The room was nearly filled with Voyager crew alone. Janeway has heartened that the members of the original Starfleet crew had joined their Maquis and Equinox crewmembers in a show of solidarity. If the Starfleet officials were surprised by the extra people at the meeting, they didn't say anything.

At the main desk at the front of the room sat Janeway and Chakotay's review committees.

Filing silently into the room were the panel members of the remaining crew.

Finally the doors were closed.

She had entered the conference room with most of her strategies already mapped out. She would resign her commission on the spot and go straight to the media if things went badly.

Admiral Tek and the other officers involved in the debriefs were seated on the stage area. As he saw her enter, he raised an eyebrow and his eyes went to a vacant seat next to his. Unless given a direct order otherwise, she fully intended to sit with her crew. They were still hers, and she wanted everyone to have no doubt about that.

Chakotay had saved her a seat at the front row but didn't smile at her as she took it.

She tried to convey her confidence in getting the result she wanted but he had turned and was talking to Ayala sitting behind them.

Janeway had a look around and saw no extra security personnel but was still not prepared to relax. In fact, if they didn't hurry up and just put them out of their misery, she thought she'd scream.

Her heart was pounding but she was prepared. So preoccupied was she with her plans that she missed the few opening remarks from Admiral Tek.

As he droned on, Janeway was astounded and increasingly relieved at the results and recommendations.

No one was going to prison.

She was so relieved that she thought she might faint. Not only was no one going to prison but the Maquis were being offered commissions and even, it seemed, civilian jobs if they preferred.

It was more than she had allowed herself to wish for.

The Admiral was still talking, but Janeway was now looking intently at her hands, concentrating on keeping the tears of relief at bay.

No one was going to prison.

He was still talking but she'd couldn't make out anything he was saying.

No one was going to prison.

She could now relax. For the first time in seven years.

She didn't think they had mentioned anything about Voyager's captain, and Janeway figured that she find out about that tomorrow, but she wasn't concerned. She had completed her mission and got the ship and her crew home. Most of the crew anyway. It didn't matter that she now believed that she would probably face charges, as long as the crew were safe.

People were now moving around. Suddenly she was yanked to her feet and embraced in a bone crushing hug by B'Elanna. She didn't have time to react in any way before B'Elanna was replaced by someone else and she was then hugged by, it seemed, every member of the crew. Every member of the crew, but not Chakotay.

When finally she came to her senses, Marla Gilmore was thanking her and kissing her on the cheek.

She realized that she didn't know what was to happen to the Equinox crew.

She looked to Chakotay who understood her wordless query. "Allowed to resign their commissions, Captain."

"Thank you, Commander."

The rest of the meeting was a blur. Janeway responded to questions somehow, but afterwards, she wouldn't remember anything that was discussed.

After the initial pandemonium of the celebrations and congratulations, the meeting broke up into something resembling a careers seminar Janeway remembered from her school days. There were representatives from universities and organizations only too keen to offer Voyager's scientists and engineers, not only Starfleet but also Equinox and Maquis crews, positions at their institutions. There were also Starfleet personnel explaining entitlements and also offering positions and assuring all that they could remain in Starfleet if they chose.

The review board members would be now explaining the offers to be made to each crew member.

As the crew again broke up into their review teams, fear again grasped her. B'Elanna and Tom were being offered positions at Starfleet's design group and she could see by the looks in their eyes that they were going to take the jobs. Stationed together, on Earth, with their newborn baby. It was perfect for them. Harry was being addressed by a number of Starfleet officers. Of course, anyone would be delighted to get Harry on their team. Chakotay and Seven were talking together on their own and Janeway had to avert her eyes. She was finding the whole thing almost physically painful.

The crew were safe, but already the family was breaking apart.

When the rest of the crew had left for the day, only Janeway and Chakotay were left sitting at the commissary table.

She thought that he had been very quiet this afternoon and he seemed upset about something.

"Seven's staying with her aunt tonight. She called Gretchen and let her know."

Janeway nodded. He still looked pensive.

"She broke it off with me. Because of you."

"Oh Chakotay, I'm so sorry. I'm sure she didn't mean because of me."

"That's what she said."

They were silent for a few minutes.

"So thanks very much Kathryn. Now you've made sure I can't have Seven either. I guess you've decided that if you can't have me, then nobody can."

She was shocked at how bitter he sounded and how angry he was with her.

"That's unfair and not how it is at all." she fought off tears.

"Well, just how the hell is it, Kathryn? I'm sick of Starfleet and I'm sick of Starfleet protocols."

"You thought it was just protocol?" she paused and seemed to be considering her next words, "Protocol. I suppose it was in a manner of speaking." Janeway paused, carefully considering each word "Yes, I suppose it was. But that was only part of it." And then, suddenly "Did you ever think about what would happen when we got home?"

Her change of tone quieted him.

"Some. I wondered what would be waiting for us. Especially the Maquis."

"Exactly. Exactly. I thought about it a great deal - especially after New Earth."

Chakotay was shocked. New Earth was subject they never discussed. Although the crew discussed nothing else for the first few weeks after their 'rescue' it seemed to him at the time.

"I thought you'd forgotten it." he replied, hoping he didn't sound bitter.

"No. Not at all. It's one of my most treasured memories of the Delta Quadrant."

Chakotay was beyond surprised now. He was staggered. And starting to feel angry again.

Janeway continued "I realized that I no longer thought there was any difference between the Maquis and the Starfleet crew. I loved them all, as one crew. Really loved them. And that was a dangerous thing to do."

"Dangerous because they were Maquis criminals?" now he did seem bitter.

