Just This Once, a digimon fanfic

Just This Once

A Digimon Shounen-Ai Ficlet

By Kikei

It had felt so right at the time, just being together out in the ocean, not one care in the world. But eventually, someone's got to be the hero.

A/N: I don't even remember when I wrote this. All I know was that I was absolutly irritated that my teeth felt like someone was smashing a hammer against it (my braces just got pulled :B), and the TV wasn't doing ANY justice to the word "entertainment", and so I got to work on this... allegorical? thought-provocking? stupid? one-shot. So here we are, a somewhat finished product of Kikei's crazy imagination. I dunno. I'M pretty proud of it, no matter how much I suck at writing angst, and how annoyingly confusing it is. I'm sorry!

Please regard my incompetence kindly!

Disclaimer: Kikei wishes she owned Digimon and Tai and Matt, but it's probably for the Children's best interest that she doesn't force Tai and Matt to... do things. :3

It's not everyday you got to see your own self die, you know.

"…Are you sure you want to do this…?" Taichi asked timidly as he clutched his blonde companion's hand tighter and slowly led him across the light-brown sand, grinning gently.

The said golden-haired boy could feel his feet slowly sinking in the sand. Yamato glanced up nervously. "…T-Taichi… I don't think I'm ready for this…!"

Taichi shook his head, chocolate hair contrasting greatly from the brilliance of the bright sunlight, as if to shake his boyfriend's previous statement away. The brunette pulled on Matt's arm, giving him a puppy-eyed look.

"Aww, please, Yamaaaa? Just once? For me?"

His best friend eyed him warily, the smile never leaving the chocolate-haired boy's face.

"…Just this ONCE, oka--AAAAHHHHH!"

Before the all-too-wary boy could complete his sentence, the ever-too-eager Taichi picked up a nervous Yamato into his waiting arms, the brunette laughing gleefully, and jumped into the cold ocean water, clothes, Yamato, and all.

But as long as you promise not to leave me, then I'll be okay.

"You know, I remember when we used to come here all the time as children," Taichi finally stated after climbing out of the ocean, shaking his now salt-watered brown hair. His voice was filled with laughter as he plopped down on the soft, warm sand, grinning at his blonde companion, who followed suit. "We would come. You know, all of us." He gave a small smile, looking up at the wandering clouds above him.

"Yeah…" Yamato replied quietly, wrapping his arms around the brunette, sighing deeply. He gave a meek giggle. "I also remember when Daisuke and Mimi tricked you into thinking I was drowning! You almost broke my arm pulling me out of the water…" He paused, biting his tongue as if thinking. "And my mouth, too, when you crushed it with yours!" Yamato finally stated happily as an afterthought.

It was at that memory that Taichi gave a genuine laugh. "Yeah, but then we would've never had our first kiss, huh?" He grinned gently. "If you think about it for a while, it was actually thanks to them that we were able to… you know… get together."

The cool ocean air flowed through the both of them, drying the two boys off as they sat quietly on the sand, Taichi's fingers slowly entangling themselves in Yamato's soft ones.

It was too much, this beauty.

The small grin on Yamato's face slowly faltered, all of a sudden burying his face in the crevice of the other boy's neck, letting the tears flow like a broken dam. Taichi bit down on his lower lip, trying to hide his ultimate shock as the boy in his arms tightened his grip around him, slow sobs escaping the blonde's lips. The brunette moved his hand into the smaller boy's golden-brown hair, fingers stroking in the soft blonde streaks, murmuring low, gentle words into his boyfriend's ear.

"I miss them too, you know."

Life will be hard without you on my side, babe, but…

"…Taichi?"

"…Mmm?"

Yamato turned his head toward the brunette as they lay peacefully on the warm sand, listening to the waves crash loudly onto the shore, the sky a healthy color of orange.

"Do you think… Do you think… you know… Things will ever be different?"

Taichi closed his eyes, inhaling the ocean air slowly and letting it out quietly in small breaths. He could taste the saltiness in the air as his calloused fingers shifted through the grains of tanned sand under his hands. Then, he shook his head, resisting an odd urge to shed unseen tears.

