Twelve

I groaned, trying unsucsessfully to shoo Two-bit away. At Mrs. Curtis's insistance, I had stayed the night at the Curtis'. Everyone had. I think it was the parents' way of making sure everyone was going to make it and not get arrested or hung over.

I probably would have done the same thing, if I was ever put in that sort of situation... and happened to be like the Curtises. The only upside was the fact that I had finally actually met Mr. Curtis, who I liked as much as I did Soda. Everything else was making me wonder how Mrs. Curtis put up with every single one of those boys practically every day.

Sure, some of them are okay on their own (others like Dallas however...) but when you throw them all into a house together... it was like a really bad reality show. About natural disasters caused by people.

The boys were falling into the habit of calling me Angela, and I began noticing less and less. Soon the thought of, 'It's Lauren' completely disappeared. And it didn't surprise me that I wasn't bothered in the least. The sooner they forgot, the sooner I could, and I could just move on and live a normal life.

It didn't take long for me to realize that some of Tim's softer edges were disappearing, and he was just as snappy and forceful with me as he was with the rest of the family; I always returned the favor.

"Two-Bit, leave Angela alone, or I'll have to start all over again," Mrs. Curtis chastised gently, her fingers moving swiftly to try and tame Angela's hair into two french braids, a hairstyle I was actually familiar with. Two-Bit grinned and grabbed a chair, sliding it across the kitchen floor and letting it sit in front of mine. He dropped down, straddling the chair and resting his arms over the back of the chair.

"You look real nice, Ang."

"Shut up," I muttered, scowling. My scalp was throbbing and I had been woken up early by Dallas, who had accidently stepped on my hair on his way to the kitchen, so the french braiding wasn't helping.

"Well if it ain't the head Shepard himself," Dallas drawled from the living room. Mrs. Curtis smiled as Tim walked in.

"Almost done Tim."

"Don' worry, I ain't in a hurry," Tim said, leaning against the kitchen doorway and crossing his arms. I found myself praying that a piece of hair would wiggle its self away from the others, anything to keep me here with Mrs. Curtis and Two-Bit.

"All done. And your hair looks lovely, if I do say so myself," Mrs. Curtis said proudly as I slowly stood up, a forlorn look on my face. Two-Bit raised an eyebrow, and I rolled my eyes, before looking at Tim. He glared at me and walked away, and I trudged after him, nearly getting hit with the screen door.

We stood on the porch for what seemed like forever before Tim finally spoke. "Ya know, if I remember right, you didn't want to be like Angela."

I didn't answer. I felt dizzy. 'Please don't bring that up... please, please, please.'

"Why the sudden change of heart?"

I stared at him, silent as a mute.

"You don't have to be my sister-"

"Just stop," I said finally, rubbing my forehead and leaning against a support beam. "You switch personalities more often than I do Tim, so don't lecture me on this. This is my choice. If it makes everything easier, it's what I'm going to do."

Tim gazed at me for awhile and I sighed and looked out at the street. "Do you remember anything? Your mother's name, your school?" Tim asked easily. I tensed, my fists clenching.

"Please stop..." I muttered.

"It's a yes or no question. Ang would have answered a bit snappier than that."

I realized what Tim was doing. He was pushing me.

"Well? Do you or don't you? C'mon it ain't too hard for you, is it? I don't know how much easier I can make it."

"No, okay! I don't remember anything!"

Tim smiled a bit, looking at me calmly. I stared at him, my hands shaking slightly and my face flushed. "You happy, you bastard?" I asked, glaring at him.

"No. I still got one more question. How hard is it for you, to know you're Lauren but not remember anything else?"

I slowly slid down to the porch floor. I could feel scratches on my back from the wood as my shirt rode up a bit. I didn't bother pulling it down.

"Remind me again how any of that is good," Tim said, looking down at me. He had won, and he knew it.

xxxx

I saw a lot of people that Angela, and sometimes I, knew at the carnival they had set up for the Fourth of July. A lot of the rides, however, I didn't recognize and half the time. I didn't even know the names of them. Still, there were some I recognized with names I didn't, and thankfully they still had the familiar Ferris Wheel set up. The food wasn't any different, but we didn't get much of that. The tickets seemed to be enough money wasted.

Two-Bit led me around the carnival most of the time, followed by Ponyboy. Pony asked a lot of hushed questions about the rides. When Two-Bit abandoned us for a blonde girl named Kathy, Darry made an appearance.

"Why aren't you on any of the rides Dar?" I asked, picking of a fluffly piece of cotton candy Two-Bit had managed to talk out of the girl working the stand for it. Ponyboy picked off a piece too, looking up at Darry.

"Rides aren't something a twenty year old does, right Dar?"

"Oh c'mon," I said with a smile. "My cousin goes on rides all the time and he's twenty. No one cares."

"Yeah, well goin' on a ride with my little brother and Shepard's kid sister are gonna earn some stares," Darry said, looking at the people walking by.