"Well, yes. But not in the way you mean." She looked hard at him as if trying to read his thoughts. "I became concerned with not only getting the whole crew home, but also ensuring their freedom when we got there. And believe me Chakotay, except for some very dark moments, I always thought we'd get home. So, if helping to ensure the crew's freedom meant forgoing a relationship with any Maquis I may have fallen in love with along the way, then I did what I had to do."

He was silent. She wasn't sure if that was good or not. So she continued.

"So when I inevitably had to front that panel of Admirals and argue for the Maquis, and I did have to do exactly that Chakotay, for the last two straight days, I could argue as a Captain and even as a friend but I could truthfully state that I did not and had not had any other 'relationship' with them. I'll probably never know if it made a difference, but really, I couldn't take a chance with everyone's fate."

He looked stunned. She plowed on.

"Think about it Chakotay. Who would be seen as more disinterested by the Admiralty - an aloof captain, or someone who was in a relationship with the leader of the so called criminals she'd been sent to capture?"

"You expect me to understand this?"

"I always hoped you'd get the chance to." she whispered.

"You made this decision without talking to me, knowing how much it would affect me?"

"I made the decision for all of the Maquis..."

"Well I guess this is just another way that you found to support your selfless martyr act, Kathryn. I can't bel...you always just...it's just…damn you." he was suddenly quiet "If you'll excuse me, I don't think I can stand to be around you at the moment. I'll call your mother and let her know I'm staying on campus from now on."

She winced at his parting shot and sadly watched him walk away.

"I guess that's part of the price I had to pay too."

She turned and walked in the direction of the transport station.

"So you'll be home early this afternoon?" Gretchen could see her daughter was distressed. It had to be something to do with Chakotay. He had called her last night and explained that he was staying overnight at Starfleet to help some of the crew. He sounded upset. Now this.

"I'm not sure Mom. I've got some errands to run this afternoon." Janeway looked distracted.

"But you'll be home for dinner, darling? I thought we'd take advantage of the good weather and have a barbeque."

"Sure. I'll do my best." Her tone was flat.

There was something definitely wrong. Gretchen wished there was more time but her daughter was already gathering PADDs together and preparing to leave.

"I'll be home as soon as I can." She didn't meet her mother's eyes.

"Honey, is everything OK? Is it the crew? Did you have a flight with Chakotay?"

Janeway looked stricken.

"Sorry, Mom. I'll be late if I don't leave now." And with that she practically bolted from the house.

The panel had seen that Janeway was having difficulty concentrating this morning. After an hour and a half of fruitless discussion, the chairman suggested a break that Janeway was only too grateful for.

After the surprise and relief of yesterday's announcement and the argument with Chakotay, she had the beginnings of a big headache. And after the special ceremony she had arranged for lunch, she had more worrying tasks to perform.

As she entered the commissary, she saw her Chief Engineer sitting quietly on her own with Miral.

"She was a bit unsettled, and apart from a couple of technical issues we'll discuss later, they said the rest of my debrief could wait until we come back from leave." B'Elanna explained without waiting for the question. "Are you OK Captain?" She thought Janeway would be happier at the news.

"It's all catching up with me I think 'Lanna and you should call me Kathryn, I'm not officially your Captain anymore." There was a trace of wistfulness that wasn't lost on the engineer.

"You'll have to give a few days on that…what, what did I say?"

"Nothing, it's OK."

B'Elanna decided not to push the issue.

"So, what's Chakotay going to do?"

"I don't know. He hasn't spoken to me about it." At the unspoken question from B'Elanna, she continued, "We had a disagreement last night."

"Don't worry Captain, it's not as though you haven't had those over the years." Torres was trying to lighten her mood.

"It wasn't professional, B'Elanna. It was personal."

"I see." Said B'Elanna looking intently at the older woman. "Yes, I see.. Kahless, you told him why you wouldn't have a relationship with him, didn't you?"

Janeway was too shocked at Torres' powers of deduction to even speak.

"I'm so sorry, Captain."

"How on earth did you know?" Janeway didn't even bother denying the suggestion, she was so staggered by Torres' question.

"To be honest, it took me quite a few years to work through my theories. I started with you didn't love him, but that one obviously wouldn't fly." She didn't seem to notice Janeway's alarmed expression. "Then after we got you both back from that planet, I was leaning towards the 'it's against the rules' theory. But, let's face it, you were the rules out there so that didn't work either. I think I finally pieced it together just after we first contacted Starfleet with that array. That and something Tom said about his own trial and his father."

She looked at Janeway for some reaction, but found the same stunned look. She plunged ahead again. "And this was on top of the obvious reason, that it would've been almost impossible to have an intimate relationship and maintain a successful command relationship too.

"I didn't share my theories with anyone, especially Chakotay. I figured the last thing you needed was more pressure."

Janeway regained enough composure to ask "Pressure?" it didn't sound like her voice though.

"Well, apart from the day to day pressure, the pressure you put yourself under. You believed, sometimes when no one else did, that we would get home. And for some reason, you thought sooner rather than later. When no one else did. And you obviously believed that you would have more credibility in defending the Maquis if you weren't personally involved with one. You believed that you had to be perceived as unbiased. Am I right?"

"My god B'Elanna, when did you get so wise?"

"I grew up a lot on Voyager. So what are you going to do about it all?"

"Do about what?"

"Chakotay."

"I don't see that I can do anything. I tried to explain. He got angry. He left."

"Damn."

"Oh yeah. That about covers it."

They sat in silence for a while and Janeway took the opportunity to nurse the baby.

Finally, Janeway got up, handing Miral back to her mother.

"I have to finish my debrief. I'll be back for lunch."

"You're going to promote Harry at lunchtime, aren't you?"

Some of the crew were already starting to arrive.

"B'Elanna, when did you get to be part Betazoid? I'm starting to get nervous around you."

The young woman laughed and the baby stirred for the first time in all the time they'd been sitting together.

