Title: Pip My Ride
Rating: T (PG-13)
Genre: Humor / Parody
Summary: An average day for Alucard until Seras and Pip come knocking at his door, only to find out he has been chosen to be on the popular T.V show 'Pip My Ride' and Alucards thinking WTF...
Disclaimer: Me no own Hellsing or any of its characters and I do not own the T.V show 'Pimp My Ride' the only thing I own is…my cat? Yeah…Well, on with the story!
Side Note: This is a Humor / Parody so do not yell at me for there being any OOC, okay?
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Pip My Ride
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Alucard was walking through the Hellsing estate, searching for the whereabouts of his master who seemed to have mysteriously disappeared. In his search he heard a knock at the door.
Knock! Knock!
"Walter! Someone's at the door!" Alucard shouted.
Knock! Knock!
"Walter!" he repeated.
Knock! Knock!...Thud! Thud!
Alucard growled as the knocking became loud thuds, "Fine! I'm coming, damn it!" he yelled walking over to the front door. Phasing his head through the wood to see whom it was making that aggravating knocking and thuds he saw Seras kicking the door.
"Why! Won't! Anyone! Answer!" she yelled still kicking the door.
"What the---Police Girl, what in seven hells are you doing?" Alucard asked in an annoyed tone now fully phasing through the door.
"Ah! Um…" Seras straightened her cloths which was blue jeans and a black leather coat, "And what the hell are you wearing?" he questioned watching her.
"You must be Alucard!" she said holding out a microphone, "WTF…No duh I'm Alucard! I'm your freakin' master!" he exclaimed glaring at her.
Seras stared at Alucard for a moment like he was stupid, "Oh! I get it, a joke!" she said laughing, "Anyways, Mr. Alucard, you have been chosen to participate on the popular T.V show 'Pip My Ride'!"
"Pip…My Ride?" Alucard growled again, 'What the hell is Pip making Police Girl do?' he asked himself glaring at the ground. Alucard then looked back at Seras, "Where's Pip?"
"Taking a pee, he needed to go to the bathroom." She replied.
"What the f---" Alucard was cut off when a loud obnoxious French voice cut him off, "Thankz for vaiting!" Alucard turned his attention over to see Pip wearing weird cloths, or that was at least the only way Alucard could describe it.
"Ah Mr. Pip! This is Mr. Alucard!" Seras said looking at him.
"Is zat so?" Pip walked up to the two and smiled like an idiot, "You 'ave been ch---"
"Mr. Pip, I already told him." Seras stated cutting him off.
"But, I-I vas going to do the introduction!" he whined.
"Well, you were to busy taking a leak so I went ahead and did it." The two began to argue, as Alucard watched but slowly stared to back away, "I'm insane aren't I? I'm completely insane…" Alucard said to himself closing the door, now questioning himself of what he saw before him was a hallucination, 'And master said boredom couldn't drive you insane.'
The door was then stopped by a boot, Seras opened the door and looked in to see a freaked out Alucard, "C'mon enough dilly dawdling!" she said grabbing Alucards wrist and staring to drag him, "N-no! Let me go! I don't even own a car for crying out loud!"
Seras and Pip stared at him, "Well, in that case we'll…" Seras was silent as was Pip.
"Makeover!" came yet another voice. All three turned to see Schrödinger standing there smiling; Seras and Pip's faces lightened up, "Yeah!"
"No! NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!" Alucard then was dragged off to who knows where for his 'makeover'.
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Integra sat at her desk bored out of her mind, "I wonder where Alucard is…" she mumbled letting out a yawn.
Moments later the door opened and there stood Alucard panting. Integra stifled a laugh seeing the nosferatu dressed in baggy pants and a large shirt that didn't fit him, "Save me!" he yelled as thuds were now being heard on the other side of the door.
"But we're not done yet!" Seras yelled hitting the door.
The door slammed open and Alucard screamed like a little girl as he was dragged out of the room while, Pip, Schrödinger, and Seras laughed evilly.
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Alucard sat up only to bang his head on something hard, "Ugh…Where am I?" he asked looking around only to see darkness, "Eh?" it then hit him, he was in his coffin opening the lead he looked around nothing but a T.V in the corner.
Looking at the T.V he noticed what was playing, 'Pimp My Ride!' was flashing in bold letters on the screen, "Last time I watched stupid human shows before I go to sleep." He mumbled to himself under his breath.
At that moment Seras knocked on his door.
Knock! Knock!
"Omg…" Alucard said his eye now twitching.
Knock! Knock!
"Master? Are you okay?" Seras asked, "Anybody home?" Came an annoying French voice.
Alucard flinced remembering his 'dream' "YOU TWO STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM MY ROOM!" Alucard yelled at the top of his lungs in the most threatening voice he could manage, making both Seras and Pip quickly back away from the door and stare at one another in fear.
They slowly backed away from the door, then ran down the hall screaming, "Idiots…" Alucard stared at the T.V then walked over to it and began to beat it until it was just a small pile of gizmos and glass.
The End