"So? Find a girlfriend and go on a ride with her then," I said with shrug. "Two-Bit didn't have any trouble, and I'm sure Dallas didn't either."

"Soda and Steve are goin' on rides with their girlfriends," Ponyboy added.

"Yeah, well I ain't got a girlfriend to go on the rides with. I ain't lookin' to hook up with a girl like Kathy or Sylivia either," Darry said in a tone that clearly said 'drop it'.

"Alright, fine," I said, holding the cotton candy out to him. "Here, you take this and I'll go on rides with your little brother. We'll just keep all of the stares for ourselves. C'mon Pony," I said, holding my head high and linking my arm with Pony's before walking away.

"What ride do you like?" I asked, looking at the lines of people. There were none that looked as fun as the Pharaoh's Fury where we were standing. But something caught my eye. "Oh, that ride! That's the Himalaya, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Ponyboy said, following my pointing finger. "That ride's still around then?"

"Are you kidding? That's one of the best carnival rides in the world," I said, dragging Ponyboy along. "At home, it goes so fast that when it goes over that hill there, it jumps off the track a bit. They made it faster because they stopped having it go backwards.

"It's a new ride," Ponyboy said as they stopped at the gate that surrounded the ride. It was louder, because of the music and the screaming, so Ponyboy had to raise his voice. "It used be the Caterpillar."

"Pfft, I'd rather ride something called the Himalaya anyday."

We decided we would go on the ride, when Soda sauntered over with Sandy, his girlfriend under his arm.

"Where's Steve?" Ponyboy asked as I handed the man our tickets and stepped through the gate. Ponyboy followed and waited for Soda to hand over his tickets.

"He an' Evie wandered off," Soda said with a grin as we walked up to our cars. "So I told Sandy we could hang out with my kid brother and Shepard's kid sister until they got back. Good thing too, I was wanting to go on this ride."

The seats still had the warnings in the back, so Ponyboy had to sit on the outside.

"Have you ever been on this ride?" I asked Pony as the same man that had taken our tickets walked by to check that the lap bar was secure.

"No. It's new, only showed up last year here, and I was sick last year."

"It's a lot of fun," I reassured him.

"Yeah, if you're on the inside and have a light girlfriend," Soda said with a laugh. Ponyboy looked back at him, curious, but Soda was too busy reassuring Sandy that he was the light girlfriend he had been speaking of and by the time that cleared, the ride was already starting.

"What's he talking about?" Ponyboy asked as the ride picked up speed and I scooted closer. I had remembered, surprisingly, what had happened the last summer I had tried to defy the law of the gravitational pull, and remembered the bruise on my at the time boyfriend's side because of it.

"This ride can hurt," was all I said, because by that time, I realized I'd have to tell Ponyboy how to turn his body so it didn't hurt when he was smashed into the side of the car.

xxxx

I was waiting in line with Ponyboy for another ride I recognized, the Tilt-A-Whirl, when Tim, Dallas and Johnny sauntered over with one girl. She was pretty, but I could see her eyeing every other boy that walked by, despite the fact that she had attatched herself to Dallas's side.

"Didn't know you were any good with girls Pone," Dallas said, eyeing me for a moment. "How'd you manage to reel that one in?"

I had the feeling that either he, or the girl, would have said a lot more if Tim hadn't been standing there. Johnny kicked at the dirt.

"How'd you manage to get a whore for free?" I snapped. The girl seemed more upset about this than Dallas was.

"I'd watch your mouth if I were you, Angela," she warned. I ignored her as I trotted up the steps of the ride, Ponyboy following after a moment.

"It was nice talking with you Sylvia," I said with smile as I handed over my tickets once again and walked through the gate. I was dropped down into one of the cars, Ponyboy following and looking at the others still standing outside of the ride.

"You probably shouldn't have said that," Pony muttered.

"Oh well, too late now," I said with a shrug as I watched Tim say something to Dallas, that made Johnny grin a bit and look away, and made Sylvia slap Dallas and storm away. "You think it'll be dark, once we hit one more ride?"

"Maybe. I wonder what Darry's been up to..." Ponyboy said, looking thoughtful as the ride started. I sighed. He probably wouldn't be back on earth until this thing spun so fast his head snapped back.

xxxx

By the time we got off the last ride, the Octupus, which I was surprised was around, it was starting to get dark and Ponyboy said that his parents and possibly Darry were probably already waiting at one of the best places to see the fireworks. He wasn't sure if anyone other than Johnny, Soda and Sandy would show up, but he said that the others were probably still around somewhere to see the fireworks.

It turns out the best place was at the top of a sledding hill nearby the carnival, but far enough away from where the fireworks actually went off that there really weren't that many people around. Mrs. Curtis gave me a hug as I made it to the top of hill and stroked Pony's hair.