"Make sure he sits in the middle of the group. I don't want anyone to miss this."

"Yes, ma'am." She received a look. "Sorry. Of course, Kathryn."

A few minutes later, Janeway felt more able to continue with the final phase of the debriefings. When it was plain that, as far as the interviewers were concerned, the sessions were concluded, they asked if they had any questions for them.

"Actually, Sir, yes I do," she took a deep breath and plunged ahead "I was wondering what charges I'll face due to my conduct during the Equinox incident."

"Do you believe you should face charges?"

"Yes sir, I do." she said simply.

"I won't lie to you Captain. This matter has been the topic of lengthy debate both before and since your return to Earth.

"Captain, you've had unrelenting pressure for seven years, without the benefit of backup, superior officers or even counselors. The only person you could consider a real peer, betrayed both you, your crew and Starfleet. Quite frankly we've been, well impressed is a hardly sufficient word, that you've managed to survive the ordeal and bring your crew home.

"The charge you make against yourself is a serious one. One that is not corroborated by either Commanders Chakotay or Tuvok, the surviving members of the Equinox crew or, I might add, Crewman Lessing's own logs.

"We will make a suitable entry on your file, and here, I think the matter ends. We are not trying to sweep anything under the carpet Captain, but we feel that we'd be doing you an injustice to put you up on charges."

Janeway was stunned. The admiral was talking again but she wasn't listening intently.

"So that concludes these preliminary sessions. Go home. Put your feet up. We don't expect to see you again for another two months. There will, of course, be mandatory counseling arranged. Please organize a time suitable to yourself with Personnel.

"Welcome home Captain and congratulations on a job well done."

All members of the review team shook her hand.

"Thank you, sirs." She stood and was at attention as they filed out of the room.

When she returned to the dining area, she noted with satisfaction that B'Elanna had done a good job. Harry was sitting right in the middle of the Voyager contingent. She noticed that the baby had gone back to the nursery, which was good as it was likely to get rowdy.

Having been excused for the remainder of the day, Janeway put her briefcase and parcel down on a table, keeping a little box in her hand and approached Harry's table from behind.

She caught the eye of Tom and B'Elanna and gave them a wink. She tried to ignore the fact that Chakotay's gaze wouldn't meet hers.

"Mister Kim!"

He leapt to attention and nearly upturned the table in his haste.

"Yes Captain?"

"Mister Kim, I've just had to explain to Starfleet something of a very serious nature."

The young man looked worried and didn't feel equal to asking what it might have been.

She put him out of his misery.

"They wanted to know why the hell I haven't promoted you." She shook her head dramatically "Didn't have an answer. Very embarrassing for me."

"Yes ma'am. Er, no ma'am."

"I'm going to rectify that now. Front and center Mister Kim."

He stood before her at attention. The rest of the crew all stood and gathered around them.

"Mister Kim, you have exceeded all my expectations. You have performed your duties admirably and your actions continued to be for seven years, above and beyond the call of duty. At last you can get the recognition you deserve. It's been an honor serving with you." She affixed the pips to his collar and held out her hand to shake his. "Congratulations, Lieutenant Commander."

Harry's shocked reply was drowned out in the cheers of the crew.

She reached down to her cup of coffee that Tom had got for her and held it up.

"Fellow Voyagers. A toast to Lieutenant Commander Harry Kim!" she shouted.

For once she was glad that the Doctor was on hand with his holo-imager. The look on Harry's face was worth preserving. He was still yet to speak.

Some time later, Janeway gathered her belongings and made ready to go. Harry was still being congratulated by his friends. She downed the rest of her coffee.

"Well, I'm sorry, but I've got to go. Make sure the Doctor knows I want copies of those images. I guess I'll see everyone, um, soon." she looked nervously at Chakotay, who was moving away from the table.

It occurred to her that she didn't actually know when she'd next see all these people as a group together again.

"Aren't the debriefs over until after the weekend now?" asked Tom, looking at her dress uniform.

"Yes, but I have some other duties to perform this afternoon."

"Can we help?"

"Thanks Tom, but not really."

Janeway quietly left the commissary without gaining the attention of the rest of the crew as she had done so many times before.

She arrived home at dusk but didn't go into the house. Even though Chakotay, Seven and the Doctor wouldn't be there, she really didn't want to face her family just yet.

She headed instead for her tree, feeling the need for solitude. She dropped her briefcase filled with PADDs carelessly and climbed to her favorite branch.

God, what a ghastly twenty four hours, thought Janeway as she gazed into the Indiana sunset.

The fight with Chakotay, losing Tom, B'Elanna and maybe even Tuvok from her crew, and she thought, probably Harry too. Chances were he'd be a first officer on another ship soon. Another ship? Hell, she'd be lucky to ever get a ship again.

Then this afternoon. Visiting Joe Carey's wife and Noah Lessing's family. They had both been stoic and understanding but she'd been consumed with guilt talking to them.

Sure, she'd made the right sounds and told them stories of things that happened on Voyager but it all seemed so inadequate.

Joe, murdered in cold blood on what should have been an almost routine away mission. Such a terrible waste. But the one which really ate at her soul was Noah. The man who she had almost killed, to her eternal shame, and who had become her friend, and had died trying to protect her.

And both within just weeks of getting home.

It was in her tree that her mother found her, still sitting motionless over an hour later, in the dark.

Gretchen was beginning to wonder where Kathryn was. It was over three hours since the Doctor arrived, full of descriptions of how Harry had received his promotion.

That had been the final official duty of the day and the whole Voyager crew had been given an early start to the weekend after which their leave commenced.

The Captain, according to the Doctor, had been permitted to officiate at Harry's ceremony but had left not long after still wearing, someone had told him, her dress uniform and carrying a parcel.