"…I don't know. Do you think you'll be the same after this? You know… Once I…" Taichi stopped, pausing to glance once at the other boy next to him, a glimmer of saddness and fear in his brown hues.

It was unexpected when all of a sudden Yamato sat up abruptly, shielding his impossibly blue eyes away from the other male.

"You already KNOW I won't, Taichi! I NEVER will!" His shaking voice echoed his anger. "How many times do I have to tell you?! Why do you even have to ask?! I don't even want to think about it... Not now! Not when it's been all I've been thinking about this time…"

Taichi looked at Yamato, attempting to exchange a tender glance, but all the brunette could see now was a sea of golden hair floating in the wind. He could hear the whispered response from the other teen as he slowly let out a shaky, uncertain breath he didn't know he had been holding.

"Please don't let me think about it…"

When I drink this tea, it'll all be over for me.

"…I'm sorry."

Yamato glanced at Taichi, wiping a dripping tear with his wet sleeve.

"You know… I'm sorry for everything. For all this… For the suffering, for having to leave you behind…"

"It's not your fault, you know."

Taichi looked up, eyes soft in concentration.

"I mean… You know…! Us having to go through all this, like it's some sort of curse!" The golden-haired male sighed exasperatedly, looking at the other boy with tear-stained eyes. "But… We've all got to face our curses sometime." He paused. "And, at least… you know… You'll leave… You'll leave bravely."

The brunette sighed sadly.

"…I hate seeing you cry," Taichi whispered quietly, his hand reaching out to quietly wipe away a slowly falling tear off of Yamato's pale cheek.

"…I know. And I hate how we always have to suffer."

When you're gone, I'll make sure to remember your name.

"…I wonder how Takeru and Mimi felt. You know… when… when Daisuke and Miyako were…"

Taichi ran a hand through his hair, glancing at his light-haired friend, who was staring out into the deep, azure ocean, a profound glow of sorrow on his face.

"They must've been devastated. To know that they couldn't… That they wouldn't be able to… To love again."

All Yamato could manage was a small sigh. "They were. Takeru wouldn't talk for days, even after THEY gave him Daisuke's body to bury." His voice rose slowly, the glint of sad torture in his eyes turning into angry pain. "You think they'd have some common decency to at least PRETEND that they were sorry for him…" The look of sorrow quickly left his place, instead replaced by a growl of resentment. He stood up.

"…I hate this place..! Why do they persecute others just because they believe that THIS isn't the CORRECT way to love?!" The blonde held back a sob as he could feel salt-water running down his chin once again. "That our love isn't REAL just because we happen to love someone of the same gender?! Who cares what anyone says?! I hate this place. I hate it, hate it, HATE IT!"

"We have no choice, okay?! We have to… We have to stand up for what we believe in." Taichi's long fingers reached out, attempting to take the distraught blonde's hand in his, to no avail. Yamato stepped back, no longer holding back his tears, letting the streaks fall down his face.

"But why does it have to be US?! Why does it have to be YOU?!" Yamato turned to Taichi. "Don't be a hero, Taichi! Just… Just stay! Stay with me! Please! I… I don't want you to go…! Don't… Don't leave me!"

Don't bother to catch me when I fall, honey…

"Yamato…"

Yamato pressed his lips into Taichi's, blocking out his doubting words with a passionate kiss, slowly breathing in his boyfriend's essence and wrapping his arms around the brunette, expressing his distraught but burning feelings as he slowly led Taichi on his back, sand getting into his lover's messy brown hair.

"…Don't do this to me, Taichi." The blonde whispered quietly when they finally broke apart. "Just… let me enjoy this while I can, okay? That's... my last wish."

The brown-haired boy gave a miserable smile as he lifted his head to give Yamato a peck on the lips.

"…I'll never leave you, Yamato… You have to remember that. Be strong for me. Be my…" he paused to give a small, heartbreaking giggle as his lips once again brushed over Yamato's,"...tough little 'Yama-chan' that I'll always love… Promise?"

"…I'll… I'll stand up for what I believe in."

Taichi gave a genuine smile.

"…Just this once, okay?"

…Cause I know you'll be there waiting when I cry.

-Fin-