It was a beautiful monday afternoon. Six year old Draco was out in the yard, using his mother's wand to set things on fire as usual, when she called for him to come inside. He reluctantly abandoned the smoldering hedges and ran into the house to see what she wanted.
"Draco, hurry and get cleaned up. Voldemort's coming to dinner."
Yes, yes, I know that at this time, Voldemort had lost all power and barely even existed, making it highly unlikely... well, ok, impossible for him to come to dinner. But this story is nothing without him, so you're just going to have to pretend he like, actually has a body and all of that.
"Yaaaaaa! Uncle Voldy! Uncle Voldy!" Draco shouted with glee.
"Now remember, you have to be on your best behavior. You know what a bad temper Voldemort has, and I don't want a repeat of last month's fiasco," Narcissa said.
"You mean when he blew up the couch because I left the toilet seat up?" Draco asked.
"Do you have any idea how hard your father and I worked to steal that couch?" Narcissa exclaimed. "Anyway, just be the perfect little angel you are and I'm sure that everything will go just great."
Harry lay in the cupard under the stairs, staring up at the ceiling. The Dursleys had locked him in there again for breathing too loudly. He could hear Dudley wailing from the kitchen because his peas were touching his macaroni, followed by the unmistakable sound of an entire plate of food hitting the wall and shattering. "I hate peas!" Dudley shouted angrily. "Don't worry dear, don't worry," Aunt Petunia said, trying to calm him down. "You can just have some chocolate ice cream for dinner instead!"
Ding dong! The doorbell rang out through the Malfoy house and Dobby hurried to answer it. Voldemort entered, tears streaming out of his red, slit eyes, as Dobby led him into the dinning room and seated him at the table with the Malfoys.
"Whatever is the matter?" Narcissa asked him in astonishment. After all, it isn't every day you see the head dude of all evil crying.
"I haven't seen you this upset since they ran out of copies of 'Frosty the Snowman' at the video store," said Lucius concernedly. Voldemort's sobs became even louder at this. "I just wanted to watch it so bad!" he moaned.
"Yes, but it wasn't a total loss," Lucius said. "Wormtail did a pretty good job of acting out the whole movie for us when we came back"
"Yeah, the little moron does play a pretty good frosty," Voldemort said. "But that's not what I'm upset about."
"What is it?" Narcissa asked.
"My girlfriend broke up with me!" Voldemort wailed. "It's because I'm fat, isn't it? I knew I needed to cut back on the twinkies, but I couldn't help it. They're just so good!" He began to cry so loudly now that you could barely even hear Dobby banging the shampoo bottle on his head in the bathroom for accidentely dropping the soap dish.
"Don't be ridiculous," Narcissa said, as Draco suppressed his laughter from across the table. "Of course you're not fat."
But no matter what they said, it didn't help. He continued to sob all through dinner, until Dobby led him to the door at the end of the night, and he dissaperated.
Harry awoke early the next morning and went into the kitchen for breakfast. The usual scene of morning chaos met his eyes. Dudley had put his bowl of cereal on the fan and turned it on full speed, causing Harry, Aunt Petunia, and Uncle Vernon to be pelted with soggy Cherrios as the fan spun round, eventually sending the bowl flying at Uncle Vernon's head. Aunt Petunia stood by the refrigerator with her mouth wide open in shock, as Uncle Vernon squeezed milk out of his tie, and Dudley sqealed with delight. Harry was forced to burry his face in his hands to conceal his laughter. Uncle Vernon silently got up and walked toward the kitchen door. Aunt Petunia still seemed unable to move.
"What's the matter with you!" he yelled at Harry. "Look at your hair, it's a complete mess! And your glasses are crooked! You look like you just crawled out of a dumpster! We didn't raise you to behave this disgracefully"
"Dudley just got cereal all over the kitchen!" Harry protested. "He's the bad one!"
"Don't you ever talk about your wonderful cousin that way! In the cupard! Now!" Uncle Vernon commanded.
"I'm hungary!" Dudley screamed, pounding on the table with his fat fists.
"Well, don't just stand there!" Aunt Petunia shrieked at Harry. "Get him some cookies!"
Author's Note: This is my first fan fiction, so I hope you enjoyed it! I'd love to hear what you think about it! The next chapter will probably be about Ron and Hermione, and then after that I'm planning on writing about some of the proffesors. I hope you'll continue to read it!