"Was there another function or meeting she needed to attend?" she asked

"No, apparently she went to the transporter station." He got up "Well, I guess I'll go and start to get ready. Do you need anything done?"

If Gretchen wondered what a hologram had to do to get ready for a party, she didn't ask.

"No, it's all under control at the moment, thank you Doctor. I might get your help carrying things out a bit later though."

The Doctor disappeared upstairs, humming to himself.

Gretchen made her way to the porch and look in the direction of the transporter station. Nothing.

"Kathryn, what the hell are you doing up that damned tree?"

Janeway's gaze, which had been staring off into the distance, fell towards her mother. It was clear to Gretchen that her daughter had forgotten where she was.

As Janeway slowly made her way down, her mother picked up her briefcase and the PADDs that had spilled out.

"For heaven sake, what's the matter with you? How long have you been up there? You know I wanted you home early for the barbeque."

Suddenly, her daughter was angry. Angrier, in fact, than Gretchen had ever seen her.

"What's the matter? Gee, let's see. In the last month I managed to have my ship boarded, allowed my crew to be brutalized and a crewman killed trying to protect me. I'm then executed in front of the whole crew, including Naomi Wildman, except I don't have the good sense to stay dead.

"Then I meet a very disturbing future version of myself whom I do send to her death, or worse, while I was engaging the Borg.

"We finally get home and I spend days explaining to a bunch of fossilized desk bound Admirals about the 'Maquis situation'. I mean, why worry about how I may have violated the Prime Directive or even almost attempted murder when there's a possibility of prosecuting a group of vindicated freedom fighters who were instrumental in us getting home and who saved the lives of every 'real' member of Starfleet on Voyager not once, but many times?"

The words were tumbling out, Janeway barely took a breath.

"Over the past two days my whole senior staff have probably left me. I mean the ship. Not that I suppose it's even my ship anymore. Tuvok is experiencing complications in his recovery due to our partial assimilation by the Borg, and that only happened because he wouldn't allow me to go on the mission alone."

She didn't notice her mother's sharp intake of breath. Gretchen hadn't known about that particular event. But her daughter was still talking.

"Finally, this afternoon I had to explain to two women, one wife, one mother, why the future version of myself didn't arrive back on Voyager just a few weeks earlier to save the lives of either her husband, in the case of Joe Carey, or son, Noah Lessing. Which is a damned good question. One that I'll never probably have an answer for.

"And, to make my month complete, I lose my best friend because of yet another of my highly questionable command decisions."

Her mother's expression, which had started out irritated and annoyed, turned to horror and then compassion. She looked at her daughter and realized what an enormous toll the previous seven years and even the last seven days had taken on her. Her daughter's eyes had taken on a faraway look and it was obvious that Kathryn Janeway was not really talking to her mother. She was just talking.

"Come here, baby."

Gretchen Janeway embraced the highly decorated, tough, seasoned and fully dress uniformed Starship captain and held on tightly as the daughter wept bitterly and violently in her arms.

"I don't supposed you allowed yourself to cry while you were out there." asked Gretchen when her daughter's sobs had died down.

"No, not really." She managed a weak smile for her mother.

"Well, you're home now. Allow yourself to grieve Kathryn. But don't forget to be happy for all the people you've saved."

"I'm fine." She didn't look or sound convincing.

Her mother held her at arms length and examined her.

"Hmm, well, you and I are going to be having a few heart to heart chats over the next few weeks young lady. I know how you feel about counselors, so if you don't speak to them, you'll be talking to me. Understand?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Don't call me 'ma'am', you know I hate it." They both smiled. "Now come back to the house for your surprise birthday party."

"It's my birthday?"

"Same time every year, darling." She took her daughter's hand "And try to act surprised. Again."

"Who's back at the house?"

"I'm not telling you everything."

"I think I'd better make myself presentable before I see anyone. Can I sneak in without anyone seeing me?"

"I'm sure we can arrange that."

By the time Janeway emerged from the house, she was feeling relaxed after a shower, a set of comfortable clothes, courtesy of Seven and Phoebe's shopping expedition and feeling much more like herself. Tomorrow she would probably again dwell on the events of this week and especially today, but right now she was determined to enjoy her party.

The first thing she noticed when she walked into her backyard were the bleachers. In all that had happened, she'd forgotten that they'd never gotten around to recycling them. The backyard was full of people. In fact, it was full of Voyager's crew. And a quick visual sweep revealed that it was probably the whole crew. After seven years, she could do a head count without conscious thought.

Tom noticed her entrance first and promptly shouted "happy birthday!" to her. As soon as the others heard, they too greeted her with shouts of happy birthday and the occasional "surprise".

In addition to the crew, she could see Naomi Wildman (holding Miral) with Greskrendtregk, Icheb, Admiral and Mrs Paris, Phoebe, David and Eddie, Reg Barclay and, of course, her mother.

"Thank you, everyone. Fancy seeing you all again after all this time." She laughed as someone put a glass of wine in her hand.

Her mother was certainly impressed with her daughter's ability to project such a serene, carefree persona. She had little doubt as to where that particular skill had come from.

Janeway was mingling and talking with all present and she was successfully 'working the room' or more correctly, the backyard.

Finally, the group all seated themselves on Tom's (as Janeway now thought of it) grandstand with their meals on their laps. When everyone had just about finished, Tom got to his feet.

"Everyone, your attention please. I'm sure you know, we're all here today because of the dedication and tenacity of one very special person."

"Neelix?" ventured Janeway and those present all laughed.

"Well, him too," he smiled in her direction "but no. I think we know how lucky we were to have Kathryn Janeway as our leader. Now I'm sure that everyone has a Janeway moment to share. And I'm going to start the ball rolling with a couple of favorites of my own." He paused and waited for a screen to be positioned in front of the stand.

