ADVENTURES IN COSPLAY

PART 3: What ARE you talking about?

In our last installment we learned Larxene likes Disney, Sora doesn't want to be Demyx, Zexion and Demyx along with Namine are STILL being followed by Saix Moon and Tuxedo Vexen along with Super Saiyan Lexaeus and Xigbar answers to yet another mysterious leader named The Master.

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There were three things that made Axel's day. They were, in no particular order, Jesse McCartney, Roxas, and Roxas dressing up like Jesse McCartney. It didn't help matters none that Roxas was a DAMN fine singer too. It also didn't help that Roxas was also a HUGE Pirates of the Caribbean fan, or that he was dressed in a pirate outfit, or the fact he was singing A Pirate's Life for Me over and over and over…..

"Yo Ho, Yo Ho, A Pirate's Life for MEEEEEEEEEE!" Roxas merrily sang, whilst swinging to and fro on a rope that just happened to be in the room Roxas and Axel randomly chose for no apparent reason that day. Axel just sat on the floor, looking up at the swinging Roxas and sighed as he let Roxas' sweet voice wash over him like a springtime breeze. Once Roxas was finished with the song, Axel leapt up and joined Roxas in his swashbuckling exercises, which meant that Axel was going to fuck Roxas' brains out…

….Well he WOULD have, had Luxord not barged in the room. "Roxas, Axel, we have an emergency and…why does this room look like a pirate ship?" Luxord scanned the room, resting his eyes on the two "pirates." "Dunno, gramps. Why do YOU look like a Lord of the Rings reject?" Axel smirked. Luxord huffed and slammed the bottom of the cane he was holding on the ground. "I am NOT a LotR reject! This is the official Gandolf the White Cosplay costume! Anyway, we have an emergency! Sora, Riku and Kairi are here and we need to get rid of them." "Why should we help you?" Roxas growled. Luxord looked at Axel and smirked. "No more J Mac for you if Xemnas gets wind. He'll never leave the castle again." Axel's eyes widened. "What do we need to do?" he grumbled. "Just help Vexen and the others chase them into the grand ballroom. We'll take it from there."

Axel and Roxas turned to leave when Luxord grabbed them by the shoulders. "You need disguises…better ones than those. Put these on." A few minutes later Axel stepped out. "You GOT to be kidding me." he grumbled as he passed a hand through his hair, stopping at the ponytail. "Do I really look THAT much like Reno? I mean I know we have the same character designer, we're from the same company and both our voice actors are the same in the English and Japanese versions, but COME ON PEOPLE! We're TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE!" Axel turns to the audience and shakes his head. "You people disgust me."

"Big sword! WHEEEEEEEEEEE!" Roxas leapt from behind a curtain, wearing, you guessed it, Cloud's Advent Children outfit. "Why does HE get to have a big fucking sword?" "Cuz I'm a main character, I'm a main character…" Roxas gleefully sang as he danced around, still wielding the giant sword. "Whatever. Just don't start hallucinating about a girl dressed in pink in a field of flowers during a big fight scene got it?"

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Riku, Sora and Kairi had just made their way to the top floor of the castle. Those who lived on the top floor could only be described as…well…to put it plainly…just plain fucked up. I pause a moment in the story to explain the situation of rooming in The Castle That Never Was. There were four main floors where the residents of said castle lived, three on each floor minus Xemnas, who lived in his study way off in a completely, except for him, unexplored and unmapped part of the castle and Namine, whose weird come-to-life drawings just creeped everyone out. The twelve remaining members lived in the four floors. The bottom floor consisted of Vexen, Xigbar, and Lexaeus, who were the most level headed of the rest and therefore wanted to stay closer to the ground. Personally, Vexen was scared of heights and only truly worked in his lab to remedy that. The other two just wanted to be closer to the earth, Lexaeus wanted to practice his powers and Xigbar found it easier to find things to shoot.

The next floor consisted of the Nobodies that no one, no pun intended, could understand. Our heroes Zexion and Demyx, as well as Roxas lived on this floor. Knowing what we know now of their personalities, one could assume that they would know where I'm coming from. The next floor was the floor for wayward Nobodies that included Xaldin, Axel and Luxord. Their completely differated ideas set them apart from the others, because, well, they didn't quite fit a group.

The last group, I'm sorry to say, the TOP floor was the Nobodies who were just plain fucked up in the head as I mentioned previously. They consisted of Saix, Larxene and Marluxia. The top floor was their domain, their sanctuary, the place where many would enter but none would leave. Whether it be getting caught in one of Larxene's Disney "fantasies", Marluxia's little pets, which were NOT little, or just catching Saix in a bad mood, or that time of the month for that matter, No ONE and I repeat, NO ONE, got out alive, or well rather, if they did, they were never sane again. Before I continue on, I will inform the reader that by no one, I meant beings other than the Organization members, because, well to put it bluntly, no one else had the "heart" for their little playtime other than their comrades, no pun intended. Now that you've had your history lesson for the day, back to the story….

"So this is where Larxene is supposed to be?" Sora grumbled, dragging the sitar behind him. It was, after all, quite heavy. Riku turned around. "For the last time, YES, and quit dragging your sitar! Do you know how long I had to make that?" "Don't make it so heavy then, fuckwad." "I can make it as heavy as I want, Muggle." "HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A MUGGLE!" Kairi gently walked to the nearest wall and sat down. "There they go again." she sighed.

