one for my trip, but I can't be sure.
The earpiece is loud and not only can I tell it is Ducky on the other end, I can hear every word he's saying. "We're at our spot." Sunny says, picking up her drink again and taking a large gulp.
"You didn't invite me!" Ducky's voice is muffled but shrill.
"You're in school, college boy."
Ducky quiets at this point, and I can't hear every word. I pick up a few - "not," "class," and "lately." It doesn't take a genius. It's Tuesday, he only had two classes today. I'm guessing he's been skipping one of them.
"Well come down here then!" I shout.
Sunny grins. "He says to tell you to quiet down, and that he got in his car the second I told him we were here." She takes another swig of her drink. It's more than half gone already. I sip mine again. I don't want her getting drunk. I need to drink a little more of mine before she finishes.
Sunny says goodbye to Ducky and tells him to drive safe. When she hangs up she hits "play" on the CD player and the new Jax CD fills our ears. "Ahhhh," she moans, laying back and closing her eyes.
We both tanned in silence for five songs. I mananged to drink half of my margarita before Sunny finished her's and started on it. Just into the sixth song, a shadow fell over us. I opened my eyes and sqinted at the figure blocking the sun. "Ducky?"
"But of course." Ducky replied. We sat up and he plops between us, handing a paper bag to Sunny. "My treat."
Sunny reaches in a pulls out a Smirnoff Twisted V Watermelon. Her drink of choice. "Aww, Ducky, thanks!" She opens it and sets down the bag, which gives the clink of several more bottles. She offers me one, which I turn down, but Ducky's up for it. He twists the top off and takes a swig. I give him a Look. He's driving.
Ducky winks at me and I'm reassured. He's a responsible guy.
He talks about the class he's supposed to be in, which is Fire Science. He'd been contemplating becoming a fireman. "I don't know anymore, though. I really don't like the class." He wrinkles his nose. "Almost seems a little too manly for me." Ducky looks back and forth between Sunny and I, waiting for someone to disagree. No one does. I smile at him a little.
"O-kay..." Ducky says sarcastically. "So we're agreed I'm too girly to be a fireman?"
Sunny looks away. I pretend to brush sand off my leg.
"Josh really is just my friend, you know." Ducky says with a grin. Josh is his roomate. Sunny bursts out laughing. I giggle. Ducky started talking about Mexico. He always changes the subject when the "gay thing" comes up. Sunny says that she asked him outright once, last year. She said Ducky had simply sat there, thoughtful, for about five minutes. Sunny had gotten so impatient she'd told him forget it, nevermind, she didn't care. He'd smiled at her and changed the subject. I have the feeling that, if he is, he hides it because of his brother Ted. Ted is already married and has a kid on the way, and their parents are just ecstatic. More than one time at Ted's wedding reception, which he had taken me to as his "date," Ducky's mom had told him he needed to hurry up and get his own wife. Ducky had simply smiled and nodded, looking a little uncomfortable. Then he'd changed the subject. His parents are always gone and don't know him all that well, and Ted is this macho guy, the polar opposite of Ducky.
We hung out, talking, laughing and planning, until the sun started going down. We then packed up and headed home. I drove behind Ducky, who admitted he was a little buzzed to be driving. Sunny played with my radio and laughed a lot. Sometimes I wish I didn't always have to be the responsible one all the time.
I follow Ducky off his exit. He'd invited us over for dinner and a movie, and we have naturally accepted.
We entered the apartment and Josh looked up from the T.V. and grinned. He was watching "Mr. and Mrs. Smith." Josh loves Brad Pitt. Josh is very, very gay. He dresses in gorgeous clothes and gets his teeth bleached. His hair is always perfect. He has more shoes than Sunny and I combined. He drives brand-new white VW Bug, and it has a GIANT rainbow flag decal on the back window. Josh is very proud. That's why we can't be sure he and Ducky have something going. I don't think Josh would stand for a boyfriend who's still in the closet.
But you never know. Josh runs over to greet us, and before he hugs Sunny and I, he gives Ducky a squeeze on the shoulder. It seems like a boyfriend thing to do. Ducky smiles gently at him. It's a different smile than the one he uses on Sunny and I. We've debated over this for hours when Ducky isn't around. We just can't figure it out.
We all help out in the kitchen and in less than an hour have an amazing meal ready. Pasta with pesto sauce, spinach salad, and grilled tuna. Josh is a chef. We just help out, really. I eat everything, even the tuna. It's amazing. Josh cracks open a bottle of white wine and we all drink. I feel more comfortable drinking at Ducky's place. I know if I have too much I can just stay.
When the food is long gone we migrate to the couch with our wine glasses, all squeezing on. Ducky and Josh sit at opposite ends, Sunny and I between them. I'm next to Josh. We watch a comedy, all laughing the night away.