"Be careful, Ensign.." Janeway's tone was stern but there was a hint of a smile on her lips.

"That's Lieutenant, Captain."

"It's early yet." was all she replied. Admiral and Mrs Paris laughed out loud at their son's discomfort.

"Anyway," he said hurriedly "let's start with some action shots. This one," he clicked a device and bought up the first image "I like to think of as the 'Janeway Maneuver". On the screen appeared an image of the Captain playing pool.

And so it started.

Janeway couldn't believe some of the shots he had. There were shots of her in the mess hall, on the bridge (she wondered how they'd got those) and at several of Neelix's parties. She almost cried when an image of her tending tomatoes on New Earth. Chakotay must've supplied that one. Tom had even managed to obtain images of the counterfeit Janeway that they'd encountered when dealing with the Telsians and one of her and Kashyk. By the time he got to her as Arachnia, her face was buried in her hands and she was begging for mercy.

"Anyone else?" asked Tom.

"I think my favorite," piped up Harry "was when she was the leader of the Maquis in the Hirogen simulations. Pity we didn't get any pictures."

"Especially in that little black sweater." added Ayala.

All the male crew nodded and murmured their agreement.

"Leader of the Maquis, Captain?" asked Admiral Paris gleefully.

"I can explain, sir."

But she never got the chance, as another offering was made.

"How about 'There's coffee in that nebula'."

"Or, 'Good work, Commander. In the future, if I have any questions about mating behavior, I'll know where to go'."

"Q in her bathtub!"

"I don't like bullies, I don't like threats, and I don't like you."

"Getting marooned on a planet with her first officer."

Cheers, general laughter and nodding of heads followed.

"Sorry everyone, the betting pool is closed on that one." said Tom.

"Sometimes you just have to punch your way through."

"Dismissed!" yelled Samantha and the whole crew chorused "That's Starfleet for 'get out'." More cheers of approval.

"The dying swan!"

"There are three things to remember about being a starship captain: keep your shirt tucked in, go down with the ship and never abandon a member of your crew." Naomi ventured.

"We're Starfleet officers. 'Weird' is part of the job."

"Commander, your stick." This suggestion was met with whistles, cat calls and cheering.

"I missed that one." said Naomi with a touch of regret in her voice.

They continued.

"How are things in the collective?"

"It's not crunch time Mister Kim," suggested Tom with a laugh "I'll let you know when." the crew chimed in again.

"Q Junior's Godmother."

"I'm only going to say this once. Coffee. Black."

At this point, Ensign Hickman was called upon to do her set piece Janeway impression which entailed references to coffee, red alerts, instructions to Tom to 'get us the hell out of here' and ordering people to 'do it', finishing triumphantly on a demonstration of an exchange between the Captain and Neelix involving leola root and her breakfast.

This was met with cheers of appreciation and both Voyager's crew and the rest of the guests were applauding enthusiastically.

Tom managed to stand long enough to call "Speech".

The Captain got to her feet.

"Thank you everyone. This is the best birthday party I've had in seven years."

She waited for the cheers and laughter to subside.

"Who would have thought all those years ago our family would be together like this? But, Owen," she turned to Admiral Paris "I think I've failed somewhere, my crew doesn't seemed to be appropriately terrified of me anymore."

"I am!"

"Thank you, Harry." She smiled at him. "Anyway, I guess we're all at the beginning of our next journey. It'll take a lot of getting used to, not seeing you all every day. I know I'm going to miss every one of you enormously. Hopefully, I'll still see those of you who have elected to stay in Starfleet often and that those who haven't, well, please don't become strangers. It's a difficult part of the journey when a family breaks apart. The best thing to come out of the Delta Quadrant was our community.

"I'd like to propose a toast. To my wonderful family!"

It had been a lovely evening. Janeway had spent her time moving from group to group, meeting some of the crew's family and friends. She had properly met Naomi's father, after being only briefly introduced to him when Voyager arrived home. It appeared that he and Samantha had picked up their relationship just where they had left off seven years ago.

Harry Kim's parents had invited her to dinner. After meeting them she realized where Harry had got his sunny, optimistic outlook.

Towards the end of the evening, only Voyager's senior staff and the Janeway family were left quietly enjoying their drinks.

Tom was laughing at the memory of the looks on the Captain and her First Officer's faces when they had entered the ballroom a few nights before.

"That reminds me of the Mask Ball at Starfleet years ago. You and Tom were in each other's company for almost the whole night. I didn't know whether to be worried about Kathryn or Tom."

Astonished faces turned towards the Admiral.

"That was you?" both Janeway and Paris asked turning to each other.

Janeway remembered that night. She had spent a great deal of time with a young man she thought had been a cadet, who had said that he'd had a huge argument with his father and he was only here for his mother. As a fellow Starfleet brat, she had had some sympathy for him but was totally unaware that the father he was so angry at was none other than her mentor, Admiral Paris. She had hoped to spend time with her own father at the Ball, but he had been busy discussing the Cardassian situation with some other high ranking officers, Tom's father among them, and she had been left to her own devices for the whole evening. He had made her laugh and she had been only too happy to spend the evening with him.

Tom was the first of the two to regain his senses.

"Hey, you owe me a dance!" he demanded of his Captain.

"Should I be worried?" laughed B'Elanna.

"Oh, he pined after Kathryn for a few weeks as I recall." Owen Paris had the complete attention of the group.

"Really?" Janeway couldn't help herself. The question was out of her mouth before she had time to think. "No, this is just too much. First, this week Chakotay proposes to my mother, not once, but twice and then I find out I spent a whole evening with Tom and I had a good time. Life was so much simpler in the Delta Quadrant."

Janeway lasted two days after her sister and her family left before she decided to follow them to Bajor. She was joined by her mother and surprisingly, Seven and her aunt.