Unfortunately for them, Riku and Sora didn't get to make it to the Ultimate Name Calling line as they heard a ferocious roar. The three stopped what they were doing as giant footsteps came closer and closer to them. "Holy shit." was all Sora could say as he looked into the eyes of the creature that found them. It opened its mouth and…..

……began singing. "I love you, you love me. We're a happy family….." "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the three screamed. "BARNEY? I thought that thing was dead!" Sora yelled as they were being chased through the hall, the said purple dinosaur running after them. Unfortunately for them, common law of construction still worked in the castle and soon they were backed into a dead end. As the creature of immense terror was about to pounce upon them, the three heard the sound of their savior.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" A green blast hit Barney and he, well, you know, died. A figure in a black robe walked up to them. "Too bad I had to kill him, he was one of my favorite torture devices. Oh well." The figure yanked off his hood to reveal….Marluxia! Dun dun da da! Marluxia walked over to the three and grinned. "Sorry about that. Usually I can catch them quickly when they escape, but for some reason, it took me a while to find him. You wore him down though so I'll thank you for that, and I won't unleash the other ones on you as my thanks." "Uh, don't mention it." Riku laughed grimly, as they tried sneaking away.

In one quick move, Marluxia had the three pinned back to the wall. "Now if I may so kindly ask, who are you? I know you're not actually Zexion, Demyx, and Namine. First of all, Zexion is shorter, Demyx loves his sitar more than nonexistent life itself, and Namine won't just calmly sit down. Plus the fact that you said Muggle. I know for a fact that no one but me likes Harry Potter in this damn castle so who are you?" The three fidgeted, darting their eyes looking for an exit. Marluxia sighed and backed away. "I already told you I'm not going to kill you so you have nothing to fear." Riku sighed. "It's Riku, Sora and Kairi. We were sneaking in here to finally defeat you all, but now we have to take pictures of Larxene in her Disney costumes so Xigbar won't tell everyone we're here."

Marluxia hmmed. "That's too bad. No one usually survives on the top floor but fellow Organization members. Looking at you three, it's a good thing I found you than Saix or Larxene. They're mental. I'll help you guys out because one, I would also like to see those pictures, just because of the fact that I'm in the room next door to her, two, I'm pissed off at everyone for not letting me redecorate this appalling monotone shit hole we live in, three, to get on the good side of the readers by helping the heroes, even though you're not really the heroes, the ones you're playing are, in this story, four, I'm getting paid to do it, and five, because I already know how this story turns out and the author threatened to kill me five times in a row in Chain of Memories if I didn't go along with what she wrote me in to do."

Marluxia led them to his room, where he served them some very delicious tea, I must say. While they were having their snack, Marluxia told them all that had happened in the story thus far. "So the three we're playing are playing us and everyone else, in costume, is trying to catch them." Riku replied once they heard the story. "Yep. That's pretty much it." "Well, that being the case, who are you supposed to be?" Kairi asked sweetly. "Duh, that should be pretty obvious. I'm a Death Eater from Harry Potter." Marluxia beamed. "Not much of a change if you ask me. I thought you would be someone more….you know…gayer…" Sora blankly said. Marluxia blinked. "I'm not…gay. Why does everyone think that? Kurama from Yu Yu Hakusho uses flowers, other guys in anime use flowers, but no one thinks they're right off the bat gay so why is it just me? I mean, I DID have a MANLY voice in Chain of Memories. Geez, people can be so insensitive."

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Meanwhile, Zexion, Demyx, and Namine began to wander around in the basement of the castle. Upon finding an abandoned Christmas tree (why it was in the castle perplexed the hell out of them) they decided to play another prank on their pursuers. Namine ordered the cracked looking Mickey, Donald, and Goofy to stand beside the tree while Zexion placed bags and bags of flour, glue, and chicken feathers around the tree in conveniently placed positions so their enemies would land straight into them. As Demyx helped him, he wondered if Zexion based these ideas on that Home Alone movie.

Soon the trap was ready and the three skipped off leaving the trap. Just about the time they left, Saix Moon, Tuxedo Vexen, and Super Saiyan Lexaeus ran in, only, you guessed it, to be tricked with the badly drawn Disney characters and get covered in glue, flour, and chicken feathers. "That's it! I'm gonna rip their hearts out and give them to Superior for his birthday, then I'll rip each appendage off of them, tie them in a yellow rental truck, packed in with fertilizer and fuel oil and push them over a fucking cliff!" T. Vexen yelled, ranting on. While Saix M. was watching T. Vexen's outburst song and dance number, S.S. Lexaeus began talking in a weird box thing. "The mission is going according to plan master."

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Sorry our main characters weren't in this a lot. The next chapter will have them a lot in it though so don't worry.

And now for something different…

On the next episode of Adventures in Cosplay, our heroes find themselves trapped in the crazed world of Disney franchises. Can they escape? Our anti heroes find themselves locked in a battle of what is better, Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings? What ARE Roxas and Axel doing? And who is this mysterious master?

Find out next time….

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