Some time after midnight Ducky stumbles to bed and Sunny is knocked out cold on the couch. Josh and I remain, watching a rerun of Law and Order. I, and four glasses of wine, decide to be bold. "Josh," I ask, "is Ducky your boyfriend?"
Josh leans back and studies my face for a moment. "I think that's something you need to ask Chris." He always calls Ducky by his real name.
"We have. A hundred times. He always says you guys are just friends."
Josh chewed on his lower lip a bit. "Well, if that's what he says..."
I look back at the T.V., frustrated. "If he is, I wish he would just say so." I mutter.
"So are you guys staying the night?" Josh asks.
He really has Ducky's routine down. I glance at Sunny, who was starting to slide off the couch. "Looks like."
Josh get up to get blankets. I stand up myself to pick up Sunny's legs and lay her on the couch properly. I look at the loveseat with disdain. I don't want to sleep on that little thing, it'll kill my back. Instead I cover up Sunny and knock softly on Ducky's door. Josh has already gone in his room.
Ducky opens his door pretty quickly. He hadn't been asleep, at least. "Can I sleep in your bed?" I ask Ducky quietly.
He nods and opens his door all the way. I hurry in and jump in his bed. I'm still wearing my beach clothes, but I don't care. Ducky slides in next to me. He's wearing boxers and a t-shirt. I've never slept in the same bed as Ducky before. He switched off his light, but I can still see his face in the streetlight. He's smiling at me. "I won't take advantage of you, I promise."
"Why?" I challenge him. He knows what I mean.
"You're just very ugly. I can barely stand to look at you."
I giggled and so did he. After some more giggling, and a mean game a footsies, Ducky smoothes my hair away from my face and tells me to go to sleep. I close my eyes and I feel him move closer. I feel breath, then lips, on my forehead. "Goodnight, Dawn." He murmurs.
"Goodnight, Ducky." I reply, sighing. The wine catches up and I'm gone in moments.
I got home at seven the next morning, plenty of time to eat, shower, and get dressed for school. I dropped Sunny off at her house, promising to pick her up again. Vista is only a ten minute walk, but we have to show up in a car. It's just cool. As I entered the kitchen, Dad didn't even look up from his newspaper. "Hi, sweetie."
Technically, my curfew is midnight, but if I don't come home Dad assumes I'm staying at Sunny's or Ducky's. The first time I came home and told him I'd stayed with Ducky and Josh he'd started to get mad, until I told him Josh is gay. He'd been quiet for a moment and asked me if Josh is Ducky's boyfriend.
Don't we all wonder.
It's nice that Dad trusts me so much. I've never given him a reason not to, I guess. Yeah, he was pissed about the piercings but more on the level of "You should have asked me first," as opposed to "You should not have done it." He's always been open-minded.
I do what I need to do and head back to Sunny's house. She's sitting on her front step, waiting for me. When she sees my car she bounds down the walkway. "Thank God!" She exclaims as she jumps in. "Dad was being a prick. I was supposed to work yesterday. I guess I forgot."
Glancing sideways at Sunny, I realize she's a little too uppity. She starts chattering about a new term she learned, "fag-hags," and how it applies to us. I don't say anything. Sunny has a new habit lately, a bad one, but I try to keep out of it. I know if I say anything she'll tell me she didn't get enough sleep to deal with school, needed a litle pick-me-up. I have to be careful with her, she's terribly rebelious. If I start lecturing her about drugs she'll start doing speed everyday just to prove that she's fine. I've only caught her on it four times, which I guess is still classified as "recreational." Now I'm all for being young and rebellious, experimenting and whatnot, but I don't see the logic behind snorting a drug that's made from stuff that could kill you if you swallowed it. I've tried a few things, usually under Sunny's influence. I smoked pot with her a couple times out of sheer curiousity. I liked it, too.
Ducky once told me he worries that I'm too quick to change for people. I have no idea what her meant by it. I like to try new things, and I like making people happy. I see it as adapting to my surroundings. I may change a few of my beliefs here and there, but what is the point of life if you're the same person throughout? I went vegan for a couple months last year, and then I stopped. I got mad at Sunny for dating around and going too far too young when she lost her virginity to a senior in our freshman year, but two months ago I nearly did the same thing with a guy who was twenty. I was totally ready and willing, but he decided at the last minute (after, of course, I had gone down on him) that he couldn't do it with a fifteen-year-old. I used to claim I would never hurt the enviroment, yet I drive my car to and from school every day just to look cool. People change, and I prefer to go with that particular flow.
When Sunny and I seperated once inside Vista, I headed for the restroom. I entered and breezed past the two girls leaning over the counter to snort cocaine. It's something you come to expect here. Once upon a time I would have run shrieking to school security, but today I simply walk by and smile at the one who isn't snorting. She smiles back.
Just another day at Vista.