Seven had been torn between spending time with her aunt or following the Janeways. Her aunt had recognized that her niece depended a great deal on "the Captain" and besides, she had always wanted to go to Bajor.

When Janeway had told Admiral Paris her plans, he provided her with a shuttle. Later, when it became apparent that, despite being on leave, Starfleet expected the returning Captain to not only answer further mission specific questions as they arose, but also to do a certain amount of interviews with media organizations, an aide and a pilot were added to the trip. She had asked for Ensign Lyota to perform both jobs.

Chakotay made several attempts to contact Janeway after about a week had passed. He hadn't got any contact details for Phoebe, although he supposed she would be easy enough to track down. He would wait until they returned home.

He had been surprised by how much he missed her. And not just her. He missed Phoebe and Gretchen as well. And Eddie and David. He missed Seven the same way, like family, maybe a sister, he was surprised to realize.

He wanted to see them all again. Wanted to be part of a family again. Coming home every afternoon to a hug from Gretchen was one of the highlights of the last seven years.

In retrospect, he realized what he had said to Kathryn had been unfair and unnecessary. What had gotten into him? The look on her face when he had told her he couldn't stand to be around her had haunted him this past week. She had only had all their best interests at heart. He knew that that hadn't been her only reason for not having a relationship. It would've been an invitation to disaster for two commanding officers to be anything other than friends. His own disastrous affair with Seska had amply demonstrated that.

Kathryn Janeway had been a good captain and he'd thrown it in her face and used it as a weapon against her.

Now they had all disappeared, it seemed. He assumed that Kathryn and her mother were visiting Phoebe. That Seven and her aunt had gone too was surprising though.

Gretchen would look after Kathryn. She would make sure that her daughter didn't fall into depression. He hoped.

He had visited his cousin in Ohio and caught up on what news there was on any of his friends and distant relatives that had survived the war.

After a week, he had decided that he should attempt a vision quest and had, on his cousin's recommendation, rented a secluded cabin in the Colorado wilderness.

Another week later, he was not only frustrated with his unsuccessful attempts to contact his spirit guide, but he was also bored and lonely.

It seemed that the seven years of almost constant activity had made it extraordinarily difficult for him to wind down. The greatest surprise though was how much he missed everyone.

On his return to San Francisco, he had felt guilty at not ensuring that the crew were getting any support that they may've needed.

He and Janeway had set up a crew system, to be administered by Starfleet, but he wasn't confident that anyone but his fellow Voyagers would completely understand their problems.

Janeway had disappeared to who knew where and he had temporarily done the same.

That would change now that he was back.

When he contacted Starfleet HQ, he was at first relieved to discover that there was only one minor outstanding issues to be dealt regarding some non essential belongings mistakenly left on board the ship by Tabor.

"We've already contacted Ensign Tabor, Commander. We'll have the items delivered to him by this afternoon sir."

"Thank you, Lieutenant."

"It's a pleasure sir. All the really difficult issues have been taken care of by Captain Janeway."

He had asked for a list of the officers who had needed help and realized with dismay that all but one were Maquis.

He contacted the people on the list. After the fourth conversation, he didn't know whether to be pleased or not. Each one had reported that everything was now fine. Any problems that may've arisen had been taken care of by the Captain or "her friend Tony". Accommodation had been arranged, relatives had special transport organized, academic qualifications recognized. Nothing was too much trouble for Tony, apparently.

Tony. Chakotay thought the name sounded creepy.

At the end of the seventh conversation, he realized that he still didn't know where the hell Janeway was and he still didn't know who "Tony" was. Probably a fortune hunter. A notoriety seeker. Tony, whoever he was, was worming his way into Kathryn's affection, taking advantage of her at a vulnerable time. Chakotay hated him. Finally, it occurred to him to ask 'Tony who', but Chell wasn't sure, though he thought that Tony was traveling with Janeway. Chell gushed about how Tony seemed quite nice.

Great. Quite nice and traveling with Kathryn. She didn't waste any time.

It was over four weeks before he heard any news about Janeway. Other news besides what she and Tony had done for crew members. Word had come from B'Elanna.

She quickly brushed off his apology about not contacting them sooner and had asked him how he was doing, but hadn't accepted his assurances of being fine. B'Elanna had told him that Janeway would be visiting them in the afternoon and that he should come over too.

He had arrived that afternoon and felt vaguely nervous at seeing her again.

Pressing the doorbell, he was greeted by B'Elanna, who kissed him and invited him inside.

"You're in luck, Chakotay. Kathryn is already here."

Following her into the house, he could here Tom and Janeway's voices. But, as they entered the living room, he couldn't have been more shocked.

Tom was sprawled on the floor, his arm held at an odd angle by Kathryn Janeway, who happened to be also half sitting on his back.

"So, do you give in, Paris?" She was laughing while holding him.

The image was incongruous. Janeway was in her dress uniform, albeit the jacket was open, and Tom was attired in a brightly colored tank top with large shorts of conflicting color with large gaudy flowers on them.

"No way, Kathryn. I'll figure this out. You're only half my size there's no way you should be able to hold me down."

"I told you it's effective." She started tickling him, which caused Tom to yelp.

"Enough, enough!"

"I take it you've decided not to challenge me again. So, do I win, Proton?"

"Damn you, Arachnia! Alright, yes, you win, you win."

Janeway released his arm and they both fell to the ground giggling like children.

Whatever Chakotay had expected when he'd walked up to the front door of the Paris' house, this wasn't it.

The laughter stopped when the couple on the floor noticed the visitor.

"Good afternoon, Chakotay. I was just demonstrating the 'Norvallen Clutch' to Tom." Her eyes were shining with enjoyment as she pushed a strand of her, no longer immaculate, hair out of her eyes.