"It's good to see that both of your hair stayed in place," Mr. Curtis said, which earned a laugh from everyone, though Ponyboy wasn't laughing as much as I was.

"Yes well, that's my handy-work, that kept Angela's hair in place," Mrs. Curtis said. "It was quite a big job, getting it all into those braids."

"Too bad I missed it," Mr. Curtis said with a grin as Soda walked up the hill, laughing with Sandy. "There's the two love birds."

"Hey Dad."

"Hi Mr. Curtis," Sandy said with a smile. "How's work going?"

"The same as it always is. But I'm earning money, so I can't complain."

"How have you been Sandy? Is your mother doing well?"

I tuned out the rest of the conversation and made a face that Ponyboy laughed at. As Johnny came jogging up the hill, the same process was pretty much repeated. I spotted Two-Bit with what looked like his mother and his younger sister. Kathy was no where to be seen. They didn't come up the hill, and Tim, Dallas and Steve never showed by the time the carnival lights were turned off and a swarm of people streamed away from the rides.

I squinted at the Ferris Wheel and realized that there were some people near the top of it. It had startled me, for a second, because I thought I was seeing things. From here, they looked like black splotches. The bottom half was empty. I jumped as the first firework exploded in the air and looked up as Soda whistled. It was a white one and the little sparks rained down like a waterfall before another one overtook it. I glanced at Ponyboy, who watched them in open fascination. I had done that too, before I watched the Discovery Channel and they did a short five minute thing on how fireworks were made. I also knew that, somewhere down there, people were running around with lighters or pugs, setting all of those things off.

I kind of wished I was as fascinated with the fireworks as Ponyboy was. I really wished that I was still the naive, unnoticed, soccer junkie Lauren.

I remembered what Tim had done earlier that day... I could still be Lauren, if I wanted to. I could find a nice, even middle between the two, couldn't I? I'm sure that what Angela would have done... and if I want to be more like Angela, I'll have to be more like me first. I liked that idea more and more as each firework exploded and once it was done, I dashed off to Two-Bit to see if he knew where my brother was. I figured if I was going to tell anyone about this decision, I'd tell the person that had urged me toward it in the first place.

xxxx

School started on September 1st, and I was armed with three months practice on how I should act. Tim didn't go to school, and Curly was skipping out on the first day, so it was the lone Shepard sibling and some of the people associated with the Shepard gang. I abandoned them, however, when I saw the Curtis gang in the parking lot. None of them were surprised; word had gotten around that Angela had been spending time with the Curtises.

"Hey there, Miss Lauren," Two-Bit said with a grin as he threw an arm around my shoulders. "Love the outfit. I must say, clothes that actually fit you do look the best."

"Yeah, it's nice to know I'm not wearing someone else's clothes for once," I said with a grin as I tugged on the belt loop of my jeans. I knew for a fact that wearing a skirt on the first day of school was a big no.

"Hi Angela, you look nice today," Sandy said as she flounced up and Soda wrapped an arm around her waist.

"You do too Sandy. You always do."

"Yeah, she has too, or she's gonna be outdone by her own boyfriend," Two-Bit said as we walked into the school.

Soda laughed, but hit Two-Bit over the head either way. It was something I was used to, and Sandy was used to it too, but the other people in the halls watched with interest as Sandy and I slipped out of the way as the two boys began pushing each other and calling each other names... while laughing their heads off.

"Angela!"

A quick glance over my shoulder revealed someone from Tim's gang beckoning me over. I strolled over, wracking my mind for his name. It wasn't on the mental list.

"Your brother's out in the parkin' lot, wanted to talk to ya," he said nodding towards a set of doors that led outside. I studied him for a moment, realized I would probably want to know his name, and walked toward the doors as I tossed a thank you and a smile over my shoulder.

I was a bit worried, actually, as I stepped outside and looked for which ever brother he was had been talking about. I knew for a fact that they had no reason to be at the school.

"Hey!"

I spotted Tim leaning against his car in the parking lot of the school. I jogged over almost immediately.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I slowed down.

"Nothin'. Just wanted to know who you were today."

"What?"

He dug into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. He handed it to me, crumpled and torn slightly. I unfolded it but I had guessed what it was already. I hadn't been able to find Tim after the fireworks over the summer and I had, in a hurry, snatched a paper from a notebook I had dug up at home, and wrote a note for him: 'Thank you -Your sister, Angela (or Lauren)'.

"It got lost with all the stuff in my room," He explained as I glanced up at him.

"It's from July."

"I know. Apparently, you have a habit of puttin' the date on things like that. So who are you today?"

"I'm right in the middle," I said with a grin as I handed the paper back to him.

"Good to hear. I remember thinkin' I'd rather have Lauren for a sister, but I can make do with the middle option," He said, looking off at the school. "Don't get in too much trouble today. I ain't gonna be around to save your ass."

"Don't worry, I got backup," I said with a smile as I headed back to school. I could definately live with this.