Before he could come up with a reply of any description, Tom was diving at the distracted Janeway.

"Well, let me show you the Paris dodge!" and with that he picked her up and tackled her into the sofa, at which point he began tickling her.

B'Elanna however, didn't appear to find anything out of the ordinary about her former Captain and her chief pilot wrestling on the furniture.

"Kathryn, leave Tom alone." And to Chakotay she said, "It's like all of a sudden I've gone from none to three kids!" Laughing and shaking her head, she made her way out of the room, leaving Chakotay to try to make some kind of sense of the last few minutes. So far, he was struggling.

Janeway was now in hysterics and managing to utter "No, no!" at intervals.

"Surrender, Arachnia!"

"OK, OK. I give in. We'll call it a draw for today."

Chakotay still hadn't make a sound. He was grappling with the whole situation. Was this some kind of weird parallel universe? Where was the Kathryn Janeway from Voyager? And where the hell were the Tom and B'Elanna that were so in awe of their Captain?

"Are you OK, Chakotay? Do you need to sit down? Lanna's just gone to get the coffee." Standing up, Janeway extricated herself from Tom and touched Chakotay on the arm and gestured to the sofa. "Maybe you should just sit here for a moment." She looked really concerned. "Tom?"

The only thing he actually got out of his mouth was "The Norvallen Clutch?". Was that him? What sort of a question was that?

She seemed relieved that he had, at last, spoken "Jaffen showed me. Um, on Quarra." Then she regretted the words the moment she said them. "Damn."

"Good to see you, Chakotay. You won't believe how big Miral has got since the last time you saw her."

Janeway flashed Tom a look of thanks for the diversion.

"I'm looking forward to seeing her Tom. Fatherhood seems to agree with you. It's lucky I can combine the visits, as I actually wanted to see Captain Janeway as well." He hadn't meant to say that and he inwardly kicked himself when he saw the momentary look of hurt on Janeway's face.

"Well, Captain Janeway isn't here right now, but Kathryn "The Clutch" Janeway is available for consultation. She'll be all yours in about half an hour. B'E and I have got to get some legal stuff sorted out and Kathryn's babysitting Miral. So you can babysit them both."

"Who wants coffee?" B'Elanna returned to the room with mugs and a plate of cookies.

"Thanks Lanna. Just what I needed."

Tom managed to keep everyone from feeling too uncomfortable. He prattled on to Chakotay explaining how they had come to live in this area, his improved relationship with his father, their new civilian jobs with Starfleet Design and finally detailed how he and B'Elanna were to meet with lawyers this afternoon to discuss the publication of the Captain Proton adventure holo-adventures.

"Too bad Miral is asleep, although I'm sure she'll wake up and start screaming as soon as we close the front door on the way out." laughed Tom.

"You have that affect on me too, Tom, but usually when you come in the front door."

As Tom and B'Elanna gathered their documents, they made their way to the door.

"OK, we should only be a few hours, there are bottles in the…."

Janeway cut B'Elanna off.

"Lanna, I know where everything is, I've got your comm ID and as well as Tom's parents. Go! We'll be fine." She shooed them towards the door. "And stay out a few extra hours and have a meal," she eyed Tom with a withering look "although, you'd have to find a place that would let him in, dressed like that."

"What? I look fine!"

"Sure you do Helmboy." Torres kissed Janeway on the cheek "Thanks again, Kathryn. You're a life saver."

Janeway and Chakotay saw them out the door and returned to the living room. After an uncomfortable silence, Chakotay spoke.

"You sure are getting along with Tom and B'E."

"Chakotay, it's one of the best things about being home. I don't have to be "The Captain" around everyone anymore. And, of course, as they've both elected to leave Starfleet, we can be the close friends that I've always wanted to be." She laughed "Tom is so much like Phoebe."

It was so good to be speaking with him again.

"Are you sure you're OK, Chakotay?"

"I'm fine."

"So, what did you want to ask me?" She at least knew Chakotay well enough that he wouldn't persist in the ill feeling that had been part of their last conversation. She was confident that he would want to discuss matters about the crew or something similar.

"Who's Tony?" he blurted out. He needed to get this out into the open straightaway.

"Tony?"

"Yes, I need to know."

"He's my aide. Ensign Lyota. Remember the pilot we had to bring us home to Indiana? When I wanted to follow Phoebe to Bajor, Owen organized a shuttle and pilot. I asked for Tony. He reminded me of Harry."

"Your aide?"

"He's a marvel. I've had so many requests for appearances and such and he's organized everything without interfering in my life too much. Where he's really come into his own is with the crew. He's really become an honorary Voyager family member. He's been able to help smooth the way for so many of the crew already. So far, I haven't found anything he hasn't been able to organize, sort out or fix. He's even able to say 'no' to admirals for me. I would've been lost without him over the last few weeks."

Her aide. He almost laughed out loud with relief. Chakotay could imagine how devoted the young man was to her. He'd seen it before with Harry and Tom. And himself.

"Kathryn, I wanted to apologize for the way I spoke to you in the commissary that day and what I said. I would've told you before, but I couldn't find you."

"Thank you Chakotay. That means a lot to me. I've been off world for a few weeks. I went and spent another couple of weeks with Phoebe and David. It was wonderful. Then I went to Vulcan to see T'Pel and checked on Tuvok. He's doing so much better now, thank goodness."

The mention of Tuvok was the first sign of distress he saw in her.

"I'm glad to hear it."
"So, what have you been doing?"

"Nothing much. Visiting a few friends. Contacted my cousin in Ohio." He looked pointedly at her uniform "So, back in the saddle already?"

"Not really. Just some visiting non-Federation dignitary who wanted to meet someone from Voyager. It was only for this morning."

"So Starfleet calls and even on vacation you have to respond?" he sounded a little bit bitter.

"A bit, I guess. But I told them I had important family business this afternoon, so here I am."

At that moment, a cry came from another room.

"That'll be the newest Admiral Paris." She said as she removed her jacket and made her way to the baby. "I'll get her and you can help me spoil her before Tom and B'Elanna get home."

She returned some time later with Miral and a bottle, sitting next to him on the couch.

"Did you want a cuddle?"

"Of you or the baby?"

She laughed, relieved that it seemed that their friendship may've been a bit frayed, but it was not broken.

"Let me watch you with the baby, and I'll see if you measure up first."

Miral was changed, fed, burped, cuddled, admired and watched before falling soundly asleep in Janeway's arms.

"B'Elanna is so jealous when I do this," she said as she looked down at the baby "apparently Tom's mother and I are the only ones that she falls asleep so easily for."

"You make a lovely picture."

"Thanks. Tom's certainly taken enough images of us, so maybe he agrees." She got up. "I'll just put her down again and we can have a chat."

Janeway returned to the living room with more coffee for both of them.

She kicked off her boots and tucked her legs underneath her on the sofa as he had seen her do countless times before. A feeling of nostalgia washed over him.

"Kathryn, I've never seen you look so relaxed."

"I feel relaxed Chakotay. It's been a wonderful homecoming." She looked at him closely "You thought I'd be miserable, didn't you?"

"A bit." He admitted. "You looked so fragile at the birthday party. I thought I'd hurt you badly with my adolescent outburst."

"Well, I'll admit that I was a bit 'fragile', as you put it, at the party. I'd been to see Joe Carey's wife and Noah's mother as well that afternoon. Mom found me and gave me several of her patented hugs and got me functioning again." She gave him a shy smile "But Chakotay, I realize that even though I was a bit sad that afternoon, I have so much to be happy about. The Maquis and Equinox crews are free and, with the rest of the crew, able to get on with their lives, Seven and Icheb are thriving, Naomi's finally met her father and I managed to avoid court martial. Harry even got his promotion. So I have plenty to be thankful for."

She sipped her coffee.

"And don't faint, but I'm actually going to counseling. Phoebe introduced me to Deanna Troi on Betazed when I was visiting. She's married to Will Riker. I feel like I'm talking to a friend when I'm having a session with her. She's almost as good as you." She said with a smile.

"That's wonderful Kathryn. I'm glad things are going well with you."

"So, what are you doing Chakotay? I never did get to ask you. Are you staying in Starfleet?"

"No. Starfleet is the last place I want to be." his answer was tinged with such bitterness that she flinched. "Sorry, another adolescent outburst." He smiled and tugged at his ear. "I've had a few offers from Universities but I've put off accepting anything. I just can't seem to decide what to do."

"I'm sure you'll be wonderful at anything you decide to take on, Chakotay."

"Thank you for the vote of confidence. I'd like to ask your opinion about some of them."

"I always have an opinion, as you know."

"Kathryn, can we try to get back to how we were. I need your friendship."

He looked hopeful and was really smiling for the first time since he'd arrived.

"I just don't know Chakotay. We're like a couple of bookends, with Voyager always keeping us apart. First it was Voyager that kept us apart, now it seems that maybe it wasn't Voyager at all. Maybe we just weren't meant to be."
"I don't want to believe that."

"No, neither do I. Neither do I."

There was a silence.

"Then why are we?"

"Why are we what?"

"Accepting it. I want to, no actually, I need to give it, us a try."

"Are you sure, Chakotay?"
"Kathryn, we know each other better than most couples who have been married for years. We've fought, laughed, grieved, worked and played together. Let's try loving together. Let's spend some time just on our own where you don't have the welfare 140 people on your shoulders and when we don't have to worry about the Borg or any other group trying to kill us, or worse. Let's try having our biggest concern of the day being what to make for dinner and not where are we going to get the food for the next meal. Actually, let's live close to Gretchen in case do you make the dinner." She smiled. "Let's have a house where the walls have polka dot wallpaper or anything as long as it's not gray. Let's fight over the best way to train the puppy instead of how to deal with some nasty alien. Let's go places together, as a couple, instead of me just escorting you. But what I'd really love to do is to wake up in the morning and find you beside me."

"Are you going to talk this much when we get together?"

"Was that a 'yes'?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure you didn't ask a question but, yes, let's give it a try. Where do we start?"

Janeway and Chakotay didn't hear Tom or B'Elanna return, they were so intent on each other.

When the younger couple walked into their living room, they were met with the sight of their former Captain laying face down on top of her former First Officer, resting her chin on her crossed arms on his chest. Both however, and much to Tom's relief, were fully clothed.

"Geez, B'E, we might have to get another babysitter, this one is having boys over while we're gone."

"I think you mean 'boys under' Tom." was his wife's reply. She had known all along was that all she had to do was get them in the same room long enough for them to sort out their issues.

"You're back. Great." Janeway showed not the slightest embarrassment as she disentangled herself and helped Chakotay to his feet. "Did everything go OK with the lawyers? The Admiral is asleep, fed and changed. Though, not in that order." She slipped on her boots and picked up her jacket, shrugging it on quickly. Taking Chakotay's hand, she was dragging him towards the door. "You can tell me all about it tomorrow. Or better yet, the weekend."

Tom and B'Elanna still had yet to utter another word and Chakotay just looked pleased with himself.

"We've really got to run. I've got something that I've always wanted to give Chakotay and I'm in a bit of a hurry."

She propelled Chakotay out the front door, kissed her two friends on the cheek and as she pulled the door closed behind her, she turned and winked.

Tom recovered the fastest "We'll see you on the weekend at Sandrines, right? Can I ask what you need to give him?"

Her answer delighted them all.

"Me!"

The end